Social Question

Kylie's avatar

Do you share your feelings with others?

Asked by Kylie (211 points ) April 2nd, 2010

I am ashamed to say that I battle a lot with sharing emotions with people. I think I have been too hurt and somehow I have created a block between myself and other people. The hardest part I would imagine is when one blocks oneself from their own feelings. I do this. I am single so I cannot even share how my day went. Will I ever be able to change? I think that my blocking of emotion is holding me back from finding a partner in life. I seem very sociable but I am hiding who I really am. Which is an emotional invalid. I only feel safe showing anger?

I guess one would say go to therapy, but surely there are other ways of dealing with this?

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37 Answers

XOIIO's avatar

I have no emotions.

Kismet's avatar

Most of the time, I’m an open book, but there are things I don’t normally share my emotions or opinions to particular people.

Try to open yourself up bit by bit to people that you may feel at least a little close to, and see how that goes. As time passes, share your emotions and opinions.

Life can be rough on a person, but that doesn’t mean that you should back off and close yourself off, because you’ll end up making it worse.
You need to fight off your silly fears and try to face opening up.

If all else fails, yes, go to therapy.
But really, if you have the willpower and determination to change yourself, you could avoid therapy. You just need to want to see the change in yourself.

Oh, and don’t give up! :)

j0ey's avatar

@Kylie….I can relate to you, I really can.

I only have one friend that I share my feelings with, and everytime I see her I end up crying my eyes out. Its like all this emotion has built up with out me even realising it, because I have avoided exposing to others and to myself how I really feel for so long.

Do you have a friend like that? Someone who has known you for years?

Also it might help you to keep a dream diary….If you are not expressing what you need to in waking life, often youre dreams will reflect how you are really feeling.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Kismet Excellent answer!

Kismet's avatar

@FutureMemory Thank you very much!

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Yes, my mom, she’s my bestfriend!! <3<3<3<3

TheOnlyException's avatar

I share how I feel with my friends. I am lucky to have a lot of close friends and one close, best, friend in particular.
I let it all out with her, and she takes it, time and time again. And it’s good, because I know I am able to form non-familial relationships with people that were initially strangers and trust them enough to show them the real me.

If you are as ‘social’ as you say you are, you should find you are able to do this too. You just have to take a leap of faith and trust that the people around you will catch you before you hit the ground.
It has been hard for me, but sharing emotions and deep thoughts has brought me closer to them, and we love each other more than ever.
If someone were to be scared off by your sharing, then they weren’t worth hanging on to anyway.
It takes practice, it doesn’t come easily to anyone, think of someone you love and trust, and talk to them, just talk. It is like pricking pin holes in a polystyrene cup of water, the more holes/attempts you make, the easier the flow.

Cruiser's avatar

Yes I have 2 great friends one my old roommate in college and a woman friend I share a lot of feelings and emotions with. I can trust either with the most intimate of feelings and there are some things I would only share with one or the other but not both.

CharlieGirl's avatar

All the time when I feel different.

antimatter's avatar

Yes with my wife and my priest, never with my friends or colleagues or other family, last time I did that I lost my job when I shared my feelings with a colleague. I learned not to trust any one besides my wife and my priest. I like Albert Einstein’s advice A never tell any one your feelings and secrets and always keep your mouth shut. B Tell your feelings only to two persons your wife and your priest.

Your_Majesty's avatar

If it’s sensitive I’ll only share it with my very very trusted friend.

kyanblue's avatar

I didn’t for the longest time…even my closest friends, the people I saw everyday and knew everything insignificant about my life, I still didn’t share a lot of my fears and insecurities and hopes and dreams with them. I guess the most sensitive stuff (for me: love, fears about the future) hurts to share if you’re afraid of the reception you might get.

