Social Question

itscomplicated's avatar

Why does it seem like the first reaction for an offensive question is anger?

Asked by itscomplicated (203 points ) April 30th, 2010

I’m trying to understand better so that I can better communicate.

I realize that my views are offensive to many (as seen in my last question).

I have strong view points against a certain lifestyle. It’s not because I hate people who live this lifestyle, but because I am afraid for thier souls. This fear is based on my understanding of my religion.

It feels difficult for me to reason with a group of people who seem to shoot first and ask questions later. I want to know why does it seem this way. I want to learn how I can communicate my opposing point of view and have a reasoned conversation with a group of people who don’t like my point of view.

Also, I want to learn how to work through my point of view so that I don’t seem so offensive to others.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

155 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

Who have you spoken with that is gay? How were they angry and pushy? Be specific.

gorillapaws's avatar

@itscomplicated I think it’s because many of them have to deal with a lot of bullshit in their lives, and it makes them a bit jaded. The same was often said about black people during the 60’s.

itscomplicated's avatar

@tinyfaery – I’m thinking about the firestorm in my previous question.

yoshiboshi's avatar

Edit: @itscomplicated – hm, doesn’t sound fair to lump sum all gay people into this group of “angry” because of SOME people online.

By the way, you’re stereotyping…. HARD. And THAT makes people angry….

Qingu's avatar

“It feels difficult for me to reason with a group of people who seem to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“Why does it seem like gay people are always angry and pushy?”

Cognitive dissonance much?

Also, you do realize that not everyone responding to your last question were gay? I doubt more than a handful were.

xxii's avatar

I just skimmed the responses to your last question. You are assuming that everyone who answered was gay; most were probably just allies or at least supportive of gay rights.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@itscomplicated the majority of people involved in hat firestorm do not identify as gay

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t think that occurs with gays enough to say that it’s a trait of theirs, however if it is, I’m guessing it might stem from some high need to defend oneself against a society that has never completely accepted them.

itscomplicated's avatar

Okay. So they weren’t all gay. So I hear some are “allies.” Even so, why do people who support gay people seem angry and pushy?

Provlear's avatar

Gay people are angry and pushy only when confronted with generalisms.

wonderingwhy's avatar

I’m thinking the gay person/people you’ve encountered were having bad days, lets face it everyone has them, or perhaps you were and it skewed your perception?

tinyfaery's avatar

So everyone in that thread is gay? Who have you really spoken with that identifies as gay?

Qingu's avatar

I also find it bizarre that you are asking why X are angry and pushy, prompted by your question about how to best push away a gay person from your household because you think homosexuality is an abomination.

Really, the cognitive dissonance involved here makes me question if this is some kind of joke. No offense.

xxii's avatar

@itscomplicated Not angry and pushy; just incredulous and outraged by the idea that you discriminate against gay people. Would you not react strongly if someone posted the same question about not wanting an Asian person in their house? I’m guessing you would have posted with the same tone as many of your responders.

itscomplicated's avatar

@tinyfaery – I assumed most people in that last discussion is gay. I now understand that it was a mixed group.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@itscomplicated It’s just a natural response to what people perceive as bigotry. In this case i’m using the term perceive loosely.

itscomplicated's avatar

@xxii – I think it is possible to have an intelligent conversation, to discuss opposing views, without shooting down people.

tinyfaery's avatar

So, there is no real validity behind your statement (question), now is there? Not all gay people are angry and pushy.

loser's avatar

Are you pissing them off?

Qingu's avatar

@itscomplicated, I agree that it’s important to discuss opposing views. I’m sure everyone on here is open to hearing your rational argument that homosexuality is an abomination because it says so in Leviticus, right before the law allowing slavery and commanding rape victims to marry their rapists.

The thing is, you seem to have a double standard. When you claim that homosexuality is an “abomination” that you won’t tolerate in your household, you’re just discussing… but when people criticize that position, they’re “shooting you down.” I’d suggest growing a thicker skin? Especially when you’re criticizing gays for not having thick skin?

