Social Question

Ranimi23's avatar

Girls, Why will you ignore a guy once week and the next week you won't ignore him?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1870 points ) December 29th, 2009

I like this girl, she ended a long relationship a year ago, but I don’t understand her behavior near me any more. One week she will be so glad to talk with me and looking for my attention and flirting, but the next week she can be so different and may ignore me as I’m not exist in the room. I don’t understand why she is doing this.

Despite last month for instance I felt we were closer, but really close. Suddenly she tells me more about herself, where she lives, what she was doing, what books and movies she sees. One week later she suddenly turned on 180 degrees. I felt she was ignoring me deliberately avoids saying hello to me minimal. With other men she talks freely with no problems, but only with me there is a big tension between us and I can’t do anything about it. We are not friends, I don’t meet or talk with her outside our class.

I did asked her out half a year ago and I’m not going to ask her again. Sometimes I think I get hints that she does want and like me very much. I look at the way she talks with all the other guys and it is totally different than with me. With me she is such a repressed and nervous and not allows herself to drift to the conversation.

Don’t know what to do. I think I must let her go because it makes me very sad.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

21 Answers

Judi's avatar

We just like to watch you squeal.
In reality, she is probably so self absorbed that she doesn’t have a clue of the impact her behavior has on you.

AnnieB's avatar

Maybe she feels comfortable with you one week, and the next week you do something that makes her feel uncomfortable.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Every person is different. Men do this too, and I can say that having experienced the same phenomenon a couple of times. If I were you, I’d say, “It seems like one week you are kind and attentive toward me and the next week you are not. Is there something I should know?”

Dog's avatar

Some use this type of behavior to create distance. It may be that she likes your company and is flattered by your attention but does not want to lead you on because she is not interesting in a serious relationship with you.
She also may sense an eagerness on your part to be with her and she may be wanting to slow it down.

My advice is to date other girls. That way you not only do not look like you are too eager to be with her but somehow when a guy is dating someone else he seems more interesting.

JesusWasAJewbot's avatar

Its probably her talking to you looking at you like a new prospect, then that ex is coming back and telling her stuff making her tighten up and be itnerested in him again.

mclaugh's avatar

there’s probably another guy. sorry if it sounds harsh but in my experience, when people turn on and off like that it’s because you’re not the only one they like at the moment. let her have her space, date other girls and let her figure it out by herself. once she sees that she’s not the only one in your life, too she’ll come around.

StupidGirl's avatar

Psychological warfare.

Justnice's avatar

I do this with my boyfriend. One week I’m really happy and the next I don’t wanna talk to him or even see him. Most of the time it’s something he did but guys are too stupid to know what they do wrong. I usually let him suffer a little then I get over it and I’m nice again. Chances are that you did something without even knowing it. Maybe she saw you flirting with someone else

Ranimi23's avatar

I don’t get her at all. BTY – There isn’t any other guy, I know she is not dating anyone and probably still think about her EX-boyfriend. I did take a few steps back off from her. Don’t want to get hurt by her any more.

If she want to date me, I want her to ask me and not me asking her again, becouse I need to know she really mean it this time and it is not a game for her :-/

DrMC's avatar

It is not clear that she is receptive to you.

There is some reason she is treating you differentially.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could plug in a diagnostic? – Alas, she is not a car, and asking her may not give valid information.

I have a concept i refer to as the magic distance. There is a border within you are too close, invading personal space, and outside it is ok.

In any relationship there are equal and opposite forces of attraction, and the mysterious torture the boyfriend “strong force” as in you will be rejected strongly if you violate the magic distance.

If you move away, the attractive force dominates, your partner pursues. If you move to close, the opposite occurs.

Some of us are for various reasons pushing the envelope of confort.

If you are feeling at a disadvantage, and there is attraction, then pulling back a hair, may yield a counter pursuit.

Ah what fun. This is what you’be been missing all theses years.

On the otherhand – attraction may have changed, and counterpursuit will never occur.

Your last message shows you’ve got this concept down.

I learned it from my cat. There are very much about life on their terms. Playing hard to get is an art, best done only under very special circumstances.

This person is not panning out well. Be friendly. Move on.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If the girl is interested in you romantically then she won’t do this. If the girl looks on you more as an acquaintance than a close friend then she will be around when she has time away from others but won’t necessarily make time for you. That’s the way it goes, sorry.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@Justnice There is nothing at all nice about such behavior, but I appreciate your honesty

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. First you need to do your due dilligence and find out what her interest is. Obseve what she reads or talk about with others, get a girl you know and trust to be your mole and get close to her. Then you need to talk with her OUTSIDE of class, you have to be more than just another classmate if you want to have a chance, seem like YOU are interested aside from class.

phillis's avatar

This is nothing more than game-playing. She is stringing you along, paying attention to you only when it is convenient to her. I don’t think anyone could answer this question but her, so I won’t bother putting any energy into that aspect of it. However, I can ask you to think long and hard about why you’re still involved (in any way) with this woman, when she obviously does not value you OR your feelings. If you could address that, you will never have this problem again, regardless of what woman is pulling this nonsense. That is the real reason you’re having a hard time. It isn’t really her fault. While I agree that what this woman exhibits is less than desireable, the problem lies with you. I wish you peace with this.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I think if you asked her out 6 months ago and haven’t asked her out again, she probably doesn’t know you’re still interested in her.

Symbeline's avatar

Denno what she’s up to but I wouldn’t do it. It’s black or white. Even confusion ain’t that lame.

Ranimi23's avatar

Hello friends, 10x for all of your good answers.
I want to update all of you that I made a decision before 2010 is coming, to DELETE this girl from my life. It’s time to move on with my life and stop playing games with this girl. I think I am a great man and I have done a lot, but something is wrong. She is probably not the ONE for me.

I have ERASED her for my life and ask a new question about it:
http://www.fluther.com/disc/67602/what-did-you-do-in-order-to-start-the-year-2010/#quip1029242

10x again for all the help. I will be fine.

deadhead's avatar

Probably because she either likes you or playing games or wants to see if your still hanging on which proves to her that you are interested in more than one thing and that you respect her and will be their for her good or bad.

sweetsugaryandohsohot's avatar

id blame it on homones. or like mclaugh said. there is probly another guy. soz

poopnest's avatar

Most likely it is one of two things: Either she is playing hard to get or she’s not into you anymore because something went wrong.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther