General Question

eLenaLicious's avatar

How can I give him space without making it seem like I'm ignoring him?

Asked by eLenaLicious (822 points ) April 4th, 2010

Sorry, I know Fluther is too sophisticated to be infested with teenage drama-bs, but please hear me out and help :)

Well two days ago, I went over my boyfriend’s house and he seemed fine and we were happy. But later that day when he was texting me around 10, he started hammering me with a bunch of questions like, “are you sure you want to be with me?”
I tell him “f*** yeah I do! Why are you asking?”
And then he says I don’t show it. Then he starts complaining how he thinks I think I’m bored when I’m with him just because I kept texting my girl friend here and there when I was at his place.
It really irritated me to the point I started crying like a little b**** and venting to all my friends for advice.
And yesterday, I tell him “good morning:)” trying to start a convo, and he kept replying one word texts which I hate; but understand since he’s not in the happiest of moods. I stopped texting him when he replied, “yea” and when I went on facebook, he randomly instant messaged me asking why I didn’t reply (“it’s like you don’t like talking to me”). And he tells me to put an effort into starting a convo. So I do and ask him how his day is and stuff and he still replies one word like “ok” or “cool.” So while he was at work yesterday, I came over his house and had a talk with his mom since we are pretty close. She tells me he is stressed out with driver’s ed, bulking up for football, school and work and to just give him time to cool off. He calls me up last night angry at me because I came over his house without him being there.
So I just give him space and haven’t texted him the whole day other than telling him to have a good day at work.
I just want to ask you guys if he wants to push me away? His best friend says he always talks about me and he really likes me so do you think he would just leave me? :( And I also want to know how to give him space and ‘time to cool off’ without making him think I’m ignoring him; which is possible because of his mood swings.
Please help, I really appreciate any advice! I really want our relationship to last.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

6 Answers

lilikoi's avatar

Does this guy normally answer with more than one word? Because a lot of guys I know prefer one word answers, and really only endure a convo if absolutely necessary – like to make plans. Maybe he is like this? If he usually is more talkative, I would heed his mother’s advice and give him more space. Just tell him that he can come to you when he is ready – that way you don’t have to try to guess what he is thinking. He probably doesn’t want to push you away – he just needs to have time to take care of other things.

eLenaLicious's avatar

yeah he usually does. And he also adds a little smiley face too :)
When he only replies one word, I know something is wrong.
When I reply one word, he knows something is wrong too.

eLenaLicious's avatar

And he got kind of erked I went to see his mom. He was like “WHY DID YOU GO TO MY HOUSE?”
I told him I just wanted to speak to his mom and he’s like, “You know how irritating that is?!”
I said sorry and then he’s like, “I DON’T TELL MY MOM SHIT!”

marinelife's avatar

It sounds like he’s going through a lot right now. Have you talked to him about those issues?

Stop texting him. Consider writing him an “I really care about you” letter, which he can take out and reread when he is in doubt about your feelings.

phillis's avatar

I’ve seen tadpoles more emotionally grounded that he is showing you. First of all, asking someone repeatedly if they’re sure they want to be with you is fishing for compliments. It’s tacking up a sagging self-esteem with a band-aid. One productive way to help him build his self-esteem is to turn the question back onto him, like so:

“You seem to think I’m a pretty smart chickie, so I wouldn’t be with you if your were a total loser. What do YOU think I see in you?” Don’t let up on him until he answers the question.

Also, I get why he thinks you’re bored if you’re busy testing everybody else all the time. Instead of being rude to your girlfiends, too, let them know ahead of time when you are going to be with your guy so that they don’t get their feelings hurt when you don’t respond. It’s a valid point he makes about the texting, so let’s not get outrageously emotional about it. That’s something easy to fix.

I’m really confused as to why you are concerned about giving your guy space when it is abundantly clear that isn’t what he’s asking from you. He wants to be with you. Is there something I am missing, or did I misread something? I do that sometimes.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If stress of driver’s ed and football turns him into a major jerk, he’s not ready to be a boyfriend. Driver’s ed is something you do at your pace, and football’s a game; guys who get stressed about that kind of stuff sometimes go on to hitting a girl and making out like it’s the girl’s fault.

You’re in high school; the likelihood of this relationship is lasting is very small. You have the need to psychoanalyze every move he makes with all your friends by texting all your friends, and he sweats the small stuff.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther