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Jude's avatar

Do your trust your fellow flutherites (in what they say)? Do you believe that they are being honest?

Asked by Jude (31971 points ) August 30th, 2010

With some people (on Fluther), I don’t know if they’re telling the truth or giving me the gears. People could be full of shit and really, how do we know that they’re being honest.

I know for a good number of jellies who are on Facebook, I get to know them more there. I see that they have real lives, with kids and spouses, jobs and whatnot. But, for some people here, who knows. For all that I know, they could really be a 500 lbs man who lives in his parents basement, has social issues and is pretending to be a 22 year old woman online. Or, someone who says that he is married, yet, still flirts with the woman here and is creepy. Maybe, he’s creepy in real life.

Becareful who you trust and open up to, folks. As the girlfriend said, the internet attracts all kinds of freaks, so, watch yourself.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

134 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Usually you can tell from reading a lot of posts if someone is consistent and real in their responses.

The ones that are not, I give short shrift to.

Cruiser's avatar

You get what you pay for here and anywhere else. Buyer beware!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Generally speaking, yes – if something is really extraordinary, I begin to wonder if they’re lying, sure.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I agree.I can say from personal experience that Vunessuh is a genuine person :)

Jude's avatar

I lurve nessush.

Seaofclouds's avatar

In general, I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt and believe what they say about themselves. If over time things don’t seem to add up, I’ll question it more.

bob_'s avatar

Oh, I’m sure there are more than a few freaks around here. I’m pretty neutral about it.

CMaz's avatar

Believe me or kiss my ass.

But generally yes. Unless I see it different.

Jude's avatar

I believe you Chazzie.

janbb's avatar

I have come to take some people’s stories with a large grain of salt and won’t interact if I think they are full of crap. Other people I think are just deluding themselves…...I do think there is a danger in getting over-invested or caring about internet people and their stories.

(What – do you not believe that I’m a penguin-librarian with a great sense of humor and a wonderful grandson?)

chyna's avatar

@jjmah All good points. I tend to take people at face value, but I have been proven wrong a few times on their true personalities. I give a person enough rope to hang or prove themselves. When I am proven wrong about a person, it really bothers me. I know, I shouldn’t let it, but sometimes I do get over-invested (in janbb’s words).
<—- I am truly a boxer loving female.

Frenchfry's avatar

95% of the time I think they are genuine. The 5% I don’t bother with. I have found some people are just here to get there rocks off, or trying to find a date. It’s all fantasy to them. Lying saying there all buff and georgeous. Like PMing me and wanting to talk about sex. This is not a dating site. If I wanted a dating site I would go to one. For goodness sake look at the profile MARRIED. Or come on here so they can be a asshole.

chyna's avatar

@Frenchfry No one pm’s me for sex. :-( Just saying…

Ok, I was kidding. Please don’t pm me for sex.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

I haven’t had a reason not to, not trust anyone on here. But, I watched this show on TV the other day about some 40 something year old man (had teenage daughters a wife and everything) would go on the internet acting as a teenage girl and convince suicidal girls to kill themselves, he would try to get them to do it over the webcam so he could watch them kill thereselves. What a freak.

chyna's avatar

@Mom2BDec2010 Did he actually convince anyone to do that?

Jude's avatar

“Like PMing me and wanting to talk about sex”

I had someone do that to me, as well. Even though I told him that I was in a relationship. He wanted to know the details of my and my girlfriend’s sex life. This coming from a man who was supposedly married.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

@chyna he convinced this one girl to kill herself but she didn’t do it over the web cam, she went to this frozen lake where some of the ice was broken and jumped in on purpose. It was really sad, it was on Dateline I think.

jonsblond's avatar

I have a feeling @bob_ is just a big sandwich

kevbo's avatar

You’re asking this now?

Jude's avatar

@kevbo I have my reasons.

Dog's avatar

[Mod says:] If an inappropriate PM is sent to you please alert Augustlan. We do not look at PM activity unless we are alerted to the issue.

