Why Do 'Friends' Bad Mouth Each Other?

I avoid gossipmongers. It is bad…negative and not good energy. Dont play into it.

You touch on some of my current friend ‘evaluations.’

I have one friend that I KNOW is a total gossip, I am sure she talks about me…I just keep things light and do not spend too much with her these days.

Very unbecoming and offputting.

Nuh-uh. No way. My friends know precisely where we stand with each other, and I don’t let backstabbers get lose enough to do any damage. If something like that did happen, they would be cut loose immediately and told why. It’s not a discussion, though…....it’s an explanation only. A final courtesy, if you will.

Why do people who call each other ‘friend’ bad mouth each other?
likely because they’re not really friends or the badmouther is trying to impress someone.

Would you befriend a person you knew gossiped often?
As long as it wasn’t about me, I prefer to speak for myself.

How would you tell a person that you don’t appreciate their bad mouthing others you consider friends to stop?
“I don’t appreciate you bad mouthing me or my friends; stop”. – basically what you just said.

If a friend talks to you about other people in a negative way, you can bet she does the same to others about you. If you refuse to listen to her bad mouth others, it won’t stop her from talking about you to other people, but at least you won’t be seen as a party to her need to feel important by point out everybody elses’s flaws. It doesn’t bother me when I discover someone has discussed me with others, even in a negative way, because almost everybody discusses people with others, it’s when the comments are intended to cause the subject harm in some way by saying something that isn’t true that would be the issue for me.

This is not the definition of the word “friend”. Don’t associate with this type. They are incapable of appreciating what a friend is.

People who gossip about you and don’t tell you those things to your face arent friends. my friends and i are very open and honest, and i cant speak for them but I know that I dont say anything about them unless it concerns another person or if i am willing to say whatever it was to their face. True friends dont lie or backbite each other. Its hard to find nowadays though. Majority of people have seemed to lose their sense of loyalty and honesty. I hope you aren’t going through this, it is definitely no fun.

Who else is going to keep you honest?

It’s how they were/are treated by their parents. They think it is okay because their parents are always badmouthing them..

@davidbetterman Do you think it has anything to do with them having divorced parents?

“Good” friends don’t.

@PacificToast I can answer that one, and the answer is no. My parents are divorced and gossiping/badmouthing others is just plain uncomfortable to me. I haven’t noticed a trend among people I know based on whose parents are separated and whose are together.

I think that sometimes if someone’s friend does something small they may blow it way out of proportion to let off steam about an unrelated issue, or to prove their dominance to the people they are bitching to. It’s hard, because they’re awesome people most of the time, and you only discover this side of a person after spending a lot of time with them. I just try to disassociate myself from these sorts of friends, which isn’t too hard because they’re mostly only interested in people who will back up and encourage their negativity.

@iphigeneia Thank you, I didn’t understand why they would continue to associate with some one they bad mouth.

Good question. One thing I could never figure out is why girlfriends starting calling each other “bitches” and “hos”. Isn’t that a bad thing? I don’t like badmouthing my frineds and I hope mine don’t either.

They might be hypocrites or back stabbers and in essence, not real friends.

In preventing something like this from happening, being up front and straightforward about it is probably the best thing to do. Tell the person guilty of doing this that their behavior is callous and mean and that they should make a more concerted effort to be a better person from this point forward.

Friends don’t. Ex friends may.

Who else knows your dirty little secrets?

@ratboy What is that supposed to mean? I’m trying to figure out how to tell someone I don’t want them bad mouthing my friends in front of me.

@PacificToast I’ve come right out and told a girl who was running her mouth; “I like M——-. yes, he’s kind of difficult to work with, but he never talks about anybody. I’d prefer if you would wait until I leave if you’re going to say mean stuff about him because he’s pissed you off by being himself.”
This may not really count. It’s a work environment and he’s the boss who recently acquired “ownership” over her department. I still feel that it’s disrespectful and inappropriate. She ran her mouth in front of some new people who don’t have the time put in to make comments like that, and are not bright enough to keep their own mouths shut.
But I would do the same for a friend. Shut up or wait until I leave.

@Trillian Thank you so much, I suppose being straightforward is the only way to get this one across. Now, to get the courage to do so…

@PacificToast you’ll be surprised if you think about what you’re going to say before you say it, maintain a calm, even tone of voice, then end the discussion. Good luck.