Social Question

Kraken's avatar

Why does it seem that society seems to turn a blind eye on lesbianism but turns a baneful eye on homosexuality? -- Especially when porn is considered --?

Asked by Kraken (1167 points ) July 1st, 2010

It seems that Men seems to go crazy for woman on woman scenes and that man on man stuff is abhorred by us men. I am a straight man and I admit that the former really has aroused me a hella lot.
What I am most interested to hear is the woman’s story and what they think since as I am a man and my mind is quite clear in this regards, I am really beseeching all the insights that women have to say regarding this issue from their perspective. This is my psychological insight question of the day. I really want to know what all sorts of people think and crave sexually no matter what as that interests me as I am a people person :)

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65 Answers

XOIIO's avatar

Because, 2 women is hot and 2 guys if FUCKING WRONG!

LOL jk

I think most guys like lesbian sex because they can imagine themselves as part of a threesome, or just the thought of the more desireable sex devouring eachother in hot, steamy lust, ravaging eachothers….

Sorry, got a bit carried away.

Like I said, I think it’s about the fantasizing.

Kraken's avatar

Yeah, I think so too.
That is damned hot!!!
I am a bad boy. She needs to spank me already, that French Maid!

Fyrius's avatar

Speculative just-so-story answer:

Since the rise of feminism, it seems to have been normal for women to be much more open to their masculine side than men are to their feminine side – as demonstrated for example by the fact that women wearing pants and shirts are no big deal any more, yet men in dresses are still hilarious. It’s okay for women to be tomboyish, but it’s looked down on for men to be effeminate. Maybe that’s why straight women are more understanding towards lesbianism than straight men are of male homosexuality.
Male homophobia often seems to be fuelled in part by a feeling of awkwardness about men not being manly.

Incidentally, there are also plenty of straight women who swoon over guys getting it on. Ever heard of yaoi fangirls?

Cruiser's avatar

Food porn turns me on! Chocolate cake getting it on with vanilla ice cream….oooohhh!! Is that wrong?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

It’s because women’s sexuality isn’t considered “real” or “serious”, so when a woman has sex with another woman, it’s because she’s experimenting or drunk or bored or lonely or hasn’t been with a man in awhile, but never because she truly likes the pink taco and could totally sober, sane, and have access to all the penises in the world and would still choose another woman. People don’t see it as “lesbianism” they see it as girl on girl. They sort of see it as choosing to eat those calorie-free, fat-free, sugar-free fudgesicles – no one would ever choose diet fudgesicles over real ones if real ones didn’t have all the downsides; likewise, no woman would ever choose a woman over a man if she had a real choice.

However, when men have sex with men, it’s a lifestyle choice. A woman will always be tricked or seduced into lesbianism (much like you that time you got high in college…) but a man will always have have made a logical choice based on free will and then turned around, spat at God, and f*cked the Devil.

It’s the same thinking that says that women’s sexual desires in general aren’t real – she’s never really horny or into sex, she’s just looking for love/validation/a fake pregnancy/a real pregnancy/a marriage/the fulfillment of her womanly duties.

Coloma's avatar

Genitals get in the way of true relating on a basic level of just plain human communion.

Take away the parts and the hormones and the sexual programming and what’s left…just two human creatures.

I happen to believe that about 80% of male/female sexual orientation is all about conditioning, far more so than the base biological differences.

True…we are more driven in our younger years by the biological drive, but…by mid-life, all that’s really still operating is the programming.

silverfly's avatar

Because the female form is simply beautiful. Gay or straight, I think the argument can be made that the female body is something to be admired (not gawked and whistled at). If God made man, the female form is indeed his masterpiece. The curves, sensuality, and aura of a woman are much more prominent than that of a man. And it is for all these reasons that it’s much more pleasant and therefore acceptable to watch two women engage in any kind of sexual behavior or love making. It tends to be more passionate, more meaningful, and more endearing.

