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joscketSeper's avatar

How do i learn to not feel bad about the way I speak and How to not feel hated?

Asked by joscketSeper (323 points ) March 18th, 2010

Hey. all I’m male in my early 30’s

I’m shy, quiet, and a baaaaaaad speaker. i have no speaking skills. My brain is slow too.

Anyways, whenever i talk to someone i feel i’m garbage because my voice sounds stupid and i can’t talk like anybody else. I’m not fluent in speech and i lack vocab and stuff. Moreover, i have an accent and i always feel like all the ones that don’t have an accent think i’m crap.

I try to not think about that, but it always comes back to me.
And when i meet people, i always feel like they hate me. and that they would rather not see me.

then i start getting suicidal thoughts, thinking that i’m a piece of trash a piece of c**p.

Then becaues of my sad experiences with foreigners( having being ignored and having been told i’m not american just because i dont talk like americans in movies etc etc), whever i try to make friends with foreigners I also feel like they think i’m garbage and then i always get really sad and
then i start to get away from them and then we lose contact. I always feel they would rather meet outgoing americans speak like like the ones in movies or shows( MTV’s real world, for example)

Just recently i managed to meet some foreigners, I feel like i want to give it up already… They may not hate me, but i feel it.

This is not just about befriending foreigners, btw. but that was an example

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12 Answers

Vunessuh's avatar

Okay, seriously dude, I know I’m going to get shit for this, but all of your questions scream DRAMA.
Go to the damn doctor about this apparent injury you have which results in your inability to have sex.
Work hard and save up your cash to pay off your loans and your car so you can move out of your parents. You’re 30.
Go to the doctor for your anxiety so you can talk to girls and hopefully heal this severe insecurity you have with yourself.
Wear sunscreen.
Work on gaining your confidence. I think you need serious help with this. Therapy, perhaps.

Or, you can stop trolling the site.

Good luck!

kheredia's avatar

You obviously have some serious self esteem issues. I never think of anybody as “crap” just because they have an accent or because they are shy. My boyfriend has an accent when he speaks english an I love it!! I think it makes him sound sexy and exotic. You should seriously consider seeing a therapist. If you are having suicidal thoughts then this is a dangerous situation. Honestly, you need to do something for your own good.

thriftymaid's avatar

Wow. Get some professional help.

Bronny's avatar

talking to a professional about it is not an extreme option only for losers, so don’t tell yourself that. we all need some outside coaching from time to time for different things that we go through in life. this is a lot to handle on your own. you can definitely get through this barrier, but it might be too much for you to see the prongs on the ladder without someone to pull back the ivy and show you. and while i dont want to discredit people on this site because they truly have great advice and insight, seeing someone who is trained to know for sure what you are going through and what you need is the best option. you can get control of your life and feel better about yourself without having to change. you dont need to be anyone else. who you are is good enough, but you need to go on a self discovery mini mission and figure out thing about you that you love because they are there, there are parts of your worth your own love and respect and likewise worth other peoples appreciation as well. you have all the keys inside of you to be happy, you just don’t know it yet. but i know they are there. we all have so much potential. don’t throw yourself away.

nope's avatar

You say you have no vocabulary, yet you used the word “phobia” in your Topics…that’s not a word most idiots would know. Maybe confidence is your real issue.

DancingMind's avatar

I agree with what @kheredia and @Bronny have said… this is about way more than just the way you speak. No, not all Americans are like in the movies… but not all of them are such jerks as the few you’ve run into and those you’re scared to run into in the future, promise! There are good people out there. Please don’t let the bad ones affect you so much… they’re honestly nowhere near worth your time…

I want to tell you to be proud of your accent—almost everyone where I live has some accent or other, from all different parts of the globe. I think the variety is beautiful! (And and the others that’ve posted here and I are not the only ones, by any means).... yes, I said that I want to tell you. But I don’t think you’ll really hear that. Because like I said, this isn’t really about your accent, this is about your self image… it’s distorted. People don’t hate you right when they meet you, no matter what you may feel. )In general people save hatred for people who have done really bad things, or have deeply betrayed a trust… and you don’t sound like you’d do anything like that.)
Anyway, I could go on and on, trying to show you the good. But it’s really hard to see, when you feel this way, I know…
So I’ll just put in my vote for therapy too. Really. Please take care of yourself. And hopefully soon you’ll feel pride in your accent, a mark of your worldly experience…. and hopefully soon you’ll feel pride in yourself, too.

