Need advice on changing my son's middle name?

Why don’t you phone your local council office and ask them how the procedure should be done? Our wedding took place at the registrar’s office in Crosby and that seemed to be the official place for such business (at that time.) Or you could google “official name change U.K.” and evaluate the domain names of the websites that come up for a government one.

How old is your son? Just wondering if he is old enough to have a say in it.
I would probably not do this unless the name is so horrible, it would be difficult for your son to live with it.

You don’t have to pay.

You can just go to a legal executive who deals with contracts and legal documents etc at a local solicitors firm, I believe, since they can provide the evidence that it has been changed. This you will of course pay for. You can do it by deed poll but don’t even have to do that though, its very easy. Here is a good site to help you learn more: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_family/family/change_of_name.htm

What you need to do is contact the Citizens Advice Bureau because they will tell you how to get a statutory declaration. This is probably important as it ensures that the new name can be on passports etc.

@JustPlainBarb He’s only three

@lynneblundell Oh I see. I guess he’s plenty young enough not to care at this point.

I’m pretty sure you can do it through the registra that you registered his name through in the first place (where you got his birth certificate from)

My sister let her kids choose their middle names when they were ready. I don’t know whether they ever formalized it.

Why not just add it into the mix instead of dropping the other one (unless it’s really horrible or something).

Aren’t the Brits kind of known for having umpty zillion middle names anyhow?

Or is that only royalty? I thought it rather amusing when they rattled off the full roster of Prince Charles’ names. I wonder if even HE forgets all of them sometimes :)

And how can we forget George Herbert Walker Bush? (Although I do try.)

In the US you can pick up name change forms at the courthouse (usually $10) or so and then file them to get a name officially changed, sometimes you can download forms from your computer. Surnames are more complicated than given names. I would try to google birth records and your town, county or state, whatever applies for your country and then once you get to an official government records site I think you will be able to search the site and figure it out.

Most people in the US use their middle initial-unless they are a serial killer or a beauty queen. Why not let him decide when he grows up? Unless his initials spell out a rude word, what’s the hurry?

well the fact is…if anyone is interested…

Theo’s father and me aren’t together..and his Father – Anthony – has not seen him for nearly two years now… A couple of months into the pregnancy we split…not very amicably. but..whilst I was pregnant I tried to encompass Anthony and his desires and feelings… whether he wanted to come to the scans, the birth, how much involvement he wanted etc…and I got nothing back… it seemed like he didn’t want to know at all. The only thing he was really bothered about was that Theo was christened a catholic and was given his name as his middle name – a family tradition – the son has his father’s name as his middle name… (the catholic thing is probably more about what his father wanted but…that’s a different issue…)

There is A LOT more to the story… but suffice to say that I asked him if he would be their at the registry of Theo’s birth and he wasn’t. So he is not on the Birth Certificate as his Father…which doesn’t mean much really to me… he is still his father… and if he chose to have more involvement in his life he could have more rights… (I don’t need legalities to tell me how to be true to my son’s needs and what’s right for him… ) but I’m getting off topic…

The point is… I gave Theo the name I wanted to give him at the time which was Theo Andrew…

Yesterday, Anthony text me and told me that he just still has the same feelings about me and wonders where it all went wrong, every day, and although he wants to be up here with us two it still hurts and therefore stays away…

And before anyone wants to hurtle in with their judgement of the situation..I just want to say that I’ve spent so long judging him, for not being here, for not making the effort, for HIS and OUR son and so long saying internally…and look at me doing all the work and not asking for any thanks (which is a lie) and doing it all on my own…and I don’t need you…and don’t want you…because that in fact would make it harder for me… the give me son away to you… that there has been no room to see his pain.. if indeed there is pain… which there may…or may not really be..I don’t know

But you know I then thought that if he is in pain really…I have to try and help him..because ..well because I could. I could if I dropped any remaining anger and fear. I’m not talking about getting back together or anything dramatic… I’m just talking about the baby steps… those steps that even I was and have been afraid to take until, maybe now.

