Would you rather be gay?

bean, how old are you? I can’t answer this without knowing your age.

I’m so confused. What exactly are you asking?

And you’re 19? Why do you even want to be in a relationship? What with getting an education, becoming independent, developing into your own person, finding a career, traveling the world…..why waste time on a romantic relationship at this point in your life? Pffft. You’ve only met a fraction of the people that you’ll meet during your lifetime – why would you consider tying yourself down with one when you’ve got so many yet to meet.

I just don’t understand why people aren’t happpy with their own company and race pell mell into relationships as if they’ll just waste away if they don’t have a boyfriend/husband/etc. It’s just hormones, people! Overcome it!

@judochop i’m 19

I don’t know what i’m asking exactly… i’m throwing an idea out there and I want something to make sense to me….I need to find answers because right now, having a relationship with any one around my age, or even a guy is just overwhelming at the moment… I’m looking for a reason to why have a relationship?

I am very happy! Most of the time.

My bum just can’t handle that kind of pressure(or mouth)...lol…

But seriously going gay won’t fix relationships or make you have a happy,or perfect relationship.

Your sexual orientation should not be based off that, it should be because its WHO YOU ARE.

Going “gay” is not going to fix anything, might make it worse.

Finding the right guy for you Roanna won’t happen over night but hes out there ;)

@ChazMaz obviously not that kind of gay…. O:

I can see the reasoning behind wanting to be gay. Men and women appear to be so different and lack proper understanding of one another, not to mention how much harder it is to relate to each other’s behaviour and experiences. I can see how it would be much easier to date someone of your own sex who can understand you better than the opposite sex ever could.

No I loves me some poon,

You don’t get to choose gay to be happy. Gay chooses you. All else is just experimentation.

My dojo has a lot of lesbians in it. Believe me, from what I hear, the issues in their relationships are hardly any different than the ones I had with my boyfriends. Just keep getting to know who you are, and being comfortable with who that is, and loving who you are and you’ll be better equipped to suss out whether someone’s treating you like crap and nipping that in the bud.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and that includes having a relationship. You can take this time out for getting to know and love you, @bean. It will be OK. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.

You sound like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself. You have many years before you have to make any kind of serious decisions. If you aren’t enjoying dating and don’t like your options right now, then concentrate on other things; school, job, art, reading, movies, whatever. Real relationships develop when you least expect them.

@HTDC I don’t think it’s because I don’t understand the opposite sex…. my best friend’s are guys and we understand each other very well, but we just don’t see eachother in that way…. i think maybe i’m just scared off of relationships and that I highly doubt the majority rate for some one who’s not a crazy teenaged party animal to come along and be as mature as I and want to have a serious relationship with out taking advantage of me and then completely walking away so easily when you give them everything you had, emotionally and every other way…. and one was enough to last a life time of hurt.

“I’m looking for a reason to why have a relationship?” Don’t. @syz has the right idea, just relax, do what you enjoy, and try to enjoy life. I would encourage you not to shut yourself off socially entirely, but you don’t have to go to clubs and you don’t have to date or be in a relationship. When you feel like there is a reason to be, then go for it, but don’t go looking for a reason if you don’t feel there is one.

@bean you got a “bad apple!” Everyone has been where you are today!

This so shall pass! Like my old grandfather said many times, “boy, the sun does not shine on the same dog’s ass everyday!” Be patient, your day will come!

Sounds like you are a very level headed young lady. Staying out the bars, etc…just stay that way. Again, this so shall pass! There will be a better day when the sun will be shining. A little adversity and rain in your life makes you a better person and a stronger person.

In you’re teens and in your 20’s, people can be VERY hurtful. More then any other decade of life. (im 26, so I can only go by what I know)

That being said, what you are saying now sounds a lot like what I said before I was ready to admit I was gay. However, there was always the attraction to the same sex. I always had it, I just suppressed it.

Here are the things I have learned, from having seen both worlds.

1. People, straight or gay, or hurtful. Not because they intentionally want to be, but because they can’t stand up and face what they should. I have been guilty of this myself. Sometimes it is easier to say nothing, over saying I am no longer interested.

