NSFW Why is sexual spanking so arousing?

Why is this arousing for the spanker? —Could mean different things for everyone. As the spanker you have control over the situation and level of pain. You’re the one dominating the other person. Power is definitely arousing.

Why is this arousing for the spankee?—Some people want to lose control and be forced to do what someone makes them do. Also just the pain itself gets a lot of people off.

Do you like to spank or be spanked?—Both. One of the sexist things to me is slight redness on a woman’s ass because of being spanked.

I’ve been known to dole out spontaneous, single spanks. I think it’s a display of sexual aggression, a non-verbal reminder that “your ass belongs to me, and I’ll smack it whenever I want” sorta thing.

Why is this arousing for the spanker?
Dominance, power, control, knowing that they are pleasing the other person.

Why is this arousing for the spankee?
Submissiveness, loss of control, being forced to do something, pleasure from pain, liking to be punished and told what to do.
For a lot of people, it’s just a basic form of foreplay. Personally, I think it really is just like anything else…. sex games, bodypaint, biting, being tied up, etc.

Do you like to spank or be spanked?
I’m more so the submissive one in this situation, but I have to be in the mood. There are times when I don’t mind it and times when I do. I would prefer if someone didn’t spank me unless I told them they could beforehand. If I am in the mood, then I’d ask for biting and hair pulling too. I don’t mind being roughed up every once in a while, I’m just not into any rape fantasies and don’t you dare choke me or slap me across my face. Okay, maybe you can slap me, but no choking! XD
Overall, spanking can be fun and something different to try. It doesn’t have to be extreme and there doesn’t have to be any bondage involved. Like @FutureMemory stated, spontaneous spanks are pretty fucking hot.

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

I don’t know why it arouses some people, but it definitely does. Spanking doesn’t do anything for me, but my partner enjoyed receiving it immensely. I didn’t so much enjoy giving a spanking as I enjoyed giving her pleasure. We found that bondage, mild spanking and cunnilingus was an explosive mixture indeed.

The pleasure may have something to do with the tactile stimulation, combined with the risk element (of abuse), but in a totally safe environment. My lady called the combination of bondage and spanking “la danse confiance” (the dance of trust). My fear of harming her contributed to her feeling of safety in the “scene”. Over the years we introduced more elaborate methods and instruments as my confidence increased.

We found that there were other stimuli equally arousing as pain. Soft stimulation; fur mittens, camels hair brushes, etc causes very interesting reactions. Sometimes mixing “hard” and “soft” works wonderfully. Besides striking, pinching, either with fingers or clamps can be pleasurable; especially when the pressure is released and the blood rushes back into the area. Heat and cold sensation are interesting areas to explore also.

Remember that there is a distinct difference between “hurt” and “harm”, also between “good pain” and “bad pain”. The keywords are safe, sane and consensual. Go gently and have fun.

Hello, @Vunessuh. * SPANK *. Now go make me a sandwich—and like it.

Why is it arousing? I don’t know, it just is.

<—- spanker

Fantastic answers!
Could you all also say whether you are male or female, please?

<—all man

@bob_ Sure about that?~

@Facade I can prove it XD

lol

I have encountered many women who enjoy being spanked. I don’t get it, but I can have fun with it. I’ve known a few who liked to go way beyond that. I’ve never considered any of the actions sexy myself, but I don’t mind them if they’re harmless. I have noticed that they seem to get the girls juices going.

@evandad Yes, yes they do.

I agree that there is likely a variety of reasons why someone might enjoy spanking (on either end of the deal). A spanker might be naturally dominant, enjoy power exchange, enjoy inflicting pain, enjoy the sensual, intimate aspects of spanking, etc. A spankee might be naturally submissive, enjoy handing the reins over to someone else, find the pain and the process to be physically arousing, perhaps they’ve fetishized childhood punishments, or something else. Some people may not be all that into the spanking itself, but find their partner’s reactions to be incredibly arousing, so they do it not so much because they love spanking, but are turned on by the intense physical reaction from the spankee.

As someone on the submissive end of the kink spectrum, I can say from personal experience that there’s something deeply satisfying and arousing about the dynamic during a spanking. I have issues with control; I have a tight rein on everything during my normal life and it’s difficult for me to loosen that up. It’s due to this control that I struggle with allowing myself to be vulnerable, even in good, trusting relationships, and even in bed. Being the submissive one in a “scene” is like having a weight lifted off me for a time.. I pass on that control and I feel a grateful bliss.

My last two girlfriends were not naturally dominant (the last one identified as a submissive), but once they saw how my body responded to their taking control and spanking me, they really quickly got on board and both of them came to love doing it.

I do have a small dominant streak and I have tried my hand at spanking, I enjoy it when the mood strikes. I think what I like about it is being the one in power/control and being able to inflict a bit of pain that turns the other person on.

@MissAnthrope Do you see fetishizing childhood punishments as a positive or negative thing?

@Facade – I’ve said this before in other threads (sorry to repeat myself, just not sure whether you participated in those discussions), but I’m pretty sure my draw to being spanked (amongst other elements, such as craving punishment, discipline, and enjoying some humiliation during spankings) is due to my father beating me with a belt on my bare butt when I was little. These beatings were extraordinarily traumatic to me at the time, not something I would intentionally take along into adulthood. I mean, as much as I have been spanked and enjoyed it, I have always thought I would draw the line if my top broke out a belt. Too close to home, you know?

