General Question

opthalogicalnanobot's avatar

Why cant i have an orgasm?

Asked by opthalogicalnanobot (35 points ) January 1st, 2010

i just turned eighteen, and had sex for the first time. Despite spending several hours trying, i couldnt have an orgasm. I was with a girl i find extremely attractive, we tried everything we could think of, but still nothing. Is my penis broken?

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34 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Have you had them before alone? If yes, then it was probably nerves. Try again.

elizabethmae's avatar

No your penis is almost certainly not broken.
If you have had no problems when you were taking care of yourself (so to speak) then you were probably just nervous. Or if there was alcohol involved that could be part of it. Practice makes perfect.
Wear a condom!

Pcrecords's avatar

You know if you went at it for hours chances are she’ll think your legendary.

Don’t worry about it, it’ll come.

;-)

dpworkin's avatar

Almost every man has some complaint, worry or fear about his first attempt at intercourse. Give it some time.

opthalogicalnanobot's avatar

i havent had trouble alone, but i dont do that often, and maybe it was nerves, but she was with me alone for almost 48 hours and we tried several times. I dont know if i should feel like Dr. Sexrobot, or like an asshole for it though. I feel so bad because my body was giving of the impression that she wasnt good enough for me.

dpworkin's avatar

If this is a person you have feelings for, I’d suggest talking frankly, and reapproaching sex in an atmosphere of relaxation and cooperation

janbb's avatar

Were you able to have and sustain an erection but not ejaculate or could you not have an erection?

opthalogicalnanobot's avatar

I maintained an erection, but couldn’t ejaculate

janbb's avatar

It’s easy to get tense in sexual situations. I would do as @pdworkin suggests; relax, talk to your partner, and try again. If the problem persists, you might want to talk to a doctor.

Pcrecords's avatar

Seriously don’t feel like an asshole about the situation.

Chances are, once you didn’t orgasm on your first attempt somewhere in your mind you worried and fixated on it.

I agree you should talk to the girl and then put the matter to bed.

It’s great that your more worried about how it made her feel. You sound like the kinda guy she should hang onto.

Good luck with it.

DrBill's avatar

I have heard of this happening caused by using a non-lubricated condom.

ninjacolin's avatar

second times a charm. ;) call her and get busy!

gailcalled's avatar

Before you see her again, shut your bedroom door and practice daily, alone.

SABOTEUR's avatar

It might be helpful if you find a committed and faithful partner to help you practice.

(Safely, that is…)

(See answer to related question.)

cyn's avatar

you’re penis is not broken unless you stab it 42 times.
You mentioned you had sex for the first time; were you nervous? Maybe, that’s why you didn’t have an orgasm.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Okay….so was it in the back of a car in the middle of winter? Was it cold? Was it hurried? Were you afraid someone would walk in on you? Did you plan this to happen——or was it spur of the moment? Were you nervous? Did you feel self-conscious? Were you afraid that you might fail? And she would never want to be with you again?

If you answered yes to any one of the above….it isn’t you. You just need to relax.

However, please remember that this isn’t like riding a bike. Please be responsible and use protection. I’d rather you wait till you were engaged to someone, were with someone that you wanted to build a life with (preferably after college and after age 25), but…then I can be a Neanderthal like that.

Don’t worry….but use protection.

Flo_Nightengale's avatar

Maybe you should hold off until you are in a more committed relationship or married.

CaptainHarley's avatar

There’s probably nothing wrong with you, but if you are concerned, that alone can result in difficulty achieving climax. It’s called performance anexiety and can result in a failure to climax or even erectile dysfunction. The very best thing you can do is to find a partner who is understaning and patient and who will help you relax and just enjoy.

avvooooooo's avatar

More importantly… Did you get HER off?

Janka's avatar

If you both had fun, whether or not you (or her) had an orgasm is not important at all.

As others have said, if you have ejaculated before, there’s nothing to worry about.

Allie's avatar

It’s probably just nerves. Like you said, it was your first time. Don’t get discouraged, it’ll happen. (If it was her first time too, she probably didn’t have one either.)

Look at it this way, now you have all the more reason to try again, multiple times, maybe all night long. Eh? ;)

Futomara's avatar

First time? You probably came before you even started! lol

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I don’t think your penis is broken. Were you worried about messing up? Assuming you were, that might have something to do with it.

opthalogicalnanobot's avatar

Sooo, first off, my first time was in her apartment, and i stayed with her overnight and we tried several times, and i didnt cum before i started and she definetly enjoyed it alot and we are in a serious relationship. also i used protection and i didnt feel very nervous. now that all thats cleared up: we have tried two more times since then, and im not nervous and i think im hurting her, is there a chance i have damaged nerves? i havent done anything crazy with my penis, but i hurt my back some once jumping out of a moving car. is there a chance that masturbating incorectly could have hurt me? i guess it really doesnt matter, ive lived my entire life up until now without sex, so if i cant enjoy it, my quality of life really wont change. idk if anyone is even still following this or cares, its on my mind alot though…

avvooooooo's avatar

@opthalogicalnanobot No, masturbating cannot do you serious injury unless you are doing it in some incredibly violent way. If you’re able to ejaculate while masturbating, there’s probably something going on with your head while you’re having intercourse, not something physical. Possibly with what you said about thinking you’re hurting your partner (why do you think that?), you might be holding back and not achieving enough stimulation to successfully ejaculate.

opthalogicalnanobot's avatar

I meant emotionally hurt, she definetly is upset about it

avvooooooo's avatar

@opthalogicalnanobot You might just have to find your stride. Happens. Just tell her that you love her and you’re still figuring it out and that you get pleasure from giving her pleasure. She should be glad that you’re considerate and care about her getting hers instead of just you getting yours.

dpworkin's avatar

Yep, it’s something to talk about, and even to joke about, if the two of you can.

Janka's avatar

The fact that you are asking about it on the interwebs and say that “it’s on your mind a lot” pretty much speaks against your idea that you are not nervous. It might be a good idea to let yourself be aware of the nervousness.

Unfortunate truth is that the more she insists on being “hurt” by something not under your control, instead of enjoying what you have together, the more she is pushing you into performance anxiety and worsening the “problem”. Which I must insist is not a problem at all, until you wish to actually have a baby. Which I assume you don’t, since you are using condoms. (Which you should keep on using, anyway—sometimes people get pregnant without actual ejaculation.)

You say “if I can’t enjoy it”. Don’t you enjoy the sex? Sex is not just about ejaculation. It’s supposed to feel good before it too. If it doesn’t feel good except on the moment of orgasm, that could be an issue indeed.

If you worry about your innervation or whatever, go see an actual doctor. But just to state it again, if you ejaculate while masturbating, it is unlikely to be a physical problem.

And no, you can’t really have caused this by masturbation.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@Janka This may be a bit off-topic, but exactly how does one get someone pregnant without “actual ejaculation”?

Janka's avatar

What he says. Requires luck, but bad luck is surprisingly common in these matters. ;)

avvooooooo's avatar

@Janka I’m a girl. Just a well-informed one.

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