Because I’m a writer I’d like to think I’m quite in tune with my feelings (I write them out) but only recently have I been trying to connect with my friends on a deeper level by sharing more of myself. I chalk it up to my own personal insecurities and terminal shyness—once I could acknowledge these issues and deal with them, it was easier for me to share my emotions with others. It’s self-confidence, really. “I can share myself when I feel like my feelings are important” is perhaps the mindset.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Do you share your feelings with others?
I have a select group of very close friends that I am completely open with. We talk about everything, and I mean everything. Outside of that group, in descending order, there’s pretty much my wife (who hears maybe 80%), my friends (they hear perhaps 30%), and everyone else (they hear about 1%).

I am ashamed to say that I battle a lot with sharing emotions with people. I think I have been too hurt and somehow I have created a block between myself and other people. The hardest part I would imagine is when one blocks oneself from their own feelings. I do this. I am single so I cannot even share how my day went. Will I ever be able to change?
Well, you created the block, you can remove it. Chip away at it every day, whether you go a little at a time or have at it with a mental jackhammer doesn’t really matter, just be consistent in your effort.

I think that my blocking of emotion is holding me back from finding a partner in life.
People can sometimes sense when another is “hiding” something, it can definitely lead to unnecessary and ruinous stress and tension in the relationship.

I seem very sociable but I am hiding who I really am. Which is an emotional invalid. I only feel safe showing anger?
Believe it or not that’s a start, let venting that anger lead you naturally to whatever’s behind it. Whenever your angry, follow it to it’s end and explore what’s behind it.

I guess one would say go to therapy, but surely there are other ways of dealing with this?
DIY! Just talk about stuff, even if it’s just by yourself, every day. Open up to yourself daily and be completely honest about how you feel. Talk to a friend, even if you can’t open up right away, just a little bit, followed the next time by just a little bit more helps. Next thing you know they won’t be able to shut you up! Always remember, there’s nothing wrong with emotions, when you have them experience them to their fullest. Acknowledge and accept them and explore them completely and try to understand why you feel the way you do. But when they’re done, let them go, they’re not meant to be kept. Hanging on to them serves no purpose, it will just dull the good, exacerbate the bad, and interfere with the feelings that follow them.

phillis's avatar

I can’t say for sure in your case, of course, but most of the time anger is the preferred emotion when one chooses not to share anything else. It gives you the release you need, while at the same time keeping you at arms length from everyone. As for whether this will ever change for you I cannot say.

I can tell you this much….it is unrealistic to imagine that this will somehow resolve itself, because sharing your feelings is completely up to you. You can start – or not – anytime you like. If it isn’t worth it to you to come out of your shell, then don’t change anything.

If you decide you want to change, you will eventually have to let go of the things that hurt you in the past. It doesn’t have diddly to do with how fair or unfair those things are. Of course they were unfair! That’s the nature of human beings. They fuck up! You have to take the good with the not-so-good, and forgive people of thier mistakes. After all, there were good things that happened, too.

So far, all that seems to be coming from your efforts to hang onto past pain is that you created a continuation of pain in your present life that has no real purpose for being there. You kinda shot yourself in the foot when you opted to close yourself off from others.

Yes, I do share my feelings with others. The idea of intentionally creating extra misery in my life doesn’t sound appealing. FWIW, we’re all on the same path with this stuff :)

BoBo1946's avatar

what feelings!

Former insurance adjuster do not have feelings! been abused so much that “feelings” was DOA!

just kidding….most people don’t want to hear about my feelings! Personally, accept for a couple of people, keep mine to myself! Works better that way!

Just laugh and enjoy life and have fun with your friends.

That my story, and I’m sticking to it!

pearls's avatar

You darn right I share my feelings. Use to be a time when I didn’t. Everybody should have someone in their life they feel comfortable in confiding with.

Just_Justine's avatar

I kind of meter out my “feelings” and thoughts. I know sounds weird, but I will confine some things to some people, and not to others. I call it healthy distribution. I would not shove all my feelings and thoughts on one person, I reckon he or she would die of the weight!

