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jandre6231's avatar

My boyfriend was mad at me and posted a personal ad for no strings attached girls on craigslist tohurt me. What's really going on?

Asked by jandre6231 (33 points ) May 1st, 2010 from iPhone

Why does he beg to stay together to the point of tears and lash out
soo cruelly in one form or another

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

What’s really going on? He’s an abusive asshole, that’s what’s going on.

He’s doing these things deliberately to screw with you. I can’t say what the full reason behind that is, but what is absolutely obvious is that you should not be in that relationship.

LadyMmaLover's avatar

He may be trying to test your boundaries to see what he can get away with. Or it could be that he goes back and forth between the idea of wanting to be with you and not wanting to be with you. Whatever the case is he isn’t treating you right. If he keeps doing this then what makes you think he will ever stop? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I hope things work out for you.

jaytkay's avatar

Drop him

bob_'s avatar

Run. Now. If you don’t, the tears will turn into punches.

Ludy's avatar

Why are you even w/ a person that gets drunk and high?

tranquilsea's avatar

It’s time to move on. Anyone who treats you like this doesn’t deserve to be with you. Don’t try to psychoanalyze him as he is responsible for his behaviour even when drunk or high.

I don’t have any mean people in my life because I don’t have time for it.

Silhouette's avatar

What’s going on is you are allowing him to be abusive to you and he sheds a few tears and tells you he’s sorry and you put up with it. The begging you back is the best part, it’s part of the power trip. As far as he is concerned, everytime you take him back you are giving him permission to hurt you worse than the time before. Save yourself before it gets physical. Mean people suck.

Adagio's avatar

what’s really going on? what’s really going on is that you do not respect yourself enough to walk away.

MrsDufresne's avatar

Well, @Adagio hit the metaphorical nail on the head.

Ludy's avatar

Guys don’t be so harsh on her, I don’t know why but I let my ex abuse me a lot, I loved him, we’re not in her shoes and even if somebody is going trough the same situation, what she’s feeling is unique, wish everything ends up well for you, :)

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

@Ludy I don’t think most of us are being harsh by telling her to leave him. It’s for her own good health. Relationships like that should not continue, as she’s likely to get hurt even more than she already is.

Both myself, my sister, my mother and my best friend have gone through relationships like this (to varying degrees). While every situation is indeed unique, there are certain patterns that present themselves, and what she has mentioned certainly fit those patterns.

As much as you may love someone, or think you do, it is no excuse to let someone do terrible things to you. Chances are she would be much better off without this guy.

Silhouette's avatar

@Ludy Seriously? Don’t say anything harsh, maybe something to make her think about her relationship in terms of tolerating abuse.

slick44's avatar

Drop that loser!

bob_'s avatar

Well, damn, @Ludy, perhaps we should tell her to put her big-girl panties on, stick around, take a punch or two like in the old days? Abuse is never okay, never excusable, no matter the situation. It is not to be tolerated.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I agree with the others, you need to get out before it gets worse. Intentionally hurting you emotionally is abuse and often times emotional abuse escalates to physical abuse. You deserve someone better.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@jandre6231 This guy has shown he does not respect you. Why would you want to be with someone who does not care about your feelings.

It is never so important to have a boyfriend that you should allow someone to mistreat you or humiliate you. Have enough respect for yourself to walk away with your head held high.

If you show you have self-respect, others will try you respectfully.
Don’t be afraid to be alone. It is much better than being with someone who does things to hurt you.

I wish you the courage to care enough about yourself to stand up for what you deserve.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Is this the way you want to spend the next couple of years of your life? It will not get better.
Get out before you invest anything more into this pit.

Pandora's avatar

He sounds like the type of guy who may turn physically abusive later in your relationship. The more you give into his bad behavior the more likely he sees it as a green light to treat you even worse. He is testing the waters to see how far he can manipulate you. Cut him lose before you are in over your head. He is slowly tearing down your self esteem and does so deliberately so that you will feel totally dependent on him. Let him go before you end up with 5 children and daily beatings to you and the kids everytime he feels the world is rough on him.

marinelife's avatar

Because he can have girls with no strings attahced and keep you (with the tears) waiting in the wings as a handy back-up.

Dump this guy!

filmfann's avatar

If you stay, he will eventually stop apologizing, and begging you to stay. He will just expect that of you.
Leave him now! If you stay, you will lose all self-respect.

sassy1's avatar

Hes not respecting you!!!! Time to dump him, if a guy did that to me id snip his friend off while he slept lol. You have to remember your a human being and if he treats you like dirt like that then hes not showing he loves you

wundayatta's avatar

While it is true that abusers can beg and cry for forgiveness, this may not be the correct story. We really don’t have enough information to really guess what the correct story is.

Why was he mad at you? How mad was he? If you had kissed his best friend or been unfaithful, I can see him posting such an ad out of anger.

Did he get any responses? Did he follow up on any of them? He may have only posted the ad to get back at you, but had no intention of having nsa sex.

What behaviors do you mean when you say “lash out so cruelly in one form or another?” Is it verbal lashing out? Is it about whatever it was you did to make him angry? Or is it generally casting aspersions on your character for no particular reason other than he’s angry? Is he angry in general? Does he drink too much, or use other drugs?

What’s really going on? Maybe he’s guilty about something he did. Maybe he’s truly very angry with you. Maybe he’s abusive (you would know this better than any of us).

Whatever it is, it sounds like both of you have a lot to learn about relationships. You’re not going to learn it on your own, as things stand now. If you do want to stay in the relationship, you’d do well to enter couples counseling. Otherwise, you will probably do this kind of thing over and over.

thriftymaid's avatar

You have an idiot loser for a boyfriend; find another one.

Trillian's avatar

My question is; why, after this posting, do you consider him to be your boyfriend? If he wants to post this kind of crap why would you just not walk away and let him have at it? Even if he had no intention of doing anything, posting an ad for sex crossed a line in my book. It’s a point of no return and time to reassess what you want out of not only this relationship but out of life. Stop hoping it’s going to get better. it won’t. Stop hoping he’ll “realize what he has in you.” He already does and he knows he can wipe his feet on it. Move on.

deni's avatar

dump him. thats really stupid.

YARNLADY's avatar

What’s going on? Your definition of love is dysfunctional For a comparison see the link I have provided.

BoBo1946's avatar

l o v e, can be very mean-spirited !

Trillian's avatar

@YARNLADY I bookmarked that page. Thank you.

meagan's avatar

Whoaaa. Kick him to the curb. If hes just your boyfriend now and he’ll do this, think of the things he could do later on. This is insane.

Ludy's avatar

guys, i didn’t mean it that way, sugesting she should put up with that s____ ok? is just that i understand how she must be feeling and that when i said that i went trough the same situation i didn’t stay there, @jandre6231 : Not gonna tell you what to do, or not to worry or that everything is gonna be ok because i know you might not believe me, I was not happy, still i didn’t want to admit it or leave him, I tought he was gonna change, he didn’t, but one day I woke up and didn’t love him anymore, I was tired and just moved on, it wasn’t easy, I felt lonely, I cried ( a lot ) and question myself about going back to him , I did not, and that was the best thing I ever did, I have become stronger after that but if somebody came and told me : dump him, you should not be in this relationship, you’re allowing him to treat you like that etc, etc, ... this would not had helped me, just saying :)

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