I dont know how to talk to my parents about this?

It’s only 5 days.
Go on the trip, and thank your parents for sending you.
You might be lonely. You might cry. You might feel left out. But you will almost certainly survive and experience some cool things.

Go and enjoy the things you will see and don’t worry about the group of people who you are no longer friendly with. I’m sure your parents find joy in being able to finance this for you.

I gotta go out so I can’t give a long answer, but I also say go on the trip. What part of your reluctance is the friends and what part is fear? You will learn a lot about yourself if you make yourself go and may even enjoy it. Look around whilst on the trip and see if there is someone new to befriend. Fear is entirely normal but go anyway!

Something I ask myself when faced with what that others might see as an opportunity is: “If I don’t do it, will I regret it afterwards?” If you don’t go, you will always wonder about what experience you would have had, because there’s no way to know for sure unless you do it. No matter how things turn out, you will always have a story to tell!

I really understand. My parents signed me up for camp when I was about your age, and I didn’t want to go, but I had a good time. I met new people, and I did a lot of fun things.

Don’t think about the friends you don’t have. Think about the chance to see Paris and all the new friends that you could make on the trip.

I know you don’t want to go, but if you just work on it a little bit, you can change your outlook. Think about how many 12-year-olds get to go to Paris (hardly any). Think about the great things you’ll see. Think about the cute boys you might meet.

I agree with the others. Maybe things will patch up with your friends before you go, and if not, it might happen on the trip. Even if it doesn’t, and you don’t even talk with them, the trip itself is well worth doing and you will learn about a different culture first hand—at a great age. Talk French as much as you can, bring something to read, be open to all the museums and things you will see and food you will eat, and realize that you can’t possibly know beforehand what it will be like. Sometimes the most frightening things turn out to be the best.

I understand your feelings, and I sympathize, but I think you will regret having missed the opportunity if you don’t go. You may feel as if some of the others are not friendly toward you, and they may not be, but on an excursion to Paris there is so much else from which you can get pleasure that it hardly matters what your social position is at school. Go with an open mind, and learn from the trip. You will retain the memories all of your life. Not everyone gets to go to Paris.

Another thought I had; I’m not sure how comfortable you are talking to your parents about how you feel in general, but if you let them know you’re a little nervous about whether you will have a good time, they may be able to help you cope with the prospect. They probably know you pretty well, after all, and they clearly care about you. ;)

Fuck your friends, don’t let them ruin this trip for you! You may not get another chance to go to Paris….

Oh, and to actually answer your question about how to talk to your parents about this:
Tell them you’re nervous. Ask them for help with coping with your “friends” and being away. Don’t whine or tell them you don’t want to go and if your parents have sense, they won’t waste this money because of a pre-teen’s social drama. Just tell them your fears, and ask them for advice on how to handle the trip.

Honor your obligation and go.
You’ll be just fine :)

This youngster is in England. It’s not as a big a trip as the folks in the U.S. might be thinking.

One thing that can help in an awkward situation is to turn your focus outward. How can you help others have a good time? How can you pick up cues in the environment that will help you feel at ease? How can you behave as a good guest among the Parisians? What great photos can you get?

Another is doing your homework. Read up as much as you can about the places you’ll be seeing. Practice your French phrases. Study a map of the city.

And finally—this always helps me—set yourself a personal quest. It might be something as simple as finding a great postcard or buying your mother a special souvenir, or it could be more adventuresome, such as getting your feet wet in the Seine or eating an escargot. Choose some private purpose or goal that you are after, and really try to accomplish it before your week is up.

Even if you aren’t getting along with your own “group” surely there are going to be more kids there than just your clique? If so, then this would be an excellent time to make new friends with other kids.

You remind me of me when I was your age I’d get homesick before I ever left the house.
And that is totally normal—or close enough!—. When we are at home and thinking of leaving all we can think about is what we will miss while we are gone. Thing is once you get to Paris and are incredibly busy seeing new sights, meeting new people and eating new food you won’t have “time” to miss home.

I don’t imagine your parents are so much angry at you when you hint about not going as they are frustrated that you may miss this experience when they have worked to make it possible for you.

Talk to your parents about your fears and let them try and help you to overcome these fears rather than avoid them.

Bonne chance!

Is there any way you can go to your friends and try to work things out before the trip? You could try to say something like, “I know we’ve not been getting on as well lately, but for the sake of the upcoming trip, I think it would be best to put our differences aside.” Have them over for pizza and a movie one night to offer the peace. Or whatever Brits eat. Bangers and mash. Fish and chips?