2. NOTHING COULD HAVE PREPARED ME FOR GAY CULTURE.
There is really no other way I can say that.

3. I have recently had this feeling in the back of my head that perhaps I didn’t give women a good enough chance. I was young, I was stupid, and honestly I would have picked an entirely different kind of person to date today. I have NEVER had, looking back, what I would consider a serious relationship with another guy. Does this mean that I just went for guys because it was easier for me to get what I wanted?
I don’t know… but you should always judge extra carefully before you make any leap. Proverbial or not.

4. People say they want directness, but really do not. Dating is a cut throat game. You try other people on to see if they fit. I have told people outright after a few dates that I was no longer interested. I get slapped in the face, called an asshole… what have you. It is much easier to just not return the calls. I don’t like doing it, but the vengeful things people do when THEY KNOW you are not interested far outweigh the things that are said or done when there is some ambiguity evolved. I still try to tell people upfront, but some personality types make that impossible.

This became a novel. I will stop now because I am probably off topic by now.

@bean I’m not denying that you understand men. I’m just pointing out that you can relate more to a member of the same sex. Growing up as a girl is different to growing up as a guy, so naturally you would have a much deeper understanding of women being a woman yourself.

You think you have drama now?
Imagine another woman in the mix? :)

Who says you have to be in a relationship right now?
Being single is a lot less stressful.
You’re about my age. You have NO reason to be caught up in stupid love stuff.
I made that mistake for 3 years.

I understand why you would WANT a relationship, but try putting your focus elsewhere for a while. Let yourself calm down and get over the past relationship bullshit before you start looking again.

Your other questions make me feel that you think you NEED a relationship as that’s what most of them are about.. You don’t need anyone. You’re gorgeous.

But if you do want a relationship, try to find a bit more about yourself first.
Try to figure out why you were abusive in the relationship you mentioned earlier.
Figure out what you REALLY want. Then go look.

I threaten to turn gay all the time, and it’s always after I make some comment about the male population all being assholes.
I have to give them some credit though, not all of them are bad guys. We just overlook the good ones.

@syz I’m overseas studying at the moment, I’ve extra credit for studying, when I go back home I’ll be doing biotechnology, i’ve been offored a job or apprentaship in international media, and I’m dead set on either doing archeology or astronomy.
I have gone back to singing and recording and I travel every year to visit family over seas. I’ve moved out and i’m moving out again in july… but I want a serious, meaningful relationship, some one to connect with…. and I don’t see what reasons to be with any one anymore… because you just get hurt.

So? You want a meaningful relationship, great. So don’t worry about it, live your life, have fun. Believe me, a self reliant, self assured, independent woman who’s happy in her own skin is soooo much more attractive. Love will find you when it’s time. But in the meantime, forget about it. Just be.

Being gay will NOT make the pain and drama of dating any better. Trust me. :) Because remember, when you’re a lady that dates ladies, there is the unfortunate potential for PMSing at the same time.

All your questions seem to be about boyfriends and relationships, bean. I agree with @syz; it might make sense to chill a bit and focus on yourself and personal growth.

You are going to have the same relationship issues with a gay lover.

I want a serious, meaningful relationship, some one to connect with…. and I don’t see what reasons to be with any one anymore… because you just get hurt.

Find the right guy, and you won’t get hurt.
You seem to know what you want to do after school. Focus on that for now. You have A LOT more going for you than I think you realize. Don’t risk losing that because you’re caught up with trying to find a relationship.
Growing up too fast is dangerous. You have the rest of your life to find the perfect relationship you’re looking for.

Now, if only I could take my own advice.

@rangerr The worst vice is advice. ;)

Thre’s nothing wrong with being single either.

You cannot go gay. You either are or you’re not, unless you have been denying yourself all this time.

And girl, you haven’t known drama till you’ve experienced dyke drama. Trust me.

i have too much personal growth and maturity to feel settled or secure at the moment…. I feel really overwhelmed…. some one please tell me what does that mean….
I’m not no where near ‘abusive’ any more or to myself, i’m back to my patient self, before that relatonship i’ve never been angry, seriously! i could never get angry at some one easily…. and now I’m just insane…. what are clubs like anyway? should I do something like that? maybe go have a drink for once? go socialize more? what else is there in life if it has no meaning or depth to it?
why can’t pain just go away? what else can I do? I would love to just start working,... should i go back to volanteering at the museum? I enjoy that, would it help to be even more occupied

@tinyfaery Fag drama too… plus we all hang out at the same clubs. Shit gets nasty.

“And girl, you haven’t known drama till you’ve experienced dyke drama. Trust me.”

Haha. So true!

@bean A little therapy will do you good, hon.

@bean I think going back to volunteering would be a fantastic idea for you.
I really hope you start feeling better soon, darling.
If you need to talk, PM me.

@jmah…. you might be so right… i feel so overloaded, I don’t know what’s happening in my life anymore… companionship is so important to me, but yet, i may not be so ready, like i thought….

and janbb is quite right, I’m over thinking relationships…. but even now, i’m fine, I don’t know what the source of my hurt is coming from anymore… all i know is i’m constantly thinking about my ex, even when I don’t want to… couple of time’s i’ve been ok, he wasn’t in my mind for a while, but why is it that girls get so emotional about this, and guys can be the ones who pretend to not care…. or something along those lines…

@rangerr thanks for your support and thanks every one for the advice too.

@jmah having somewhere there to help you sort out your thoughts would be good for you, I think.

I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, you just can’t figure it out on your own…

xo

Yes, if you are really stuck in this obsessing – and it seems like you are – I think a few sessions with a good counselor could be very beneficial for you.

@mowens um…. write a novel and send it to me, you have some really good pointers…

I’m happy the with the way I am. If being gay was what would do that for me than so be it, although I’m not too sure how well my wife would like that. You need to be comfortable with who you are. Ultimately, happiness is what is important.

My advice would be, accept the fact that there is more to life than boys. Once you’ve done that, all your boy troubles will seem irrelevant and insignificant.

@jmah exactly!
@janbb going to seek help from a therapist is a good idea and the most logical idea to turn to….. but i’ve been before…. all they have done for me so far is keep o asking ‘how do you feel about that’ ‘how does that make you feel’ ‘what are you feeling right now’

‘um…. probably feeling really overwhelemed even now and a bit scared…. are you ok?”

@HTDC yeah, thats also a major factor i think, if you don’t think about it, even in a relationship putting things in 50/50 mind set would be healthy

@AstroChuck i think thats another good point…. i’m definitley not comfortable with who i am sometimes…. I dont even know where that comes from… maybe child hood?

@bean Maybe you haven’t found the right therapist? In any case, I would look for ways to keep your mind occupied so you are not obsessing about these guys. Volunteering at the museum is a great idea. It’s not easy to get over a guy, I know, but keeping busy really helps! Also, you might look to strengthen your relationships with women and not necessarily in a sexual or needy way.

Feeling overwhelmed is so very exhausting. I think it is good that you are not ignoring your desire for companionship. If you are feeling disconnected it only makes sense that you will think of times and people where you felt connected. What do you think would happen if you took steps towards connecting with others in ways that don’t get tangled up in romance? I concur with the suggestion of a counselor. I also can’t help but think that working on making friendships even more transparent and vibrant would go a long way toward helping you deal with the aches of loneliness and being overwhelmed.

@janbb yeah, overall, every ones saying the same thing, but its good though, because there are added bits and peaces to everyones advice that seeps into another point, and it’s opened up alot of ideas and advice, but as you said, maybe I haven’t met the right one yet, and maybe I’m not as occupied as i should be… I also think deep down, this is something that every indivdual gets over on their own…. maybe this is a minor set back to progression and I need to relax? i’m not sure…

@liminal your right, it’s what I’m feeling too friendships I have, really good ones…. i’m thinking maybe im becoming very cynical to let people in

Like @judochop said “you don’t choose gay, it chooses you”. I have many gay and lesbian acquaintances (more than “straight” ones actually). Sometimes I feel like an oddball in not being attracted to guys in a sexual sense. I can’t do anything about it, my brain is hardwired that way. It would seem to me logical that being bisexual is the best of both worlds; but biology (or brain-wiring) trumps logic.

