Social Question

Just_Justine's avatar

(NSFW) why is it that more men pay for sex than women?

Asked by Just_Justine (6456 points ) March 2nd, 2010

Or perhaps it is a myth? Paying for sex could have a lot to do with control and power for example. In my mind paying for sex is empowering. How do other women or men feel about this? Would you admit or share that you could/would pay for sexual entertainment or sexually company? If not why not? Of course I am not referring to the notion that “I am so desperate I would need to pay for it”. I am looking deeper into this idea as a part of possible social conditioning.

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84 Answers

CMaz's avatar

It is called, “Power of the pussy.”

njnyjobs's avatar

probably because women can get laid by merely asking men to go to bed with them. Unfortunately for men, verbal persuasion is not enough to take a woman to bed.

Just_Justine's avatar

@njnyjobs I do doubt that a lot of men are paying for it, because they are battling to get some? In my mind it would be more of a control issue. But that is my mind (!)

JeffVader's avatar

I think some men just want the sex without investing the time in meeting someone, getting to know them etc. I know this is the reason given by many celebrities when caught out.

DarkScribe's avatar

Supply and demand – as always. As far supply goes there are far more men who would be willing to be paid for sex than there are women. Simple economics.

Facade's avatar

Because it’s more difficult for men to get sex from women than vice versa. And as @ChazMaz said, the power of the pussy.

Ltryptophan's avatar

Because There’s only one of me. Ahem…take a number…thanks. Now serving number 1,442, 1,442 ok, she left… Next…

Mikelbf2000's avatar

because its really hard for us to compete with every man especially a rich douchebag who can get that woman everything she ever dreamed of. Even worse if the douchebag is good looking. Then forget it. For the record I never paid for sex.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Because women are expected to be there for sex – whether or not you pay for them is irrelevant – the very idea that you can pay for them is as old as the sky. Women haven’t been allowed economic power for centuries so how would they afford paying for sex when they had no money of their own. So it went.

nikipedia's avatar

I have been surprised many times by the realization that on average, men and women have very different sexual appetites. I know men who are very reasonable, mature, and responsible, who express frustration at how much the desire for sex dominates their lives. I don’t know any women who really have that problem.

I am pretty sure my boyfriend would ideally want to have sex at least three times per day. I can’t keep up. So I think men who really crave sex and don’t get enough from their partner (or don’t have a partner to get it from) end up paying for sex as a consequence of these disproportionate appetites.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@nikipedia I think that perhaps women don’t feel comfortable discussing how much they want sex or that they aren’t satisfied. Sexual desires of women get policed a lot more than that of men. I have always had a higher sex drive than my partners and I’ve had many partners of all genders. I don’t think this means anything.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I think it makes a pretty fair case for the economic laws of supply and demand. Clearly, on average, men want it more than women.
(Men are also more willing to be stupid to get it.)

evil2's avatar

no matter what you think your always paying for sex…..u think that expensive dinner was free?

ucme's avatar

Especially when they’ve just come into some money.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@evil2 why do people always mention the whole dinner thing? I’ve never had dinners before sex so a lot of the time my sex was free but it wasn’t mine to give as there are two people involved to give and take – and other times we split the costs of dinner, what of it then?

nikipedia's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Maybe this would be an interesting discussion for a thread of its own… I think what you’re proposing is entirely possible, but it hasn’t been my personal experience at all. In a lot of domains (desire for sex, meaning of sex, connection between sex and love) I think there are probably some biologically (not socially) based sex differences… but my guess is that you think otherwise?

CMaz's avatar

Two people meet. Bump int one another in the store. Go right to having sex.

Still a price that has to be paid. Trust being one of them.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@nikipedia I do think otherwise but, as you know, I don’t deny there are biological drives

BoBo1946's avatar

Would love to read Tiger Wood’s answer on this one.

Regardless, you pay…one way or the other!

CMaz's avatar

“So what?”