If this isn’t possible, I say go and have and excellent time! Maybe something will happen on the trip that will put your group of friends happily back together. If it doesn’t, screw your friends and have more fun than they will.

I think it’s a bit worrying that you’re so scared to talk to your parents about this…
Are they that scary when they’re angry?

For what it’s worth: Paris is beautiful.
I’ve also been there for one week when I was in high school, and I still look back to it with fondness.

Nothing’s fun when you’re lonely. If you don’t go, it’ll piss off you’re parents. And it’ll teach them to listen to you intead of bitching out. It’s their money, not yours. You should’ve talked it over early on. You can always rake up the cash when you’re older (if you don’t drop out & blow your money on drugs), but it’s out of their pockets this time.

You might try to find out if they bought trip insurance. If they have it, they might be able to recover some of the cost of the trip.

I may be a bit stupid, so I want to check this out. Is the reason you don’t want to go because of the break with your friends?

At twelve, it’s hard to have perspective on things because you are experiencing so much you have never experienced before. You feel a lot of dread right now, but you don’t have to. You can stop worrying—there are a number of techniques that could help you do that, although you don’t have much time to learn them.

But here: take a deep breath. Now do it again. As many times as is necessary to start to calm down. You can not help but calm down if you can make your breathing stretched out and deep.

Another thing. Your “dread?” It’s just a thought. So is the idea of loneliness. You don’t have to hold onto those thoughts, nor the feelings associated with those thoughts.

What you can do is try to focus on other things—especially when the thoughts you don’t like come along. Your dread is not a real thing. You haven’t been on the trip yet. It will probably be very different from what you think it will be, and your friends will probably be much more friendly when you are overseas. In fact, they are probably much friendlier now than you think they are.

We have a way of building up bad thoughts in our brains and then coming to believe them. Usually, in reality, there’s no real reason to believe these ideas, but we do—often because our brains are processing information incorrectly.

So assume that the dread and loneliness are not really your dread and loneliness. Instead they are ideas that your brain made up, and they are detached from reality.

Then distract yourself by planning for the trip. Do more research. See if you can find a friend in Paris your age over the internet. Plan for a good trip. Whenever the thoughts about a bad trip come along, just say, “ok, I’m thinking about a bad trip, but that’s just a thought.” Then watch the thought pass on through you and turn your attention back to what you really want to do—which is have fun.

You’re 12 and you’re leaving in a few days. Believe me when I tell you this is what we Yanks might call “pre-game jitters.” You’re anxious and that’s ok. It’s normal. Half your friends are feeling the same thing. You have teachers or other chaperons who will take care of you. Trust them. They won’t let you be hurt—physically or emotionally.

So you can have fun. You will have fun. Especially if that’s what you focus on. Do you like French pastry? Then set it as your goal to try as many pastry shops as you can. Your pals might laugh at you, but so what? You get to eat all the pastries. Or maybe you like football? You can try to tease all the boys about the disaster their team has had (although I don’t recommend this).

I want you to come up with a list of ten things you’d like to do in Paris and post it here. I want to know what you’d like to see and/or do. Focus on this. You’ll be fine.

I too understand your discomfort with these kids with whom you’ve found it hard relate lately. I too believe your best choice is to take this opportunity

Make this a great week to learn about yourself and your travel companions and of course Paris.
You can do this. It will be one of the greatest experiences of your life.

Have a great time and tell us about it when you come back.

I would say go. Perhaps change the focus of your trip. Instead of putting all the focus on ‘hanging out with friends’- perhaps try to make something else the center of the trip for you. Something like photographing statues noses, writing a poem about each sunrise, making a scrapbook of the journey as you go (find neat little things to put in it like matchbooks or pamphlets).

Try to put the experience of going at the forefront- instead of who you’re going with.

There are a few things I did not do when I was young because I was afraid, and in retrospect I wish I had done them. I really understand your fear in talking to your parents. I think you should talk to them, but don’t lead with not wanting to go on the trip. Go to them and tell them why you are afraid and maybe that you are feeling on the outside with your friends, and let them help you feel more comfortable with going, or maybe they will ask you if you want to cancel if they see you are very uncomfortable (but I think more likely they will want you to go). Will you be able to call your parents every day when you are on the trip if you feel homesick?

Also, do you have a schedule of all of the things you will be doing and seeing when you are in Paris? If you do, then start looking it all up online, see where you are going to go, read about it. I think it will help you focus on the trip and what you will be doing, rather than on your relationship with your friends right now. It will give you more control over the trip knowing what to expect and what to look forward to. You can post a question on fluther about all the sites you are going to see and maybe we can tell you about them and if we enjoyed going there.

