Social Question

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

What do you think about another girl riding on the back of your boyfriend's motorcycle?

Asked by evry1luvzaazngrl (268 points ) March 28th, 2010

My boyfriend passed his test and just got a motorcycle. He is still trying to learn how to drive safely by himself, at the moment he is not permitted to have anyone ride with him on the back.

He told me that if a girl needed a ride, she could ride on the back but if it was a guy NO because it’d look “gay”.

Is it okay if a girl rides on it a couple times if necessary? Should I start to worry if it becomes a habit of having girls on the back of his motorcycle frequently?

This hasn’t happened but I hope not!!! I will not ride on the back because I’m scared to death of motorcycles, I hate that he has it.

Honestly, I don’t think I want any girl to ride it with him…is that too much to ask ?

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95 Answers

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Better he works out the kinks with another girl besides you.

phillis's avatar

Could we BE any more insecure? Yes, it is too much to ask. If he’s going to bang her there’s nothing you can do about it. Preventing him from helping someone who needs it isn’t going to do anyone any good. If he’s a good guy, then let him be a good guy.

filmfann's avatar

I have a boyfriend?
He has a motorcycle?

I would agree that it is a bad idea for him to have other women on the back of his bike.
Only trouble lies ahead.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Insecure? I would hate the thought of another girl always hugging my boyfriend from the back and being “helpless” and needing a ride…let’s see YOUR gf go on a guy’s motorcycle all the time

Just_Justine's avatar

I would look at it in the same light as riding in a car. So for example would you feel him offering lifts to girls if he had a car, just as upsetting? It’s hard to answer this question because I don’t know him, nor you for that matter. Is he the type of guy who is giving, in terms of his time and is he just a kind guy that would offer lifts? If this is a new behaviour perhaps he wants someone to impress with his riding skills (on the bike). As you wont ride with him.

If you trust him now, don’t let a motorbike ruin your trust. If you don’t trust him perhaps the motorbike has pointed this out to you and you need to change things.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

I guess it’d be okay if it was a car if she needed rides…but I just don’t want some girl hugging on my bf’s back all the time! haha. I guess you do have a point..but either way car or motorcycle I don’t think iId like him always giving girl’s rides over and over….
Not just that though, he said he wouldn’t let a guy ride on the back of his motorcycle, haha! Is that justifiable? He wouldn’t because it looks weird? Too guys on a motorcycle?

Violet's avatar

It depends of the girl. But I agree with you @evry1luvzaazngrl, I would hate the thought of another girl always hugging my boyfriend from the back and being “helpless”

phillis's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl Yes. Insecure. Numerous times, I’ve offered to drop my husband off at strip bars. It doesn’t mean he’s going to screw one of them. Lighten up on him a little.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

The moment my girl begins to put blinders on me, well that’s the moment she doesn’t trust me to be the man she fell in love with. And the moment she doesn’t trust me to be me, that’s the moment she’s gone.

jrpowell's avatar

I’m more concerned about the homophobia. But, enjoy your relationship with someone you can’t trust.

Futhermucker's avatar

what state do you live in that requires a special passenger motorcycle operator endorsement?

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

You know, I’ve been reading about being a passenger and I think it isn’t as simple as I think it is…Hmmm

poisonedantidote's avatar

i think his statement reveals more about his social skills than it does about how faithful he is.

i would need to have been there to know for sure, but when you say ’‘he told me’’ i get the impression that you asked. in other words, he did not turn round to you out of the blue and say ’‘if a girl wants a ride ill let her, if a guy wants a ride he can walk’’ what happened is you asked ’‘would you give a girl a ride?’’ and then you then asked ’‘how about a guy?’’

to me, this sounds like your guy has a case of foot in mouth syndrome. i dont think there is anything there to suspect he is a cheat, if anything he is just a little homophobic and was more concerned about not looking gay. i dont think cheating was even on his mind.

lets face it, what kind of cheat reveals his hand before he has even played it. personally i dont think you have anything to worry about when it comes to him cheating. it sounds more like he is a guy that talks before he thinks and tends to put his foot in it, more than someone being deceptive and unfaithful.

Futhermucker's avatar

truthfully i don’t know motorcycle laws, since 1989

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

poisonedantidote, well he is a very sociable person I know that. He makes friends easily of all types and gender doesn’t matter really. I think I could talk to him about this…more in depth. Depends on the girl, situation, how often…

I know some girls love guys with bikes…

Futhermucker's avatar

now they make you pass a special test to carry passengers?

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

I think he has his permit, not his license. That’s why he can’t carry a passenger

YARNLADY's avatar

I think trust is a very important part of a relationship. If you can’t trust him, you can’t have a very good relationship. I’ve ridden on motorcycles before, and holding on is not as personal as you seem to be thinking.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Giving a girl a ride on the back of a bike is not like driving a her in a car. Very different stigma attached.

