Social Question

Mrgelastic's avatar

How do i save my friendships?

Asked by Mrgelastic (505 points ) April 14th, 2010

I just started college and the rate of meeting interesting people has sky rocketed, but there are a few people who i truly feel are my long lost friends. on specifically is my new best friend, and she and i have connected from the beginning of the first semester.

I am also cool with her boyfriend, he is an upperclassmen who has helped me out with a lot of common freshmen problems along the way, so i really respect him

recently i noticed that he started getting a tad territorial by saying a few remarks to her disguised as jokes, which i know are coming from truth but i don’t want to say anything

i decided that i’m going to tone down how close me and my friend are because i know that he would never understand.
and i really don’t want to be a home wrecker because she is happy, so for the sake of their relationship i’m willing to put ours on the line

what are your thoughts?

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21 Answers

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Great that you’re able to tone it down and let them live as they choose. Tomorrow that may change and your friend will appreciate you being in her life, non judgmental, and ready to listen.

In the meantime, keep building your life, to your standards, pursuing your dreams. That makes more of you to share with your friends!

Factotum's avatar

I really admire your perceptiveness and commitment to your friendship such that you are willing to make sacrifices for your friend.

nope's avatar

First off, I don’t think you can be a “home wrecker” when you’re in your first year of college.

That said, backing off is not a bad idea, because I understand your wish for their continued happiness. However, you need to talk to your friend about it, so she knows what you’re doing. Backing off with no explanation may end up with hurt feelings, if she has no idea why you are reducing your closeness, or your contact, with her. Talk about it. Even if she disagrees with you, you can still follow your chosen course of action. On the other hand, you may also learn some things from her that might make your friendship stonger. Talk is always good.

Good luck!

Mrgelastic's avatar

Weird!, i literally just finished explaining to her how i felt, she said she thinks its no big deal (which it sort of is), and she doesn’t want to make it a thing. but we did notice how gratuitous we are in public, so this might explain how a jealous type could get the wrong signals

phillis's avatar

I am proud of you for being so understanding of someone else. You hear all kinds of excuses why not to back off, but the fact is that you are trying to do the right thing. All that matters is the effort. Kudos for caring :)

partyparty's avatar

That is so very adult of you to perceive the situation this way.
If you are just her friend, then perhaps you could talk to her boyfriend, explaining that you are friends and nothing more.
If you want the friendship to go further, but don’t want to hurt anyone, then the situation becomes more complicated.
But well done for being so concerned.

marinelife's avatar

I think if you have talked to your friend about it, and she is OK with it, then your behavior is OK and should not change.

janbb's avatar

Am I getting it right that you are a woman and your friend is a woman and her boyfriend is jealous of her closeness to you? That seems a little unfounded to me, unless he is feeling that he doesn’t get to spend enough time alone with her?

hy5nmc's avatar

Do you feel more than just friendship for her?

CMaz's avatar

Dude, get your own woman.

Scooby's avatar

Sounds like your looking for love! If you’re not trying to drive a wedge between them then I suggest you back off a little, the boyfriend has indicated you’re getting too close, she’s just being polite, be a real friend & do the right thing IMO :-/

What chazmaz said!! :-/

janbb's avatar

Are you a guy or a gal; bi-, straight or gay?

silverfly's avatar

Guys and girls usually aren’t plutonic friends. There’s almost always an attraction so somehow I doubt this scenario is totally selfless.

phillis's avatar

I give up.

MarcoNJ's avatar

It’s cool that you’ve decided to back down. Very commendable of you. After all, she is only your ‘new’ best friend as you put it. By next semester you’ll have a another.

evandad's avatar

My thought’s are that you’re not an English major. Also, stay out of their relationship.

Ludy's avatar

Well, i guess is up to her to decide what is more important in life, love or friendship, but let me tell you something, it seems to me that you’re trying to convince us that you have no feelings for her and just want her friendship but, the one you’re really trying to convince is yourself, I don’t mean to be harsh, I have been there and know how it feels, everything workout fine after I was hones w myself

Mrgelastic's avatar

@Everyone, to answer a few questions

I’m a male, i’m not gay, i JUST want to be friends, i am a theater major, and as of now everything is OK. we’ve just pulled back on being to friendly at school. we both understand that its hard to have a platonic friendship in this day and age, so were dealing with it the best we can

hy5nmc's avatar

You know each other better than we do, all the best and I hope things work out!

Mrgelastic's avatar

thank you all for your support, i swear with every question asked, the more and more i grow to love this site

hy5nmc's avatar

yeah, me too!

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