Please also note that if responses in this question begin to even vaguely target any specific user the question will have to be removed. Issues with specific users should be brought to the attention of Augustlan. We do not allow questions about specific users unless they are congrats.

ucme's avatar

With me what ya see is what ya get….well my mouth isn’t quite that big. As far as anyone else goes, haven’t really thought about it.Maybe i’m too trusting, I dunno.

Scooby's avatar

It’s a chance you take on any forum, open up & be honest or tell a pack of lies, there’s always someone who’ll think you’re full of shit or telling the truth, goes with the territory….. Judge me as you will, you’ll never really know me!! :-/
I could be as honest as the day is long or I could be spreading it like muck spreader how will anyone know for sure… :-/

rebbel's avatar

Well, since you raised the matter of trust, let me confess: i am not really a forty-three year old, hairy, beardy, six feet five tall guy…, i am a beautiful seventeen year old cheerleader.

Yes, i trust everybody to start with and even if i feel someone isn’t totally honest, i still give that someone the benefit of the doubt.
I could easily be wrong.
After all, i only read the words he/she writes.
And for all i know it was me who misread their words this could be to blaim on English not being my native language.
But then again, in real life i hold the same trust everybody from scratch norm.

liminal's avatar

I approach people I meet on fluther the same way as I do face to face: open but cautious. I trust the people I know via facebook and fluther over those I only know through fluther. To date, I haven’t sought information that would be detrimental to my life should it be proved false or faked in some way. Of course, if it came to a point where I was going to meet someone from fluther face to face I would want more information and insight into their life than solely fluther.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes. Like @rebbel , everyone is trusted in the beginning. I have yet to run across any contradictory posts that have raised a figurative red flag, although there was one person who lasted a day that caused me to raise an eyebrow. No creepy PMs. And as @marinelife said, the more one reads someone else’s posts, there’s a pattern that supports the truth.

Arp's avatar

I trust everybody on Fluther. Except @Sarcasm. He’s a crook…

Frenchfry's avatar

@chyna LOL That’s funny. Did someone try? hahaha I just learned don’t respond they will get the hint, unless it a good contact or friend. It may be a little uncomfortable. Talking about sex on the net does not make me horny. It might for some that is why they do it.Like @jjmah said you got to be careful.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I think the vast majority of people on the these types of forums are who they say they are, and their recounting of their experiences is as truthful as they can be.

JilltheTooth's avatar

As much as I like being here in Jellyland, and as much as I like most of you, it is never far from my mind that this is The Land of Faceless Strangers until proven otherwise. Without inflection, body language or true spontaneity, all are as they present themselves, an Internet Persona, nothing more or less.

tinyfaery's avatar

I put as much trust in Jellies as I do in everyone, regardless of how I know them. I give most people the benefit of the doubt, but I am not surprised if I find out the person isn’t who I thought they were.

I confess. I am not really a faery.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@tinyfaery : Noooooo…. my world just fell down…..

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Frenchfry Gosh… Your fluther is a lot more interesting than mine… (Sigh)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

As well as my days gone today I’m a little hesitant to reply, but yes, I think most of them are honest.

chyna's avatar

@Frenchfry Yes, but they were kidding.

Jude's avatar

@bob is a hunky, meaty sandwich. ;-). No, really, bob’s a cool guy and a Facebook friend. :)

loser's avatar

I’m always wary, even in real life. You never know. I’m actually an overweight crackhead raccoon living in the ceiling of a large corporate building.

ipso's avatar

People who are joking ^ normally make it somewhat clear.

I otherwise take everything at face value, if there is some history there – but if not, then they really don’t matter much either way.

(Or unless someone says they have a beautiful kid – then I really do have to see it for myself.)

But you should call them out if you think someone is bullshitting. Call their bluff!

If you can’t work it into in a post cleanly, innocently PM them and say: “Really…. tell me more about that.”