As many others have said, there is conflict in same-sex relationships also.

Maybe you just need a break. Go solo for a while and concentrate on other aspects of life. I’ve personally given up on sex. I’m like the Canada geese that mate for life, once the life partner is gone, no more.

Just take a step back from relationships at the moment altogether & just concentrate on yourself, put yourself where you feel most comfortable & happy, above all try to see the positive in your life right now, you’re young so plenty of time to bounce back, try to turn your negative thoughts around, you’ve had a bad experience but try to see what it has taught you for the better, at the end of the day right now it’s you that’s important, no one else just you, so try to look on the bright side…… ;-) think positive…

@stranger_in_a_strange_land oh? you lost your s.o.? I’m really sorry to hear that.
I’m the same, well, close in that aspect, once i have the right person in my life, I feel like thats it, and when they are gone. no more.

@Scooby yeah, positive thinking, really needed….

Those who understand this feeling, has it ever made you want to break down and cry? has it made you feel so over the edge in life?

Observing my homosexual friends, they get the exact same relationship drama as everyone else. ;)

If you feel you are not ready for a relationship now, how about give it a couple of years, do other things, and then see if you feel different? You are 19, there is no hurry.

@bean I went through a total mental breakdown and am currently on high medication doses to treat depression and suicidal ideation. I’m told that this will pass, but right now I have to take that on faith. At this point, I don’t feel that I could ever feel sexual attraction to anyone again.

@bean

Surround yourself with the friends you know will cheer you up & really be there for you, this will go some way to build back your confidence in yourself once again, good luck
;-) try not to be too alone, you need real friends when you hit the skids like this, I only cried once, never again……

@Janka why does my mind tell me there is hurry?
does any one ever get the feeling if you don’t get some one now, you won’t be attractive enough when your older? or am I just crazy?

@stranger_in_a_strange_land she must of been very special, and your very special your self, and she’s lucky to have had some one like you (if it’s not too forward to say) but keep balanced, you don’t deserve the pain. Everyone goes through something traumatic, sometimes worse than others, but you don’t deserve to beat your self up for it. You have something special and it’s still there.

@Scooby i think what’s going through my mind is… yeah, something like that though, I haven’t had confidence for a long time, since primary school. It’s getting better though.
and snobby high school is the worse enviroment I have ever been in…. it’s all a stupid phase, and it plays with every ones feelings and insecurities…

@bean If you rush out looking for any relationship out of desperation, you are most likely to find a bad relationship. There is a biological “mating urge”, but we humans have a higher brain that can override this primitive urge. As for age vs attractiveness, that is nonsense. If the right guy comes along, age won’t matter. There was a 20 year age difference between my lady and myself. We were delightfully happy.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land yeah, age isn’t really a big factor for me in a relationship, I just feel so old, despite the fact I act very childish but I don’t feel like I’ve satisfied my aspirations

Alright, I’ll finish it.

5. Develop thick skin. If a guy doesn’t like you, so what? There are more out there. If a guy is ignoring you… ignore him. End of story.

6. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you… it is simple. Just ignore everything that they say, and only pay attention to what they do.

Talk is cheap.

7. If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.
Dressing trashy attracts trashy guys. Those who want respect, give respect.

8. If you like a guy, TELL HIM. We are many things, but we are not mind readers. We are also dumb. We do not take hints. Ever. Don’t expect them to work.

9. Attraction is unattractive. Never ever ACT like you are excited to meet someone, or go on a date with them. You can be excited, just don’t show that you are. Trust me, it is much better that way.

That is all I can think of for now. :)

@mowens when you talk you’re like a hand book that speaks to me…. i like….

All relationships, regardless of sexual orientation, are very demanding and require constant attention. You’re at the age when you should be doing some challenging learning, but also enjoying yourself with friends. I can think of a lot of people in my small circle of acquaintance who don’t care much for clubbing, or drugs or alcohol.