RedPowerLady's avatar

@itscomplicated You have to understand that bigotry has a history of violence behind it. So naturally people get angry when discussing issues with someone they feel is using bigotry. It is possible to have an intelligent conversation with someone who has opposing viewpoints but that possibility decreases when threat is involved. And since bigotry often is related to a fearful response people are more likely to get upset. Rightly so. Perhaps if you would have posed your question in a less threatening (i.e. seeming of bigotry) way the discussion would have gone differently.

xxii's avatar

@itscomplicated@Qingu and @RedPowerLady summed up all I had to say in response.

Glow's avatar

Hmmm… It’s okay to have your opinions on this matter that you do, but…

I suggest you open your mind and see how your previous question may have offended people who are homosexual and to see how this question is merely an unfair judgment upon homosexuals and those who support them.

xxii's avatar

@itscomplicated – You have to understand that your post, and the things you said after your post, were extremely rude and offensive to a lot of people, and not just gay people either. When people are offended and appalled by bigotry, they are going to respond angrily and defensively. It’s natural.

jazmina88's avatar

Oh Dear.
I’m not gay. But all people stand up for what they believe in.

I believe in a world of peace, freedom and equality. That is where LOVE is.

nobody is better than anyone else. We are all here to LOVE each other. Not to look down at people and Judge.

Arisztid's avatar

Since you obviously detest homosexuals to the point where you would do what you describe in your last question, why would you care to communicate with them?

In other words, this question is just another excuse to bitch and the only “communication” you want with them is to tell them how they are abominations.

At the very least you can be aware of your own motives and stop lying.

GingerMinx's avatar

I would say they seem angry and pushy to you in the same way that black people seemed dangerous and violent to those who wished to suppress them.

Response moderated
Qingu's avatar

Honestly though, I wish you guys didn’t get so offended at this poor woman’s statements, or take them personally. Why on earth would any of you care what she thinks about gays, assuming she is a real person and not just a clever troll.

Vunessuh's avatar

I would be angry too if one of my family members didn’t want me to participate in family functions just because I’m gay.
You pass your homophobic judgement on gay people and then wonder why they’re angry and then decide that’s a good enough reason to make a generalization over all of them? Good grief.
Work on your people skills. Angry gay people aren’t the problem here. It’s you. Kthx.

mangeons's avatar

I know and am friends with several gay people, and they’re not angry or pushy at all. If you offend and/or insult them, I assume they might get angry and/or pushy, as would anyone if you offended and/or insulted them. Of course, there may be some gay people that are pushy and angry, but there are people who aren’t gay who are like that too. You’ve just stereotyped a huge group of people, and many people who belong to it aren’t what you’re stereotyping, and I assume that would make them angry and pushy.

nikipedia's avatar

Troll….?

Arisztid's avatar

I am only calling her out on her lie.

I could not give two squirts about her opinion, about who she hates and why. I am irritated, however, by transparent liars.

She might just be a troll, though, so you are right there.

Rarebear's avatar

Why is it that bigoted people who are probably nascently homophobic make stereotypes about a group of individuals whose individual personalities are as varied as any other group?

Qingu's avatar

Assuming she’s real, I actually feel sorry for her. She’s probably been brainwashed into whatever strain of Christianity is causing her to hold these views, and it’s apparently about to cause a huge rift in her family. She’s probably going to embarrass herself in front of her kids and her extended family because of her views and be forever treated as “that relative” who nobody really wants to hang around or deal with.

Not everyone who dislikes homosexuality is “bigoted,” and there may be complex reasons behind their beliefs that they didn’t choose and had no control over. It’s certainly worth criticizing those views, but I feel sorry for people who end up with them.

Unless they achieve political power, then it’s throwdown time.

jerv's avatar

Angry and pushy? I’ve seen that from Christians and Conservatives, but rarely from gays, at least no more often than amongst straight people.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Ah, I should have read a bit more…

Well, your comments in the previous question were a bit, how shall I put this, “harsh”. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the reason gay people seem to be so pushy and angry to you is because many likely resent your attitude towards them. Admittedly, the group response wasn’t overly welcoming of debate, but then it may be part of that is all too many of gay people are the ones used to being “shot at” as it were. Think of it as a defense mechanism. Though I will say this, attacking someone for their beliefs doesn’t actually help very much in terms of changing them.

