Social Question

mary84's avatar

How long do you wait before you change your relationship status on facebook?

Asked by mary84 (570 points ) June 13th, 2010

We have been seeing each other for a few months and have agreed to become exclusive. I changed my relationship status a while ago on facebook, but he hasn’t (he doesn’t show his status at all).
I know it’s stupid and somewhat adolescent to be bothered about something like facebook, and also don’t wanna come across as needy or a facebook nerd, but I’d kind of like for him to let people know he’s taken and has a girlfriend.

If you have a facebook account, at what point do you change your relationship status?

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22 Answers

chyna's avatar

If he has never shown it before, I wouldn’t insist he show it now. You are correct, it will sound adolescent. I don’t change my status, I don’t really care what others think nor do I want others to know everything there is to know about me.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

A couple of questions for you…If his personal info. is set to not display his relationship status, how do you know that he hasn’t changed it? Did he ever have the relationship status filled out?

What about saying, “Honey, I changed my FB relationship status to reflect that I am/we are dating. Is that okay with you? Do you plan to change yours?” You may find out that he has a valid reason or didn’t give it a thought.

Let us know how it turns out!

Leanne1986's avatar

I have been in a relationship for four years and my relationship status has never been visable on Facebook. Why? Because it is not necessary. People that know me well know that I am happily taken and all anyone that doesn’t know needs to do is ask.

anartist's avatar

never post it

jerv's avatar

If you are like my cousin, about twelve minutes.

Personally, I was married for a few years before getting a Facebook account and don’t care who knows I am married, but if my actual status changed, updating FB would not be a big priority for me.

asawilliams's avatar

Its a sign that you spend too much time on that site or you dont trust him enough, either wayit doesnt matter

xStarlightx's avatar

You two should sit down and talk about it. I would say its mest up for him not to show that you two are an item.

perspicacious's avatar

@xStarlightx “mest up.” You made my day!

Seaofclouds's avatar

Some people really like to try to keep some level of privacy on FB, this could be one of the things that he prefers to keep private. If it bothers you, talk to him about it. I really like @Pied_Pfeffer‘s idea. I think the bigger question is, why does it bother you? Is it a trust issue or is it something else?

nikipedia's avatar

If you don’t change it now to say you’re in a relationship, you won’t have to change it back when you break up. Just sayin’.

SamIAm's avatar

it makes things less complicated when you stop dating to NOT have the status reflected on your facebook, i’m just sayin’ ...

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’s not the fb status that lets people know he’s taken, it should be him saying it when and if the need for that arises….end of story.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I don’t show it in the first place. I don’t need that extra drama added to our relationship – we know where we are (or if we don’t, facebook isn’t the way to start that convo) and the rest of the world can butt the hell out.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I never thought about listing one at all until recent when my bf and I started living together. While we were dating, even exclusively then I left the entry field empty. If we split up then I’d change the status immediately because fb is the one spot where my longterm friends and I catch up.

meagan's avatar

People also love to lie on the internet. Why should he change it if he can continue to let other women think that hes “single”? This is what would bother me.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@meagan When I became engaged, I didn’t change the relationship status until I had the opportunity to personally tell some people, like family and friends.

@mary84 We can speculate until the cows come home. Please…just talk to him about it, and make no demands.

chyna's avatar

@meagan She said he doesn’t post it at all, so why would that mean he was single?

meagan's avatar

@chyna Why wouldn’t it mean it was single? lol. It can go either way.

chyna's avatar

@meagan You said : Why should he change it if he can continue to let other women think that hes “single”? My point was he doesn’t state one way or the other, so why do you assume that he is letting women “think he is single”?

meagan's avatar

@chyna My opinion.

reverie's avatar

@mary84, why would you like him “to let people know that he’s taken and has a girlfriend”? What difference would this make to you, or to your relationship?

If you feel happy, secure, and confident in your relationship and in yourself, I simply can’t understand why you would care about other people knowing that your boyfriend is “taken”, as you put it.

Although you have said you don’t want to come across as “needy”, that you would prefer it that people who come into contact with your boyfriend online know that you are on the scene suggests some level of insecurity, on your part. I can’t see why else you would want to ensure that people he communicates with on Facebook know about your relationship.

If my assumptions are right and this is the case and you do feel a little insecure, this is your issue and not a relationship issue, and something you need to deal with yourself, and I don’t really think it’s something that you could fairly ask him to alter his behaviour for. He isn’t misrepresenting his relationship status in any way, and you’ve got no basis to assume that he’s trying to hide anything (as you said, he didn’t publicise his status when he was single), so I think you need to respect the way he wants to conduct his business online, and understand that he may want to keep some things private.

Of course, all of my assumptions here could be totally wrong, and I’m just going on what you’ve mentioned in your question. In any case, before taking any action, I would ponder the first question that I asked you, about why this matters to you, and see if there is anything you can do about that yourself.

In my opinion, I think relationships go down a fairly slippery slope when people start making compromises as a result of their partner’s insecurity, and not because that compromise is something that is reasonable and right. Insecurity isn’t something that should be reinforced by partners changing their behaviour in the hope of temporarily alleviating some “issue” or another, it should be something that people try to work on and change.

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