Social Question

Luna's avatar

How can i give my friend advice if i've never encountered her problem?

Asked by Luna (220 points ) April 21st, 2010

i give my friends advice on everything, but for this particular situation im kind of stuck because im not the serious relationship kind of person. she really needs my help but i’ve never been through it so…...

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13 Answers

slick44's avatar

You cant give advice, you can however, listen.

whyigottajoin's avatar

Maby give her the advice to join Fluther and ask all the Yellies here for advice! =)
When I broke up with my boyfriend, fluther was an important part of getting over it. I’m still glad I put those questions up. Kept me from going insane lol! And now I’m my happy ‘ol self again! =D

Vunessuh's avatar

Listen to everything she has to say and then give her suggestions, not necessarily advice. There is a difference. You can also tell her that you’ve never been in her situation before, but you will try your best to help her figure it out.
Good luck.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Listen, observe, ask questions then apply some logic and give her your opinion. As they say, you don’t have to jump off a bridge to figure out how it’ll end.

evandad's avatar

Give it your best shot

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

We all need to remember that “I really don’t know” is a valid answer. Sometimes we can help by listening and helping our friend to hear what they are saying about their experiences and feelings.

The experience of being really heard is a powerful one that empowers people to find solutions to their problems with requiring that we have special knowledge or experience with their problem.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

Listening is the best thing you can do. It’s allowing your friend to get everything out and then make a better decision. Because, ultimately, your friend is going to choose what they think is the best option. Whether or not it’s your advice. But, you can still ask questions to help your friend think out the whole scenario from different angles.

Luna's avatar

true….i guess i really do need to just listen. THanks for the help guys!

phillis's avatar

I completely agree with those who said that listening goes a long way. Asking questions is actively listening, and shows you have a vested interest in her. I had a best friend for over 25 years who was beyond morbidly obese. I could not relate to that, or to the hip and joint problems she had as a result of carrying the weight around, or to the depth of the self-loathing she had over being unable to lose the weight.

It really helped her gain perspective once we started talking about how everybody has some kind of “cross” to bear. Nobody gets a free ride in this life. NOBODY. If it weren’t this problem, it would be something else for your friend. No doubt about it. Once you see it in those terms, perspective comes a lot easier. Maybe you could mention that to your friend.

PhillyCheese's avatar

Give her advice from your angle of things.

chamelopotamus's avatar

Listen to her dilemma, use your imagination and picture yourself dealing with that situation, and be positive: there’s always a way through the obstacles.

MissA's avatar

Listen, engage in discussion…and, do some fun things to help keep her mind from replaying her problem in her mind. Sometimes breaking the pattern helps with perspective and working past a problem. The fact that you’re asking, says a lot about you.

beccalynnx's avatar

Imagine yourself in her situation, and think what you would do. It’s a lot easier to solve problems when your not actually experiencing them right then and there. she may be missing important things just because she is nervous or stressed.
Most importantly, just remind her to do whatever makes her feel happy. She can’t be ashamed of her feelings or thoughts or ideas, she needs to be 100% open and honest.
I’m not sure what kind of troubles she is running into, but since you mentioned you are not the serious relationship type of person, I imagine she’s having troubles with her Significant other. which if she is, she really needs to talk with the SigOth rather than you.
best of wishes to the situation.

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