In that case the guy would possibly be paying a bigger price.

definitive's avatar

I think it depends in what context men are paying for sex. I think the gender difference regarding views on sex may be a factor as to why men may choose to pay. Men I think may have more creative/adventurous fantasy’s on how they want a sexual encounter to be…and if they are in a relationship they may feel that they have to suppress those wants/feelings. Which may result in them paying for there ‘fantasy’ as such.

Also I feel some dating websites don’t give men a choice as to whether they pay for sex…because ultimately even if a man is to join a dating site their intention is most likely with a view to a search for sexual encounters…some sites force men into paying for their membership where women can join for free.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ChazMaz the key word being possibly

ucme's avatar

@BoBo1946 I suspect he’s going to be paying for that transgression for a very long time.

CMaz's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – So true. But it becomes a greater price (risk) if one does not care as much as the other.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ChazMaz Well sure, it all can go terribly wrong – whatever, or it can go right. There are as many possibilities as infinity. Point is it doesn’t matter if it costs something or that it doesn’t cost something. Dinner should be dinner, sex should be sex.

TooBlue's avatar

Because men are more desperate.

davidbetterman's avatar

It has nothing to do with supply and demand.

Men enjoy sex with no strings attached. Emotionless, pure fucking for the sake of a good fuck.
Women (not all women, Simone) women seem to need an emotional attachment to the act. Not just dinner and a movie, but a possible future with her partner…marriage, children, retirement.
Guys generally are happy to get laid and get out!

CMaz's avatar

I would rather go with the odds that are in my favor.

The best plan is one best planned out.

And I do not like the word “pay’. Barter is a better word.

BoBo1946's avatar

@ucme for sure! big time!

BoBo1946's avatar

This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, “Say, wanna have a good time?” “Sure,” he says and they were off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, “Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?” The guy says,

“Nope, just the first one I’ve seen big enough to crawl back into.”

ucme's avatar

@BoBo1946 Hello ello ello llo lo.

BoBo1946's avatar

@ucme loll..probably shouldn’t have told that one!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@TooBlue I don’t think men are more desperate – have you ever seen a woman’s magazine and the kind of things women are supposed to revolve their lives around – it is all quite desperate sounding. Of course these are all things women are supposed to want and not necessarily what they want.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman There is no reason to see men as emotionless animals – that kind of stereotype damages everyone. Some time ago I read about a study related to reasons why men go to prostitutes and a very large percentage of them said it was because they wanted intimacy, a pretense of an emotional connection, they wanted the feeling of having a girlfriend, a wife, a love (even if for a few hours).

davidbetterman's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Then that study was flawed. There is no intimacy with a prostitute, and certainly not the pretense of an emotional connection. They wanted a mistress. It is strictly a business transaction.
What did you expect a man to say to someone making a study of why he frequents prostitutes? The truth?!

Blackberry's avatar

More men like and can deal with sex without emotion, to even kiss the average woman, you have to fill them with fairytale love and imagination.

CMaz's avatar

I need an emotional connection. Even if I am kidding myself for a couple of hours.
And, when at my shallowest. I still hope.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman Well, first of all, are you speaking from experience? Even if you are, your one anecdotal experience does nothing to prove that the study is flawed. And maybe some of them were lying but they were not forced to answer – it’s all voluntary. Here is the study
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m going to chime in with what @Simone_De_Beauvoir has written above about men looking for a pretense of emotional intimacy. Has anyone ever been lonely to the point of thinking or actually accepting an “imitation of love” in place of a reciprocal genuine loving relationship? I also agree if women had (in general and through the centuries) a history of financial independence and security then they might also have the same rep’ for buying sex when they wanted it.

evil2's avatar

when i went through a divorce it was like paying for sex i already had, but in the end be it time money or gifts….stuff = sex…its our drive and you pay for it one way or the other

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@evil2 Right but there is nothing wrong with that – all our relationships are reciprocal.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Kind of sad that the money, power and control issues get tied in with sex, or more correctly making love. Maybe that’s the key. Is sex a commodity or not? Then paying for a commodity is as common as going to the store.

mattbrowne's avatar

The Y chromosome.

davidbetterman's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir “your one anecdotal experience”

ROTFLMAO

I used to supply prostitutes in Hollywood with ludes back in the 70s. I met so many girls working the streets. And yes, I did have many many experiences with them. Sex, too.
They required megadoses of ludes, smack, coke, downers…anything to deaden the pain of their loveless lifestyle.

