General Question

missjena's avatar

Is it ever too soon to say, "I love you", in a relationship?

Asked by missjena (905 points ) January 30th, 2010 from iPhone

I’ve been dating this guy for just about 1 month and he already told me he loves me. Although I didn’t say it back because I felt it was too soon, he explained he feels he aant get enough of me and he’s crazy about me. I’m not sure if he just thinks he loves me and what he is really feeling is lust. Can someone really love someone that quickly?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

I really doubt it. He wants to get laid or he is super needy. You should run far and fast. Something is wrong here.

LethalCupcake's avatar

There is a difference between Love & Lust… I think that it is possible to Love someone this quickly, but this doesn’t sound like that – it honestly sounds like Lust. Love is a whole lot deeper than “I can’t get enough of you & I’m crazy about you.” It seems very sweet & this could absolutely develop into love a little later… But for right now just enjoy the Lusty stage of your relationship!

LethalCupcake's avatar

@johnpowell there is nothing wrong with someone wanting you…..

JessicaisinLove's avatar

You can love someone but being “in love” takes two people. Since you felt awkward
it was not the right thing for him to do.

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

Sometimes it’s genuine, sometimes it is just lust and sometimes it’s an out and out lie just to sleep with somebody. Either way you don’t base whether or not you say “I love you” back to someone on a time limit (at least I wouldn’t) base it on whether or not you feel the same. If he’s telling you he loves you (whether it’s true or he has ulterior motives) it obviously isn’t going to freak him out if you say it back.

Chongalicious's avatar

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal got it right on the head. Base your response on your feelings towards him, not towards the amount of time you’ve spent together.

poisonedantidote's avatar

i would say, in the english use of the term ’‘i love you’’ that it would not be possible for you to love him or him to love you.

what he means is he is infatuated with you, or he wants in on your pants or both. love is something that takes time.

to me, in english ’‘i love you’’ is about as close as you can get to ’‘i would die for your amusement’’. or some other equally strong term.

im not saying he does not feel anything for you, he probably very well does. im just saying its not a feeling i would describe as ’‘i love you’’

so… to answer your question, yes… one month is way to soon to say i love you. however, i still think you should say it back, as he will understand from it that you feel like he feels and it will help you both.

i would recommend you look at the language ’‘tagalog’’ the term i love you is quite interesting indeed. they have:

’‘mahal kita’’ and ’‘iniibig kita’’

mahal kita = i love you

iniibig kita = i love you. (big and dramatic)

he probably means mahal kita, and you probably feel the same way if you feel anything like that.

however, he does not iniibig kita you, and you do not iniibig kita him either.

good luck with your relationship, i hope it goes well for you two.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Have you both had a big argument yet and come out on the other side with caring, loving feelings for each other intact, along with a better understanding of how to communicate? No? Too soon.

LethalCupcake's avatar

@aprilsimnel Nice – Lurve for you

dpworkin's avatar

Boy, that would set my Spidey-sense on edge. If I were you, Iwould start being very, very careful. Any sign of stalking behavior, and you should consider yourself in danger.

missjena's avatar

Okay well my sister has known her for 30 years he’s definitely not a stalker. He’s a wonderful man. I’m not questioning if he’s a stalker just curious if it’s ok to say that, that soon

missjena's avatar

Known *him

DrMC's avatar

I have to say it’s not when, it’s what your sense and feeling produce of it.

If you do think you love him, it’s not wrong to say so in most cases. If you do not feel it, it’s very bad to say you do.

Something however has triggered your question. In time the reason will clarify. It usually does.

HankMoody's avatar

I’m not sure you can put a time limit on it. He could very well think he loves you, or he could very well love you. I think it depends on the individuals involved. Assuming he is honest (and your gut should tell you if he is), he probably loves what he sees. Clearly, in a month, he most likely hasn’t seen/gotten to know everything about you that would be informative. I’ve been in his shoes before and I meant it. I’ve had the person I told it to tell me they weren’t ready to say it back and that was ok, too.

MrsDufresne's avatar

@aprilsimnel Excellent reply. Lurve from me too.

gailcalled's avatar

Consideri this question you asked recently about the relationship: http://www.fluther.com/disc/70030/how-soon-is-too-soon-to-be-officially-together-in-a/

You seem to be feeling pushed. What’s the harm in your not saying certain trigger phrases or in labeling the relationship for a while longer? Your feelings either will or wil not change.

Maybe he is “the one;” giving it some more time wouldn’t alter that.

Leanne1986's avatar

I knew that I loved my boyfriend after a month and so I told him. My feelings where genuine and I still feel that way. Say it when you are ready. You’ll know by your boyfriend actions if he is genuine.

Sophief's avatar

I said “I love you” after about a month. When we first met I knew I would fall in love with him so easily, and I did.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Of course its possible. I believe in love at first site but the problem lies in you guys not knowing each other well. I have known my girlfriend for 7 months and she just told me she loved me last week although I have known that through her body actions and her responses :) you can feel when someone really loves you without them having to say a word. As some of the other responses state, there may be a lust factor that is coming into play that isn’t genuine love. Thats the thing about emotions, they are hard to really know what you are really feeling or if the other person really feels they are in love. Like i sad though, it is defiantly possible but it may not be in this instance.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther