What's your take on how children are raised based on the ages of their parents? See details.

@JilltheTooth – The details you provided are perfect to start a discussion. It’s dangerous turf, so we all need to keep in mind there are plenty of opinions which are not necessarily true or false in an objective way.

Personally I think the age of the parents has a somewhat greater influence on children compared to the number of children.

Here’s what I think and I could be wrong:

The ideal age for blue collar workers is 20–25 and for white collar workers it’s 22–28. In Western societies it makes sense that both man and woman should be at least 20 years old. Having a baby between 30–35 might not be ideal but usually it’s fine as well. Medical risks are a separate matter, but I think the focus here should be “from the point of view of the children”.

A key element influencing the decision and age is whether grandparents are available for support or not. Another factor is the flexibility of the country and companies/organization when it comes to maternal or parental leave. Many European countries are quite advanced, see

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave#Europe

I have observed A among one of my closer relatives and it was not only about the extra spoiling but also all the extra anxiety something might happen to the child. Advice like never enter a grocery store knowing exactly where the emergency exit is located. The fear of losing a child seems to increase with age.

I think fathers who are 60 or older are less than ideal despite the financial security this usually involves.

Many people will see things differently. Let’s have a civilized debate.

One interesting medical aspect for fathers might be this:

“Ideal age for fathers is 25–30: For now, prospective parents might want to rethink their plans about when to have children, says Herbert Meltzer, a psychiatrist and widely recognized schizophrenia expert at Vanderbilt University. He believes the risks for children of older fathers will eventually be seen to be as noteworthy as the risks facing older mothers. “It’s going to be more and more of an issue to society,” he notes. “Schizophrenia is a terrible disease, and anything that can be done to reduce it is terribly important. Meltzer thinks women should take a man’s age into consideration when choosing a partner to have children with. And men might want to think about having sperm stored when they are young. Because despite the advances in understanding autism and schizophrenia, treatment is limited and difficult, and a cure remains elusive.”

http://how-old-is-too-old.blogspot.com/2009/01/for-now-prospective-parents-might-want.html

I’m just basing this on anecdotal evidence—so ehh it’s probably just hunch and opinion.

One set tends to be “too strict” (according to the kids, of course) because they tend to raise their kids as if it were 15 – 20 years earlier. Woe to the child born of older parents who ALSO had older parents because they get the discipline of 30+ years back in time.

I personally think that parents of “miracle babies” tend to have more “spoiled” kids. These are kids born after the parents have gone through multiple miscarriages, years of infertility treatments and sometimes have had traumatic birth experiences (micropreemies, needed surgeries soon after birth) It happens that parents who are older may tend to have more “miracle babies”.

A. Older parents
I’ve always thought of over 40 as “older parents” and a lot of my friends growing up were from these kinds of parents. What I saw is their parents were more patient, interested, stable and supportive, probably due to more emotional maturity. My grandparents were parents to me by their 40’s and were the best I could have imagined, they said becoming grandparents then was the best experience they’d had and wished they’d been that age when they had my mother because they said the enjoyment was so different. My mom and I have a good bit of “sibling” rivalry because we have such different childhoods being raised by her parents :)

B. Younger parents
25–40yrs to me is younger parents, the ones at the most busy and stressful times in their lives and often with little outside help. I think parents in this age group are under a lot of pressure from themselves and others about where they “should” be and what they’re capable of providing their kids.

C. Much younger parents
Teens to 25yrs. These parents usually get support from their own parents and have the unjaded minds to give new ideas time and energy. The only negatives I see about being young parents are the obvious about not having enough money or resources for basic necessities and dedication to helping with the kids’ schooling but then again, I’m from a family that’s always been in support of schooling aside from just public/private school.

I’d love to afford being a parent now in my 40’s.

I have been both a young parent, and an older parent.
I had children at the ages of 21, 24, 36, and 39.
I think that there are good and bad issues in both cases.
It was much easier physically when I was younger. I also only had two children to deal with at that time.
When I had my later babies, I also had older children to parent and they were in a different stage of life, as was I.
The older and younger also had different fathers, and they had much different parenting styles, so that was/is a factor.
Myself, I feel that I have become more patient with age and also more accepting of what comes along. I have less energy and less need to be “accepted” in the way that I parent.
I don’t care what anyone else thinks, I’m doing it my way.

