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Rangie's avatar

Do you stick your head in the sand to avoid confrontation?

Asked by Rangie (3620 points ) April 5th, 2010

Do you pretend that everything is okay, so you won’t have to face it?
When my daughter was in the 8th grade, she and her girlfriend would take the little boat out on the lake. I wondered what brought this about so suddenly. I asked her if she was smoking out there. And if she was, she needed to tell me right now, because I don’t want to hear it from someone in our small community. I also told her if this is something she thinks she needs to do, then she should feel free to do it in front of me or don’t do it at all. She didn’t go out on the lake anymore, she didn’t do it in front of me, So I ask her what’s up. She said, well mom, I didn’t really like it, and now it is no fun anymore because you found out. Confrontation doesn’t bother me.

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22 Answers

TexasDude's avatar

Hell no! Let’s argue about something… any takers?

Kraigmo's avatar

I know if I’m really on to something, or really right about something, with zero chance of error, then confrontation is a great thing.

jrpowell's avatar

I’m convinced it is damn near impossible to change someones mind even when they are presented with facts. So I don’t waste my time. I can usually tell when people are willing to learn and accept that what they thought was incorrect. I can also tell when a person will use every rhetorical device to try and prevail in the argument. I respect the former, the latter can fuck off. I will waste my time playing with LEGO instead.

Rangie's avatar

@johnpowell Yes, there are those that no matter what facts you have, they will have some kind of answer for you. I figure they are either afraid to admit they are wrong, or don’t believe in educating themselves.
Personally I think admitting you are wrong is an opportunity to learn something, and I find it character building.

Rangie's avatar

@Kraigmo I am not afraid of confrontation either. I will find out one way or the other that I am right or wrong. And I am good with either. If I am right, then I knew it all the time. If I am wrong, then I will learn something new. Either way I win.

phillis's avatar

Confrontation doesn’t bother me in the least. All it does is energize me. Acting like an asshole when the person didn’t deserve it does, though, so I work hard not to do that (shit, we have to have a conscience, but does it have to be so strong?)

I have a friend who cannot face jack. I mean, literally, cannot face anything. Friends for 18 months before anything disagreeable came up, and when I mentioned it, the woman took off like a shot, as though God, himself, had thrown a lighning bolt right at her. Not only that, she never even tried to work it out together, even though it wasn’t that big of a deal. Some people are so convinced of thier inability to handle anything that they are willing to forego a perfectly good friendship, rather than deal with ANYTHING. How can you have any depths in your relationships if you can’t go through all of it together?

ETpro's avatar

I never cared for sand in my eyes, and getting it up my nose or my mouth full of the stuff is truly annoying. So no, if there’s a fight to come, let’s have at it.

When someone proves intractable and denies facts or puts their ideology above facts that contradict it, I will point that out then beg off. No point wasting time trying to convince a man whose mind is already made up. But that’s walking away, not burying my head in the sand. BTW, ostriches don’t do that either. They will, however, kick the tar out of you if you get in their face.

YARNLADY's avatar

I wouldn’t say head in the sand, but there are times I must ignore the situation because to react would only cause unwanted outcomes. I have learned to not hear, not see and seal my mouth on some occasions.

UScitizen's avatar

No, but… I’ve learned, actually was taught, NEVER argue with an idiot, buffoon, or moron. Just walk away and ignore them. It works very well here on fluther too.

escapedone7's avatar

I choose my battles very carefully.

DominicX's avatar

Absolutely not. I love confrontation when it’s necessary.

meagan's avatar

I very much enjoy arguing… with people that I can overtake ;P
Not so much stubborn people that won’t give in. I’ve got a friend that believes everything is racist and controversial. I completely ignore most everything that comes out of her mouth.

Scooby's avatar

When I was younger I was always in the front of any argument, even if it had nothing to do with me, that’s how come I look so pretty now, Lol.. I was the idiot the moron the buffoon :-/ I turned it around in time & now also choose my battles very wisely, ya live & learn!!….. Still I’m always there when I feel injustice rears it’s ugly head……

darby_shaw's avatar

no way. i always make my stand. and i make it clear.

Arisztid's avatar

I am following gruesome and very personal news of the slaughter of my people in mostly EU. At times, like now, I hide my head in the sand about new atrocities.

There are times I have to turn off the news feeds and ask people to not tell me more because I shall not be any good for anyone if the stress of hearing more will harm me. When each new story out of there gives me chest pains, insomnia (nightmares when I can sleep), affects my home and work life, I stop watching the news out of there. I cannot hide my head from what I know so I have to deal with it. When I am well enough I turn the news feeds back on and am back in the fight. What is being done to my people is never far from my mind and I am prepared for the backlog of this stuff when I jump back in.

This is the only situation that I have ever had to hide my head in the sand over and I only do it until I can recover enough to get back in the fray.

I refuse to ever hide my head in the sand for matters directly affecting me in my life in America. I have learned that a pretty lie is much worse than the hard truth and I believe that hiding my head in the sand would cause that kind of problem after I pull it out.

Cruiser's avatar

In my experience head on balls to the wall confrontations usually only make matters worse. I may circle the wagons or take a step back as any confrontation is a direct result of not enough good information between the parties. Taking a time out can allow for a rethink or new strategy to develop to then more constructively resolve the conflict.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I do not stick my head in the sand, usually but I do not enjoy confrontation – it just must be done.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

I can’t stand confrontations and arguing.
I accept and embrace diversity. I willingly will try new things/ideas/ways/foods/places/events etc that this person is bringing my attention to, rather than fighting against it. Even if it’s a different opinion. I don’t want to force my opinion down their throat any more than I want them to force theirs.
Then if after trying the new ______, I don’t resonate with it, i just let it float. Sometimes I find myself resonating with it later on, sometimes I don’t.
But I can’t stand confrontations.
It’s really ok to have differences.
I much rather simply talk about whatever it is. And sometimes I have a passion and excitement in what I’m talking about.
I avoid and run from confrontations, I don’t like how it makes me feel. I don’t want to make another person feel that way either. Especially people I care and love.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I constantly take the ostrich method and stick my head in the sand to avoid confrontation and facing the facts, but at some point those facts become burrowing moles and suddenly burth forth from under the sand and hit me in the face. Never helps to do that!

Symbeline's avatar

It doesn’t bother me, although it might seem otherwise to anyone observing me, since most of the time I don’t find that confrontations and the reasons which drive them matter much, at least not to me.

It always depends though, but for what it’s worth I’m not afraid of them. I would, indeed, rather avoid or ignore them, but certainly not under the guise of delusion or denial.

I like the story you posted though. Now that’s something that would matter to me too, if I had a daughter or a son.

mattbrowne's avatar

No, but often timing is important. Sometimes it’s better to wait before having the confrontational talk.

Rangie's avatar

@mattbrowne Yes, sometimes it is better in some cases to wait. Some issues need to be digested, and a cooling off period may be in order. Otherwise, I know I would risk jumping to conclusions.

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