I should think you would be able to tell rather quickly if they are full of shit or not; that is if you even care enough about them to want to go to the trouble to find out.

kenmc's avatar

The people on here that I should even be worried about being someone they’re not are the ones that I’ve spoken to via skype/phone or have on facebook.

So it’s not something I really worry about.

BoBo1946's avatar

oh, i trust everyone except Bob!

Thanks Dog, glad to know that. All these women are always bothering me. Geezz…it gets so old.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I do get the occasional inappropriate PM. Usually I just delete them and avoid the person after that (if they happen to be someone that actually comes back)

Other than that, I no reason to specifically not trust jellies. But I don’t intend to start passing out my phone number and address anytime soon, either.

Trillian's avatar

I have a tendency to learn about people as I read their responses. I see how they lean politically and socially. I know I fell for that question asked by someone who made up a fake persona but then confessed to all of us.
It never occurred to me about “trust” in the way you’re stating it. However, I know that I personally have spoken at length about things that seem important to me when brought up by another Jellie, only to be ignored as I if I had said nothing at all.
Lesson learned.
Trillian over and out.

BoBo1946's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie really…i’ve never gotten one.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@BoBo1946 Sometimes I think it might be more common for women to receive such messages.

chyna's avatar

@BoBo1946 Are you hinting for one? haha.

liminal's avatar

@Trillian Investing and being ignored stinks, but I must say it is hard to imagine anybody ignoring you.

BoBo1946's avatar

@chyna loll dang right….make it juicy!

bob_'s avatar

Can y’all keep a secret? @jonsblond: actually just Jon. OH SNAP!

JUST KIDDING, @Dog! XD

Austinlad's avatar

I believe what other Flutherites to the same degree as every source from whom I views, ideas and information. I believe that which seems to me good, honest, correct and helpful, and I ignore that which seems to me not to be.

jonsblond's avatar

@bob_ Yes. My husband I am very talented. ;)

bob_'s avatar

@jonsblond Hey, we’re not here to judge ;)

stardust's avatar

I tend to take people at their word for the most part. If I have doubts, I’ll keep going without passing much remarks. I don’t treat those I meet in the online world much differently than I those I meet in my day to day life.
I ain’t no fool either y’hear?

NaturallyMe's avatar

Let’s just say that i wouldn’t in the least be surprised if someone is lying about something. It’s hard to trust someone in “real life”, nevermind someone online who you most likely know just about nothing about.

YARNLADY's avatar

I look forward to meeting my Fluther contacts in person some day, therefore it would be self-defeating to lie. I have also linked some personal photos and videos, which would be hard to fake.

DominicX's avatar

I definitely tend to believe people, but as @Simone_De_Beauvoir pointed out, when things get a little extraordinary, I begin to question it. Of course, some of these are on a larger scale. If we had a “what’s your IQ?” question, I’d be surprised if anyone scored below 130, despite only 2% of the population having an IQ above 130. I’ve had that experience on other websites. It seems like every internet forum is Lake Wobegon, where all the men are good-looking, all the women are strong, and all the children are above average. :P

zophu's avatar

I don’t trust anyone, but that’s mostly because I’m paranoid. People are usually nicer than they should be on this site. I’m not sure if that makes them more or less trustworthy.

cookieman's avatar

AWRIGHT! Fine fine. I’m not really a big chocolate chip cookie in real life.

THERE I finally said it.

jonsblond's avatar

@cprevite You’re peanut butter. I knew you were nutty!

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MissAnthrope's avatar

[Mod says:] As Dog warned near the beginning of the thread, please do not target any specific user, even vaguely. Issues with specific users should be brought to the attention of Augustlan. We do not allow questions about specific users unless they are congrats. Thank you.

Response moderated
zophu's avatar

I guess that’s one reason people seem unnaturally nice on here.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

For the most part, I do. It doesn’t take too long to get a sense of which users are pretty genuine, and which users aren’t. It also seems as if the more disingenuous or untrustworthy users don’t tend to stick around as long. Of course, some may slip through the cracks, but I’d say I feel pretty confident of most of the jellies in these waters.

jonsblond's avatar

^^ I’ve talked to this one (briefly). I can assure you he’s not a high school cheerleader. ;)

bob_'s avatar

Every time a question like this comes along, I feel like we’re being treated like kindergartners, and I can’t decide which is sadder: being treated like a kindergartner, or the fact that some people do act like kindergartners.