Maybe now is the time for you to be doing things with groups of people; let the boyfriend/girlfriend issue slide for the time being (those kinds of relationships when we are young can be quite disappointing anyway) and just relax and try to enjoy interesting experiences with people who share your sensibility.

From my vantage point, you have so much time. There is really no reason at all to rush.

@bean Heh, if only more people felt that way. :)

@dpworkin i really have time? guys are not thinking to date some sexy, awesome confident young girl to just have fun?
I’ve seen so many guys my age, how they act… the girls they hang out with (i’m talking about the really over confident girl with the tan and slim) and I just become so discouraged by that… and I don’t want to even date another guy…. ever again… I feel like people like me are a joke to them… and my first relationship made me feel incredibly used, abused and hurt.
its like…. i don’t want any guy anymore…

@bean Your aspirations don’t have to be in the mating game. There is much more to life. I was contentedly single until age 38, married to my carrer.

Really, really attractive people sometimes develop social problems. Most of us are just “regular”, and I am willing to bet that for the most part we are happier. Yes, you have plenty of time. Be in no rush. Most people report that up to a reasonable point (which is way in the future for you) the longer they waited, the happier they were.

@bean Are you kidding? People even at the ripe old age of 50 and 60 are finding new loves and meaningful relationships. You have your whole life to find love and meaning; don’t rush things. Many of the relationships you will have in the next few years will be temporary – don’t feel you have to find your “one true love” now or it will never happen!

(Just as one example – I didn’t meet the love of my life until I was about 52. That’s really true. We are inseparable now, and will always be inseparable until one of us dies.)

Lots of good advice here already. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, now isn’t a good time to start a relationship anyway, because you’re distracted, stressed, emotionally drained, etc. I understand that longing for intimate companionship, but I think the best thing for you now is to find a way to see being single as a positive thing. Not only will it make you feel better to change this particular viewpoint, I have to tell you that being single is pretty great. I’ve had enough relationships to have experienced a lifetime’s fill of drama. What’s nice about being single is that you can do whatever you want, you don’t have to worry about asking or upsetting someone else, the only person and feelings you are responsible for are your own, you can focus on yourself, do activities that please you and make you happy.. with very little drama cause it’s all about you.

I echo the dyke drama statement, but I have to say that that level of drama spans all orientations because people are crazy and seem to thrive on drama. I’ve seen straight people do some f*cked up shit to each other in the name of love, just as I’ve experienced really crazy gay drama, too. So don’t think you’d be escaping immature people who do crazy, hurtful things to each other. Sadly, that seems to be a human thing rather than a straight/gay/bi thing.

Lastly, you’re 19 and I know at this point, you cannot even begin to grasp how young you are and how much you will change in the coming decades. You have so much time! Your 20’s are a time of tons of personal growth, new experiences, and figuring out who you are. You’ll be amazed when you’re 29 and look back at how different you are then than you are now. You can’t even begin to imagine these changes, so my best advice is to buckle up and enjoy the ride. Don’t stress too much about relationships, enjoy the time to yourself without a partner, kids, and a lot of life worries. You’re an attractive girl and I feel very certain that if you just go about your business making friends and doing things you enjoy, opportunities will come your way.

@bean You would be amazed how many guys are attracted to intellectual ladies. You’re not looking in the right places. They generally don’t hang out in clubs acting like barbarians, getting zonked and doing techincolor yawns.

I’ll take alive, healthy, & happy thanks.

Would I rather be gay? Yes! But I had my druthers, I’d just like to physically be capable of successfully making love to myself:)

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Good point.

Oh,

10. SOOO much changes between 18 and 21. You will not believe it until you experience it… you are new to life! High school just ended, and you are still getting acclimated to everything.

You’re entire world turned upside down…. and it is going to continue turning.The only thing you can do no is sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride of life. It can be scary, it can be loud, it can be fun, and it can be boring. If something happens, it happens! Ain’t shit you can do about it.

On one of the worse days of my life, I found myself stranded on the side of an interstate with a cellphone with no buttery, and a backpack. 200 miles away from anyone I knew. My response to everything when it happens is… “Well, that happened.”

