What is a polite way to respond to a nosy person who acts smiley and friendly when they ask their nosy questions?
Asked by
jca (
36062
)
June 2nd, 2010
Here is just one example: i have a coworker who is not known for being particularly friendly. i don’t talk to her about anything except superficial issues, such as the weather, or whatever. Today she was asking me about my time (meaning my schedule), saying she notices i am late a lot. I am late a lot, and when i am, i charge it against my time balances (meaning, if i am 15 minutes late, i use 15 minutes of my vacation time). My supervisor is aware of it and she does not mind, because if anybody is late in our unit we use our own time, nothing is “given” to us. The supervisor knows that issues arise with traffic, children, cars, and as long as you “charge” your time, it’s your time to use/lose. my time does not concern my coworker in any way. She and I do not do the same work, she is not over me, etc. So she was asking me what time i leave at the end of the day, saying she notices i am late a lot. She was telling me about someone she knows who has children and is never late, wakes up early, etc. So while she was asking me these nosy questions, and smiling nicely while she did it, i was wondering how i could or should respond in a way that would not be overtly rude, but would let her know that i don’t think this is any of her business.
That’s just one example. In general: How would you respond to someone who is asking nosy questions, if you wanted to keep your response polite, yet letting them know you are not a pushover, and respond in such a way that they would think twice about prying any more?
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17 Answers
“Sorry – but that’s between me and my supervisor.”
I would smile just as fake/sweetly as she was, and say very nicely “why-ever would you ask me such a thing?”
Give her your best Scarlet O’Hara voice.
My Southern friend tells me that saying “Bless your heart” is a polite way to tell someone to f- off so maybe you could try interjecting that into your response!
Oh, you don’t need to worry about that, it’s taken care of.
Well, let’s talk about your personal life instead.
There was a woman where I worked that acted like that and I never knew how to respond either. I like what @YARNLADY said.
I would just remind them it is a violation of our HR policies to discuss these issues with anyone other than HR or our supervisor(s).
Compliment her on how observant she is and then shift the conversation to being persistent about wanting to know the story of how she became such an observant person.
If she doesn’t have children, talk about how wonderful it is to have children. How much meaning they bring to your life and how wonderful your family is. Grab her arm when she tries to leave and continue the conversation. Ask her why she doesn’t have any children.
In general, I guess I would turn the conversation around to topics that make the person uncomfortable and overwhelm them until they decide to leave you alone. That way you get to have a little fun.
In the example you gave I would have just said, “How great for her!” And then remained silent while looking intently at her.
All of the above answers are very good,but I think you should squirt her mouth with a spray bottle filled with vinegar every time she does that ;)
“Did I bother you when I was late? No? Then lets talk about something else”. She deserves a little bit of spiciness.
I would reply that…“This is the very reason I love working here so much as I have the flexibility to use minutes of my work day as I see fit and isn’t (our supervisors name) so wonderful in supporting us when we need to make these kind of adjustments to our schedules?!! <turn and whistle as you walk away….>
I prefer the direct approach- ‘why, how observant. Now, why are you talking to me about this?’.
Call manipulative people on their bullshit, in a nice and non-confrontational manner and they shrink away like the snakes they are.
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She’s not nosey, she is covert aggressive. The best way to deal with her is employ purposely obtuse or covert aggression they can’t take either, it blows their minds.
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/11/19/covert-aggressive-personality/
Woman: “I notice you are late a lot.”
You: “Really, I hadn’t noticed.”
Woman: ” I know someone who has children and is never late, wakes up early, etc.”
You: “I used to know someone like that too,small world isn’t it?”
You get the picture.
Been there, done that. Let’s look at it from her perspective. This is a person who lives and breathes responsibility. She probably arrives 15 or more minutes before scheduled for work. It slays her to see someone habitually arrive late for work, thus she is calling you out. Since she doesn’t have the full story, she probably feels that you are taking advantage of the company.
You are doing the right thing and don’t offer her an explanation. But if you want to set things straight, talk to her. It will restore you and your supervisor’s reputation and help her gain a better perspective on life.
You could smile as sweetly as she was and politely tell her that it shouldn’t be of her concern. “Kill em with kindness”, is what I say.
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