Is it normal to feel old & regret at 28 years old?

I remember learning that around the age 26 (I think) men start to fell “should”. I should be married. I should have kids. I should have a mortgage. I should have a good job. Maybe that’s all this is for you.
It’s never too late, I hope.

You are never too old to re-invent yurself; several of us here on Fluther have done it many times. Put that out of your head. Secondly, the 20s are a time of searching and experimenting; if you are not happy with where you are and what you are doing, got out and change things.

you still have time to make the best of your life. many wish they were 28 again just to have the chance to make the right decision they should have made. you are right where you need to be.

marry, but dont marry too early. travel. see other places. you are really free and single (i guess) and the world is yours to live in happily. experiment. experience. see what works and what doesn’t. these days, you do not have to rush into things to keep up with everybody else. you are in the prime of your life. trust me…

charlie is a musician too; go for it

I can remember feeling that way at 28. Now when I think about it, it makes me smile. I don’t know if you will be able to find this comforting, but I’m much less disappointed and depressed now, and I’m 60. My kids are older than I was when I was your age.

I thought 29 was the usual age for that. It was for me and many of my peers. It might be one of those natural pushes that we get at various ages, the one that says “Get on with it, live your life, time is running out.” That’s the age at which some people suddenly change career paths, decide to get married, decide to get divorced, decide to have a baby, etc. For me it was leaving my long-time job, my family of origin, and my old lover and moving 3000 miles to the other coast for a new life with the man I later married.

Now, decades later, I know it is still not too late to start things. I have to make some allowances for myself, but it can still be done. I started writing fiction only about ten years ago. My aunt went back to school at my age and got her Ph.D. I know a woman who took flying lessons starting at age 70 and became a pilot.

If you can figure out how to do what you want to do, what is holding you back? Fear? Fear is nothing. Passion defeats fear. You have the passion. Ride it like a comet and you will outrun fear.

It wouldn’t be normal not to.

Your feelings are very common. A lot of people talk about turning 40, but actually I think coming close to 30, and your actual 30th birthday is very difficult for many many people. 20’s are still perceived as young, and a time for fun, but 30 somehow is the line in many people’s minds of actually being grown up.

I do not thing it is ever too late! Can you pursue your music and still have a job of some sort, so that you are secure? Or, do you have money saved so you can give it a try? I think if you have a plan your family and friends will support you.

Life is too short not to. You are still young enough to do the things you feel in your heart…many go through life dreaming about things and never doing it, I am much older than you and only began to appreciate the brevity of life so do it while you can. Live each day like there is no tomorrow!

First of all your not old. not at all. and second, follow your dream. Dont let anyone talk you out of that. you only live once.Your never too old.

I have heard this called the “quarter-life crisis”...and as a person the same age (about to be 28) I can really relate to those feelings. I moved across the country and am now back in the place I grew up in and never thought I would return to once I left the first time. I too am an artist and musician…or I was…I’m not so much in a literal way anymore. It sounds like you have a lot going for you. Everyone should be so lucky. You know what you like. You know yourself very well. You have passion, talent, sensitivity, and drive. Stop focusing on what you are missing and concentrate on all that you have (that many other people would want). Start taking some small steps…play some open mics, find some other musicians to play music with, play for friends and family. Sometimes big dreams seem impossible and far away, but things can change very fast for so many reasons. Just keep yourself happy and in a good position for when they do!

Feeling regret may come at any age. Feeling old at 28 doesn’t sound normal to me; you’re still a bebe.

LOL. You are anything but old. You have years to go and miles to walk. I cannot even begin to tell you how much more is coming before you even hit your 40’s. Live and enjoy each day. That is all you get.

It’s much too late to live your life for yourself. You are doomed to live your life as a slave to others. Chances are you won’t live up the their expectations either, so it makes no difference in the end. Disappointment will haunt you either way.

The sooner you accept this the sooner you can put your silly dreams behind you. Better to fail at attempting to fulfill the silly dreams of others than fail at attempting to fulfill your own dreams.

Right?

You can regret anything at anytime. But reinventing takes a bit of work. I say that at your age, you’ll be O.Cake.

I can remember around that age thinking, “I guess I can rule out brain surgeon as a career option.” It’s normal at that age to start to recognize your limitations based upon interest and abilities. But only a fool would assume other people’s constraints on your life are valid.

As long as you don’t pick up responsibilities to others (spouse, children. Especially children) live to please yourself. You can always come back to the family business. Take the chances while you can. By the time it comes around a second time, too many things will hurt to make it enjoyable.

28 is a baby.