Arisztid's avatar

@Qingu Assuming she’s real, I actually feel sorry for her. She’s probably been brainwashed into whatever strain of Christianity is causing her to hold these views, and it’s apparently about to cause a huge rift in her family. She’s probably going to embarrass herself in front of her kids and her extended family because of her views and be forever treated as “that relative” who nobody really wants to hang around or deal with.

True all the way around.

itscomplicated's avatar

I hear that my last question felt offensive to many. I hear that I am coming across as pushy by not allowing my son’s gay brother-in-law to attend our family functions. I hear that when I ask offensive questions and act in a pushy way, the normal response is to show anger and to be pushy.

How can I better communicate so that I don’t seem offensive and pushy. I’m trying to understand how to communicate better with a group of people to whom I’m opposed.

Qingu's avatar

@itscomplicated, I actually want to apologize if I come off as angry or pushy. Matter of fact, I get that a lot, and I think it’s because I tend to write aggressively. Believe it or not, you didn’t offend me (I don’t think you could); hell, I’d love to smoke a bowl with you some time.

I do strongly disagree with your views on this subject and with your religion, though.

Arisztid's avatar

@itscomplicated I am challenging you directly:

Why do you want to communicate with people you loathe? The way you describe your actions and opinions equals loathing.

I call you a liar for saying you want to “communicate” with them unless your idea of “communication” is telling them they are abominations and preaching to them.

slick44's avatar

You dont have to be gay to be angry and pushy. there are plenty of angry pussy people right here.

jazmina88's avatar

be open minded. We are put on earth to learn something new every day.
How to better ourselves. how to blossom.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Oh my… you’re just not interested in making friends here are you?

You seem plenty angry and pushy.
Feeling gay?

lol!

I’m straight and I find your views repulsive.

I’ve consulted my associate Doctor_Fantasy and he recommends an emergency rectal stickectomy.
Stat!

jerv's avatar

@itscomplicated Why is he not allowed? Let us start there.

poofandmook's avatar

@itscomplicated: If you want to communicate, why not try “hello, nice to meet you.”

They’re not aliens from another f-ing planet. They are just like you.

Qingu's avatar

@itscomplicated, in response to your last post, why don’t you examine why you’re “opposed” to them?

Is it because of Leviticus? The same text that allows slavery (Lev 25:45)? Part of the same book that commands rape victims to marry their rapists (Dt. 22:21)? I’m curious if you follow those parts too.

Part of the reason why people respond so aggressively to your statements is, I think, because they have trouble believing you have any legitimate reason to be “opposed” to homosexuals. Can you explain why you’re opposed to them?

DominicX's avatar

Because we’re meanie-beanie-fo-feenies.

jazmina88's avatar

If we are this passionate, just think how your son feels. Do you want this angst in your home? your new family, he isnt pushy…..so please give him a chance.

tinyfaery's avatar

@DominicX Great. Now I’ll be doing that the rest of the day.

wonderingwhy's avatar

I hear that my last question felt offensive to many.
Sure seems that way.

I hear that I am coming across as pushy by not allowing my son’s gay brother-in-law to attend our family functions.
That’s your decision regarding a personal event you are responsible for. I may not agree with it but it’s your choice.

I hear that when I ask offensive questions and act in a pushy way, the normal response is to show anger and to be pushy.
Frankly that’s a shame, particularly in an instance where people are discussing acceptance, but honestly, if you didn’t expect it, I’d be surprised.

How can I better communicate so that I don’t seem offensive and pushy.
I’m trying to understand how to communicate better with a group of people to whom I’m opposed.
Be more accepting. You don’t have to agree with people but you don’t have to alienate them in the process. Why are you opposed to that particular group would be a good start.

Disc2021's avatar

Put yourself in their shoes – how would you feel if you were in the minority and someone came along to tell you that they dont accept or approve of you? Your first reaction would probably be something like “Why not? Aren’t I human just like you?”. That’s where the “anger” comes from.

All in all, you’re entitled to your own opinions and beliefs but that doesn’t mean that other people must respect them (especially if you dont have any respect for them). In your other thread, you’re blatantly saying that gays are sinners and that you do not agree with any part of them – you dont want them around you and you dont want them under your own roof. People responded with their opinions, which were that your views are quite bigoted.