Things happen. All you can do is be prepared for the second time it happens.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

@MissAnthrope I think i’m in love with your advice…

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I don’t look for those type of guys…. thats just unattractive… epsecially weekends at night… so bad. But majority of the peopl i’ve seen where i come from…. most guys just so superficial i’d rather date apple pie and even give it a name.

@mowens O: you poor thing! i guess you just have to take life as it comes… and be strong or toughen up.

Gay,straight or indifferent,there will always be someone around that is no fun to be with.Then again there are those out there who will treat you well.
Why not just take a break from dating for awhile and go have fun with your friends?

@bean You seem to be in a confusing bind. The guys who are not “superficial” are are not attractive to you. I agree with @lucillelucillelucille , just give it a rest for a while. In a few years you will know your own mind so much better. Dating in desperation is only going to attract the worst kind of guys; the ones that just want to use your body then toss you aside.

stranger_in_a_strange_lan guys who are superficial are not attractive to me, thats what I mean.

@bean You obviously seem to be hurt about something previous and I’m sorry you had to go through that =\.

18–20-somethings are venturing into the “new world”. Post-high school discoveries are like learning how to fly for the first time. So of course, drugs, drinking, clubs, hook-up, etc. is mostly all new and appealing until maturity/reality kicks in (and it doesn’t always). If you’re criticizing all of this, chances are maturity has already kicked in for you and you’re ready for something more serious.

Don’t be discouraged by this and dont stop looking until you find someone good. When you do, it WILL work out. You’ll both still be able to have fun and you’ll both be glad you have each other. As for thinking “well, there’s always more fish in the sea” – this wont happen if you find the right one. The one you love/the right one will be the only fish in the sea for you.

@bean So you need to look in different places. But give it a rest for a while first. Try to put dating out of your mind for a while. Hang out with your friends, do things that are good for you. You’re not ready yet. Being single is not the end of the world. It took me until I was twice your age to find the right lady.

@bean You need a nerd. Go to a lan party.

I’m serious.

@Disco2021 :) made me feel a bit better

@mowens XD I been to lan before…. I played…. sadly… tried to challange my ex at counter strike, but he was.. leet?... and i play l4d2 but I feel i gotta stop playing games… haha

I think you’re very young. Give it some time and it will all work out.

lol, I just realized that I directed my last post to @jmah. Oopsy.

off the subject, but very funny!

A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.

Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:”

“Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style.

He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.

His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore.

Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, ‘Is there anything else that your lover doesn’t use anymore?’

“And so, here we are!”

@bean

Just keep telling yourself that you can rise above it, positive thought remember!! ;-)

I would love to be Gay the moment I can survive 30,000,000 deg heat, sprout a dragon’s tail, have 15 elephants stomp me into a 3 mile pile of ape crap…....then I would be ready.

Hello @bean the national geographic channel just called, they’d like their hornets nest back. ;-)

I dont see why you wanna go gay…
Just sort things out Dont change your sexuality o.o

Relationships are really hard, and it doesn’t matter whether you’re 19 or 53. I’m the latter age, and I’m still fucking up relationships big time. Been in counseling with my wife for two years. We know each other better. A lot better. It doesn’t necessarily help us solve all our problems. It most certainly leaves one problem that is important to me unsolved.

Makes me wonder about women…. but no. It’s not about generalizations. It’s about finding a person you can work with. It helps if you like a lot of similar stuff—particularly sex. It’s important to match up on issues of libido, I think. Otherwise you’re just asking for trouble, somewhere down the line.

When I was 20, I had my first big time relationship, and when I was 21 it was gone, and I was devastated. Every single time someone I love has broken up with me since then, it’s been devastating. The pain churns in my stomach for month after month. I keep thinking about what could have been. What I could have done differently.

But both parties make mistakes. I have a bad habit of thinking it’s all my fault. So I’m taking that idea on faith.

What you don’t know and I do is that eventually the pain ends and your faith resumes and you try with someone new, knowing more about how to act and what you want to get out of the next relationship. Then again, I don’t know how much that helps. I’ve wanted more sex for gosh, more than 20 years now. But there must be some other things keeping me here, or I wouldn’t have put up with it for that long.

