Can anyone give me tips on dealing with my fear?

It appears you are lacking in social skills or mingling with other people in society.

I assume this is a phobia and it has a name that i am not familiar with. my suggestion is to first go to Wikipedia and read about buses and trains, from a traverers point of view. this is where a personal computer really comes in handy and was its original intention from the beginning.

After reading “the groundwork”, it’s now time to take that first step. ask a trusted friend to accompany you on both a public bus ride and a train ride. take photos of the inside of each for future reference and viewing at home. watch the videos or photos over and over again, until you feel comfortable with your outcome.

I wish you luck. john

I’ve had the same thing, so I know what you are going through. I’ve managed to get over it. All you need to do is go on them a few times with friends, and then make the effort once to go alone on a bus. A good way to do that is to have an incentive at the end of the journey – such as going to a friend’s party.

Another good thing is to check on websites for bus timetables and stuff to know exactly where you are going and where your stop is. Google maps is pretty good for that sort of thing as well.

As for trains, I am still a bit phobic about them, especially the London subway. But it is just like all phobias – you just have to get used to them through exposure so that they don’t effect you anymore.

Can you get someone you trust to go for a bus ride or two with you?? My son had a massive issue with riding the school bus and his teacher offered to ride it with him and we also arranged to follow the bus in our car to meet him at the school when he got there. Just took those two little extra efforts and he is a very happy bus rider now!

Good luck!

It is all conditioning. Take small steps. Go to the train station. Walk around. Look at the token machines (or whatever). Look at the charts. Don’t get on the train. Next time go to the station. Walk around. Buy a ticket. Walk up to the train (or bus or whatever). Look in the door. Don’t get on. Next time, do all that and get on but get off at the first stop. And so on and so on.

@josie

Excellent advice and a great answer! : ))

@soundsfishy I might add that it would likely help if, after every step of increasing your exposure to a new experience like this, you have a little discussion with yourself. Something along the lines of thinking about what you just did, seeing how it wasn’t bad at all, and promising yourself things will go even more smoothly next time. : ))

I suggest that you talk to your Doctor about it! It sounds like anxiety disorder to me. I have had it most all my life. It’s hard to explain to people who have not had it. For the normal person, without anxiety disorder, they can try taking small steps, and overcome their anxieties. For us who suffer panic attacks, we can’t. Just the fear of doing it, is enough to go hide so more. We don’t have the button to turn off the anxiety. I have been taking medication for the past 20 years. Only recently, I was given a different med. it’s working even better. I think there comes a time, when you feel like your life will never get better, that you must trust a good Dr. to help you with the right medication. It’s a chemical problem in your brain, and you can’t help it. It’s not your fault, nor is it easy to live with and explain to others. I hope you take a stand for yourself and go see a good Doctor, you shouldn’t have to suffer with this. Good luck, and I’m with ya on this one! If I can help any further, let me know…....I get it, I lived it!

If it IS indeed an “anxiety attack,” it’s a very mild form of them. Yes, consult a doctor, but think long and hard before making yourself dependent on medication.

Just make yourself take a ride on a bus, then a train. You’ll miss out on a lot in life if you are afraid of everything you haven’t done in your first 15 years. Think of it as an adventure.

Fear as such is healthy. It protects us. Various phobias are common, but very often they are not healthy. A doctor can help you find out if this is really the case. There are also mild forms of phobias and there’s a great variety of good treatment plans.

I can understand how you feel. I grew up in a small town in the U.S. and moved to a suburb of Washington, D.C. when I was 21. Not owning a car, I had to learn the bus metro routes in order to get to work and back home. One time, I was on a bus heading home and dozed off. When I woke up, I panicked, got off at the next stop, and went in to the first public building I found to use the pay phone (yes, my age is showing). A call to my sis-in-law had her there in 2 minutes. It turns out that I was a block away from where I lived. It is a funny story now, but at the time, my heart was all aflutter.