Vunessuh's avatar

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for you to communicate with gay people as you would straight people. Gay people really aren’t any different from yourself other than who they choose to romantically be involved with. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp?
If you have a hard time communicating with them as you would anybody else, then don’t. You’d probably be doing them a favor.

ucme's avatar

…& the award for most uneducated question of the week goes to…....drum roll yes you’ve guessed it!!!

Glow's avatar

How about this:

Be more accepting of homosexuals. Say to yourself that just because they are gay, it is no reason to feel offended by their presence.

Can you let the gay brother and his boyfriend come with out feeling offended?

They’re still human. They still have feelings. And they still have some good in them. All humans do.

cockswain's avatar

Why is everyone bothering to answer a question designed to incite anger? The author is just wasting your time.

Glow's avatar

@cockswain – One less person who dislikes some one for their life choice is one step closer to a better world. Let’s help each other..

Sorry for sounding like a hippie….

netgrrl's avatar

I haven’t found it to be generally true, but at a guess I’d say it has something to do with being treated as second-class citizens.

jerv's avatar

@netgrrl Maybe that is why I never noticed: I have always lived in areas that were open-minded and/or apathetic.

cockswain's avatar

@Glow I agree, but I think you’re too optimistic in this particular case.

slick44's avatar

@Glow… I think that was well put.

Glow's avatar

@cockswain – Hahaha, Probably. I like to think positive. Good for the soul, regardless of how grim things seem.

@slick44 – and thanks :P

jerv's avatar

@cockswain Because I’m bored and don’t have anything better to do for the next hour.

Disc2021's avatar

@cockswain I thought it was kind of a funny question actually. “Why are gay people so angry and rude to me after I’ve professed the fact that I think they’re sick and vile abominations? I really have nothing against them…”.

My initial reaction was, “Lol, are you serious?”.

ucme's avatar

@cockswain I literally just that second logged in & well, indulged myself would be one way of putting it.Doesn’t happen too often.

chyna's avatar

I am not gay and I participated in your last bigoted question.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I agree. The OP is trolling.

Trillian's avatar

WTF? I leave for a few hours to do some errands and I come back to this? @itscomplicated I cannot for the life of me understand why you would even ask this question. I’m not gay and I felt that I was very clear and thoughtfully spoken with you. I did not attack you or get pushy. Many of us simply advised you to take your “Christian” views from the New Testament and to be more Christ-like. You acted like what we said was sinking in. So how the hell did you get to this new question? Are you a troll? We’ve had them before. Not too long ago there was a very bigoted teenage girl who thought that we did the Native Americans a favor by taking their land and erasing their culture and way of life. We dealt with her, and she has moved on to spew her poison somewhere else. Perhaps you’d like to join her.
If you plan to stay, I challenge you to answer me.
1. What, exactly, do you want to communicate and to whom?
2. Exactly what scriptures do you use to justify your beliefs?
3. Do you realize that many of us are not gay?
4. Are you aware that it is people like you who turn others off from Christianity? People on this site are more tolerant of gays than Christians. Because of this very dort of hypocrisy that you show.

If you truly want to have an open dialogue with someone, don’t start with “Hello”, and finish with “Why are you people so pushy?” Do you not see how counter-productive that is?

thriftymaid's avatar

It doesn’t seem that way to me.

Fly's avatar

I can’t believe that anyone could come up with such an incredulous statement as, “Why does it seem like gay people are always angry and pushy?”
I would like to point out, though others already have, that most of the people on that thread were not gay, including myself. I am simply an advocate of gay rights and have a strong dislike for people such as yourself who discriminate against gays and other minorities. This just further proves that you make ridiculous judgments about people, which caused that “firestorm” in the first place.
I held myself back in that last thread, hoping you might learn something, but this is just ridiculous.
Can’t you realize what a complete hypocrite you are being? You are being so anti-Christ that it’s hard for me even comprehend that you could possibly consider yourself a good Christian. You are judging people you have no right to judge. You are making assumptions about people you know nothing about. You outwardly contradicted yourself and lied in your last thread, another one of said sins that you accuse gays of committing. Need I go on?

syz's avatar

There is no “special way” of talking to gay people because gays are not “special people”. They are just people. If you continue to try to stick any gay person that you meet into a “gee, you’re a disgusting sinner who’s going to hell” category, I would guess that you’ll never have anything but an angry discussion.

