General Question

Ludy's avatar

How can you tell if a person is smoking?

Asked by Ludy (1499 points ) May 1st, 2010

I love my fiance like I’ve never had, he’s been acting weird lately, like going out a lot with stupid excuses, and now I’ve smelled smoke on him (he knows I hate smoking) he denies it I don’t believe him and I am going crazy, How can you tell? is there any way to prove him wrong, catch him?

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46 Answers

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Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Of course he’s smoking.

slick44's avatar

Im with @gailcalled on this one. Sounds like the best thing to do.

frdelrosario's avatar

“Idiotic answer”?! Oh heavens, I must flag that as a personal attack, so offended am I.

wundayatta's avatar

Trust your senses. You don’t have to go sneaking around spying on him. Just ask him to explain the smell. Maybe he is hanging out with smokers.

Does he taste of smoke, as well? That’s more conclusive than just having it on his clothes.

plethora's avatar

If you suspect he is smoking, he is. My question is how can anyone NOT be aware someone is smoking, if they are. They reek of it. It comes out through the pores. The skin tastes bitter when you kiss them. The voice begins to get raspy as they get older…but mainly the smell….yuk

slick44's avatar

@frdelrosario… Good luck with that.

Jeruba's avatar

Are you worried that he is smoking, or are you worried that he’s hanging out with smokers? If it’s on his clothes but not on his breath, he probably has friends you don’t know.

plethora's avatar

“I’ve smelled smoke on him ”

He IS smoking….and also lying about it!!

tranquilsea's avatar

Having to go out a lot and smelling like smoke…I would say he is smoking. It is a serious issue in my world. I just lost my mother due to her smoking for 40 years. I would be devastated if I had to go through that with my hubby.

As previously stated you have to decide if it is a deal breaker.

gailcalled's avatar

Oops. I did think that 90% of my answer was spot-on, however.

slick44's avatar

@gailcalled… what did i tell ya.

Ludy's avatar

I’m worried he’s smoking, I’m worried he’s lying, I’m worried “us” not working :( I talk to him about it he still denies it but somoetimes I am not really sure I want to know th truth

gailcalled's avatar

As I said before I was so rudely interrupted, is his smoking a deal breaker? That’s for you to decide; then take it from there. Any loving relationship should be based on truth, in my experience. And you do want a partner who is planning on living.

Ludy's avatar

wow, i don’t like that:“hanging out with friends I don’t know about”, now I’m even more concerned :|

slick44's avatar

I think you need to address the trust issues, before the smoking issues. If you cant trust or believe him, does the smoking really matter?

Ludy's avatar

I was just being funny @gailcalled ! :)

casheroo's avatar

@Ludy I caught my husband lying to me about smoking back in December. I know him pretty well, I knew he was lying but I had no proof. Then I got physical proof. Also, he’d come home and shower before coming into bed, which was very odd behavior for him.

The best way to see if he’s lying is, tell him you don’t care if he’s smoking..that you won’t be angry, but just don’t lie about it. Lying can destroy a relationship. Find out why he’s lying.

gailcalled's avatar

@casheroo: Interesting but that only works if she really doesn’t care whether he is smoking. It sounds as though she does. And I can certainly understand why. What do you do about him smoking near the kids?

xxii's avatar

I think I’d be equally bothered by the smoking itself and the fact that he’s lying about it… that’s because smoking is a major dealbreaker for me, and that varies by individual.

I think the best way to address this is not to try and “counter-sneak” him to catch him out, but approach him honestly, when both of you have time to discuss the issue, and tell him that dishonesty will open up worse problems in your relationship than a smoking habit will. If he’s serious about this relationship, he’ll open up and talk about it. If he continues to deny it, you might have to reassess the relationship. There’s no good reason why a man should consistently lie to his future wife.

casheroo's avatar

@gailcalled what? My husband smoking near the kids? No, he was not smoking cigarettes, and it was not anywhere near the children.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

I think being able to smell the smoke on him is enough to prove it. Get someone else to smell his clothing, too. Smokers think the smell may be gone, but non-smokers can always tell (unless something is wrong with their sense of smell).