Futhermucker's avatar

back to the laws though, this guy is yanking yer chain if he says he needs a passenger for some test

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

No, he’s not yanking my chains…what the heck? I said that he has his permit but not his license. I just looked it up, it even says that having a permit doesn’t mean you can have a passenger ride along. Besides if it is different for you the law might be different for a different state.

holden's avatar

“He told me that if a girl needed a ride, she could ride on the back but if it was a guy NO because it’d look ‘gay’”

I think this statement tells me everything I need to know about this person.

cazzie's avatar

It sounds like, worst case, it’s a way for him to flirt, but this isn’t something I’d worry about if he’s not a flirty type of guy, but just a nice, friendly person willing to give a girl a ride. It is a shame that it’s not something you could share together. If I were you, I would try to get over my fear and learn to ride with him.

One one of my husband’s business trips, he took a friend of his, a girl, on a wine trail trip on a rented Harley. I wasn’t jealous because I thought they were flirting or something… I know her, I know her husband, but I was SUPER jealous that it wasn’t ME. I actually cried when I saw the photos of the trip.

thriftymaid's avatar

I think you’re worrying is premature. However, I doubt any teenage girl would like to see another girl sitting behind her boyfriend with her arms around him.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Aww cazzie you cried? Hehe.

By the way thriftymaid, I’m not a teenager =) I’m 22

Futhermucker's avatar

i don’t understand your question Op, what, some woman is hugging your bfs sissy bar? i don’t get it. I deal with laws and facts not teeny jealousy

thriftymaid's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl I’m a lot older than that and I probably wouldn’t like it either.:)

rangerr's avatar

I would hate the thought of another girl always hugging my boyfriend from the back and being “helpless” and needing a ride

Cool. So whoever he is giving a ride to can’t hold on for safety? I wish I was your friend.

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evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

WOW, some guys on here are taking this the complete wrong way! Who ever said I want someone to not hold on to him and be unsafe? I just don’t want him to get a lot of girl’s attentions and them trying to use him for a ride all the time and for it to be a habit!

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Violet's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl I totally understand what you’re saying and where you’re coming from, and I agree with you. I’m sorry people are being rude, and don’t understand.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Well then stop trying to change my opinion on something and go some where else. I’m just trying to understand this, that is why I asked the freaking question. I didn’t come here to feel judged and yelled at.

rangerr's avatar

Do you trust your boyfriend?

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Yes I do but it’s not really the matter of him cheating on me. It’s me being uncomfortable if he constantly give some girls rides. I’m trying to think of something I can compare it to without it sounding stupid. But even if you trust someone there’s always that line that you should respect from your partner if it makes them feel really uncomfortable right?

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rangerr's avatar

If it makes you uncomfortable…. how is that trusting him?
How do you know he is even going to be constantly giving some girls rides?
He doesn’t have the damn license yet. You’re assuming things and getting jealous before anything has the chance to happen.
That shows a lack of trust.

Violet's avatar

It’s not about trust, it’s about another girl holding him, the way she should be holding him. It’s about the closeness and touching

jrpowell's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl :: “Well then stop trying to change my opinion on something and go some where else.”

This is a Q and A site and not a validate my beliefs website. You have made up your mind. Ride with it and see how it turns out.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Take this for example…if your partner stayed late at work every time with their co-worker (opposite sex) all the time…late nights, close together, and hanging out afterwards…that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable? I mean even if you don’t think they could cheat, something can always happen unexpectedly from spending too much time together or it COULD start off innocent and you could happen to fall in love or maybe get TOO close. Just saying

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Not to make it sound bad, but I’m beginning to see a lot of men answering not understand..but the ladies do.

rangerr's avatar

Hanging out with a friend/coworker late at night is completely different than giving a friend a ride..
You’re sounding paranoid.
Which is also a lack of trust.

Futhermucker's avatar

what are you, like 20 years old?

Just_Justine's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl I think if any boy friend, regardless of age was going to “Keep on giving girls rides” unless he was part of a lift club I would find that odd. Period. However, giving a girl a ride, periodically is “normal”. I personally would not find “holding a guy” on a bike a turn on but it is a forced kind of intimacy. It all boils down to trust. If you trust him, don’t worry about it. You are kind of “fantasizing on what could happen by adding in your last post “late nights, every day”. He hasn’t done that. I really think you need to speak to him, you are not going to find an “answer” here. Perhaps the males comments are telling you that they don’t find girls hanging onto them very intimate. So perhaps listen to them.

Violet's avatar

Uh, your co-worker comment just threw me off of your train of though, and main concerns..

