Social Question

RandomMrdan's avatar

Do you think "Chivalry" is an attractive quality to women?

Asked by RandomMrdan (7372 points ) January 25th, 2010

I took a lady out last night to get some dinner, and after the meal, we just talked for a good 30–40 minutes before we left.

Later while talking online, she told me I was chivalrous. I think it’s a good quality, opening doors, complimenting them on how they look, walking them to their door/car, or whatever the case may be.

What do you think?

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41 Answers

gemiwing's avatar

I love it- as long as it’s not fake or over-the-top. Sounds like you had a great date- congrats!

Jude's avatar

I think that it’s charming. I do it for my girlfriend sometimes, and she does it for me.

RandomMrdan's avatar

I’d guess, the conversation was 60% her talking, and 40% me talking… I heard it’s best to let the girl do most the talking when you’re first getting to know each other.

Cruiser's avatar

Holding a door open for your lady shows you respect and care enough about her to do so more than picking up the tab for a nice dinner does.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I always act like that. It’s the way I was raised- to be a gentleman. A woman who does not appreciate such courtesies is not worth knowing, IMHO. Sounds like you had a really fine evening with a charming lady. Good luck!

JLeslie's avatar

It’s a good thing to me. As long as you are not impeding on me making a choice for myself, like I would not want a man to order my food for me at a restaurant, then I love it. My husband still opens my car door (not always, but if I am dressed up, or we are going out) walks on the street side of the sidewalk, when we were dating he walked me to my car or made sure I got home safely, etc. All good.

lunabean's avatar

chivalry is absolutely attractive to me, it makes me feel special :)

OneMoreMinute's avatar

It’s intentional act’s of amour and that is an aphrodisiac to me that I appreciate.
...And it works both ways, btw.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Most definitely. Right ladies?

life_after_2012's avatar

i hope so, i sure would hate to live in a world where the ladies are against chivalry.

CMaz's avatar

Chivalry is not dead.

JLeslie's avatar

It’s not only a nice thing, but a practical thing. When I am struggling to get my suitcase up over my head into the compartment above my seat on an airplane I EXPECT a man to help me. They are taller and stronger, and with little effort can get that suitcase up into there.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I appreciate it :)

HTDC's avatar

It’s unnecessary and can come off fake especially if they’re doing it just to try and get in your pants. If it’s genuine then that’s okay. Chivalry isn’t dead but it is dying.

Austinlad's avatar

Falls into the same category as writing thank you notes. It’s kind, civil, thoughtful, and usually appreciated. What’s not to like?

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@HTDC When it’s done as a gentlemanly gesture, with no ulterior motives, do you still feel that a gentleman is trying to seduce you?

HTDC's avatar

No. Why?

IBERnineD's avatar

I think it is fantastic, especially in this day and age when I encounter a lot of people who could really care less. I’m a big fan of etiquette, because frankly it keeps things civil. Although I have actually been yelled at by a date for opening the door, and not letting him do it for me. I adore a gentleman, but I don’t assume every guy is going to be that way, so yeah I may open the door I have arms. But by no means does that mean I should be yelled at.
I digress, I love a chivalrous man, especially one that can let go of the reins every now and then.

Trillian's avatar

THe very first time a man took my elbow to guide me through a door I was thrilled. It felt like he was being solicitous of me in particular and I enjoy that feeling still.

phil196662's avatar

Oh good, I don’t feel as lonely anymore, keep it up and she could give you a deep (((hug)))...

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@HTDC I get the impression from many women that there is an ulterior motive, when none xists on my part. I’m only trained to act as a gentleman, feeling like a dinosaur or feeling that I’m being silently accused of something improper.

sjmc1989's avatar

Good for you @RandomMrdan I will never date a guy again that isn’t chilvarous, but I return the favor and I do little things for them as well. Example: If a guy unlocks my door and opens it for me I reach over and unlock it for him and then push open the door. It is all about give and take.

phil196662's avatar

@sjmc1989 ; I think you shouldn’t have compromised at all if it’s important to you.

sjmc1989's avatar

@phil196662 Yes I agree and I will never do it again. I learned many things from that relationship.

HTDC's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I think many women get that impression because of the movie culture. In films you always see the man trying to seduce the woman by performing all sorts of chivalrous gestures and playing dirty tactics. So I guess women have become weary of that kind of behaviour that may lead them to believe it’s a little bit more than just an act of courtesy and respect.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@HTDC there are still some of us who do such things out of courtesy, respect and breeding; sadly few of us left and so often misinterpreted.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m a woman and I have appreciated courtesy/chivalry since I was a little girl. It’s not supposed to be a seduction tactic though.

YARNLADY's avatar

I have always appreciated that trait. All my nieces, nephews, sons and grandsons have been raised to behave with courtesy and kindness toward others.

daemonelson's avatar

It should be reciprocated, I think. People seem to like it.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

Even the simplest chivalry can make a persons day.

LethalCupcake's avatar

uh yes! of course it is!!!

Siren's avatar

I like it. You may not get the credit you deserve but to those who dare to be chivalrous out there let me say it: THANK YOU.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

@siren yes, I wish to join in that too
THANK YOU

Naked_Homer's avatar

I just wanted to be polite and allow an adequate amount of ladies to answer.

And by that I mean I just got to the question.

I hope so as I was raised to be polite and respectful of women. That doesn’t mean knocking them down to get to the door. It means being polite.

bigboss's avatar

in my opinion, holding the door is just a good way of getting a good look at a girls booty..i dont know, thats probably just me.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

there are always so many qs about chivalry – clearly people don’t know quite what to make of the concept…otherwise, they’d just do it and be okay about it
chivalry, to me, is a one way street that I don’t want to be on.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I can understand that, especially if you’ve seen it only from it’s negative angles.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I haven’t seen it in any angles…in that I don’t attach a negative or a positive to what I’ve seen…I was raised around ‘chivalrous’ men and I never understood why I must be treated this way…even if the gesture is positive

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir at least you can understand that many men, especially of my generation and social class, are trained to act in a certain way and we have no ulterior motives. For me, to not act that way would be intentional rudeness. Perhaps it’s something we have to evolve out of. My German grandfather would click his heels and bow over a lady’s hand, at least I don’t do that. :^)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I understand much about life as something having to do with people being trained one way or another…that’s why I will be a sociologist.

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