zenele's avatar

^ Well said.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

First thing to come to mind is that with two woman, there aren’t many parts for poking & prodding. :) With two men, it’s quite the opposite. With a lesbian couple, you envision a very sensual, embracing love(with some Enya playing in the background). With two men, train of thought immediately goes to ‘who is going to stick what where?’ You envision more of an aggressive image of sex, not love- which makes it easily offensive to those without an understanding & level-headed mentality. Not to ask everyone to think about gay sex, but to realize, just because it’s two men, doesn’t mean they can’t have sex without a passion/love that woman can have. The porn industry, as we all know, glorifies the image of sex. A guy doesn’t just walk up to the stewardess & hike her skirt up & nail her on top of the beverage cart for the entire 3 hour flight. But no one wants to watch ‘reality’ porn. The guy lays in bed, waiting for his wife to finish brushing her teeth. She says she has a headache, he says they haven’t done it for 2 months, she says it’s because he stopped taking care of himself after he lost his job. He says he is trying to find a damn job if she would quit bitching at him. She kicks him out of bed & makes him sleep on the couch, where he jerks off, fantasizing about nailing a stewardess on a 3 hour flight. Are views on sex become skewed, between tv/film/porn, it’s easy to forget what it’s really like when two people, gay/straight, man/woman ‘make love’.

Fyrius's avatar

@silverfly
But everything you just described is not a property of the female body, it’s a property of your perception of it. And many other men and some women experience it the same way, no doubt, but you can’t ignore the people who don’t.

silverfly's avatar

@Fyrius
No, I guess I can’t. I’m just going with the masses on this one as to why I think society is turning a blind eye toward male homosexuality and condoning the opposite. I think from thousands of years of people idolizing the female figure.

gemiwing's avatar

Women aren’t seen as a threat. A woman’s sexual choice isn’t seen as one either. In most straight male fantasy of female homosexuality, there is the underlying assumption that the women are engaging in sex together because there isn’t a penis present to have sex with instead. This is evidenced by the thousands of scenes where two women (or more) stop having each other as the focus when a male walks in to the scene.

It’s this belief that penis wins all. It’s a lie, of course, that was created to possibly ‘help’ men reject the feminist movement/idea that women aren’t just objects but full people and put them ‘back in their place’. So even when two women have sex, in porn, the assumption is still made that they are doing it for the male audience.

There are, of course, newly created adult studios that create porn for lesbian/gay audiences. Those scenes are markedly different than the ones created in porn marketed to straight male audiences.

Added to that is the views that have been presented of female homosexual sex acts are always ‘lovey dovey’ or as we jokingly call it ‘the gentle fire’. This is not how most lesbian sex occurs in reality. However, it wouldn’t fit the ‘penis wins all’ fantasy that has been built by most straight porn studios.

Men are threatening, powerful and rational creatures (so the saying goes) and if they chose homosexuality then they have “obviously” chosen it with a clear head and a strong mind. Women would be seen as ‘passing the time’ or ‘having a fancy’ until the right penis comes along.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@silverfly, I wouldn’t say, “for thousands of years..idolizing the female figure’.. There are thousands of world renowned paintings & sculptures by the most famous artists in history, that idolize the male form. One of the most famous/recognizable sculptures in the world is of a naked man…David by Michelangelo. It’s a matter of what you choose to idolize, with a disregard towards anything but what you want to look at & think about. It’s how people become close minded & gives way to intolerance.

silverfly's avatar

@rpmpseudonym Michelangelo was arguably gay so you are right. We choose what we idolize. I’m saying that the majority of people idolize females.

Fyrius's avatar

@silverfly
Or perhaps just the most influential people.

I do think you’re on to something if you put it this way.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@silverfly, Yes, Michelangelo was ‘arguably gay’, but it was the public (majority) that made it famous (then & now). If it weren’t for the millions of people flocking to see the David each year, it would be stored in a wooden crate in the basement. of course, that’s just a small example I think the problem is with ‘today’s folk’. It’s easier & a little more accepted to become uptight & ignorant about sex than willing to understand at the risk of being accused of something you are not, by some ‘guilty by association’. I voted to legalize same-sex marriage, does that make me gay? I also voted for Obama, does that make me black?