FutureMemory's avatar

@itscomplicated It feels difficult for me to reason with a group of people who seem to shoot first and ask questions later

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the irony of this statement.

SeventhSense's avatar

Queens are often as flighty and drama ridden as pregnant mothers planning weddings and in fact more annoying but most gays are just like anybody else.

liminal's avatar

My first engagement with you happened on the question about art mueseums: here

I approached you with direct gentleness and questions. I even moved things to private messaging.

You then wrote a question that stirred a firestorm, where again, I said I was willing to have respectful exchange, I was even transparent and vulnerable.

I even made a point to reach out to you 7 hours ago in private message with gentleness and understanding. A private message I am strongly tempted to post here. I even referred a fellow flutherite to you because I thought she could ally with you as you processed things.

Your refusal to acknowledge my reaching out feels disrespectful and like rejection of respectful of discourse. It is hard for me not to feel that this question is disingenuous. If you truly want ” to understand how to communicate better with a group of people to whom I’m opposed.” You may want to stop ignoring those who are genuinely reaching out to you with gentleness. Then, you may want to start practicing some of the same.

Again, I refer you to this blog where someone has respectfully figured out, how to do, what you say you are wanting to do: http://musingson.com/

Fyrius's avatar

I find this thread amusing.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

You’re making an effort and I think that’s worth something. Maybe ask a religious figure in you community to help find a middle ground.

thriftymaid's avatar

That’s how people respond to offensiveness.

MacBean's avatar

@itscomplicated: Why is anybody else’s soul really any of your business? If I were you, I’d start worrying about my own soul. You’re the kind of person who makes me really really hope there is a God, and that I could see your face when it’s your turn to be judged.

poofandmook's avatar

@MacBean: That’s why in the last thread, I said people like her are the reason why people think organized religion is BS.

Fyrius's avatar

@MacBean
And that he sends people to hell unless they believed in chi and have at some point in their lives juggled lobsters.

tinyfaery's avatar

Uhh…why did this question change? It was past the edit period yesterday?

janbb's avatar

Ah – that explains why it reads differently form the answers since I am coming to it first today. In that case, I really can’t post since it would be an invalid reaction at this point.

chyna's avatar

@janbb Yeah, my answer seems stupid now, but when the poster first asked, she indicated that all that answered on her last post must’ve been gay. I hate when the mods do this. If they are going to make someone change their question, then just wipe out the answers as they are no longer valid.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

When bigoted public statements are not vigorously opposed, the silence would give such opinions “traction” or an air of respectability.It’s been too hard a fight for minority groups in shedding discrimination. Silence or politeness in response can create a climate in which hard fought-for rights could be lost.

The questioner has every right to hold such opinions but it is ridiculous to expect them to go unchallenged. It is equally ridiculous to assume that everyone who comes to the aid of an oppressed minority is a member of that group.

What seems an abomination to me is that the 3000 year old superstitions of a nomadic desert tribe were allowed to have the status of law for as long as they had.

Fyrius's avatar

@chyna
Can I continue on this tangent for a bit?
I’d prefer the mods to leave the posts and the original question in peace, and allow the thread starter to add a few sentences to the bottom as a clarification, clearly indicating that this part has been added later (and indicating the time).
The late Airow (peace be upon it) had that as a feature. It was a lot clearer.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I can’t take anyone seriously who begins a conversation by worrying about my soul. Period.

Trillian's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I question the depth of her concern by her desire to distance herself from the people who perpetrate the behaviour rather than trying to “save” them or show them the love that The Christ did to the “sinners” with whom he came in contact. I’ve already pointed out to her that her attitude is by definition not Christian. Jesus made a point to associate with all the “undesirables” of society. In fact, this reminds me of that movie City Slickers. Allow me to paraphrase here;
“He doesn’t get it. He’s never gonna get it. The cows could program a VCR now, he’s not gonna get it!”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Trillian I just read the q discussed in the details. It’s pretty cliche stuff.

liminal's avatar

@itscomplicated My first answer to this question is also in response to the first way you worded things. In fact, it feels like an entirely different question. I wonder if you practice a bit of ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ yourself?