I make the connection because of the elements I mentioned above. Like, a spanking for no reason is great, but man, if you add in the element of punishment, it’s like over-the-top hot for me. I’ve long pondered my interest in kink, BDSM, spanking. I don’t remember when it began, when I realized that it turned me on. It’s just always been fascinating and arousing.

In terms of whether fetishizing childhood punishments is positive or negative, I think it depends on the individual. To me, it’s like someone who has been raped that has rape fantasies (there was a question here once about this). You have your traumatic event, then you have to work through it. Part of me sees either situation as being dependent on some factors. If the person is relatively healthy and is not still devastated by the trauma, I don’t see that as being negative. Under the right conditions, I think exploring this fetish with a healthy mindset is a way of working through the trauma in a safe environment. If the person hasn’t healed, it may be cathartic as well, but I would be afraid that that sort of play might rip open the wounds, rather than being therapeutic.

Lastly, I will say that I have mixed feelings about my own abuse and later fetishes. I find it a little creepy and gross, in how it started. I mean, if I think of the abuse, it is not at all a turn on and it kind of makes me a little sick to my stomach. I guess it feels kind of weird when I analyze it, because I pretty much know where it all began (thanks, Dad!). However, I know enough psychology to recognize that it’s not a bad way to have processed this trauma. I could have gone other routes.. to become an abuser, or self-abusing through substances, or whatever. I guess my point is, in my case, that it’s probably not the most positive thing, but I’m trying to turn it into one by exploring the fetish in safe, comfortable ways.

@MissAnthrope Great post! This is very subjective, and I like your insight.

@Facade – Thanks. And thanks to you for posting this question. It’s good for me to talk about because it’s not something I get to discuss all that often. I saw this Q early this morning but wanted to wait to chime in until I was actually awake. <3

Why is this arousing for the spanker? @FutureMemory said it for me.

Why is this arousing for the spankee? The idea of submission mixed with a tinge of pain accompanied by pleasure and soothing. Might go deep and propose because it’s given by someone you love, sexually desire and feel equal to (adult to adult) then it’s a balm for all the helpless times of being spanked as a child and a bit of thrill in balancing the roles of power.

Do you like to spank or be spanked? I don’t mind spanking if it gives the person a thrill. I could care less about being spanked. Actually I do care, it hurts, it leaves welts and the excitement pales in comparison to the rush I get from being pleasured by caresses or passioned graplings and bindings. To me, spanking makes me feel like I’ve got nothing else left to appreciate and am resorting to the juvenile in order to get some sort of thrill. I’m not that sexually beat to where I don’t still long for and deeply appreciate simple tender things.

Why is this arousing for the spanker?
I’m assuming that it is a dominance thing, or mostly a dominance thing. “This is my booty! I get to smack it whenever I want and however I want!” Also, could just be a playful sign of affection or foreplay.
I spank my boyfriend gently, and not in any sort of sexual manner. I do it just to be playful and I also do it because I can and I can get away with it. But this is probably different to each person.

Why is this arousing for the spankee?
Being dominated over, feeling “owned” (it is the closest term I can think of, forgive me). The attention and the physical touch.

Do you like to spank or be spanked?
I do like being spanked, sexually and playfully.
I enjoy my butt being touched, because I know it is being appreciated and by my boyfriend, who I want to like it.
And it honestly isn’t all that painful, I like it. :)

@MissAnthrope That’s what makes a tops role so difficult. The “weight” has to go somewhere, so top takes the bottoms weight of responsibility as well as his own. The top has to know how to create the tension and drama (and ultimate release) without trauma or actual harm. Not just avoiding physical harm, but not pushing the wrong button emotionally. The bottom ultimately controls the scene; the bottom being safest in the hands of a dominant who is not a sadist by nature. It’s a very dangerous combination when a true masochist, with a high pain tolerance, and a true sadist come together.

I like your connection of earlier abuse to present scenes. I think it’s a way for the submissive to process the abusive memory. The bad memories are reenacted to an extent, but turned at a key point into a pleasurable conclusion. This is especially gratifying when working with a top who turns things at just the right moment, when the “scary” part of the scene shifts to pleasurable stimulation. Communication before the scene starts is so important; with a good pairing, it just gets better the more scenes they play.

Of course, I’m describing “light” scenes. The “heavier” scenes, centering more on pain, are a different thing. In these the bottom is “flying in subspace” and the top has the responsibility of getting her there, keeping her safely in that “zone” and bringing her gently and safely down (aftercare); helping her process the experience.

@Facade
Naughty Liz

@lloydbird ;D

@MissAnthrope your story is exactly my experience. It is very conflicting, and it makes me livid sometimes, but I do believe it sparked my bdsm and spanking fetish (among many others I developed from other, less scarring experiences) and god, does it turn me on! I am a man, which makes me feel even weirder about it, but i enjoy both spanking a woman or being spanked by a woman, and I love the full range, from lighter playfull smacks, to being forced to stand in the corner hands raised above your head, paddling as hard as i can with an old carved paddle or tied up and thrown over the knee and crying for mercy with literal tears streaming down her (or my) faceXD. And then there’s the whole bondage thing… Anything else i could tell you @Facade? What sparked your curiosity I wonder:)