Today, I can travel anywhere in the U.S. and find the way to the destination armed with just a map or directions pulled from the internet. No GPS is needed. Once I make the move to England, it starts all over again. Fortunately, my fiancé is a patient teacher. He understands that the whole travel process there is alien to me. He provides tips, like coaching me through how to purchase tickets.

My advice is to be prepared and to practice. Get bus and train schedules and maps, and study them before you go anywhere, and ask your parents for help. I find comfort in ticking off the stops I know the transportation will make before arriving at the final destination. Travel with a friend until you feel more comfortable. Let them know how you feel. Some may laugh, but just know that it is because they are accustomed to it. Have a cell phone or change with you in case you panic and need to talk to someone you know. Do not be afraid to ask for directions or help…it isn’t a sign of weakness. And always, always know that you find your way back home.

One more thought…I once offered to take my niece to her violin lesson. Upon asking this 13 year-old where the teacher lived, her was response was, “I don’t know.” It dawned on me that those of us who do not drive sometimes do not pay attention to the surroundings.

Hi Soundsfishy.

The practice concept being described is that developed by Karl Rohne – Comfort, stretch and panic.

A lot of people will say that the best way to overcome a fear is to do the thing which we fear. That is very true but to be truly successful it has to be done in stages.

Let’s say you have no need to use such transport, it’s not on the horizon and you don’t currently have reason to think about it – You are in the comfort zone.

A friend calls and suggests you all meet up on Saturday, something which requires you catch a train. It’s several days away and there is no imminent danger but it has now come in to your consciousness and you are thinking about it, resulting in increased anxiety.

You are now in your stretch zone.

Saturday arrives and you are on the platform and the train is pulling in and it is all too much for you and you need to get away fast. You are now in panic.

That basically explains the three zones of comfort, stretch and panic.

The trick is to keep pushing your comfort zone and move in to your stretch zone BUT without going in to your panic zone. I’m sure you know where your zones are.

As you keep pushing the boundaries of comfort it will push out the stretch zone, so what was once a stretch will be within your new comfort zone. The plus being that what was once a panic may now be in your stretch zone.

It’s very important not to consciously go in to the panic zone because you will have a negative learning experience and only prove your own rule of the fear being real and rational, and that will pull you back from your progress.

I remember going on a personal development course and a guy with a fear of heights was going up a ladder. Everyone was cheering him on and telling him to keep going, so he did and got to the top of the ladder. Everyone was so happy for him that he had conquered his fear of heights.

Of course nothing could be further from the truth and when he got down he said “That’s confirmed it, I could have died and I’ll never go up another ladder as long as I live”

So, with what I’m suggesting, the better way would have been to go up a few rungs until he was out of his comfort zone, but not in a panic, and then go back down again. Keep repeating until what was a stretch becomes a comfort and only then push on a few more rungs – again stopping before getting to panic. Over time the challenge to get to the top becomes a few rungs, not from bottom to top in one go.

So all the advice about doing it in stages, with a support network if needed, is spot on.

Don’t beat yourself up, be proud that you are addressing your fear. Just keep stretching and making sure you are comfortable before moving up to the next challenge.

Eventually you will get there and you will have earned it all.

Private message me if you want any further explanation of the process or any help with how to apply it in your situation.

AC

If you are successful in coping with your fear after trying the suggestions that others have offered, then no further help is needed. If the problem persists, behaviour therapy will enable you to overcome this problem.

Just spotted a typo. My reply above should read Karl Rohnke. Missed the K off.

Sorry.

Thankyou all for your insightful, in-depth and thoughtful answers! Each and every one of them has offered me different advice and by taking them all in, I feel now that I can build on this and move forward, little by little. x
I wasn’t expecting there to be so many replies!
So many that I don’t think I could thank you all individually D:

But really, thankyou so much for each attempt at helping me with my problem :)
x

Keep us posted on how it goes and what is working for you. The UK is a wonderful place with so much to see and experience.