While you have re-written this in a far less assumptive way I am still struggling to believe you are interested in having dialogue and understanding. How am I supposed to believe you?

edit: my original answer to this question was pulled for editing before I had a chance to re-word “7 hours ago” into “several hours before you asked this question”.

poofandmook's avatar

@liminal: the problem is, she will most likely never see the problem with the way she worded it, because she will never see gay people as equal to herself. So in this case it’s just… “shoot now” and no questions needed later.

liminal's avatar

I agree with you @Fyrius, @chyna, and @janbb. Thank you for pointing it out @tinyfaery. It makes many of the answers confusing and it slants the whole thing to justify her perspective. Now a new reader may wonder, “why are people so heated about such an innocent question?”

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Exactly right. The status of my “soul” is my own business and no one elses.

I realize that it is a tenet of Evangelical Christian belief that they must “spread the good news”. I’ve heard it, I reject it; do I have to wear a sign that says so? The right to hold a belief does not include the right to impose that belief on unbelievers.

Qingu's avatar

Man, I’d still like to verify whether the OP was genuine or trolling, because if she was genuine this whole escapade would be a very interesting study in culture shock.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Well… asking a question like your last one about your DIL’s gay brother in 2010 is like asking why people are mad at you because you admit to having a lover before/outside of marriage.

chyna's avatar

@Fyrius I like your way of dealing with an edited question! You should submit this to Andrew, Ben, Tim. I think it would satisfy this type of issue all around.

poofandmook's avatar

Well, to answer the edited question, Dictionary.com:

of·fend   [uh-fend]
–verb (used with object)
1. to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause resentful displeasure in: Even the hint of prejudice offends me.

There you have it.

liminal's avatar

@Qingu If this OP is genuine it could be a fruitful dialogue for us all.

gailcalled's avatar

I am not gay. My best friend is. My responses to your original question were not triggered by anger but by shock and disbelief.

I have no idea what it means to believe in a concrete Hell where you end up due to having sinned. So I stay away from that. If that is your belief system, nothing I say can change that. Do you think all Jews go to hell because they believe that Jesus was a good prophet but not the messiah?

If you wish to change, don’t waste your time on this Q & A site. No wording of an offensive POV will make it less offensive. Do some work on yourself and people who live on the same planet.

tinyfaery's avatar

I want to know why this question was changed?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery what was it before?

tinyfaery's avatar

Something about why do gays get angry and pushy when… I don’t remember exactly.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery So it was changed after the allotted time? Probably the OP asked the mods

tinyfaery's avatar

It was up like that for hours. I am upset about this. Why would the mods allow a change like this to occur? It’s hard a shit to change a q or a after the edit time. I’m guessing a mod allowed this woman to change the whole point of the question because of how it made her sound. I call bullshit.

chyna's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes it was changed and after a lot of people had answered the original question. Now the answers don’t make sense. The original question insinuated that all the people that answered her other question about how to kick her DIL’s brother out of parties were all gay. Surely we all had to be or we would be on her side.~

poofandmook's avatar

@tinyfaery: maybe the in-your-face offensive nature of the question prompted the mods to request her to change it? I hope it’s that, and not her request to backpedal her way out of being a bigot.

liminal's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir “Why does it seem like gay people are always angry and pushy?”

chyna's avatar

@liminal You rock!

janbb's avatar

Yeah – the way the question is worded now I was going to say something like “Kudos for asking this” because it seemed like the OP was looking to grow. (And I had seen the previous post.) I thought there was an opportunity for dialogue. But the initial reponses didn’t jibe with that so it is confusing.

Arisztid's avatar

This is absolutely not the same question.

I saw this and was going to reply to this question, reacting positively to it like @janbb said, until I realized which question it was.

