What are some of the most hilarious lines from movies/tv that you can recall?

“I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust” – The Hangover (then again, nearly every line from that movie would apply.)

“Are we on Cops again?” from my favorite comedy, Drop Dead Gorgeous.

“Walk this way.” Young Frankenstein

Henry Hill: Just… ya know… you’re funny.
Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you?
I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? From Goodfellas.

[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the lighting ceremony in front of the entire family]
Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
Audrey: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.

- From Christmas Vacation. It gets me every time.

Oh, Bette Midler from Beaches delivered a classic line that I use quite often, actually. XD
“But enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”

Giggles.

Guy in a restaurant after Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm: “I’ll have what she’s having”

Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…

^ Win.

All of the lines in the movie Roll Bounce!!!:D

“Well, they’ve burned their skin, shortened their breath, and somehow lost their shirts. All in all, I’d call this a successful fight.”
~Koto—YuYu Hakusho.

From Clueless: Cher, I don’t want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don’t feel nothin’ like steel.

The last line, said by Joe E. Brown, in Some Like it Hot.

Airplane:

“I take my coffee black, like my men”
“Excuse me, Stewardess, I speak jive.”
“Jimmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked”

Blazing Saddles:

What in the wide, wide, world of sports isa goin on here? I pay you to lay rail, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!

“Goll lee, Mr Lamar, you use your tongue prettier that a $20 whore”

Drop Dead Fred is full of them, but one of my favourites has to be when he slides along the floor and peeps up Mums skirt whispering “Cobwebs!”
Oh and the dog poo song!!

Virtually the whole Day of the Dead lines. Some friends and I love reenacting parts of the movie, when we’re drunk or something, or after watching it. I’m usually always Captain Rhodes, because he’s just too fucking hilarious, and apparently I’ve got quite a knack for spitting up swear words like nobody’s business haha. We know the whole damn thing by heart. Here’s some funny lines, which can count as some of my favourite movie dialogue ever.

Come on, Bub! Come on, ya pus-brain bag of shit! Ya wanna learn how to shoot, Bub? I’ll teach ya how to shoot!

Steel, who’s just as classic as Captain Rhodes when it comes to machine gunning cuss words.

You want me to salute that pile of walking pus? Salute my ass!

Captain Rhodes, when Frankenstein asks him to salute Bub.

I’m running this monkey farm now Frankenstein, and I wanna know just what the fuck you’re doing with my time!! Are you trying to find a solution to get us out of this deep shit we’re in, or are you all just in there jerkin each other off?

Rhodes again, getting all pissed off after Frankenstein keeps asking him for food.

Go on and run, run you fucking lunatics!

This ain’t a goddamn field trip people, this is a fucking waaar!!

What the fuck is wrong with you people? They’re dead! They’re fucking dead!

More Rhodes.

Collapsing from stress? We’re all collapsing. This whole fucking unit is collapsing. Everybody except you. I know you’re strong, all right, so what? Stronger than me, stronger than everyone, so what? So fucking what?

Miguel getting pissed at Sarah. I love how he says ’‘so fucking what’’ lol.

Rickles:That’s it, Steel! Whip it out!
Steel: Fuckin’ A! Biggest piece of meat in the cave! I don’t wanna excite the lady though, not with her boyfriend around.
Sarah: You’re incapable of exciting me, Steel, except as an anthropological curiosity.
Steel: What the hell does that mean?
Rickles: It means you’re a caveman, asshole! You’re a fuckin’ throwback! You’ve been spendin’ too much time underground! It’s okay though Steel, throwbacks all got big dicks!

My friends’ favourite part. You should hear us trying to laugh like Steel, we just about die everytime haha.

Steel: Lay off the fuckin’ booze for a while why don’t ya? And get somebody on that fuckin’ horn, pronto!
McDermott: Well if we stay down here long enough I’ll have to lay off the fuckin’ booze Steel cuz there won’t fuckin’ be any of it fuckin’ left! In the meanwhile I will continue to indulge myself and I will continue doing my best in the good fight against dryrot and rust.

Steel and the boozehound arguing. I also love the part where Rhodes basically declares tyranny over the team. Oh and also…

Choke on em…CHOKE ON EM!!

