Social Question

j0ey's avatar

What do you think about public marriage proposals?

Asked by j0ey (2419 points ) March 21st, 2010

Today after my lecture, a guy proposed to one of the tutors.

They met in that same lecture three years ago.

He had the lecturer play a power point….it was really cute

I thought it was incredibly sweet, as did most of the girls in the class.

However, I cant think of anything worse than if someone proposed to me in front of a large crowd and I didn’t want to say yes..

What do you think about this?

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40 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

I think it is cowardly. Doing it in public puts quite a lot of pressure on the other party to say ‘yes’.
On the other hand, it is also risky, as the proposing party risks complete humiliation in front of a lot of people.
Either way, I oppose it.

OperativeQ's avatar

Tacky at best. Oppression at worst.

hug_of_war's avatar

Not for me but I have no problem with others doing it. Different strokes for different folks.

mysweetdrream182's avatar

Go with your gut feeling. The people involved in a relationship usually have an intuition about the others feelings. That alone should give you confidence to try.

Public proposals, is something that is well thought out. It should mean something, much like the lecture proposal you mentioned. You shouldn’t do it to pressure someone.

Its something personal, so to each their own.

lillycoyote's avatar

I’m with @ragingloli on this one. What if she (or he) wants to or does say no? What an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable situation for everyone!

thriftymaid's avatar

I find it tacky.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I am opposed to it, regardless of how sweet it seems, it is still a form of attempted coercion. If the couple has already decided to marry, and this is a form of announcement, then this is not really a proposal.

gemiwing's avatar

If they want to do it- fine. It’s not about me or what I want.

That said, I don’t want to watch it and I sure as hell don’t want anyone doing that to me. It’s such a private moment, it makes me uncomfortable to have it out in the open like that. Just squicks me out.

chels's avatar

Depends how public we’re talking.
Like in a restaurant? Meh. No.
In a park or something? Yeah, I wouldn’t be bothered by that.

I think doing it in front of 93483948 people takes away the intimacy and romance. Ya know?

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

If it is at a sporting even and shown on the big screen changes are it is staged !!

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I think that for me, it is between me and her and it should be private. I don’t mind if others do, but I would like to keep it private.

davidbetterman's avatar

It is quite romantic.

faye's avatar

I also would like it to be private, more romantic that way.

escapedone7's avatar

I would feel terribly shy in such a situation. I would rather my own proposal be a private sincere moment.

Violet's avatar

I think it is romantic too. I would love to be proposed to in public (and my boyfriend knows this.)
I had a dream a while ago, where he proposed to me in front of a public bathroom, and I told him about that dream, and how I want a nice proposal.

phillis's avatar

I wouldn’t be with a man who would manipulate me with a public marriage proposal that coersed me to say yes. At the very least, a man I marry should know me well enough to know whether I would love something like this or not. If he doesn’t know, something’s not right. There are far too many red flags from a person like this before any such proposal. If I ignored them, it would be my fault for the public discomfort, not his.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

I think it is very sweet, but it does put a lot of pressure on the other party to say yes because you don’t want to humiliate the person that you love. I would prefer a more private way to pop the question… I plan on doing it in a romantic fashion but not with people watching because I wouldn’t want to ever do that to her.

IBERnineD's avatar

I think they are adorable. There was a WGI performance I saw that was all about marriage proposals and engagements. At the end of the show one of the guys proposes to the girl and it ends with that picture. Well for world championships at the end where they all pose like that, the guy legitimately proposed. The girl was completely flabbergasted and said yes. (they had been dating for years) I thought it was adorable.

As for me being in the situation, who knows how I would react.

partyparty's avatar

I think a proposal should be a private thing. I would be so embarrased if someone proposed to me in public. Not for me thanks.

JeffVader's avatar

I think deciding how to propose to someone is a deeply personal thing & the style of it should represent the people involved. Personally, if I ever propose to anyone, I certainly wouldn’t take this route, I would rather something far more intimate. However, I’ve seen public marriage proposals that have made me squirm in my seat they were so nauseating, & others that have been really sweet, each to their own really.

Just_Justine's avatar

Maybe they want to be in the movies loll.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I would imagine that men who do this have a pretty good sense that they’re going to be accepted.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would have to say no…with a megaphone.it’s not for me;)

EmpressPixie's avatar

It’s cute when the place or the crowd means something to both of you, but I pretty strongly think that couples should discuss getting engaged before anyone pops the question. Which is to say, there should be zero surprise about the response, just the place and timing of the thing.

I do not know if you have seen it, but there was a public proposal on Fluther.

SuperMouse's avatar

I thought they were cute until I saw this. Now? Not so much.

janbb's avatar

Probably better in the movies than in real life.

j0ey's avatar

IF you say yes to someone in that situation, because of the pressure, and because you don’t want to humiliate them….Do you think it would make you a heartless bitch to say no an hour later?

JeffVader's avatar

@j0ey Honestly, I think it’d be the fairest way to go about it. No need to humiliate him in public, but that doesn’t mean you have to strap-on the old ball’n’chain.

j0ey's avatar

@JeffVader I find the old ball n chain analogy hilarious….Its really sad that someone ever came up with it actually.

I hope when/if I ever get married, I never think of it like that.

nebule's avatar

um…the thought…terrifying

higherground's avatar

I hope I won’t have to go through that kind of thing , because a marriage proposal is between two people , not fifty people . No need to involve anyone else / anything else .

slick44's avatar

I dont think i would like it, But to each there own.

JeffVader's avatar

@j0ey Yep, it never fails to get me giggling either…. I also like the cockney-slang ‘trouble’n’strife’ (wife). As you say though, shame so many people feel this way that there are these analogies… but at least it keeps us smiling :)

Pandora's avatar

Well I think it depends on whether they have been hinting at marriage for some time. Then its a safe bet they will say yes. (hint: When we get married I want to have two children.)
Not always a hint (when I get married I want to have two children).
I saw a proposal one time on the internet of a guy proposing to his fiance in Disney world. It was adorable. They both met and worked there and he was able to get his pals to help out with a whole little skit.
Worst proposal I ever heard of. A guy proposed to his wife to be in public in front of all her students and facualty and asked his mom to be there for support. It was a little to creepy and spineless all at the same time. Needless to say it should’ve warned her of things to come. His mother was very much involved in their marriage.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I think it depends on the people involved and what they’d want – it wouldn’t terrify me to do it in public but if he got down on his knee with an engagement ring, it would terrify me because it’d mean he doesn’t know who I am.

DeanV's avatar

I think they’re adorable. If they go right.

casheroo's avatar

Mine was in public. But, my husband and I had discussed getting married prior to that, so it wasn’t a crazy out of the blue thing. Heck, I had even picked out my ring but it had to be resized and fixed so I didn’t know when my husband was going to propose.
He proposed to me in front of this sign in Philadelphia and people were clapping. Yeah, it was sort of embarrassing but I wasn’t angry and didn’t find it tacky. It was our moment, no one elses.

nebule's avatar

@casheroo ah that’s lovely xx

chelle21689's avatar

I think this type of proposal would have to be one of those kinds where you are SURE your partner will say yes and you guys have talked about marriage seriously before hand.

My sister hosted a surprise engagement party for her best friend at her house. We were acting like it was a normal party with all her friends, family friends…the only thing “off” was that her parents were there too..cuz normally they don’t come to parties haha. But she was really surprised and happy that we were all there to witness her proposal. I know it’s not really public but it wasn’t really private.

flo's avatar

Putting the person on the spot like that, not a good idea, What if the proposee happened to have decided to break up shortly before the proposal?

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