Social Question

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

How do you comfort girls when they cry? (Break up, hurt feelings, etc...)

Asked by Vincent_Lloyd (2954 points ) July 14th, 2010

Yeah another question by me. How do you stop to make a girl cry? From a relationship, or if their feelings were hurt or any other reason why they would cry. I’m never really good at that stuff I just give them a hug and say it’s going to be okay. I never know what to say after that either. I just stay silent. Try not to hammer with questions. Not good at that. Help?

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34 Answers

janbb's avatar

Sounds like you’re doing it just fine. Hug them and let them sniffle it out. You are a nice guy!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Hugs do wonders.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@Vincent_Lloyd You are doing great in a situation when most men do the wrong thing, namely to try and find a way to fix the problem.

Hugging them and just listening is the very best response until they ask you specifically for help, just do what do already do: “I just stay silent. Try not to hammer with questions.”

marinelife's avatar

Sometimes just the offer of a shoulder to cry against is all she needs. Just let her cry it out. It may not always be a good idea to say that whatever is wrong will be all right.

It is difficult for men, who want to take an action and fix things, but mostly women just want to be held and have their feelings acknowledged.

josie's avatar

People cry for lots of reasons. In most cases they simply want comfort. They are usually perfectly capable of working out their own solutions.

rebbel's avatar

I get the strange feeling from this thread that women are different from men.
Men want hugs too when they cry….

ETpro's avatar

I can’t help you on this one. Having a jealous wife and no wish to get divorced, I don’t comfort crying girls.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Men do want comfort from people who care about them when they cry.

I worry more about men who believe that it in “unmanly” to cry. The feeling of isolation must be terrible.

cookieman's avatar

@josie: ”People cry for lots of reasons. In most cases they simply want comfort. They are usually perfectly capable of working out their own solutions.

This took me years to figure out. I’m still not great at it – too much of a “fixer”.

@rebbel: C’mere big guy – bear hug for you.

rebbel's avatar

@cprevite
Thanks, man!

cookieman's avatar

@rebbel: Not a problem…

…ok, you can um, let go now. rebbel?

rebbel

rebbel's avatar

@cprevite
mmmmmmmm mmmm

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

First is, “Do you want to talk about it?”

And then, hold her and let her talk….and don’t interrupt or try to fix anything (as much as you do want to say something…just let her talk.) Then, just let her get it all out of her system by saying, “And how was that for you?” or “What else happened?” And she will go and go until it’s all out. You’ll know it’s all out because she will calm down and there will be a huge outbreath. You just hold her until she is finished. Sit quietly and then, only then…ask (don’t volunteer) “Do you want me to say what I am thinking about this situation right now? Or do you want to wait until you get some rest to talk about it?”

That’s it. You will be absolutely loved for that.

Pandora's avatar

When you figure it out, let me know.
I’m a girl and I find it so annoying to have a girl cry nearby. I always want to just buy them an icecream and tell them to get over it or slap their tears away.
Hell, even when I cry. It only last a few minutes before I annoy myself, then I get pissed and get over it.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@Pandora….I don’t cry anymore. I live in Britain. I think it’s been outlawed. Stiff upper lip and all that.

:)

rebbel's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus
And living in Britain isn’t a reason to be crying? ~

janbb's avatar

@rebbel I think some Dutch people are crying this week. Wanna a shoulder?

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@rebbel….......LOL! No comment.

I’d let you hug me, Rebbs. Even if I wasn’t crying. :) ahhhhh

rebbel's avatar

@janbb
Yeah, the formation of our new government doesn’t seem to be working out….
And us being vice world champions only, sucks too.
Thanks, i’ll take your shoulder!

@DarlingRhadamanthus
Consider it a gift!

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

P.S. @janbb is a sweetie-pie…so @rebbel you’re lucky to have that shoulder!

It’s a very volatile time in politics over there…it will be interesting to see what happens next!

Is Cohen (mayor of Ams) Lib or Labour? (just curious)

rebbel's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus
He is Labour, but since about three months no longer the mayor of Amsterdam but the political leader of Labour and possibly the new prime – or vice prime minister.
They are trying to form a new government but ususally in Holland that takes some months, up to a year to do.
It’s five weeks now.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I’ve gone off-topic so I will PM you.

Pandora's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus I need to move there. LOL ;D

Cruiser's avatar

You listen…hold their hand and listen.

Ltryptophan's avatar

Give me a break…stop crying…you’re breaking my heart….lol

TexasDude's avatar

I’ve comforted dozens of sorrowful girls in my day. I have found that, in addition to hugs, logic works wonders. Talk out their problems with them, and logically explain ways to solve the problems or why the problems shouldn’t be problems in the first place. Be rational and objective. It works for me.

ETpro's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Great answer. Having hope of a better tomorrow works wonders in pulling us up out of a blue funk. And when we are down in that blue funk, even the most obvious solutions often avoid us.

TexasDude's avatar

Thanks, @ETpro. I’ve definitely found that most reasonable people, even when extremely upset, will react well when things are put into perspective for them.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Avoid emotional things as music and tv/movies. Do activities with her that will pump good neurotransmitters into her brain, rather than push her emotionally. Go for a bike ride. Try to make her laugh in any way. Cook. Keep her busy so she can’t just sulk.

k8tie2237's avatar

If she’s really close to you, a kiss on the forehead. That is the sweetest thing.. it makes me feel so much better when I’m upset. If you’re not, I think that what you said you do is already goood enough. I know it might be awkward, but at least you’re trying to comfort her. Maybe just really try to let her know that you’re being genuine. I hope that helped, good luck!!!

jazmina88's avatar

chocolate

rebecca_harris9's avatar

the best thing you can do for a girl in tears is to give her a hug ( a shoulder to cry on) and talk to her about how she feels, if she trusts u she will spill her heart out to you and trust me it helps the girl when she does this :)

greenpalm's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I know you mean well, but I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve been married nearly fifteen years, and I love my husband deeply, but he does NOT handle my tears well. He makes it worse when I cry, and it’s usually because he does just what you’ve described. I’m 40 years old, but even at 25, when our love was new, I had the capacity to logically figure out the actions I need to take to solve a problem. I’m crying because I’m frustrated or hurt, and I want comfort. I’ve told him, during calm, non-crying moments, “All I need: ALL I want is for you to listen and say “Aw, Honey, that sucks.” If you do absolutely nothing else, but sit there and let me cry, I will eventually feel so much better.” But, nope, he persists in trying to shut down my tears. Even insists that I not interrupt him while he itemizes and analyzes my problems. I love the guy, but this is one area in which our relationship is very weak, and it’s too bad, really, because my mom is gone, and I so desperately want a shoulder to cry on once in a while.

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