The way it is now makes the majority of the responses in it make no sense.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] To clarify: The original Q was removed by a mod because it was bigoted flame-bait. At some point, the asker edited it. Hours later a different mod saw it in the pending queue and reposted it, not realizing that it already had so many answers. Normally, we wouldn’t do that. Just a mod mix-up. Sorry!

jerv's avatar

@augustlan Well, it is nice to know that Fluther is run by humans.

janbb's avatar

Are we sure? :-)

chyna's avatar

Oh well, I guess it really doesn’t matter now. @itscomplicated has left.

Symbeline's avatar

I got problems with people who claim to fear for the souls of others and display said claim through outright bigotry and vehemence.
No matter how cleverly disguised one’s words may be, it’s either bullshit or the complete inadequicy to deal with one’s own sense of inferiority. I’ll base that on the origins of the question.

Of course, I’m not tooting my own horn though, I’m no better, I judge everyone as I do now, and I hate Furries with a passion. lawl

janbb's avatar

@prolificus Now I am really curious about what this is all about. What are you saying by posting that link? Have you been writing under an alias? I’m not feeling critical but I really want to know.

prolificus's avatar

@janbb – I was using the alias “itscomplicated.” This alias represented my mom. Itscomplicated represented a real person, a real situation.

DominicX's avatar

So this whole thing was a sham?

Oh well, I posted a sham question on wis.dm and AIROW once. Never revealed that it was a sham and they both generated heated discussion. I will probably never do that again, though, and I haven’t done that here.

Interesting, though. I don’t hate you for positing that question in that manner.

tinyfaery's avatar

I feel shammed.

janbb's avatar

@prolificus that’s what I was getting from the recent posts.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@prolificus Yeah but it made actual people on fluther hurt and upset – I don’t think you should play games like this. What if I made an alias and started talking about sedating and giving sex change operations to trans people for fun? I’m glad I ignored that question when trying to help you in another but this is showing a great new light about you, unfortunately.

prolificus's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – In no way, shape, or form was I playing a game. It was based on a real person (my mom), and a real situation (my life).

poofandmook's avatar

@prolificus: I’ve made an alias and asked questions… but there was a reason I made an alias: So nobody would know it was me. That’s kind of the point. You maybe should have just asked from your point of view and we could have tried to help more than defend gay people.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@prolificus Yeah but you were talking to your (presumably) friends on here under false pretenses and riling them up – I am failing to see (though I am trying) what you could have possibly gotten out of that q and out of posting it.

prolificus's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – this is a direct quote from what I said in this question:

“I used an alias to work through some issues I have with someone I know. The alias is a sketch of experiences I’ve had with this person. I felt that if I used my real profile, then I wouldn’t get the type of feedback I was looking for. I love getting support for my concerns, but in the case, I wanted to see how others would react to a scetch of the person.

I made sure I responded as appropriately as possible, while representing as close as possible the nature of this person.

I wasn’t being deceitful with the intent to cause trouble. Those are real questions the alias asked. None of it is fake (except one, in order to create a sense of realism). I was just asking from perspective of the alias.

If I had asked from my perspective, none of the answers would have been as they were because everyone would be patting me on the back. They would have been trying to advise me.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@prolificus It feels wrong to me, that’s all. I hope you got your answers. Your mother learned nothing from her question.

prolificus's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – You’re right. My mom learned nothing. But, I learned to hear her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@prolificus okay, I feel like I’m talking to you on ten different questions. Read my last response on the other q

prolificus's avatar

Attention everyone who particiated in this discussion:

I sincerely apologize for the hurt and trouble that was caused by my using the alias “itscomplicated.”

This will be my last post on this current thread. There is an explanation of things in this question.

Sincerely,
Me

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Drama queen much?

gailcalled's avatar

Duplicity makes me as angry as I ever get. I cannot imagine why you couldn’t ask the same question but with you as the querent.

If you want advice on how to deal with a homophobic relative or near-relative, how about asking that? You’re not using your real name, and if nothing else, you do write clearly.

YARNLADY's avatar

Like some other users,I tried a personal message without getting any response. I am neither gay, nor angry, but my message was ignored as well. That says troll to me.

Very effective, judging from the responses.

Arisztid's avatar

Alrighty then.