So I thought ..maybe if I changed Theo’s middle name, it might break down some barriers..in me, if nothing else… changed it to Anthony’s name..which he wanted… really really wanted, and it might mean more to him than me naming my son after my first male best friend – which is what I wanted Theo to be…a best friend…and he is… and I can drop the name now… because he’s become the concept..and give perhaps something to Anthony.

And I’m not even sure if I want to tell Anthony yet either because that’s not the point. I’m not trying to make a point to anyone. I feel like it will do more to free up my soul to be available to do the right thing for Theo rather than hold on to pain of what happened between me and Anthony.

Anyway…just in case anyone was interested…. xxx thank you all xx

@lynneblundell He is three…I was just thinking would you bother to ask your son if he wants to change his name? I don’t have children, so I am not clear about how aware a three year old would be about his name.

I know you said he has been asking about his father. I understand you want to try to do all you can to make things easier between you and his father and for your child. I just wonder if you are setting yourself up for more hurt and dissappointment. I am not saying you should not change the name, I am just saying that men like that generally disappoint over and over again. He did not show up, so he is not on the birth certificate in any way. You did not get to just simply not show up to the labor and delivery. At the same time holding on to hate certainly will never change the situation, so I understand your desire to hold out an olive branch and smooth things over, create new and better feelings.

@galileogirl I think we established a long time ago that we don’t see eye to eye..

You know though… no…NO it’s NOT about me….can you not see where my heart is???....please leave if you can’t say ANYTHING productive. I LOVE our child…and I want him to have his father around,... that’s what I’m trying to do here. I’m trying to build bridges. If that can be done with a name then so be it… You have no idea how much pain I’ve been through… please don’t even say another word.

@JLeslie He doesn’t know what his middle name is..which is why I want to do it before he knows. He’ll get to hear the truth when he is ready. And I understand that I might be disappointed… but you know I can deal with it…but I want to do the right thing and Feel like this is the right thing. I don’t want to react with anger..I want to react with love. The name doesn’t mean as much to me as much as it does to him….maybe it will soften his heart and help him see his son. And if it doesn’t, Theo can always change it back…when he chooses

@lynneblundell Go ahead an change it. Like you said he can change it back if he prefers later in his life. I think kids can understand anythng that is honest and logical, so if later you explain that you first named him with a different middle name and tell him the truth, I think he will understand your intention. If it was the name he was called by I would say don’t change it, but since he is unaware anyway, what the hell.

@lynneblundell I see where your heart is, I don’t know where your head is. If a father won’t stick around because he doesn’t like his son’s name, what happens when the kid turns into a fountain and whizzes all over him? Daddy REALLY won’t like that.

BTW I happen to be so stubborn that telling me to go away just encourages me to stick around

@galileogirl That seemed like an unwarrented attack on lynnblundell to me. Naming a kid is always about the parents – the kid isn’t around yet. And a three year old doesn’t have an opinion about his middle name in most cases. Lynn has consistently shown what a caring parent she is and in this instance, has carefully explained her thinking. You may agree or disagree but an attack on her as self-centered seems uncalled for to me.

… @galileogirl no you misunderstand…my head and my heart are one when I feel life moving through my veins and I’m actually moving in the right direction of love rather than aggression…I’m sorry you missed that. in which case… stick around

@janbb thank you x and those that know me…

@janbb You must be kidding!
The “father” punked out at the first sign of the baby bump.
She didn’t put the “father’s” name on the birth certificate.
Two years and a couple of texts later she is going to give the kid a “father” by changing his middle name. Shouldn’t the first priority be getting a paternity test so the father is legally recognized. It’s not about her playing Happy Families, It’s about the kid having a legal father who has legal responsibilities toward his child,

you’re so harsh, my goodness, what happened to you?