Jude's avatar

Nevermind. I need sleep.

Your_Majesty's avatar

I believe this is risk of internet (And beside,if you read the privacy policy when you join most sites they’ll warn you that this is not their responsible,and it’s up to you to decide the truth of the content). We can be anonymous in internet and most of us do that for our privacy protection.

For me,I don’t want to see the reputation of people here (who said that they’re all real? What if they just another talented drama queen?),I will try to analyze their answer before I try to believe it,the more it sounds rational the more I would like to believe in it. Although I believe all of them are arguable.

whatthefluther's avatar

Yes, I am cautious, but I generally trust what you say here. Sure you can be a fake or an asshole. You may depart these waters and even delete your account. But as long as there is a fluther, your contributions remain and form a legacy of sorts. You are only fooling yourself if you are less than honest or try to impress virtual others. In the grand scheme of things that has no significance, whatsoever. I look at my participation here realistically. As it is, I am very nearly merely a memory you may one day find in your mind. If that indeed be the extent of our shared destiny, know I put my energy into making it an honest and pleasant synergy, because once I am thus, I highly doubt the ability to effect it will be there. So I care that my posts truthfully reflect me, my thoughts, opinions and emotions and trust that you do the same. If you don’t, well…...fuck off!
See ya…...Gary/wtf

serafina's avatar

I am cynical on here as with any other site on the web. I try to accept what people say and not judge / make assumption of people because what they could be saying or showing may well be 100% accurate.
I’ve just learned over the past few years not to give too much personal detail to anyone on line, i’m not after all using it to meet new friends of hook up with the next best thing…now that would be a whole new ball game

Completely agree with @whatthefluther . Very well put!

Leanne1986's avatar

I take everything that I read online with a pinch of salt. I am here for the enjoyment of asking and answering questions, nothing too serious, and so if someone’s input amuses me or interests me it doesn’t matter if they are talking bollocks as I probably wouldn’t find out anyway. I don’t give out details that are too personal and so it doesn’t matter whether I trust them or not because I wouldn’t tell them anything that could be used against me. However, like you, I do “trust” the people that I am Facebook friends with for the reasons you stated, the have real lives, pictures that are, more than likely, genuine and friends that they met “in real life”.

Is it a bad thing that I don’t get innapropriate PM’s? I’m a bit gutted to be honest!!!

jonsblond's avatar

@whatthefluther my memory of you is carved in stone my dear. Thank you. :D

YARNLADY's avatar

I recently read about a user who developed an elaborate fake personality online and interacted with people based on that. To me it’s no different from reading stories in the newspaper with tips and ideas on various subjects, or a fiction novel that contains suggestions in the form of stories on how the characters handle their lives. They can each be of use in helping me make choices.

janbb's avatar

@YARNLADY Speaking personally, it helps me if I know whether it’s a fiction or not. I would feel emotionally exploited if I sympathized with someone’s pain and then later found out it was all made up.

chyna's avatar

@janbb I agree. I would really hate if someone were to portray themself as sick, as having lost a loved one, etc. and I go to the trouble to pm them with my thoughts and sympathies. I would probably want to kick their butt if I found out something like that happened.

YARNLADY's avatar

@janbb yes, I feel a bit of that also, but it doesn’t ruin the usefulness That’s why I don’t understand how people can watch those so-called reality shows on TV, or many of the sports events, which are scripted and choreographed.

When people found out the ‘Cash Cab’ game show was fake, they felt so cheated, but I never believed it for a minute, so I didn’t even bother watching it.

janbb's avatar

@YARNLADY Definitely agree about reality tv shows and I think we are on dangerous ground when we willingly blur the lines so much.

bob_'s avatar

In light of some of the comments here, I think it is time for me to make a confession.