I was and am a lot like you but it’s taken baby steps. It’s very rewarding you know personal intimacy. The sharing of ones vulnerabilities and I have found when I do, I am loved more. But I also close myself off a lot to newbies in life. Until I feel comfortable and trust them enough. @BoBo1946 so true, laughter and friendship is the beginning, I am just loving you today!!!!

rahm_sahriv's avatar

I do not share my feelings with my friends. Venting online is one thing, but actual face to face with people, I keep my emotions under wrap. Not to say I don’t have them, I do, but I have learned it is easier and safer not to share.

zophu's avatar

Fluther might help a little :)

But you’ve got to find someone to share things with. It doesn’t have to be, “a relationship,” but it does need to be intimate. If you can’t manage a healthy, intimate relationship with someone, sexual or not, then maybe a therapist is your only option at the time.

I think what I have done too many times in my young life is avoid looking for relationships for fear of things going wrong one way or another, and being hurt. I still think it’s true, you can get hurt very badly. And getting hurt too much too many times will screw you over. But waiting too long can be just as damaging. Build yourself up however you can, with a therapist if you have to, then go for the next step.

Not that I’m qualified to give this kind of advice, I’m still on the “build yourself up” stage.

edit: Make sure your therapist isn’t full of shit before you commit to one if that’s what you decide to do. A lot of them seem to be.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I share my feelings, but I try to be judicious in doing so. I might share SOME feelings with my children, but share almost ALL my feelings with my spouse. I also try to share my thoughts with them as well as my feelings. Just remember that both are yours and are under your control. YOU decide which feelings to share with whom.

wilma's avatar

I’m quite guarded with my feelings.

phillis's avatar

@wilma I see. How do you feel about that?

wilma's avatar

he he @phillis I’m OK with it. I know who I am, I think that’s all that matters.

phillis's avatar

@wilma Bahahaha!! You got the joke! Good! I was laughing my ass off over here :)

CMaz's avatar

Sometimes, maybe, Yes, no.

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

It’s always good to share your feelings with others because it helps you get new perspectives on how to deal with day to day issues. You can actually learn to grow as a person.

Exhausted's avatar

If the part of you that you share is only an unpleasant part, then you won’t find many people that want to share. Find good things in your life to share, things that make people feel good to hear or experience and you will find many more people willing to share with you. We all seek things that make us feel good. If you say and do things that make the people around you feel good, then they will want to share with you. When you become comfortable with yourself, they will be comfortable around you. I find that when I give people the opportunity to share their emotions with me, it is much easier to share mine with them.

phillis's avatar

@Exhausted Dang, that was pretty good!

Mikelbf2000's avatar

Yes I do. Im not an EMO kid but If you let me cry on your shoulder I will let you cry on mine.

evandad's avatar

What others?

mollypop51797's avatar

It depends on who the person is, and what the feelings are.

YARNLADY's avatar

As much as I can, yes. Everybody knows I am happy every day. When I get frustrated, it shows, and when I don’t like something I am quick to say so.

anartist's avatar

Far more than I think I should. I am far too easy to read and don’t like it.
I like the idea of being sociable and enjoying others without having everything known about oneself. I would think that that would be a fine way to start a relationship and that mutually you would progress to sharing deeper things. Perhaps you are meeting people who like to ‘open up’ right away. Perhaps these potential partners, intimate friends, are not right for you.

jazmina88's avatar

I’ve got some good friends I open up to and I say more on Fluther than i normally would, and only my therapist knows the deep wonderful me…....

I hate shallow people. But blocked up emotions can effect you physically, so if they are serious, find a way to deal with them.

oreo45's avatar

I usto keep it all welled up inside. It was makinge me ill, so now I have learned to open up.

FutureMemory's avatar

If there is such a status as more than an open book I would fall under that. I wear my heart on both sleeves. That’s how I perceive myself, anyway. Some folks are attracted to it like moths to a flame, others think I’m just weird.

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