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

You’re missing the point. Not just giving a friend a ride but a girl to ride with him ALL THE TIME…how many times do I have to say it? I’m not saying I’d be upset if a girl rode a few times or if she NEEDED a ride..but if it became a BIG habit!

Violet's avatar

So is this really happening? Is he giving another girl a ride all the time?

rangerr's avatar

Stop asking what if questions.
That’s where you’re fucking with your own head.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well he hasn’t given anyone any rides yet but you’re already talking about your discomfort with him ‘constantly giving girls rides’ – sounds to me like you’ve blown this way out of proportion and you already know how you’re going to react. Obviously if you don’t want him to have girls on the motorcycle all the time, you talk about it before it becomes a BIG habit – that’s what a relationship is about – discussion and trust. He sounds like a douche charming, by the way.

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Futhermucker's avatar

get it off yer chest girl

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Futhermucker, I see you like to be a troll. Whatever, I am getting it off my chest, this hasn’t happened but I’m just trying to see opinions before I even talk to him about it. I don’t see the big deal about me trying to get some insight. How mature of you to throw insults out there and call ME the 12 year old.

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poisonedantidote's avatar

im just waiting to see someone start chanting FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!... i have never seen such a decline in civility on fluther before. lulz..

brb, i need more popcorn

YARNLADY's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl What I don’t get is you say you want some insight, but when some people give you an opinion you don’t like you complain.

jrpowell's avatar

She probably won’t need him after a few miles on the motorcycle. I wouldn’t worry.

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evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

No, I understand the insight but it’s just how rude they’re saying it. That’s all and the assumptions of the type of person I am.

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evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Rangerr is actually giving feedback like a mature adult even if it’s insight that I’m not looking for but FutherMucker here is throwing insults here and there.

rangerr's avatar

You hate that he has the bike, you hate that he is going to probably give other people rides and you’re completely paranoid about other girls becoming a problem. You sound like you’re trying to set boundaries and rules for him.
Clearly you don’t trust him.
Why are you even in this relationship?

@Futhermucker Cool it.

Violet's avatar

@Futhermucker I hate when people can’t type out you’re

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evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

Rangerr, I don’t like that he has the bike but I’m definitely not going to stop him because this is what he always wanted and he finally got to have it. I’m learning to accept that. About the giving other people rides…like I said..it depends on the girl, depends on the situation…if it’s some slut that keeps trying to get with him and he keeps giving her rides even if he doesn’t end up sleeping with her I’d still be uncomfortable with the fact that he has a girl trying to get at him. That is all I’m saying.
Or in this situation where a girl that likes him uses him and plays the “helpless” card to keep having an excuse to spend some kind of time with him and hang on to him and then it becomes a habit.

As I said again, this hasn’t happened…I wasn’t even worried about it until I just randomly asked this question and put a lot more thought into it. I didn’t tell him “NO you can’t do this!” But I am going to tell him how I feel about it.

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mrrich724's avatar

I live in Los Angeles. You don’t need a special endorsement to give rides to passengers…. that is simply not true.

Violet's avatar

@Futhermucker stop with the text speak.. read the Guidelines

rangerr's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl Even if it is the slut that is coming onto him.. you should still trust him to know when to stop letting her around. He should know better. If not, then drop him and move on.

rangerr's avatar

I understand the paranoid feelings. I do. I’ve been there.
I also know that if you can’t fully trust the other person, then the relationship is destined to hell no matter how hard you try.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Off-topic trolling and personal attacks have been removed.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

If I were you I would sit him down and talk to him about your thoughts,

escapedone7's avatar

There’s an old song that says “Hold on loosely, don’t let go”.
It’s good advice. I know you are uncomfortable thinking about another girl touching him. Your imagination might go a little wild. I can understand not feeling great about it. However if one person becomes too clingy or controlling in a relationship, even if it is out of genuine fear of losing the other, losing them is exactly what happens. Sometimes you accidentally hold so tight they feel smothered and you loose them altogether. Do you know what I mean? Relax.

davidbetterman's avatar

You know, you should really be more worried that somebody may be riding without a helmet. Does he have a helmet for himself and his passenger?

By the way, thanks for getting that troll banned!

Just_Justine's avatar

@davidbetterman Yes indeed. His nick was well chosen. You know in life there is lot’s of opportunity to be unfaithful whether, it be in your car, on a bus, at the office, behind the back of the school shed. Perhaps we invest too much on the fact we can somehow prevent it. when instead it is more about choice of partner, than all the variables around us. There! that’s me telling you because I realize everyone else has gone to bed!!!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You have a boyfriend. He has a motorcycle. He can’t ride anyone on it yet. He doesn’t want to give a guy a ride because he thinks it would make him look gay. He’s okay with giving a hypothetical girl a ride because he’d rather have a girl hanging onto him than a guy.

