I told my nephew that his dads new 'friend' is actually his dad new 'girl friend' was I out of line to tell him the truth?
My nephew is 5 and a half. My sister married a horrible man and he still sees the kids. He pretends that the women that lives in his house is just a friend but her nephew and neice go to his school and tell him that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. I said yep that was true that this women was his dads new girlfriend. Mostly I told because it is true – Im not prepared to lie to cover up his dads behaviour (he was cheating on my sister all through the pregnancy of their 3rd baby and is highly manipulative and a bully). I speak kindly of his dad to the children – ask them how dad is and what they have been up to and tell them how many sleeps until dads weekend etc so I am very conciderate of the fact that the kids love their dad and I dont want to confuse or hurt that by mixing them with adult issues. The difference with the boyfriend and girlfriend question was that I strongly strongly believe that the children need to know there is a difference between friendships and relationships. I dont think it is healthy for them to know their dad sleeps in the same bed as her and that they kiss etc and yet are told they are ‘just friends’. I therefore answered the question yes she is dads girlfriend. He was hurt and upset when I told him and then corrected me and said no she is just his friend not his girlfriend. Now I feel uncomfortable having said that to him because I hadnt expected him to deny it after asking the question – if you see what I mean.
It is such a toxic situation between my sister and her ex husband but she wants to keep their realtionship with their dad because they love him and he loves them and he is good to them. She doesnt want to end up the ‘bady’ by making access difficult etc so she is very accomodating – despite the fact he continues to abuse and manipulate her and the fact that he cheated on her in such a cruel way and messed with her mind (whilst she was very pregnant) beleiving himself that seeing another women wasnt an affair and was her fault etc. The lies are just being continued by lying to the kids. I dont want to be part of it and I also dont want them thinking the behaviour of their dad and this women is things ‘friends’ do – I really dont think that it is healthy.
In a way it isnt my place to say but when asked directly it was hard not to tell the truth.
What should I do?
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.