Either way, the world will continue to spin & orbit, all we can do is enjoy the ride.

silverfly's avatar

@Fyrius Touche. :) I’d add the accent over the e, but I don’t know how

@rpmpseudonym Well said.

Coloma's avatar

I think the most beautiful life form is a horse, then a cat, for sheer grace, beauty and perfection of movement. lol

I’ll take watching a horse move over a man or a woman any day of the week.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@Coloma In that regard… I choose giraffe over any human. I could watch a giraffe run all day. Even the way they drink is sheer elegance & grace.

silverfly's avatar

@Coloma mmm. But watching horses in sensual entanglement… nothing better.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@silverfly How about people horsing around? :)

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

Let us tread lightly…animal talk in a discussion about sex can only lead to one thing

Coloma's avatar

Gotta toss birds into the mix as well..how could I have overlooked the perfect flying machine!!

Okay..I am known to wander far off topic..carry on. lol

Coloma's avatar

Disclosure…I am rather fond of hot young men with dreadlocks. lololol

silverfly's avatar

::laughs:: @Coloma. That ^ was hilarious!

tinyfaery's avatar

@papayalily & @gemiwing Have it right. Sexism is the reason lesbianism is more accepted than male homosexual behaviors.

Trillian's avatar

Let’s not blame it on the feminists. It all comes back to men. Every man I know well enough to have a conversation like this has said that they enjoy watching two women “get it on”. The same men reject two men, calling it gross, disgusting, perverted, and too many other negative adjectives for me to name.
My ex, knowing that I had a girlfriend before, told me that if I slept with a woman he would not consider it to be cheating. A man is a differrent thing. Kind of a stupid philosophy considering a females intrinsic ability to better satisfy certain needs than a man generally is. Or maybe women are just more willing to spend the requisite amount of time and finesse… but I digress.
I have no trouble with homosexuality, and I think that more women are accepting of two men than men are. At least in this society….
Seeing two guys has turned me on when I really hadn’t expected it, so I wonder if men have been turned on and then wuestioned their masculinity as a result….

Cruiser's avatar

@Trillian I think a lot of what you are referring to is it is OK and even cool for guys to drool over 2 women and is why we perceive that to be acceptable or most popular mind set. But from what I can tell from conversations I have had that almost any of the above sexual scenarios are on almost anyone’s mind at any given moment. People, both men and women think about sex and lots of it but not every one vocalizes it.

tinyfaery's avatar

“females intrinsic ability”. There is no such thing.

Trillian's avatar

@Cruiser So…are you validating what I said?
@tinyfaery You fail to take into consideration the qualifier in the very next sentence; ” Or maybe women are just more willing to spend the requisite amount of time and finesse”
Why are you so quick to be adversarial?

bob_'s avatar

Whoa, women getting it on? Where?

DominicX's avatar

@silverfly

It tends to be more passionate, more meaningful, and more endearing.

I feel the exact same way about two men making love. :)

The male body is exquisite. Perfect combination of strength and beauty. (In general, of course).

@Kraken

The reason why “society” does this is that straight men seem to speak for society much of the time and are often very prominent, thus what their preferences are seem to be the most “common”. Men also tend to have stronger sex drives (which has an evolutionary basis) so their sexual preferences again become more prominent. And obviously straight men are not going to find two men getting it on to be that interesting…

Another important reason is simply the fact that gay men are associated with anal sex and lesbians are not. Anal sex has its own negative place in society.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Everything depends on your orientation. Men doing it doesn’t weird me out but doesn’t interest me either.

Coloma's avatar

The world is obsessed with ‘doing it’...jeez…HELLO…maybe I have reached the age where I can take or leave just about anything…it’s all been done. lol

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Coloma I know what you mean, I’m in the same bracket myself. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. ;^D

Coloma's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land
@wilma

Lol…yep, tee shirts & post cards from the edge. lol

Right now I am enjoying my gardener mowing & blowing and making my space perfect…BLOW SCOTTY BLOW, I’m content to ‘watch’ with a nice cold Corona. hahaha

jerv's avatar

My take on it is that women are (on average) better looking than men and it’s an aesthetic thing. Ron Jeremy may be a great person and is definitely a great conversationalist, but he is also damn ugly by just about any standards.