It’s all a fantasy in his head. First, a girl has to want to ride on a motorcycle behind him. Second, It has to be the right kind of girl to be a threat. Third, you need to figure out how you got from give a girl a ride = he’s cheating on me, with no steps in between. Are you jealous of the motorcycle.

mrentropy's avatar

If it became a constant thing then it would be cause for alarm. But it hasn’t happened yet, so there’s no sense in getting angry about it. In fact, it’s best not to let it eat at your mind until it does or you may create the situation.

But young guy + motorcycle could turn into a problem.

Cruiser's avatar

You are competing on 2 fronts here…one with the motorcycle you are rightly afraid of riding on and 2 the potential of other girls hugging your guy while riding on the back, Motorcycles are a blast to ride on but there is that danger aspect. He is a new rider so there are higher odds he will mess up but if he is a smart rider he can be safe and have a great riding experience. It really comes down to it’s your choice him and his bike or find yourself another 4 wheeled boy friend.

MissAusten's avatar

@evry1luvzaazngrl Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? My dad used to take me for rides on his motorcycle, and I can tell you right now I held on differently than I did when I got a little older and my boyfriend took for a motorcycle ride. Since I’ve been married, I’ve been on a motorcycle with another man a couple of times. At no point was I hugging the driver’s back. It is entirely possible to hold on safely without plastering yourself to the guy’s body.

Talk to your boyfriend honestly about how you feel without placing blame or making him feel like he’s doing something wrong or being restricted. Make sure he has TWO helmets, one for himself and one for a passenger once he gets his license. Try to avoid worrying and creating a problem before there is even a problem. It’s pretty unlikely he will have girls chasing him around and making up all kinds of excuses for needing rides. Even if that were to happen, I hope he’s the kind of guy to not let himself be manipulated that way.

LuckyGuy's avatar

He hasn’t done it. He’s not permitted to do it. Don’t mention it any more. You don’t want to make it “a thing.”

DarkScribe's avatar

If you are that worried about it – grease the pillion seat.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Meh. My first boyfriend had a friend who owned an awesome Harley that I rode on the back of several times. My boyfriend had nothing to worry about. I wasn’t interested in the biker, nor was the biker interested in me. The biker’s girlfriend hated his bike and my boyfriend didn’t have a bike. It was all good on that score.

OTOH, my bf heard through the grapevine about things the biker’s girlfriend liked to do with other guys when the biker wasn’t around, and my boyfriend partook. I dumped the boyfriend tout suite, and he and the biker ended their friendship. It was a mess.

cazzie's avatar

@aprilsimnel Wow.. great OTOH…. just goes to show…. Riders ride and cheaters cheat one has nothing to do with the other.

I agree with PandoraBoxx. You’re jumping steps here and if you are THAT insecure, it’s not an attractive trait in a person.

Exhausted's avatar

I happen to love motorcycles and have rode with many males who are married or in relationships. I have never rode with someone for any other reason than the pure pleasure of the ride. I have one, very good friend, whose husband has a bike and she won’t ride with him. She knows me and trusts me and him. He loves sharing the experience with someone that enjoys it as much as he does and she doesn’t try and deprive him of that opportunity. To me, that means she loves him enough to let him enjoy his life. If your boyfriend is the kind of person that would cheat, he will find a way to do so with or without a motorcycle. If riding with him is not something you are willing to share with him, don’t take the joy of it away from him by forbiding him to share it with someone else.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

It’s kinda funny how he says that he wouldn’t give another guy a ride on it because it’d look gay even though one of his friends is gay.

evry1luvzaazngrl's avatar

NEVERMIND I talked to him and he said it’s not gay if it was a guy friend but no random guys! He also said he won’t let some random “stupid” girls that he doesn’t know how they are risk his life. If they were friends of his it’s cool. I feel better talking about it, I did talk to him as a casual conversation not as if it was some serious talk though so he wouldn’t freak out thinking I’m freaking out haha.

I don’t think it’s going to happen as much as I think, but maybe a couple of his girl friends will ride that I know. He really wants me to ride with him, and I told him I’d give it a shot (somewhere small like a neighborhood first lol)

Sophief's avatar

I would drag her off it and rip her head off.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Dibley Violent much? LOL

Sophief's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Not at all unfortunately, wish I was with the odd person.

jpcavin's avatar

Everybody knows that most men are weak…..that includes the nice guys. Why play with temptation? Besides, that would be disrespectful to the girlfriend. At a minimum, tell him you would not be comfortable with that behavior and you would like for him to respect your concerns and not be carrying about town with other women.

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