Social Question

stouthearted's avatar

How might one overcome the isolation caused by the passing of a best friend?

Asked by stouthearted (52 points ) December 24th, 2009

After a year and a half of varying levels of coping abilities, the renewal of social activities and contacts would probably do the most to improve inner resolve to adjust to the change. Bereavement support groups and peripheral friendships have offered some respite from the confusion, though a bigger effort to better the overall healthiness of present circumstances is clearly necessary. Changing the city of residence (to areas of either the NE States or Western Europe) for a new start—the last time I made a move like this, years ago, I met the person who became my best friend!—is currently under consideration. Thanks for the thoughtful responses.

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8 Answers

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I’m going through that myself. More than a best friend though. My partner, lover, raisson d’etre. I’ve moved out of the house we shared into a small cabin in Maine, more or less isolated myself from the world. I have tentatively decided to go on living, but have yet to find a direction to go. Complete my history thesis? Writing? mercenary“Military consultant”?

john65pennington's avatar

My wife and i have been married to each other for 44 years. she is my soulmate, my best friend and vice versa. if the time ever comes when either one of us departs, the other will never survive. its hard for me to give a comforting answer to you, since i have not been in this situation. but, off the top, here is just a suggestion: only go to places that do not remind you of this person. only go to parties that are fun and places you two have never been together. its hard to erase good memories and i am the first to say i would never make it. thats a fact. anything associated with your loss would have to go. constant reminders can have a deadly effect on you psychologically as well as physically. tell yourself that moping time is over and its time to carry on with your life. find someone new. your partner would have understood this, i am sure. play only music that has a beat and forget about slow, draggy music. wish u luck. john

SamIAm's avatar

moving doesn’t make feelings go away… unfortunately.

marinelife's avatar

You have made a very good start.

Understand that the loss will not go away quickly.

Moving could be a mixed blessing. On the one hand, you will be in a fresh place with no memories of your friend. On the other hand, you will leave all the rest of your support systems behind.

First, consider joining groups that interest you: photography, hiking or walking, gardening, whatever. Just join something so that you can meet like-minded people. Do not try to make anyone into a new best friend quickly.

Hang out in public places: cafes, bookstores. You might meet someone there.

Take good care of yourself. Honor your feelings.

galileogirl's avatar

Your friend must have had family members or other close friends with whom you can share your good memories. It is a good idea to write about the good and happy memories, even in a personal journal. That way the positive becomes more powerful than the sadness of loss.

iolite's avatar

The gift that is you, still exists.
You are enough, and as you walk in that realization, you will find yourself opening to the potential of today.

YARNLADY's avatar

You never will “overcome” it. The most you have going for you is to put the feelings in a place that is safe and does not intrude into your “new” daily life. Set aside time as often as you need to wallow in the self pity that you are feeling, and when that alloted time is up, go back to the life you now have. This has worked well for me over the years.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

My best friend just died on the 17th, so I have no idea how to answer this question. I hate life right now and do not know what to do with myself. If you figure out the answer, let me know.

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