Also, lesbian sex is less anal than man-action. Sure, both genders cuddle, kiss, and suck, but very seldom do you see lesbians jam anything in natures exit gate. (That is fairly uncommon in heterosexual porn as well, except for a relatively small fetish niche.) I think it safe to say that when most straight men talk about “getting some ass”, they are more interested in what is a few inches in front of the ass and/or grabbing a handful of glutes than in anything involving the chocolate starfish. Yet, that is the only way gay men can really have intercourse is to travel the Hershey Highway; something very few find appealing to think about or watch but also one of the first things that pops into the heads of many people who think about two men having sex. (The concept of a sex-less romance doesn’t cross people’s minds; all couples “do it”.) At least lesbians can simulate with strap-ons and using the holes that nature provided for inserting things, so it is seen as more “natural”.

@Cruiser You forgot about bacon. Mmmmm… bacon….

Coloma's avatar

@jerv

‘Chocolate starfish’....wow…I am out of the loop.

Nasty….ewwwwwwww!

Okay….focus on dinner….:-/

Jabe73's avatar

I knew several gay men, I even had a gay brother and I can tell you gay men get treated much worse than lesbians. I knew many homophobic straight guys who called “gays” all types of horrible names but never had a problem when 2 chics were getting into it and they would even urge it on. These were the same types of guys that would bash atheists as well, how ironic (so much for religious “values”). This is what I have been around, I do not know about where other people live but I am sure it is probally similar.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@Jabe73 “I even had a gay brother”.. did he die or go straight?

jerv's avatar

@Jabe73 Not really. I have spent most of my life in the Northern corners of the US and most people really didn’t/don’t care much about other people’s sexuality or religion. And so long as people respect my heterosexuality and agnosticism and don’t get too pushy trying to pick me up or convert me, I don’t care either.

Jabe73's avatar

@Trillian I see you already brought that point up what I just said.
@Fyrius I’m not sure if I would say feminism itself is the blame for men not being able to express their “feminine” side. Is there a double standard with feminism on other issues? Maybe or maybe not.
@rpmpseudonym He passed away 9 years ago.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@Jabe73 Sorry to hear that.

Jabe73's avatar

@rpmpseudonym No that is alright, my fault for stating it that way.

@Fyrius Ha Ha, I do not know if I would want to see guys in dresses/skirts. Women can be very sexy in jeans (tight) however.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Believe you me: when those men expecting women’s non-straight sexualities to be about them wake up and smell the ‘we don’t need cock to have orgasms’ coffee, they are just as against bisexuals or lesbian women as they are against gay men. Women’s bodies, historically, are everyone’s playground as are their sexualities. They’re to be gawked at or worshiped for their form (just as ridiculous, as all forms are either equally beautiful or equally ugly) but are never to be without the male gaze upon them – in reverse, there is never to be a sexualized female gaze upon the male form…the blasphemy! This is why my new favorite magazine Filament is so ‘controversial’.

Symbeline's avatar

Lesbians in real life aren’t like they’re depicted in porn. They can have a hell of a lot of problems too.

Symbeline's avatar

I’ve known some lesbians. Some of them told me horrible stories. But ya wtf do I know.

Fyrius's avatar

@Jabe73
“I’m not sure if I would say feminism itself is the blame for men not being able to express their “feminine” side.”
That’s not what I meant.
Feminism enabled women to be masculine without being looked at too funny. The fact that men can’t similarly be feminine is just because their gender identity hasn’t been through a development like that.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline I’ve heard similar horror stories from my business partner, a lady of that orientation. Relationships can go terribly wrong regardless of orientation or gender.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Fyrius I don’t think it enabled them to masculine – it enabled them to be and if some people deem women’s assertiveness and wanting equal rights as masculine traits, that’s just ridiculous.

Fyrius's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir
I suppose many things that were traditionally considered “manly” are the achieving, being-in-charge, taking-care-of-things sort of business, which I suppose has no particular reason to be limited to one sex. Such as bringing home the bacon and competing in professional sports.
At any rate, then, it enabled them to be masculine by contemporary standards.
And I think that based on that precedent, women still have more “gender mobility” than men. Which might be related to the fact that they’re not as squeamish about homosexuality.