There have been times in the past where I have asked for a sandwich, even though I wasn’t actually hungry. Rest assured, however, that such sandwich would have been put in the fridge, and eaten at a later time.

JilltheTooth's avatar

If someone has created a detailed and thorough Internet Persona that remains consistent and not harmful to others, I don’t see a problem. If that person has fabricated the story, unless one is planning on having some kind of off-line relationship, I don’t see the harm. Is the good advice that you may have followed from this person any less valuable? Are the recipes this person posted less yummy? Are the condolences or sympathy or congratulations from this person less heartwarming? Remember, this is an Internet Persona. If you suspect that this person is not whom he/she represented his/herself to be, and your “evidence” is from the Internet, who’s to say that that evidence is not from another Internet Persona who maybe has an agenda? I have almost no computer savvy, and less internet expertise, yet even I can think of a number of ways that “evidence” could be manufactured by a malicious individual.
I understand becoming invested (I’ve done it here, myself) and feeling distressed at the thought that I may have been somewhat emotionally manipulated and betrayed, but this is not Real Life! To lose sight of that fact is more of a problem than suspecting a user on a public Q & A site of fudging.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Well said JilltheTooth. As long as a jelly isn’t out to cause harm to others, they can be whoever they want to be on here. Just don’t be an ass to others.

jonsblond's avatar

I’m starting to think this isn’t the place for me. I like real life, not pretend.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@jonsblond I prefer real life, but isn’t it more important to treat the other jellies well?

jonsblond's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe You’re talking to the princess of nice. I stick up for those that I feel are treated unfairly. It gets me in trouble sometimes. That’s why I’m starting to feel this isn’t the place for me. I’m too trusting of others.

Jude's avatar

“I like real life, not pretend.”

I’m with you there.

Jude's avatar

(Sorry, @JilltheTooth, I disagree.)

I really have no interest in talking to phonies either. And, if you’re going spew a bunch of crap online that isn’t true, why should I waste my time with you?

chyna's avatar

I’m afraid I’m going to have to go with @jjmah here. Real life has enough to offer, why create a pretend life? I am like @jonsblond in that I’m very nice, in most cases, to everyone I meet. I don’t want to waste my time thinking of or keeping someone in my heart that told me their spouse died, and they are heartbroken if it isn’t true.

JilltheTooth's avatar

I guess I wasn’t complete in my post. If someone presents as consistent, I assume they’re genuine until it’s proven otherwise, then I would question the source of the “proof” and the possible motivation. I’d rather trust my own feelings about these things than someone else’s that I may not know, either.

jonsblond's avatar

@chyna That’s why I called myself the princess. You are the queen. :D

rebbel's avatar

Who da king, who da king?!

cookieman's avatar

You da king, you da king!!

MissAnthrope's avatar

Just my tuppence here, especially to the two of you thinking this isn’t the place for you. First, both of you help make Fluther what it is—the wonderful side of Fluther. If you leave, you’re letting the turkeys win.

Secondly, look at this from a psychological perspective. People who feel the need to craft online personas are obviously really unhappy with their own lives. Certainly, there are more constructive ways to outlet this happiness than having a fantasy life on the internet, but I try to view it from a perspective of compassion and I know that when I get over my hurt feelings of being lied to, manipulated, or betrayed, the reality of the person behind the mask is sad.

This being the internet, I think we can expect that not everyone is who they claim to be. I will say that Fluther, for me, has always been a sort of intellectual and social oasis in the sea of freaks, crazies, and OMGLOLers that is the internet. Fluther seems to invite honesty and I’d be willing to bet we have a far lower instance of fakery than almost anywhere else online.

I know it feels a whole mixture of awful when you realize your trust has been for nought, or when you realize someone you’ve interacted with is nothing like what you thought. Rightly so, and I would imagine it more devastating to learn this of a Jelly, considering our small-ish community and how closely we get to know each other. However, I think it’s better to focus on the other 99% of the users here, who over the years have supported and helped me, who now have become friends, at least to some degree. We have a lot of great people here and the ratio of good to bad is one of the best I’ve ever encountered in all my years online.