Just do what you have to do to fix the problems with your friends, if it’s you that has to apologise then man up & do it, life is tough enough when you don’t get it handed to you on a plate, make the most of your privileged life, others have it far harder!! & if it’s not you that’s in the wrong , go anyway & prove you don’t need these ass wipes to enjoy yourself, money is money it’s been earned, when it’s yours to waste, you can waste it :-/

I have a question. If you were getting along with your friends then would you want to go? Or, are you afraid of going anyway?

Go! And when you get there, set out on your own. I assume you’ve taken French, so make some new friends whilst wandering about…

At 12, the idea of the trip as a way to go somewhere without your parents watching you like a hawk is appealing. But there are other really great things about travel besides hanging out with your friends, as hard as it is to imagine.

There are a few things that you can do. Think of the trip as a human scavenger hunt. There are probably people who are going that you don’t know very well, and the trip is a way to spend a little time with new people and learn something about them. If you’re scheduled to room with your friends, you’ll have the “in-the-room” time with them. Follow their lead about hanging out with them. Take your camera, and make yourself the “official” trip photographer, taking pictures of everyone, not just your friends. Sometimes you see things through the camera that you would otherwise miss. Take a sketch book and draw what you see.

At 12, there’s a need to feel like you can micromanage your life, but really it goes on whether you try to manipulate things or not. Sometimes friendships shift because of outside influences that you cannot control, and people come and go from our lives. Stay true to yourself.

You will always regret not going…..unless the plane crashes…

@Jeruba—-Thank you for pointing out that she is in UK and Paris is a one hour plane trip. :)

Okay…Lou…first thing…are you afraid that you might be bullied or ignored by your friends who are not your friends? Have they bullied you or made you feel bad? Is that why you don’t want for to go? Let’s start there.

If they have, and you are afraid the trip might not be pleasant because of that, okay. You said that “all my friends are going” but you have not been getting along with them, and so you feel like you will be left out of the group? And so won’t enjoy the trip? Right?

How do you tell your parents? Simply tell them how nervous you are because you and your friends have not exactly been close of late. If they have harassed you, tell them that. . Tell them that you are fearful that you won’t have a good time. Just tell them the truth..circumstances have changed, the people going are not people that I hang out with anymore and you are afraid you won’t have a good time. If you have been harassed, you need to tell them that, too. (Why did you fall out with your friends….? Just thought I would ask.)

However…

Paris isn’t like going anywhere else in the world! I would hate for you to miss going. Is there any one person…ONE PERSON…that you can make friends with before the trip? Someone that you can hang out with? You have two weeks, after all. I am sure there are other people besides your ex-friends who are going? All you have to do is find someone who is going without her friends, too (or his friends——if boys are going).

This is DR’s favorite city in the whole, wide, wonderful world! I saw it first by myself…and it was a great adventure. Paris is so special. It really is. There are so many beautiful things to see….and so many places to go.

No ex-friends are worth missing Paris for…..I promise. Even if it is only a hop, skip and jump over the Channel….it is a city worth seeing every opportunity you get.

In the meantime….rent the movie “A Little Romance” about a girl that is your age and her adventures in Paris and Italy with her first love. It is one of my favorite films. You may still change your mind…I hope you will. Big hugs!

England to France can also be done by train. They may not be traveling by plane.

I know….@Pied Pfeffer…..with all the problems that EuroStar has been having on its run to Paris in the past…I just didn’t want to think that they were taking schoolchildren on the train.

If you don’t go, you will be even more isolated from the group. Go on the trip – how bad can it be? People often change their attitudes when they have a change of surroundings, so you might just be able to make friends with those people again.

Lou, what impressed me the most about your post is that you held yourself accountable for the current clique situation and not your friends. This is a sign of maturity uncommonly found in someone your age.

Please take the advice of the people here, and go on the trip. You can talk to your parents about your concerns, and they might be able to provide some comforting advice and support, but when it comes down to it, skipping the trip won’t help the matter of being on the outside of the group for now and may make it worse.

You have a much better chance of re-friending them, or someone new if you go. At your age, I attended many away-from-home experiences through school, Girl Scouts, and a youth group. Each time, there was a special bond with the fellow travelers because we shared a new experience together.

These posts provide lots of wonderful tips on how to make it a positive experience. Let us know how it all works out.

Here’s your fluther assignment:

I’m not telling you to have fun, although that may very well happen. But, GO. You’ll be able to help a lot of kids here who need to overcome one thing or another. We’re pulling for you…it’s like you’re taking us all with you. Postcard?

Can I get a key chain instead of a postcard? Ooh! Or a magnet?