Arisztid's avatar

This is a many faceted issue. I shall elaborate on a few points. There are many more than the ones I am listing. All of the points I would have made about why lesbians are much more tolerated have already been made, hence, I shall focus on the objections to gay men.

Some heterosexual men have a hint (or more) of bisexuality in them and the very existence of homosexual and bisexual men threatens their own identity. For them it is a matter of “he doth protest too much.” If a woman hits on a straight guy and he is not interested, he will turn her down, usually nicely. If a gay man hits on a straight guy, the straight guy is going to respond anywhere from a very nice “no thankyou” to beating the everloving crap out of the gay guy. I have never heard of a woman who hit on a straight guy having the crap beaten out of her for such an action. I believe that the stronger the negative reaction, the more likely the man is to have some, shall we say, leftward leanings.

Another issue is the Church. In many nations over the years, male homosexuality has either not been frowned upon or even revered. However, in the very Christian America, the Bible has been interpreted to say that homosexuality in men is a sin. I am, by no means, knowledgeable in the Bible but I have never heard of a passage being cited as saying that homosexuality in women is a sin.

Here is another one, something that my lovely Keysha just explained to me. I do not know enough of the history of matriarchal societies to verify this but it makes quite a bit of sense. In patriarchal societies, such as America, men have, for centuries or even longer (in nations older than America), been considered the dominant/ better/ otherwise superior gender. Women, for much of that time, were (and, sadly, are in some nations) treated as lesser beings and/or as property. As is seen in this thread, gay men are often associated with being feminine. Thus, men who act, in the minds of their contemporaries, as feminine, destroy the myth that men are the superior, stronger gender.

From my observations, many homophobic men seem to be on the insecure side. I am not talking about people who disapprove of male homosexuality, rather people who hate gay/bi men. There is a difference. I am bisexual and have quite a few straight male friends who, while they disapprove of homosexuality/bisexuality, have no problem with me. We just agree to disagree on this one thing. They do not find me threatening. However, I have been blasted and attacked by others because, from what I can tell, they perceive me as a threat to themselves and the moral fiber of this nation.

Kraken's avatar

@papayalily That was a great and thoughtful answer.

Kraken's avatar

@Trillian I guess the conjecture comes down to the willingness of seeing anal penetration during coitus. I have never had anal sex with a woman and when I look at porn, I instantly turn off such videos as any form of anal sex disgusts me. I guess the more appropriate gay video then would of course be 69 as I have seen that many gay dudes also don’t like their butt holes to be violated. I am more comfortable with that although I am straight. I disagree with anal sex for health reasons and if two guys want to be gay, I would prefer that they 69 themselves which is safe.

jerv's avatar

@Symbeline I guess anybody falling in love with a woman will wind up having issues. At least us guys are simpler and more consistent.

@Arisztid If homosexuality in men is a sin in the eyes of the church then why are they not being stricter about disciplining pedophile priests, most of whom go after boys? If we want to punish sin, then why can we not punish stupid people; stupidity is a sin!

Symbeline's avatar

@jerv That’s not quit what I meant, but yeah, hold my shopping bags and shut up, I got platform boots to check out.

Arisztid's avatar

@jerv That is a mystery of the ages and La Vey was bang on with that.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline These are nice I just ordered a pair for my niece.

Symbeline's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Those are buckin sweet. Oh man haha. :D

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@Symbeline You’ve got the same taste as J then. She pointed them out to me, but has no idea that I ordered them for her. :^D

Pandora's avatar

Because 2 girls together is a fantasy that many men have, and if they are included, all the better. Where as a hetersexual female fantasy may have two men in it but she is the center of attraction at all times, not the other dude.
Actually with some guys, even when they have fantasies of two women they may not like the two women together either. I asked that question to my husband years ago. About the two women fantasy. He said, it would turn him off if they started to do each other when he would watch porn.
He doesn’t care for either senario.

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