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mcbealer's avatar

Where and how do you find the courage to express the pain?

Asked by mcbealer (10145 points ) April 19th, 2010 from iPhone

Ever feel that life is just too convoluted?

And everybody around you (if they knew) would tell you that you just need to let your feelings out… and yet deep down inside you know that if you did certain people (the ones you love and the ones you thought you knew) would walk away?

Where and how do you find the courage to express the pain?

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18 Answers

njnyjobs's avatar

I would guess with a professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, where you have a doctor-patient confidentiality relationship.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have always just done it anyway.I have found to keep it in causes more pain.

Your_Majesty's avatar

I will keep the pain of my heart(feeling). But I will try to let others know the my physical pain. It all simply because of privacy and charisma.

wonderingwhy's avatar

For myself it was sort of easy, in a sense, I didn’t believe I had anyone else to turn to.

In general though, I find it best to just let it out. I believe feelings are meant to be wholly experienced then allowed to pass. Emotions, particularly strong ones, tend to fester and turn rancid if kept too long; poisoning the new experiences you encounter along the way. I’ve also found that most of the people I love won’t walk away (and I certainly don’t from them). If they did, I’d find it awfully hard to justify my faith in them.

As to the courage, that just comes from within. It’s not so much courage anyway but more the realization that by not letting your feelings out, you are doing nothing more than hamstringing your own happiness, a state no one will benefit from in the long run.

Arisztid's avatar

I write poetry and prose.

This is an example.

I also work my Kata and drills. Another outlet is it drives me to research various topics that may, or may not, relate to whatever has me upset.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I sing out loud or cry to express the pain

MissAnthrope's avatar

Journaling and therapy.

Buttonstc's avatar

Repression requires a tremendous amount of energy.

Eventually, you begin to realize that it’s not worth it and you look for a safe place to begin to take the lid off the pressure cooker. A support group or a therapists office may help if you feel reluctant to risk alienating your family.

But if some of your pain comes from issues with them, eventually you’ll need to tackle that as well. Hopefully after you’ve learned some assertiveness skills.

And dealing with painful issues in a direct and assertive (not aggressive) way is definitely a skill which can be learned just like any other skill even after a habit of repression.

Having a good teacher or mentors definitely helps.

BTW I’m not saying this to be flip, but if there are any who would turn their backs on you and walk away in response to your emotional honesty aren’t worth hanging on to anyway.

After my Mother’s suicide, I found out who my real friends were. The rest turned out to be mere acquaintances.

A real friend is there for you through thick and thin. Don’t be afraid to risk emotional honesty with them. The rest aren’t worth bothering with and the sooner they sort themselves out, the better for you in the long run. There will be a few who choose to turn their backs but certainly not all. The ones left are gold.

gemiwing's avatar

I thought people would run away. Some did- but those that stayed were amazing. I never knew how much they loved me until I leaned on them a little bit. Most of them knew I was in pain, they were only waiting for me to admit it so they could help. I realized that I was second-guessing them and thinking that somehow I knew better than they did about how they would feel/react. I was wrong, maybe you are too?

Rangie's avatar

It is a chance you have to take. If they really love you, they won’t walk away. Maybe they don’t know, unless you tell them. There are good ways and bad ways to tell people sensitive issues. I also believe in journaling but, that won’t stop it from continuing. Your job is to take care of you, because nobody else will. They are too busy taking care of themselves. It is not always easy, but it must be done if you are to choose health, happiness and peace.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve had to do this a few times before and the feeling of relief afterward was greater than the tension of holding out, weighing who would be hurt, disappointed or angry. Then there was the loss to me, in order to do better for myself and to be fair to others then I did give up some things, nothing seems to come free or without sting. Erg, good luck with whatever you need to do.

Kismet's avatar

I try not to express my pain too much in front of others, but I am rather sensitive and sometimes that is hard.
I’ve recently just come to an agreement with myself that if I am in pain I either cry to myself (or go to the closest bathroom I can find) or I give myself a time out where I can just sit back and relax and try to understand what I’m going through a little better.

It is very hard for me to express my true feelings and emotions to others because I always have the fear they won’t accept me after they find out.

Rangie's avatar

I am a little lost here. What kind of pain are we talking about?

jeanmay's avatar

I find you can very quickly determine what a person’s boundaries are. Some people just simply cannot deal with an open expression of pain, often if they have emotional issues themselves. I have good friends who I enjoy spending time with, but who are not interested in a heartfelt exchange of feelings. If I have something I really need to express, I go to those friends who I know will be able to support me through it. If those friends are not available, I channel those feelings creatively and write letters to myself or draw pictures.

Personally I’m honoured if someone feels they can express their true feelings to me, however dark and messy they may be. It’s about acknowledging that we’re all human, one and the same.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Your assumption that those you love and who love you would reject you if you expressed your true feelings and concerns is false.

It is a self-defeating belief that keeps you trapped with your pain.

You must face your fear and do it anyway. Open up and you will be amazed that there are those around you who will show you they care and want to help. Will everybody respond that way? Probably not, but that does not matter!

Just do it!

kyanblue's avatar

This question, and all the answers, are really encouraging. In the past I’ve found it hard to open up emotionally to friends…so this is very good to read. Thanks, Fluther.

augustlan's avatar

A good therapist can help immensely. If you can’t afford one, and don’t feel you have anyone close enough in your life to talk to, it might help to talk to strangers about it. That’s what alternate accounts are for. :) {hugs} to you, friend.

Sophief's avatar

I cut into the back of my legs with a razor blade. Not the best solution I guess, but my solution and it works for me,

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