So wait. It’s fucking hard to wait. But the pain will subside. Your anger and frustration and cynicism will subside, too. And there are good guys out there. Many women like their guys a whole lot. Then again, some of us constantly disappoint. Which is how I feel sometimes. But that’s just when there are problems. When we’re together, I feel good.

wait, i thought @Hypocrisy_Central was gay all along…

I’m skipping ahead – but I will jump in. Beaner gay is love too, and gay lovers hurt each-other, love each-other just as much as heterosexual lovers do.

After a nasty breakup, I’ve gone through a “the other gender sucks” phase. This is not a good reason to go gay. You have to follow your heart. If you love someone, then be with them. Use your internal wisdom (your feelings.)

It’s a good idea to take a breather. When you hurt, cheap relationships ease the pain, but I would strive to live by the integrity you see in yourself.

So relationships are working with guys, so you’re going to turn to girls? I agree with @DrMC “gay is love too, and gay lovers hurt each-other, love each-other just as much as heterosexual lovers do”.

@eponymoushipster Wow, is that the best you got! Really!?! LOL LOL LOL (sending you musical tickets for you and your monkey)

“why does my mind tell me there is hurry?
does any one ever get the feeling if you don’t get some one now, you won’t be attractive enough when your older? or am I just crazy?”

@bean I think a lot of people get that feeling, especially when they are young. And there is some truth to that if you put out looking for a lifemate for a very long time, it becomes harder, so maybe your mind just realizes that. But you are 19, which is still very young. If you give it two or three years to see if the feeling of not wanting a relationship passes on its own, you will still be only 21–22! Which is not “late” or “old” by any sensible definition.

@Hypocrisy_Central I can’t tell if you’re in a fake or real argument, but I’d like to point out to @eponymoushipster that you are kissing a person of another gender in your avatar!

thanks every one for the advice, I’m feeling a lot better today I think yesterday I was just feeling more overwhelmed and weak. Today I felt absolutely fine, I think I just need to be a stronger person and I have to stop over thinking alot

@bean

;-)
That’s it!! Try not to dwell too much on the negatives in life, life is just too short. Before you know it you’ll be fifty! :-/
you’ll realise then you wasted so much time thinking instead of doing……. Lol.. :-)

@Scooby exactly! your right!

That can happen if you’re gay, too. Ultimately, being gay is more than just sex with the same gender, so the same things as heterosexual encounters are bound to happen, as contradictory as that is.
This gay dude I know, he said he’s met other gay men who don’t even care to know your name.

Blimey, that’s all rather bleak!
In answer to the question… No, I’m happy as I am.
In response to your comments, I’d just say take your time. You’re only 19, there’s no clock ticking, just do the things you enjoy in life & see what happens. In regards to a partner, you just cant know when the right person will turn up. In a new job, on the train, on holiday… besides, I’m sure gay people have just as many issues in love as straight people.

That’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m changing species.

@DrMC ROFL. I’d rather be a Vulcan.

@DrMC thats even better!

@Symbeline I’ve seen that as well in both M/M and F/F relationships. The “using” and acrimony can be the same as in M/F arrangements. You haven’t seen real fireworks until you’ve seen a F/F couple PMSing at the same time;thermonuclear!

@bean Referring back to the discussion text of your OP: Maybe I’m completely out of touch with the modern social scene, but I can’t get my head around the idea of “f**k buddy” or FWBs. The sex act is totally linked with love in my mind. It seems to me just another invention of predatory males to victimize and objectify women.

This question reminded me of a friend of mine, who is actually streight, although he did say he was gay for Johnny Depp….

Im not a guy but i am ok with gay people cause the understand girls so ummm yeah..

@Violet Oh I am 310% all hetro. Women for me please, I want cheesecake, buns, melons and tacos not sausage with chestnuts. :-) Monkey brains you can’t trust anything that small.

@Hypocrisy_Central Yes and the woman he loves is me. I al all the hot sexy cheesecake, buns, melons and taco he needs. So all you other women out their back the heck off. :)

@Hypocrisy_Central you’re adorable!