Let us just say “ditto what @YARNLADY said.”

poofandmook's avatar

That’s why the few times I have asked questions with an alias, I didn’t tell anyone. The whole point of the alias was so I could ask a hard question without people knowing it was me.

SeventhSense's avatar

The whole thing is so comical and so true about the nature of some people to shoot first and ask questions later. Why would anyone be offended by an honest question? What is offensive is how many people lie to go along with this little mob here or have their PC strings pulled because they have no real beliefs other than mob rules. When persons look at their sensual nature as the basis of their existence and deny their true self or their soul regardless of their sexual bias they are bound to look at morality as weighted either towards some subjective idea of nice or mean.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline I think exceptions should be made for Furries (Tribbles also).

@DominicX One of my favorite hobbies on AB. I have seen the light and have rehabilitated myself into a useful member of society.~

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@SeventhSense I have no idea what you’re saying.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@SeventhSense I can’t speak for anyone else, but my belief structure is atheistic and libertarian. Homophobia, especially based on superstition, deeply offends me.

poofandmook's avatar

@SeventhSense: I’m pretty sure that everyone who chimed in on this and the other thread all had independent beliefs on the subject. In fact, Fluther has been the only online community I’ve seen where there wasn’t a bandwagon mentality on issues. From what I can see, just about everyone who posts here with any regularity is adamant on having their own opinion, and their own say if they choose to post. Unless of course I’m misreading you on the whole mob thing.

gailcalled's avatar

@Seventh Sense:I have spent decades observing, thinking, and wondering in order to finally form some personal opinions. They are not part of a mob mentality, they are still in flux, and they have nothing to do with niceness or meanness.

The question was a reasonable one but dishonest. Why couldn’t @prolificus ask:

“I am a lesbian and am having enormous problems with my Fundamentalist Christian mother. She thinks I will literally burn in Hell. Is there any way I can have a reasonable dialog with her”? Or a version of this?

Qingu's avatar

called it :)

Symbeline's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Aye aye, damn furries.

So this was an experiment I take it…interesting. What I fail to see after the revelation is people looking back on their conduct, and this includes me, of course. Out of repulsion, nobody actually answered the question much lol.
But you have to understand, hardcore gay haters seem to run by some primitive logic to which reason and compassion falls deaf. So might as well be all INTARNETZ SERIOOZ BEEZNIZ YEAH?

gailcalled's avatar

@Symbelline; I disagree; almost everyone, thinking they were talking to a real mother, tried to make some useful suggestions. What is all that uppercase stuff signify?

Symbeline's avatar

I didn’t see much advice, aside from degrading the person for their views, but yes there is some, I didn’t say everyone did it.
But you might be right, I’m a little confused as the question was changed, and I think initially they were asking why are gays so and so, rather than how to communicate with them?

@Fyrius What is a nerd?! ’‘smashes wine glass ‘pon teh marbled fl00ringz

Fyrius's avatar

@Symbeline
A miserable little pile of secrets!

gailcalled's avatar

@Symbeline : True. Having the question modded and edited in mid-stream, so to speak, made some of the answers inappropriate.

Arisztid's avatar

The only thing I did is ask why this question is being asked. It did not make sense that someone with this attitude was attempting to do what the original question stated: speak with those angry gay people.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline Nerd? C’est moi. Wind turbines, Klingon bat’leths, antique motorcycles, Harry Potter and can’t function socially F2F. :^)

jerv's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I thought we were geeks…

SeventhSense's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land
I find the term Homophobia deeply offensive. No I’;m kidding actually nothing really offends me other than injustice. Some things annoy the shit out of me but whatever… The way that term is bandied around as a knee jerk reaction against anyone who has an opinion about any gay issue or person is inane. Whether you’re black, white, transvestite or queer that doesn’t make anyone less open for critique. Hell people rip me a new one daily. Never to my face but online

So there are idiosyncrasies that are germane to many groups whether it be Valley girls or drag queens. The “Queer eye for the straight Guy” metrosexual thing was kind of funny for 10 minutes. But the only one who really bugged the shit out of me was the Carson character. I don’t even like when women are that swishy. It just seems disingenuous. A straight man or woman can be accepting of homosexuals though without necessarily standing on a rainbow pony with a pink boa.
As fetching as that image is of course

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