You can quote study after study of men lying giving their honest version of why they went to a hooker for love and emotional security, but it isn’t true.

Go talk to the hookers and find out what is true regarding love and emotions from prostitutes.

CMaz's avatar

“I used to supply prostitutes in Hollywood”

Male or female?

When I worked in Hollywood. I have never seen so may male prostitutes on the side of the road.

davidbetterman's avatar

LOL..I was strictly supplying babes. Back then most of the male prostitutes were trannies. Although there may have been some young boys trying to earn a buck the old fashioned way. But the women were my bag.
This was all pre-Aids. I left the whole scene, and the state around ‘85.

CMaz's avatar

I showed up in ‘85.

Just missed you. lol

I worked at Hollywood Center Studios.

davidbetterman's avatar

WoW..Talk about timing. You saw the Hollywood scene grow into something out of a sci-fi novel.
I still can’t believe there is a subway under the whole place.
The best part about living in Hollywood in the 70s (besides the very inexpensive sex) was the Hollywood Bowl and the Greek Theatre.
I saw more free concerts at those two venues than I could ever believe was possible.
We would sneak into the Hollywood Bowl by climbing the wall into the bathrooms and just walking into the place like we belonged. At the Greek, we climbed up the hill from behind. we were the Tree People!

CMaz's avatar

I think I would have enjoyed the west coast more back then. :-)

Good stuff.!

thriftymaid's avatar

I have no idea. It always appeared that there was plenty available in clubs if that was all the guys wanted. Maybe some of that was for hire, I don’t know.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman obviously, it’s not real love or security for either party involved.

davidbetterman's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir So what have you been arguing about?

Factotum's avatar

Wage gap ;)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman I am not arguing, that’s first. Second, I am saying men don’t all go to prostitutes for sex with no emotion. They go to experience something, it’s a lie, but it’s something more than thoughtless sex.

ChaosCross's avatar

It is a real fact, men are more willing to engage in sex than women because of something called “testosterone”. Women have it too, just not as much of it.

Testosterone, among other things initiates a sexual drive, and if it is not met, a man will eventually be forced to look for it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ChaosCross whaaat?! testostorone! my god, how could I have been so stupid? Look, we’re more than our hormones, okay?

Just_Justine's avatar

@davidbetterman not all women put emotion on sex.As @Simone_De_Beauvoir said it was our lack of empowerment that stopped us. Some women also want to buy time, its easier, without all the emotional stuff. I meet loads of guys that get all “emotional” on me.

Just_Justine's avatar

@ChaosCross I just think buying sex is more about empowerment, I can’t really explain it. It’s not because there are not enough available men, it is about the time you spend with this person. There is no expectation other than the moment and agreed transaction which is great.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe there is a difference (vast) between, making love, lusting for sex, paying for sex. None of them are related. Well in general I mean. Love and lust can be co joined.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Blackberry don’t kid yourself love! women can feel as little as you can, or as much as they choose. Those days are wearing thin. That women feel so much about sex, that once you’ve shagged them they think they are in love. Most can differentiate between a good night of sex, and a guy they really want to stick around with. Hopefully.

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

A real man shouldn’t have to pay for sex, a real man should be able to attract a woman on his own accord.

Just_Justine's avatar

@MorenoMelissa1 I think everyone missed my point here. Its not about available partners it is the act of buying sex. Maybe I am not explaining my question correctly.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine I see your point. I just haven’t figured out why.