Somewhere around 28 is the great change we go through.
we generally change our life around at that point.
Open your heart, open your awareness and follow your bliss.

I felt much like you after I got out of the Army the first time at about your age. I am now almost 67 years old. Trust me on this… barring unforseen accidents, you have time. Just stop fretting about the past, or what you could have done differently, and start planning your future. You’re actually just now starting out. : ))

At 28 I felt the same way and used it to catapult my life in a better (and vastly different) direction.

I totally agree with @babaji…I hit 30 and was never the same person from there on. I returned to education…as I didn’t do particularly well at school. Reflecting back I didn’t really believe I had the intelligence but I did have determination. After 5 years of studying and having two young children at the time I gained a Degree.

Throughout that time I also developed within myself as a person and my confidence and self esteem grew with every assignment that I gained high marks. Not only did I grow in confidence…I gradually changed my image and I’m no longer the ‘wall flower’ that I felt I was back then.

My believe is that you can be who you want to be…it just takes a lot of hard work and determination. So what if we reflect back on how we lived our life and didn’t quite like how it was…we don’t have to look back on it with regret, it was the choice we made at the time…we may feel that it wasn’t the best choice, but that was what we wanted at that time.

As long as we are not directly hurting anybody…live in the moment and aim for what you think is going to make you happy!!

P.S Lol my chosen career is extremely hard work and sometimes thankless…I’m a social worker for Adults with Learning Disabilities :-)

Too old? listen to this and you will change your mind, about 28 being too old.

I was a police officer from 1965 to 1988. i acquired migraine headaches and had to go on medical leave for fourteen years. one morning, i woke up and my migraine headaches were gone, forever. at that time, i was age 54. i thought my life had no future. i tried various jobs and nothing really interested me, at all. i knew what i wanted and i had to decide how to go after it. i wanted to go back to my police department. for four years and many doctors approval, i was finally approved by my government to be a police officer once more. there was just one little catch….....

I had to complete the whole police academy all over again. my age? 58! thats right, i completed our police academy for the second time at age 58. i probably hold the world record for such a feat. to my knowledge, there has never been a person, age 58, that has completed the whole police academy training….....a 2nd time.

I am not bragging. my point to you is this: age 28 is not old at all. age 58 is another story. if i could do this, so can you. pull yourself together and make a plan for your future. if its music you are interested in, focus on music and make it happen. remember, your mind controls your body.

Stop whinning and get your butt in gear. if i can do it, you can do it.

Is doing the music all you need, or do you also need everyone around you to say you’re a genius?
I don’t think this is really about how old you are. I think it’s about whether you want to give up the things that only come from having a 40 hour a week job.
I’ve had a good life as an artist, but I’m not a genius, and I was never able to make a living selling my work.
But I could get teaching gigs, and I discovered a subsidiary form of work (practicing as an art therapist) that was useful as well as interesting. I never made a huge amount of money. We never had health insurance.
Did I have a choice? No.

I’m 21 and feel old. I also feel a great amount of remorse and regret for my life. So, is it normal? Maybe…

don’t hold back…. go out there and enjoy life…. you still got a lot of it left. don’t regret the past just look forward

28 is still young :) you can do ANYTHING you set your mind on. stop thinking, and do. it doesnt matter if you are successful, if people listen, if you become rich, just live and be happy and have no regrets from here on out. try everything.

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
—Henry David Thoreau

Keep the above quote in mind whenever your social contacts needle you about marriage and family. They have already decided how to live their lives, and you can enjoy the same privilege. If you do not want a husband and kids right now, don’t give into the pressure.

As far as being too old to achieve what you want, I can empathize with that. At age 25, sometimes I worry that I’ve missed the deadline to do something meaningful with my life. I don’t have any answers for myself yet. But it sounds as though you have a definite calling to pursue a career in music. You are already unhappy with your life, so what do you have to lose by answering the calling? If you do something that you know you are good at, instead of something you’re not, you will feel much happier.

It is unwise to measure your progress in life by comparing yourself with the average of those around you.

Measure yourself against your goals and desires and only so as to keep yourself on the right track.

thank you everybody for your beautiful, wonderful answers :)
@lonelydragon I love that quote so much! it’s what I needed! thank you for sharing it!

I feel so much touched by all the good, touching comments here.
you guys are so right, if any of you who’re after & beyond 40’s years old can do it, then i can definitely do it too!
and i also love that comment that said “there’s so much things that can happen before I reach 40’s”!
thank you everybody, you’ve all invigorated my passion again :)

@niki I’m glad I could help. Good luck to you, whatever you decide! :)