So, don’t let the turkeys win.. stay on and continue helping this place stay smart and awesome!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

jonsblond has left for now. Let’s hope she comes back.

BoBo1946's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe you mean for the day or permanent? I sure hope not.

cookieman's avatar

today…the turkeys won

:: sniff ::

BoBo1946's avatar

gosh dang it, i really loved @jonsblond and his s/o. Hate to see good people leave. Please comeback my friend.

chyna's avatar

@BoBo1946 I know it’s confusing but let me try to explain:
@jonsblond is the wife portion of two. She is blond and she is Jon’s.
@Blondesjon is the husband portion. (Think of Blondies Jon to put into perspective). Anyway, he is still here. :-)

BoBo1946's avatar

i knew that my friend, but why did she leave?

Frenchfry's avatar

I hope they don’t leave. I liked them. I enjoy reading the posts.

chyna's avatar

@BoBo1946 I don’t know.

janbb's avatar

I think she is busy in real life and may come back after a break.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@janbb – That’s what I thought.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

We just lost @jjmah

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer She’s keeping her facebook account if your on there.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Damn, I took a shower this morning and brushed my teeth! Why’s eveybody leaving?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JilltheTooth Sorry that was too juvenile. (What I originally said, not her comment)

ucme's avatar

sounds like another migratory season.They’ll be back…..they always come back, mwwaahhh!

chyna's avatar

@cprevite Ah, another day for the turkeys as @jjmah leaves.

janbb's avatar

Will the last one out please shut the door?

BoBo1946's avatar

shutting the door…ouch, on the pinky!

ucme's avatar

@BoBo1946 well that’s what you get for wearing shorts too tight….show off :¬)

DominicX's avatar

I find it hard to believe that these people leaving never once considered before that people online are not always what they seem. That’s just part of being in online communities like this.

chyna's avatar

@DominicX I seriously doubt that people are leaving because someone wasn’t who they portrayed themselves as being. I think it is a culmination of things, and this situation and other ones like it, and other jellies reactions to this, the mean pm’s etc, may just have made them leave.

chyna's avatar

Ok, @jjmah asked me to relay this message to you guys:
The reason why I left had to do with family issues (a lot on my plate), plus, the fact that I am back to school/work next week and it was time to focus on my that stuff. Plus, I basically lost interest. Time to move on! And, it feels good. :)

bob_'s avatar

Okay, who now thinks @DominicX is actually a 50 year old dude leaving in his parents’ basement?

XD

BoBo1946's avatar

LOLL…. got’cha @ucme !

rebbel's avatar

Thanks, @chyna.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@chyna : Thanks for the relay. Please tell her I hope the family issues go well, school/ work go smoothly, and I’ll miss her and wish her the best…

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JilltheTooth She saw my trust issues answer to you and wanted to make sure everyone had the answer she wanted. I also forgot, duh, teacher.

flutherother's avatar

I don’t see the point in pretending to be someone you are not. Some people here are more serious than others but I haven’t come across anybody that struck me as fake.

Jude's avatar

@flutherother You missed out on all of the fun (sarcasm).

flutherother's avatar

mama cakes Maybe, I just zipped through from your interesting question to my answer.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Nothing to see here, folks.. nothing at all.. move it along…

janbb's avatar

@janbb – still rubbernecking

loser's avatar

It’s just me!

liminal's avatar

and me blowing everybody kisses

lloydbird's avatar

I’m real in what I say. I just don’t give much away about me (My choice). That would be too interesting. ;-)
As for what others say, I trust that truth will out, and don’t engage much beyond the superficial.

YARNLADY's avatar

I just noticed that there are several things I don’t trust. When I see quips on Fluther where people are saying “I would punch him out” and “I would kill that person” and several other outrageous things, I don’t believe them.

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