Mikelbf2000's avatar

@Just_Justin I dont know the answer lol Why do people do a lot of things? No one knows lol.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine It extends to all things sexual. More men’s clubs than women’s clubs, more sex magazines directed at men.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Robin Williams used to say men spend the first nine months of their lives trying to get out of the womb and the rest of their lives trying to get back in.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe—If I could rephrase my question it should probably read like this. “Do you agree that past society was geared to the understanding that men were at the mercy of testosterone and so therefore paying for sex was a regular occurrence without prejudice? In today’s world although I am loath to draw a comparison of office sexual harassment as they are two different topics. But it has been found that women in power become characteristic of men in the same position because of suggested power due to economic growth. Women no longer “need” partners or cavemen to shelter their offspring, so are independent and do not put as much emphasis on sex as men would believe. But instead also seek the same offerings that men enjoyed in the past. Paying for sex would be one such thing as an example. If this is the case, how many women have paid for sex and what was their motivation. Not sexual need I would think but the ability to pay for sex and enjoy a human being in the manner for which they have paid for. So that was my question. I guess there are still stigma and testosterone and availability of partners in the forefront of everyone’s minds. As opposed to shaking off old ideas.—

Just_Justine's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe that was supposed to be a whisper

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine I’ll read it with my glasses off. I’ll have to think about the power and sex parts, but it is true.

Ltryptophan's avatar

Seems to me that if men really wanted it there would be many women they could get it from, with an ever so slight lowering of their standards.

This pay mentality I think applies more aptly to fairer members of the daintier sex.

josie's avatar

I suppose it is because men are generally more comfortable with sex absent emotional attachment than women. I once read that the basis for this is that men produces billions of sperm cells, and women produce one egg per month. Therefore, men can be frivolous about cashing their DNA, but women have to be selective. I am always a little skeptical about people who imagine that humans act out according to their DNA instead of their choice. But it is clear that men are more confortable with it. Even male “prostitutes” are usually doing business with other men, not women.
I knew a guy in the service who claimed that a women back home paid him to be her sexual partner, but that may or may not be true-most of what he said was bullshit. But, if it was true, I bet that is the exception.
But it is a common thread in all of the history of humanity. They do, after all, call it the “oldest profession”. As an aside, I always figured if I had to pay for it, I would just find something else to do.

Paxan8's avatar

Because they have to :) !

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Co workers of mine were saying for their $500.00 they get:

An under 30yr old above average looking woman with a stripper’s body.
No output of wining, dining, emotional interest outside of their own.
Exactly what they want sexually, no reciprocation or foreplay expected.
Instant gratification- she looks great right then and there and is ready to go, right then and there.

The guys tell me if the woman is charming then it feels like adult Disneyland, they feel like kings being spoiled and catered to. In the way some people collect and trade playing cards, these men trade and compare hooker stories. I can see the appeal of this if they don’t have partners who like to be the ones spoiling or if the men are selfish or sexually bumbling in general that their partners favorite “together time” activities don’t include sex.

CMaz's avatar

@Neizvestnaya – Except for the cost of dinner. I get that for free.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@ChazMaz
You get a woman to fulfill all your sexual desires while you do nothing for her and she services you for free? Wow, ok.

CMaz's avatar

Yes! :-)
What you call doing nothing (and who does nothing), she would see as being happy.
Something that brings her joy and pleasure.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@ChazMaz
It brings her joy and pleasure to do all for you and have no foreplay or her own body desires met? Weird.

CMaz's avatar

“and have no foreplay or her own body desires met?”

I did not say that. That is part of my pleasure too.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@ChazMaz
Whew- I was beginning to wonder about you ;)

SpeedskaterMan's avatar

Healthy men have higher sex drives than women. We are interested and want sex a good deal of the time, and because women aren’t as sexually motivated, men are often snubbed by the women in their lives when they want it. That’s why a lot of men seek out other ways to satisfy their desires. Paying for sex is one of those ways.

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