chamelopotamus's avatar

You need practice and experience and the only way to get better at anything is to DO IT. Face your fears. I’m just speculating, but I enjoy testing whether or not I’m a good judge of character. (If I’m not right who cares?, at least I participated). I ‘m going to guess that you’re probably constantly teeter-tottering in indecision, and treating small matters like they are super important. You just need to make solid permanent decisions about small unimportant things, and if it doesn’t work, try something else. But don’t be so afraid that you paralyze yourself. Lets face it, theres no escape, you have to participate, so make that your goal and don’t let anyone stop you. The only person really stopping you is you. You should actually talk to people and hear what they have to say. Then you’ll learn what they are truly thinking and you wont really worry about what they have to say as much. And maybe you can create a creative goal and accomplish it for yourself. Give yourself something to feel good about, practice independence: go somewhere, do something, learn something, try something. You’re just not participating with the game of life enough, and you sound like you’re ready to start so why ask us, why wait. Keep searching for things to occupy your mind and body until you are satisfied you are doing something you enjoy. Those are the things people talk about anyways. Get some of your own. And if no one wants to hear it, who cares, at least you did something for yourself that you enjoyed.

drfunko's avatar

1) Don’t kill yourself.

2) See a counsellor.

3) Learn to see the goodness in your own heart and you will see the goodness in other people too.

Buttonstc's avatar

If you feel that the people on Real World are ones you should look up to just because they speak “American” you really need to look for better role models.

It would do you a world of good to spend some time with a therapist for your self esteem issues.

Many places have clinics which work on a sliding scale fee so it’s not just for rich folks.

The money you currently spend on a hot new car could be far better spent on things you really need like competent regular medical care including therapy.

Drive a used car and get yourself the help you need.

Many of your priorities are ass backwards.

Real World ? Seriously ?

joscketSeper's avatar

I was saying many foreigners think Americans all speak like the Real World type people. They always tell me “Why you don’t speak fast? you’re not american!!”

Your_Majesty's avatar

As long as the way you speak is polite and appropriate you can always ignore those who annoy you just because the way you speak. It’s you. People should accept you the way you are. How do you know you’re not a good speaker?,don’t let others to criticize you. Just be yourself.

Buttonstc's avatar

You really totally missed the point.

The fact that you just accept their opinion of you based upon something so unbelievably shallow instead of challenging it.

They can go find themselves some Real World dimwits to hang out with. California ? I think Puck may be available. If they find that loser so great, let them go hang out with him.

Meanwhile you can find people with a more solid value system. Why are the opinions of incredibly shallow people so important to you.

As others have pointed out, the majority of this whole thing is your almost total absence of self esteem. Your entire perspective is very skewed toward the negative.

You can continue to wallow around in self pity about it or you can take some caring advice and seek out sources of help.

A sensible therapist and some small group therapy along with individual help could do you a world of good.

There’s only so much that anyone can do over the Internet. You’re the one who needs to pick up a telephone and look for sources of help in the area where you live.

Being naturally shy is not the problem. There are plenty of shy people in this world who don’t have the pessimism and self doubt that you display.

You are intelligent enough to realize what your problems ( physically, emotionally, medically) are as indicated by your previous questions and the tags you chose.

There are PLENTY of women who be attracted to a quiet intelligent shy guy. But they don’t want a pervasively negative one.

Being shy is not the problem. That’s are loads of shy guys, but they realize that’s their natural personality, but have several friendships with folks who accept them that way and they have full and rewarding lives.

Not everybody has to be a fast talker and the life of the party.

You don’t need some kind of personality transplant to become the opposite of what you are. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin.

There are plenty of women who like shy guys because they feel comfortable with them.

But no one wants to be around someone who is pessimistic and insecure. THAT’S a real downer and who wants to be around that.

That’s what is alienating you from others. It has nothing at all to do with accents or speaking fast or slow ( have you heard the governor of your state lately ?)

That’s just one case in point. There are plenty more all around.

You are in desperate need of some help with an attitude adjustment.

You’re intelligent enough to realize that you have social phobia. Now go get some help for it.

You are intelligent enough to know that you have a rare medical condition. Go get evaluated and treated for it.

Or, just sit around pissing and moaning about it and be in the same (or worse) situation a year from now. It’s your choice.

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