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joscketSeper's avatar

How can I make close Asian friends when most of them just live here for a few Months and travel alot?

Asked by joscketSeper (323 points ) March 15th, 2010

Hi. I’m interested in Asian friends and i like to lear about Asian culture and some language learning. So i want to meet people who come to America and stay here for a while.

Problem is, most of them stay just for a few months, no more than 1 year and as you know, it takes time to make good friends. There is no way they can become good friends in the time they stay here( some stay 3 weeks, some 1 week, some 3 months.. etc)

And moreover, many of them, especially the Japanese, love to travel so they never stay in one city for along time. I just met some girl last week through some social networking site, and we were going to have our first meeting this last weekend, then at the last minute she said “sorry i’m going to go to the east coast for 1 week travel so I can’t meet with you” ( i live and she is living in the wesst coast).

Same thing happened another time when i met 2 girls and then they said “we’re going to hawaii for a few weeks, we can meet after winter break” and they never contacted me again, even though they were happy to meet me.

Besides that, whenever i meet Japanese, chinese, korean students..by the time i meet them they already have a bunch of friends from their ESL class etc. so they have no more time or interest in more friends.

Are the only ways to get true Asian( or anyother foreign friend) to go to their country or find a penpal and develop a close relationship that way?

I’m male in my 30’s, interested in asian culture and language.

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8 Answers

Trillian's avatar

If you want to try an Asian pen-pal, go here.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

I know what you mean joscketSeper. Once in awhile, you will find a few young Asian overseas friends who will stay longer than usual, but because they are from abroad, they will eventually have to go back home. And yes, many Japanese like to travel a lot. My suggestion is to find new Chinese or Japanese immigrants to this country. It may be harder to do, particularly with new Japanese immigrants, since there so few of them in America. There are more new immigrants from China, Hong Kong, the Phillipines, and Vietnam than from Japan. The pen pal thing is not a bad idea——that’s how my brother met his wife. However, be careful if you’re looking for a permanent relationship like marriage. There are some Asian girls out there who just want to come over here, driven by money and selfishness. This is more likely to happen from the poorer Asian countries like the Phillipines or Vietnam. I think for you, my suggestion is to look for a Japanese pen pal site. Sometimes you will find very pretty Japanese girls on those sites with good, old-fashioned values, but with modern outlooks. But even there you should be careful. ;)

joscketSeper's avatar

I found one penpal already and she’s a great friend. but since we live far away.. it doesn’t feel like we are friends. Because just to talk to her, i have to write a letter and it takes 1 week to get there. And then we’ll never meet. so i don’t feel like it’s real.

We have exchanged pics, shared music, exchanged gifts, etc. She’s my good friend, and she’s real. But still since i can’t talk to her it doesn’t feel like a real friend.

Also she doesn’t have a computer so can’t voice chat.

But yes, you’re right about not being many japanese in america that actually stay. And i never realy see any asians of other kind that stay… EXCEPT for massage parlor chinese girls .hehehehe. i’m not into that anyways.

elenuial's avatar

I’m Japanese, and I live in America.

I also don’t much care to be reduced to the color of my skin, or the slant of my eyes. That might have something to do with your difficulties.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@joscketSeper Have you tried looking into Asian cultural societies where you live? In many cities, including my own, there are Chinese multicultural societies, the Japanese-American Society or Japanese clubs. There you will often find young people still tied to their roots, but eager to venture into American society. There are activities that they do there——martial arts, dances, singing, arts, etc. Look into them in your city. That’s another route to take. Good luck! :)

tartar's avatar

I understand you. I also had troubles with making friends with Asians. To compare Chinese and Koreans (I have never dealt with other asian nations), Koreans are much more open to friendship with non-Koreans like you. (At least, from my experience.) So, I would concentrate on them.

Chinese are really hard to make friends with. (Or maybe it has “something to do with OUR difficulties”.) Even living in the US, they tend to spend most of their time in their communities together with other chinese. Such communities make them self-sufficient. So, what is the point for them to be your friends? Note, that English is not their native language.

“by the time i meet them they already have a bunch of friends” – a good point. In fact, many if them find friends among fellow students even before they come to the US. Besides this, they know and make friends with a lot of other chinese students. (thanks to “Chinese multicultural societies”)

I am not sure that “Chinese multicultural societies” can help with finding friends. At least not where I am living. You need to be already a Chinese to take an advantage of them. I am actually a member of one such – most of the communication is in Chinese to begin with. Whenever I intersect with other Chinese, who are members of that society, they get surprised what I am at all looking for there. So, from my experience, as for Chinese people, they ALL are “tied to their roots”, and NOBODY “eager to venture into American society”. I wish I am wrong.

On the other hand, like I said earlier, Koreans are really nice. Don’t go to any “clubs”. Just find several of them on your way. There will be certainly those who indeed “eager to venture into American society” and would be happy to be your friends. Just go ahead.

Good luck!

Extra remark: I thnk it is much easier to find Asian friends (even among Chinese) in the US, than in Asia.

mengxihe's avatar

oh,hi,
im a Chinese and i just came to America last summer. I think it is also hard to make America friend. Sometimes i just too shy to talk, im afraid that people will think im a jerk, when i do stupid things, and i also dont know if they really want to have some asian friends. Will they be friendly to me? Actually i really want to have American true friends.

Rinchan's avatar

Hi, JSeper. I’m asian, living in indonesia. Did you ever heard it? Cuz some people in internet thought it was nowhere country with the half civilized people staying at top of tree.

If you are willing to we could have a chit chat about asian (indonesian) cultures and yours.

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