Other than that, if you need solid solid proof, you may have to go through his things or do some other sneaky stuff to find evidence of him buying and/or smoking cigarettes . Or ask his friends – and threaten something nasty if they don’t tell the truth! :P

But yeah, it’s definitely worse that he’s lying about smoking than the actual smoking. If he never used to smoke (or hasn’t for a long time), it may be an indication that something very stressful is happening. You’re engaged, right? He may be worried that it won’t work out. Talk to him up-front and resolve the issue before you get married.

Jeruba's avatar

You can end up with your clothes and even your hair full of smoke without taking a drag yourself, if you’re in close proximity to other smokers, especially in a closed space like a car. On your breath, though, you have to do that yourself. So I think the question is still whether it’s that you don’t want him to be using smokable substances or you want to know who he’s with when he’s not with you.

Either way, if you don’t trust him, that’s a big question that you’d better face up to before you get married. It’ll only be worse if you wait.

chamelopotamus's avatar

lol “If he has a cigarette in his mouth” – the comments that were removed?

YARNLADY's avatar

Smokers stink, their breath, their clothes, their bodies, their hair, everything they sit on, and their teeth and fingers are discolored. Nictoine gets in every single cell of the body, and it seeps out constantly.

chuhyun1206's avatar

you know if he’s smoking if smell comes from his hand.

SeventhSense's avatar

Work on communicating with him. He’s obviously struggling with it and you should find a way to support him or help him quit. Accusing him of stuff won’t help. It’ll probably just make him better at hiding it.
I’m going to smoke a cigar

tranquilsea's avatar

@YARNLADY IMO, not all smokers stink in the way you’ve described. Some do, yes, but I had a family full of smokers and they didn’t really stink all that much.

My brother had to quit smoking after he was diagnosed with Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis (his immune system was shutting down his kidneys). After a terrifying fight, he went into remission. A couple years later we were all gathered for Christmas at my mom’s and he was continually out in the back yard. I asked him, a couple of times, if he had started smoking again and he denied it. Then he popped out the screen in the bedroom he was staying in and I asked him why. He needed more air through the window. A week into the visit my hubby saw him smoking in the back yard.

He didn’t want to be lectured on how completely stupid it was for him to start smoking again. I kind of understand not wanting to be lectured, but he really needed it as his health is precarious.

Ludy's avatar

He is probably smoking very little, if he is, because it doesn’t smell a lot, just eough for it to linger aroun his mouth, so maybe, sometimes i think I am seeing what I wanna see :(

buster's avatar

They sell nicotine dip card drug test at Walgreens and online. Its basically a card that has a little window on it. You pee in the cup it comes with then dip the card in the pee and wait a couple minutes. One line in the window is positive and two lines is negative much like a pregnancy test.

gailcalled's avatar

@Ludy; You are waffling. Trust your feelings.

Ludy's avatar

wow, now that’s more like it, i want to bust him

Neizvestnaya's avatar

He’s probably smoking. I also understand sometimes it’s more about the person not telling you what they’re doing than that they’re doing it because it shows a lack of bonding in the relationship. Partners should be able to confide in each other when they do things they agreed not to, it gives them a chance to talk about the issues surrounding the acting out and to be able to get on the same page again.

SeventhSense's avatar

@buster
Great now she’s drug testing her SO. Sounds like a real trusting relationship. What happens when he returns the favor…maybe a blood sugar test for twinkies. :)
I’m just sayin’....

Ludy's avatar

hhahahahaha, have nothing to hide by the way ! :)

SeventhSense's avatar

The lab results don’t look promising.. ;)

Ludy's avatar

what do you mean?

SeventhSense's avatar

Somethin’ about some Sugar Corn pops…

Ludy's avatar

c’mon you are always joking around, can’t take anything serious from you :D

SeventhSense's avatar

Well…somethings…but you already know the answer to this question anyway. Your problem is now, what to do with the information.

Ludy's avatar

To everybody that answered: HE IS, Thank you everybody you guys were totally right and so was I, he was smoking but the worst part is that he was lying, I asked him ” Do you want me to marry you even tough I don’t trust you?” he evaded the question ” I am not smoking” I said ” I don’t believe you, but do you still want to marry you?” him: I don’t want to hurt you, me: You did already, him: I have been smoking, me : :( . I feel so sad, and at the same time I don’t know how to feel, how to trust again, I think he is the love of my life, What do you do when the love of your life betrays you??? :(

SeventhSense's avatar

@Ludy
I think you’re placing too much value on this. It’s an addiction.

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Ludy's avatar

it truly is, i caught him again btw :(

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