Is it easier to form deep, meaningful connections when you belong rather than when you do not?

Let me elaborate: my former dance teacher and I (she has known me since I was 12 – I am now about to turn 26) were discussing whether or not I have rejected my Russian-ness over the years in favor of American-ness because of the many ways I have changed through my education and experiences outside of the Brooklyn Russian community…I questioned her notion of a singular Russian culture (same went for her notion of a singular American culture) and though she admitted to idealizing both to an extent, she still said that no matter how much criticism she’s felt throughout her life for her Russian culture, it was still where she belonged, warts and all, and where she drew pride from…and she said it has hurt her for me to reject so many elements of this culture (she and I used to be much closer than we are now, this issue being one of many reasons we grew apart) that she is so comfortable in (even though she gets that there is much to dislike)...I explained to her that I do not belong to any culture…that as someone interested in sociology and philosophy, I treat all cultures (including the one I was born into) as equal constructs…in that one is no more inherent to me than any other and all are equally up for deconstruction…and just like when believers pity me for my lack of a relationship with a god, she pitied me for my lack of belonging to a culture…

Had this been 5 years ago, her comments would have disarmed me (she is very opinionated, a lot like me in the ways her words cut) but I have gained depth in my ideas throughout the years and a confidence in myself that allowed me to look her in the eye and declare that I stand by my philosophy (a radical one, in her mind) or cultural rejection, of rejection of a nationality…those ‘warts and all’ she discussed associated with Russian culture (like the acceptance of drunkedness, sexism, old-fashioned gender norms, inability to be open with ‘others’ who are not Russian) are not okay by me…notions like sexism are not okay by me in ANY culture and since it’s just so common…

I find that I do not belong to a particular culture but with that comes the fact that I can transcend culture and belong with any individual (regardless of religious or ethnic or racial background) by means of an intense intellectual connection that doesn’t waste time on overcoming ‘differences’ because I put forth no inherent notions of how things should be according to my culture…my husband and I threw around the notion of sacrificing community in order to find singular connections all over the world at any point in time that allows us to ride the same wavelength with people that aren’t in any particular group as well…

Okay, I know this is long…so let me just stop my musings for now…what about you? do you feel that you belong to any particular community and do you find that you can form meaningful relationships with people in that community better than with people who are ‘outside’...do you feel that it’s better to belong and to draw pride or do you think it’s just a crutch like any other social crutch…do you think your feelings on the matter have changed over the years…have you built a hybrid culture for yourself that includes elements of the past, your present and allows flexibility for an unknowable future?