General Question

mary84's avatar

How do you know when he is your boyfriend?

Asked by mary84 (570 points ) April 21st, 2010

How do you know when a relationship has gone from casual to committed? I.e. when you are officially a couple? I’m afraid of asking as he told me previously he wants something serious, but doesn’t want to rush things. We’ve been seeing each other for some time now (3 months), but I still don’t know where we stand and Im afraid of intiating another “talk” as I dont want to rush him.
We’re 27 and 28 and I have the feeling what we have could turn into something serious. We’ve even jokingly discussed what our future kids would look like…

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17 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

You really are serious when you discuss what you children, together, would look like. you have given him 3 months, so far, so give him 3 more months. wife and i dated 6 months and then i asked the question. enjoy your time together and just roll with the punches. he will let you know when he is ready to take the next step. go slow and grow…...together.

le_inferno's avatar

Well you can’t “know” unless there’s open communication about it. If he’s already established that he wants something serious, I think chances are pretty good he is pushing for a committed relationship. If it’s been 3 months, he’s clearly not just keeping you around for kicks. Tell him you want to know where you stand but don’t want him to feel pressured. It’s important to discuss, even if he’s not ready to be fully committed, at least you’ll know.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

When he really irritates you and you can’t get away easily ;)

beautifulbobby193's avatar

When you go teapot shopping together, that is a sure sign
of a man under the thumb.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh dear. Aren’t we always looking for certificates of approval? Or graduation?

Or maybe not. I find that women are more in need of these certificates than men. For men, we do what we do. We don’t have to decide it means something in terms of what society thinks. We’re going out together. We’ve been doing it for three months. We are sleeping together (or not—whatever). These are the facts. No one, not even him, can tell you what they mean. No one can tell you what label to put on those facts, except you.

But here’s the thing—do you need his permission or agreement to call yourselves a couple? If you tell someone he’s your boyfriend and he hears this, what is going to happen? Is he going to break it off because you said he was your boyfriend?

I think it is important not to put too much faith in labels. If you call him your boyfriend, then that’s what he is. You can say that and no one can say different. It’s your definition of the term that counts. You don’t need his agreement. Or anyone else’s.

Where you stand? How can you not know where you stand? Look at your feet, for Christ’s sake! Your feet. The ones on the ground. No. They aren’t floating on some label out in space. On the ground. That’s where the rubber hits the road. That’s where you’ll find your own answer to this question.

Cruiser's avatar

When you or you together replace the hand towels in the bathroom then you are a couple!

definitive's avatar

It depends who you are with on whether they consider that you are in a committed relationship.

When I separated from my ex husband 19 months ago I leapt naively into another relationship pretty quickly…more out of impatience to have new experiences I suppose. I saw this new man for about 3 months and he initiated talks about future plans i.e. moving in together. Then out of the blue and totally unexpectedly he blew me off the face of the earth with no explanation.

Subsequently I’ve had a couple of brief encounters with men who have come out with statements of endearment and ideas that could give me false hope.

As a result I think I’m concluding that words are only ‘words’ and only mean anything depending who is expressing them, when they are evidently true and put into practice.

By all means have the discussion with your partner about whether you are now both committed but it may be just advisable to continue to go with the flow and see where the relationship is taking you naturally, after building up your trust and communication between each other.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Honey there is no doubt that you are a couple:) congratulations, I mean you have started to discuss children. Thats a REALLY big deal I think!!!

good luck

xoxo Esther:)

chyna's avatar

Sounds like couple talk to me. If he isn’t talking about seeing other people, it sounds like he has committed to you, at least in his mind.

silverfly's avatar

Just bring it up out of the blue and say, “So are you my boyfriend, or what?”

wonderingwhy's avatar

Your relationship is where you believe it to be. As to whether or not he agrees with your assessment, the only way to know is to ask. I actually think @silverfly‘s answer is a good approach. It doesn’t have to be a serious “we need to have a talk” kind of thing, just ask.

MagsRags's avatar

IMO it’s gone from casual to committed when the two of you agree to stop using condoms for STD prevention. You have been practicing safer sex I hope?

evandad's avatar

It seems like I’m seeing this question every day. Takes me back to Answerbag.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Ask, “so, it came up in conversation today if I’ve got a bf and I wasn’t sure how to answer. Are we still in booty call status or have we become a couple?” In his mind, your guy has probably become comfortable with the thought of you two being together and may think of you as his gf but hasn’t brought it up yet because a lot of guys are no good at inititiating “the talk”, they like to leave it to us so they can go around and tell their buddies they got, “the talk”... with a smile on their faces. Just ask, it’s a valid question once people get used to either hearing about your dating, see you out as a couple or you keep getting hit on and are annoyed at having awkwardness as your status.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

I guess you just know. It’s hard to articulate a state to where you “officially” become a couple. Being together is a state of mind for both parties more then it is an official status. It’s just like falling in love.. you can’t explain how you feel you just know it. Balls to bones, you just know.

GrumpyGram's avatar

The talking about children sounds hopeful But if a guy told me he “doesn’t want to rush things” I would act accordingly. I would say and do everything in my power to appear that I didn’t want to rush things either whatever that would entail.

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