But yeah, that entire movie is complete ftw.

Not my favorite show, but I remember a line that was delivered perfectly from Family Guy. Neil Goldman, Connie Demarco & Meg are the three involved in the scene.
Neil asks Connie, “Can I think about you when I take a bath tonight?”
Connie- “No!”
Neil walks away in shame. Then Meg steps up.
Meg- “Can I think about you when I take a bath tonight?”
Connie – “No!”
Connie walks away & when she is off screen, Meg then says with a straight face & absolute certainty & conviction,
Meg – “Well I’m gonna.”

I loved that line & how she said it. Made me laugh out loud.

TV show: The 3rd season finale of CYE where everyone curses in the restaurant (Warning: there’s some NSFW language)
[the cook, with Tourette’s Syndrome, yells out] FUCKHEAD SHITFACED COCKSUCKER ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH!
[everyone in the restaurant is silent]
Larry: [thinking back in his mind] Maybe someday I’ll do something good for somebody like that. [yells out] SCUM SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING WHORE!
[everyone looks at Larry]
Jeff: COCK, COCK! JIZZUM! GRANDMA! COCK!
Michael York: BUM! FUCK! TURD! FART! CUNT! PISS! SHIT! BUGGER AND BALLS!
Manager: DAMN IT! HELL! CRAP! SHIT!
Cheryl: YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!
[Susie walks in]
Susie: Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I had a dental appointment!
Movie: the first Toy Story where the rocket launches Woody and Buzz into the air
Woody: Hey, Buzz! You’re flying!
Buzz: This isn’t flying. This is falling with style!

Planes, trains and automobiles…..“Those aren’t pillows!!” LOL! Freakikng hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCqcMOB6STc&feature=relate

@Cruiser I love that one.

My name is Barfolomew. But you can call me barf.

“It’s just a flesh wound”
and that whole Black Night scene from Monty Pythons Holy Grail movie is a gut buster classic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhRUe-gz690

A handful:
– State and Main (2000) – So that happened.
– Best in Show (2000) – We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks…
– Kicking and Screaming (2005) – You’re both better different…
– Office Space (1999) – I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing…
– Various lines describing the bumbling character Ignatius in the novel A Confederacy of Dunces the funniest book I remember ever reading

And from the left hand:
– The House of Yes (1997) – Were you poor? Did you eat chicken popped pie?
– American Psycho (2000) – How did a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
– Team America: World Police (2004) – Everyone has AIDS: AIDS-AIDS-AIDS.
– The Silence of the Lambs (1991) – It rubs the lotion on it’s skin.
– Fight Club (1999) – What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

“Gee Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

“Mongo bad. Mongo do bad things.”

“Toga, toga, toga…”

“Food fight!”

<<Woody Allen scene with the VW in “Sleeper”.>>

Team America on dicks, pussies, and assholes.

The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle.
The chalice from the palace holds the brew that is true, right ?

And so on…....

The Court Jester. Danny Kaye

The entire sequence is a riot but too long to quote in it’s entirety. Plus his facial expressions and talent for physical comedy are priceless.

Check it out on YouTube

Clip quality is incredible due to usage of the originally patented Technicolor process.

Exceptional ! ! !

@Buttonstc That was one of my Mom’s favorite movies.

Minor correction and trivia bit.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

After Meg Ryan’s simulated orgasm scene. Not uttered by a guy, but by an elderly lady played by Rob Reiner’s real life Mother, made semi-famous for that one line :)

@jan

That’s a real classic. They don’t make em like they used to.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Always look on the bright side of life….whistling the tune

Sung by Brian and the other thieves while suspended on crosses (as in crucifixion)

The Life of Brian.
Monty Python

I ate it with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Hannibal Lecter
Silence of the Lambs

Office Space –
“I believe you have my stapler.” or anything that guy says.

Who’s On First -
“I’ll break your arm, you say who’s on first!”

Spinal Tap –
“This one goes to 11.”

