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liminal's avatar

In your life, what have you claimed or reclaimed?

Asked by liminal (7693 points ) February 5th, 2010

Preface:
Today my daughter and I had a conversation about what it would be like if she were to disappear tomorrow. Given that she is nine and reading phantom tollbooth it would be a simple conversation to overlook. Yet, given that she is nine and suffered serious trauma and neglect in her young life I’ve learned to respond to such moments with careful attention. In particular, she wondered how I would react to her disappearance. Before I answered I asked her what she thought I would do. She figures I would be really quiet and sad. Of course, I agreed that I would be very sad and I went on to say I would very noisily turn the world upside down to find her. To which she responded “hmm… interesting” then ducked her head trying to hide her smile. Off and on throughout the day she keeps bringing this idea up and I keep doing little enactments of what I would be like (looking all over the house trying to find her and upon finding her sweeping her up with great fawning drama!)

Yet again, I find myself struck by what I call the “work of reclamation” that exists in my daughter’s life. Time and again it seems she revisits and evaluates if she is a person worth finding, worth loving. A few minutes ago my daughter brought up the earlier conversation again and my son interjected “but, mom, what if it was against the law to go looking?” Before I responded my daughter said “that would be a terribly stupid law! Mom loves us more than a stupid law!” (then she snuck a look at my face to see if she was right). Such a response gives me hope. In her reaction I see her take another step towards reclaiming a sense of self that is worthy of love and belonging.

Question:
It wouldn’t surprise me if there are many of us who have fought (and still fight) hard to claim or reclaim parts of our personhood. Maybe we can encourage each other through the sharing of our stories. So, have you (are you) reclaiming or claiming something in your life?

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15 Answers

faye's avatar

Yes, I am slowly, very, trying to become.

Your_Majesty's avatar

My freedom. My parent seems want to take over/interfere my personal life again for some cases.

Blackberry's avatar

I’m reclaiming my finances and independence after a messy marriage and divorce. It sucks starting from the botton again after you’ve worked so hard to get where you were and waste it on a vile leeching bitch.

marinelife's avatar

I spent many years trying to reclaim freedom from fear. Fear paralyzed me during the early part of my life.

Cruiser's avatar

Many times in my life I have neglected the inner me…the nuts and bolts of what makes me tick in the pursuit of a relationships, career and family. All work…all sacrifice can silently let my soul drift away forgetting about the things that make me tick. I have starting last year make a conscious effort to take time to look around me and enjoy life for the moment as it applies to me. I have found new happiness that has in many ways always been there for me but now thanks to a dear friend I have a new found purpose to live life like there is no tomorrow!

slick44's avatar

my dignity, controll over my own life.

Symbeline's avatar

I claimed plenty of things, unfortunately, they’re all metaphorical, and don’t pay bills and rent.

Adagio's avatar

During my mid-late teens I was afraid to be left alone at night, afraid of the dark. A couple of years later, living in a house without electricity forced me to face the fear and overcome it. That was a long long time ago. I live by myself and do not mind the dark one scrap these days.
My experience living without electricity and telephone was definitely by choice, I loved it. It was part of my late 70s-mid-80s alternative hippie phase, something I look back on with great affection

wundayatta's avatar

I want to be worth something. Anything. I want to feel loved. I would sacrifice anything to feel loved—even if only for a few days. My wife says she loves me, and I suppose she does, but I don’t feel it. She isn’t passionate about me. I want to be consumed. I want to be able to be passionate without reservation; without freaking someone out. I need to be loved by someone like me.

But I won’t. I’ll limp along in life, constantly unsure of myself. Maybe there will be moments when I feel ok, but I’ll never get what I want, and if that gets me depressed, there will probably come a time when I don’t care any more, and I’ll just lash out at people until they get mad enough to lose me. There would be something very satisfying about pushing everyone away as hard as I can; about hurting them so badly (emotionally) that they hate me more than they’ve ever hated anyone. Maybe someone would kill me.

Well, fuck it. So what if I never get what I want. There are other consolations. As long as I think about only that, I’m ok. But whenever I get reminded that I don’t feel loved, I get like this. Very mild, though. Just wait until I get seriously depressed. That’ll be really fun. Not.

john65pennington's avatar

Freedom for the granparents!. i am sure my wife and i are not the only grandparents in the world that have raised their childrens children. i wonder how this happens. we raised our children, then one day, we find we are still raising children. we did our part…..twice and no more. we wondered if there ever would be a light at the end of the tunnel for us and when would we ever have our freedom back. it was a long, hard road for us, but we survived being parents twice in one lifetime. we now have our home to ourselves and enjoy the freedom of us just being “us” and nothing else. do we now miss our granddaughters? yes, but the missing was short-lived. wife and i are once again in a position to eat out when we want to, see a movie and even go on a vacation. its been a long road, but in all honesty, its been worth it. i guess the most difficult time was when my granddaughters went on their first date. did i run record checks on their dates? you know i did. i do miss them and my children. but, now its time once again….party!

onesecondregrets's avatar

I’m still lost.

wildflower's avatar

I recently realised I need to claim my right to emotions – all emotions – , regardless of others’ reactions to them.
And oppositely, I’m trying to let go of taking responsibility for others’ emotions.
It ain’t easy! (the inner conversations can make my head spin at times)

belakyre's avatar

I reclaimed my heart and I believe I’ve fully mended it (the one thing I can fix…do not ask me to try to fix anything else if you don’t want duct tape all over the place)!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have, like some others, reclaimed the term queer and use it for my sexuality.

liminal's avatar

I’m regretting not staying on top this question, so I could have responded to each answer right away. People have said thoughtful things. Thank you for your insights and sharing.

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