Social Question

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

Does she only think of me as a "brother/friend"?

Asked by Mista_Reflexivity (246points) September 26th, 2010

Alright… she calls me cute(recently in front of her boyfriend… which I’m pretty sure was a slip-up), gives me hugs, but screams “don’t touch me” when my friends barely scratch her. Called our first hug “special”? I thought they were like candy… Played one-sided 20 questions; thought I was leaving for a bit, then said “that’s good for me” when she found out I wasn’t. The oddest thing is that the girls she’s a part of are VERY CONSERVATIVE(don’t touch/talk to other men when you have a boyfriend)... she seems to be breaking all the norms around me. I wasn’t much interested in her when this all started, but I’ve grown to like her. Very fixated on me when I’m around; was afraid to directly ask me for my number… or didn’t want to send the wrong message. I don’t know; this kind of girl is pretty rare; she’s beautiful, smart, bubbly, etc. She obviously likes my appearance and personality. Other girls have counseled me and pretty much settled on she likes me, but has a boyfriend, so if I respect her I shouldn’t do anything. They told me to be happy with the attention and keep to myself. Or that she likes me as a brother/friend. Man… she’s just doing all this stuff while I have done absolutely nothing. I’m wondering if she wants me to push her boyfriend aside or send her a single signal or something like compliment her appearance once like she does to me so many times, but I’ve been told that it would be wrong since she has a boyfriend. They are sooo conservative…

And… I recently remembered that this has happened twice before in high school(girls, with boyfriends, taking interest in me, to the point of people gossiping “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?”) with me having shown no interest in return… Maybe she’s just going through a case of Radiohead’s “There There.”

Why do I attract women with boyfriends? :|... and why would a woman with a boyfriend constantly compliment another man’s appearance and focus on him all the time when he’s around?

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7 Answers

janbb's avatar

Two possibilities: either she’s really attracted to you but doesn’t want to give up her boyfriend or she’s trying to make boyfriend jealous. In either case, it’s a losing proposition for you. Get away from it.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@janbb is exactly right. Either scenario spells out bad news for you. Best to not let yourself get too involved, I would take a huge step back if I were in your shoes.

marinelife's avatar

Some women just want men in their orbit. You are safe for her to flirt with be cause she has a boyfriend.

In any case, it is not very flattering. I would tell her to cut it out.

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

Yeah… I’ve been with some evil-minded girls in the past(not that this is evil-minded), so I thought she was too sweet to be like that.

janbb's avatar

She may not be evil but it still may be an unhealthy situation for you.

BarnacleBill's avatar

She’s not evil, just a little clueless. She just doesn’t realize that perhaps you aren’t okay with playing this game. She likes you, and it makes her happy to flirt with you. She doesn’t realize that she’s sending confusing signals.

Guys really don’t have the power to “take” a girlfriend away from a guy. Avoid girls with boyfriends, concentrate on their unattached friends. A girlfriend who’s constantly flirting with other guys isn’t that great of a catch, no matter how pretty she is.

tedibear's avatar

To me, it sounds like she knows you’re a good guy and wants to keep you in her pocket “just in case.” If the guy she’s with dumps her, she has you right in the queue to take his place. Just remember, if you do take his place she will find the next guy to get in line.

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