Daddy’s gonna kill Ralphie.
——————————————————-

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

Spoken by Santa and numerous others throughout the entire picture.
————————————————————-

Deck the hawws with boughs of horrry.
Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra

Sung by Chinese waiters on Christmas day. Not PC but just too funny.
—————————————————————

A Christmas Story

“Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker?”

Sixteen Candles:

Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. Fred, she’s gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred: I better get my magnifying glass. Ha Ha Ha.
Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so PERKY.
[reaches to cup them]
Grandma Helen: [cut to:]
Samantha: I can’t believe my grandmother actually felt me up.

“You’re the vulgarian you fuck!” – Kevin Kleine in A Fish Called Wanda

Richard Vernon: What if your home… what if your family… what if your dope was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear. – The Breakfast Club

Lane Myer: Sorry Johnny, I don’t have a dime.
Johnny: Didn’t ask for a dime. Two dollars.
Lane Myer: My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it’s sort of a family crisis. Bye! – Better Off Dead

@Blondesjon “Fuckin limey cement!’ Great movie.

From Quick Change when Bill Murray’s clown character robs a bank:

Character in the bank – “What kind of clown are you?”
Bill Murray – “The crying on the inside kind I guess.”

Well, I have a microphone, and you don’t, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!

@SuperMouse . . . “Oh no! It’s K-K-Ken coming to k-k-k-kill me!”

“Get me a Bromide…. and put some gin in it!” – The Women.

“Help, help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!”
Your arm’s off” “No it isn’t.” “Well what’s that then?” “I’ve had worse” “You liar!”
MP Holy Grail
“He’s taking the knife out of the cheese!”
“Where’s the rest of this moose?” Arthur

@Trillian . . . “She turned me into a newt!”
“A newt?!?”
“I got better.”

Yes, awesome!
And;
“So we have all these things to try, before we stampede towards the clitoris.” And;
“You’re all individuals.” “Yes, we’re all individuals.” “You’re all different!” “Yes, we’re all different!!” “I’m not.” And;
“Camelot!” “Camelot!” “Camelot!” “It’s only a model” “Shhhhh!”

@ubersiren What’s that from?

Ghostbusters-
Dr Ray Stantz: Listen… do you smell something?

Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it’s true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.

History of the World – Part 1
Moses: “The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen…”
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: “Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!”

Okay this’ll be my last one, I promise. I’m watching Tropic Thunder right now and I can’t stop myself.

The “never go full retard” speech. The whole thing.

From one of the Beverley Hills Cop movies, I think 2 or maybe 1. They’re in a car chase, Eddie Murphy’s in the passenger seat and he says to the other guy “Are you driving with your eyes open or are you, like, using the Force?”

Another of my favourites is from “Once Bitten” which was Jim Carrey’s first movie (before Ace Ventura), and this movie is full of hilarious lines from start to finish. There’s a vampire countess who has a gay vampire butler. She knocks on the door of this massive walk-in closet and says “Come out of the closet, Sebastian.” The butler comes mincing out, as camp as camp can be, and says “I came out of the closet centuries ago.”

@py_sue The Wedding Singer. That whole movie is so funny.

Cheers for your answers, laugh it up ;¬}

Yeah, you blend.

You used to work at All American Burger!

I saw this episode of Arrested Development today, with this line:

George Sr.: Hi… This is not what it looks like…
Lucille: It looks like you’re tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
George Sr.: Yep… Yeah, that’s it.

Lady Whiteadder: Then can you explain what he meant by “great booze-up”?
Blackadder: [very long pause] Yes, I can. My friend is a missionary and on his last visit abroad brought back with him the chief of a famous tribe. His name is Great Boo. He’s been suffering from sleeping sickness and he’s obviously just woken because as you’ve heard, Great Boo’s up.
Lord Percy: Well done Edmund!

@Trillian I remember it well.“That turnip is exactly the same shape as a….thingy”!

@ucme SMACK! “Wicked child!”

@Trillian I love her expression when Melchettt reveals his comedy breasts, “Au contraire Blackadder.“The second series was by far the funniest for me.

Okay, look, I think you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering that at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

The water here’s fucking bullshit!

It was in Cabin Fever 2.

WOW! THAT’S A LOT OF NUTS!