@galileogirl I guess I don’t feel I need or have the right to judge Lynne’s whole situation or relationship with the father to answer the question at hand, which was about changing her son’s middle name. I know she is a thoughtful person and parent and is not seeing the situation as simplistically as you seem to want to make it. What axe are you grinding here?

@lynneblundell It’s about using good sense and making things happen not letting things happen to you. I had a child with a man who was legally and physically the child’s father. We waited until we were prepared to have children and I chose the kind of man who didn;t run like a frightened rabbit and stood by his daughter for the rest of his life because she was his daughter, not because he liked her middle name,

@janbb If one puts their business on the street (or internet) don’t be surprised if people comment on it.

I know a man who changed his name from Jonathan deForest Minturn Sedgewick to Henry deForest Minturn Sedgewick.

[mod says] Flame off, folks.

thank you @augustlan I was expecting that x but really she’s the one who should be ‘modded’... enough said

well, I tried

lol @pdworkin x I did chuckle..I have to say!

ahh, thank you for saying that. I feel better now.

This is SO not my business, but since you asked…
Leave the boy’s name be. He is named, and any changes you make will just create trouble down the road.
It’s not that big a thing for the father sperm donor.

I had a friend in college who was a part-time instructor at the Arthur Murray Dance Studio.My friend was called Stanley Smullowitz. The studio (for better or worse) wanted him to use Sherwood as a professional name.

When told the story, Stan’s roommate said, “What kind of a stupid name is Sherwood Smullowitz?”

@gailcalled I knew that was coming. Lol.

So did almost the entire population of this particular university.

What a name Stanley Smullowitz. I have a lot of names like that in my family. First names like Fanny and Harvey, and last names like Wiener, I could go on.

Many years later, after he went to Med. School and became a very successful doctor, he changed his name to Dr. Stanton Smullens.

@gailcalled Seems unnecessary. I am assuming he lives in a Jewish area.

Just makes me think of Shakespeare, “what’s in a name?”

@JLeslie: He was in Cambridge, MA for college and Med.school and then in Philadelphia. Both cities are melting pots. I too thought that trying to lose your identity and erase your roots with a name change is not an admirable behavior.

@gailcalled Per Fluther, don’t you mean “loose” your identity?

@jan

Yeah baby !
Set that identity free to frolic barefoot on the beach to celebrate its’ newfound freedom~ Yippee !

Loose it, baby, loose it !

:D

@janbb huh? Why loose? Lose is correct, am I missing something?

@gailcalled I don’t know if he really was trying to erase his roots, my guess is everyone knows he is Jewish anyway. The Jews have been changing their names for a long time, and so have other ethnic groups for that matter. I just meant that I did not think his name was THAT bad. It’s not Moshit or Shlomo, those I can see wanting to change.

@jleslie

What you’re missing is the irony. There are so many posts on Fluther where loose is used when it should correctly be lose.

Gail has a tendency to notice things like that, as do I.

Basically, just a cute little joke.

@Buttonstc I see…inside joke :).

Yes, but the more people who are clues into it, the better all around.

But, prior to Fluther, I had despaired of EVER seeing of properly used anywhere on the Internet, ha.

But I decided a long long time ago that being the Internet spelling and grammar police would leave me very little time
for anything else :). So, I’m not.

thanks for all your help anyway guys

@JLeslie Not such an inside joke, @Buttonstc got it, but I’m glad you asked the question.The use of “loose” for “lose” which is so common here is a pet peeve of mine. Sorry to be a grammar grouch.

@lynneblundell Now that you’ve lost you thread totally, do you want to get back to it or are you happy to have had it derailed?

I don’t want to discuss it any more…here… people obviously have different agendas than what the question required but… something happened today that derailed it all anyway… enough already.I’m so so tired.

@lynneblundell, contact the General Register Office and tell them that your son’s middle name is incorrect on his birth certificate, it should be Anthony and not Andrew, and you would like to have a new certificate issued. From the site, it sounds like they are only concerned about first and last names, so it may not be a big deal.

thanks @PandoraBoxx xx