How much do you worry about your significant other cheating?

I don’t.

I’m just not the really jealous type, I guess. That and I know my husband isn’t interested in sex enough to maintain two partners. He’d rather cheat on me with a guitar. Seriously.

I never think about it. If she ever falls in love with another man I’m sure she will tell me, instead of acting out like a teenager. I’m also certain that she won’t make love with someone with whom she is not in love.

I stopped worrying when I realized that my husband is going to do what he wants to do. I have no control over his thoughts or actions. If I sit and worry it will just make the situation worse, and I could easily push him away with that type of behavior.

Be confident. It’s very appealing. :)

I can relate but I’m trying to get past it so that I can actually be in a relationship again. I’m not ready at this point but I’m past thinking that it’s all of them. I think that my selection process has undergone a change so it’s all to the good. Good luck to you, I really do know how you feel and I don’t fancy feeling it again myself.

I’m not worried, never was. The way I see it, if another woman can take him from me, he wasn’t mine in the first place. Fear of betrayal wastes your time and eats holes in your heart. Sometimes the fear is so bad it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. You are afraid he’ll cheat, you withhold pieces of yourself, he doesn’t think you love him with your whole heart, he finds it somewhere else. Round and round it goes. You have to put it all on the line. In for a penny, in for a pound. The truth is a cheating spouse won’t kill you unless you let it.

Silhouette, words to live by. I hope to be as strong as you one day. Thanks

I dont.

Damn, @Silhouette. Real powerful words. I was going to type up some cynical response, but… damn. I can’t now, you just blew my mind.

If you give him all that you could possibly give him, and if he strays it is his fault, not yours. You own that reality and never let anyone take that from you!

I’ve never been cheated on to the best of my knowledge. I can’t even get my hubby to agree on dating again if I were to die before him so I don’t think he’ll “date” someone else while I’m alive.

About a decent 5% of the time. My partner was a faithful man but was cheated on several times by an ex and so I sometimes wonder if in all his own hurt and anger he doesn’t believe in fidelity as strongly as before or that he doesn’t want to give his love as fully ever again. I wonder how much of this particular hurt, anger and fear of emotional intimacy fuels his addictions and acting out on them.

I have been cheated on in the past, but I know that my SO is not my ex. I don’t worry about him cheating on me at all. He is a much different person than my ex was and it would not be fair for me to punish him for what my ex did. I think it’s important to start each relationship with the understanding that this is someone new and not the person you were with previously. It takes some time to adjust to that way of thinking, but it really is a good thing to do.

I had two posts in a row from you on the same subject. You seem a bit obsessed. If your partner picks up on your insecurities it will just drive them away from you.

I agree with evandad. If you have no reason for distrust with this new person, then try to get rid of your fears. He’s not responsible for what happened to you in the past.

@missjena, the way you describe your situation implies a sense of helplessness with regards to this issue, as though the fear of being cheated on is something that you can’t control (e.g., “almost all men cheat”, that it’s “almost impossible” for you to feel better).

I think the first thing that you need to do is realise that you do have control over these feelings, and that your own mind is creating these anxieties and worries for you. Yes, you may have been cheated on in the past, and that may make you feel vulnerable, but your own thoughts on the matter are prolonging that pain longer than it needs to go on. Things have and will continue to happen to you that you cannot control, but you can control your reactions to those events, and ultimately, how big an impact those events have on your life. You need to deal with that yourself – this isn’t about your relationship now, or about your relationships in the future, it’s about you. Making these sorts of feelings a “relationship issue” rather than a “personal issue” pins your issues onto your partner and most of the time that happens, things turn sour. It just isn’t fair on the other person at all.

With regards to your question, you will find that people can identify with you, and will be able to identify with you. This will always be the case, as long as human beings are falliable creatures, prone to insecurity, able to speculate and hypothesise about abstract future events, and are endowed with cognitive abilities that can make or break us. It is natural to instinctively seek out like-minded people as a source of support and comfort. I think almost everyone can identify a sense of comfort from feeling like they aren’t alone with feelings they have and don’t like. However, I really don’t think this should be a long-term coping strategy for dealing with these sorts of feelings – other people may well have the same anxieties as you and you can gain comfort from this, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do everything you can do move on from these feelings.

All of this can be more easily said than done, but with so many forms of negative, worrisome and ruminative thoughts, simply being able to exercise a degree of control over them and recognise what they are is hugely positive. Even if you can’t stop the thoughts coming for now, just being able to control them, and identify them as realistic or unrealistic, irrational or irrational, and understand where they are coming from, should help you a lot. I think this will apply far beyond your concerns about relationships and being cheated on, and so whilst I don’t think this sort of learning and growth is a quick fix, I believe it is something that could prove really valuable for the rest of your life.