I thought I’d weigh in on my own question after a few responses, so here it is. I listed A, B,and C because there are reasons that people assume those things. That said, I’ve also known many many parents that completely defy “conventional wisdom”. I was a bit older (almost 35) and infertile (over 5 years of trying, various drugs and treatments, finally surgery) when I had my daughter. My inclination was to indeed be a classic example of A. @wilma is right on target, there! It took a considered effort not to go that route. I do feel that I had more patience with her, partly because of age, partly learned during the process. It was very hard to resist the desire to spoil her well, as she’ll tell you, I didn’t completely resist! but I think I did a pretty good job. From what I’ve seen here, you jellies think so, too ;-) She’s Katawagrey…YAY

@Neizvestnaya : You’re right on the money about family. You were lucky to have such lovely grandparents!

@JilltheTooth
You’re right, @Katawagrey is a wonderful jelly! You’re right about me being lucky too with my grandparents. I grew up wondering why other people didn’t have the same background help as I did- I was taught family history, local history, cooking, cleaning, sewing, you name it and I never missed out not having grown up with computers, playgrounds, shopping malls, daycare centers, organized sports, etc.

I think what you’ve written in the details does ring true for some but, in my mind, cultural differences and other factors matter as well. In the Russian culture (which encourages having children young), it isn’t even expected that you will parent your kids because it’s assumed that the grandparents know everything better. And I think, actually, that older mothers who have an established career would be less likely to consume themselves with parenting since they already have a life and like it…I think younger moms who want to go the traditional route can forget about themselves and remain so throughout their lives…this is all speculative though. I know that because I don’t put my children first but as equals to me in the things I will prioritize, I’m different from other moms – I make it a point to have time to myself, to do yoga and dance tango, to spend time away from my kids and my partner – this is something people around me are apparently having trouble with. But this is a direct result of seeing my mother only live for us and my dad ending up an incredibly hypercritical clinger.

I’m the youngest of four (well, six – long story, read on!) and my mother had me when she was 33. I’m six years younger than my nearest sibling. When I was three, my father died, but we were fortunate enough to meet an amazing man who took in my mother and her four kids (aged 15, 12,10 and 4) and a year later he adopted us, and has been Dad ever since. He’s twenty years older than my Mum, so she was 37, and he was 57 (and retired) when they got married. (He had two already grown up daughters.)

Dad remained a stay at home parent to us, and Mum went back to work as a health visitor. My brothers and sister went through what you would consider the stereotypical teenage angst (lets ignore the obvious issues of having a dead father for sake of argument, which affected us all in different ways). I, on the other hand, by being so much younger, was far more effected by Dad’s influence (he was also a retired primary school headteacher).

I didn’t rebel at all during my teenage years (in fact, I’m still very submissive when it comes to authority figures, which isn’t necessarily a good thing), I also achieved the most academically…

But when I am around my siblings, I feel like I have nothing in common with them, and I feel ever so old fashioned. Despite being the youngest, they are the trendy, hip and happening ones, who like going out, partying etc etc. I love being in company, don’t get me wrong, but I’m rarely drunk, and I prefer quiet meals and evenings in than a full on raucous party.

I’m not sure what I’m proving, but I will say that I certainly wasn’t spoiled, but I was priveliged.

There are a number of advantages to being an older parent. In Do older couples make better Parents?, Chandrashekhar .R writes:

There are definite advantages to being mid life parents. If career issues are ironed out, children are less of a threat. Parents feel like they have time for both their career and a family. At this time parents are also more financially stable since they probably own property or a house. This is one less financial burden. This also means that they can probably better afford quality child care.

Older parents are more patient, calm, and better able to go with the flow than they were when they were younger. The farther away from childhood that you are, the easier it is to understand children. Many parents feel that if they had become parents in their 20s, they were still too much a child themselves to be a good parent. They’ve reached a new level of maturity during the middle ages. They don’t worry so much about their children’s position on the developmental scale. They realize now children don’t have to be perfect or to fulfill their parents’ ambitions. The children are freer just to be individuals and grow up in loving, supportive atmospheres.

Older parents have more time to spend with their children. They realize what a precious gift they have been given and want to make the most of it.

Younger parents are not as financially well off, which makes things harder. They can’t afford expensive childcare or schools. They are struggling to make it, so they have less time for the kids.

Of course, younger parents are physically more fit, and have more energy and chase kids around in a way older parents can’t. Also, older parents are less likely to have much time to spend with grandkids and even if they are alive, they won’t have much energy.

I don’t know where you came up with your axioms, but as far as I know, older parents are generally considered better able to handle the problems of child-rearing.

I think the amount of children factors in when there is a large family involved. My parents had seven children, so they were young when they started but heading towards middle age when finished. So when young they had one or two children to cope with but as they got older they had more. It changes the way they parent.

My first son was born into a very unstable relationship when I was 20, and he was later adopted by my second husband. My second son was born into a stable, 5 year marriage, financially and physically well established. They both developed their own personalities and are now adults, with their own sets of adult issues.

I can’t see where age has entered into it.