Social Question

InkyAnn's avatar

How do you define what "Being Mature" is?

Asked by InkyAnn (2433 points ) September 27th, 2010

My boyfriend and I have this talk all the time about me being mature and not being mature. He is a few years older then me and has always said that I am very mature for my age (im almost 24), but at the same time when we get into fights or are with his friends and I say or do something that they/he didnt approve of, “its not because I did anything wrong, I just need to be a little bit more mature”.

I understand where hes coming from when he says that im mature for my age. Because of my lifes hardships and the things ive been through forced me to grow up beyond my years. I see things and react to things in a much different way from someone my age, he says its more like I have the maturity level of a 30 year old verses a 24 year old most of the time.

Now the type of things that he says I need to be more mature about, I see it as its not a matter of matureness or lack there of, its just being honest and weather people can handle the truth, not take offence, see it as one persons point of views and not make more of it then what it is…

So what do you think “Being Mature” means…

If you need an example of a situation where him/his firends and I come to a disagreement that would fall under their “shes was immature” I have a perfect one for you.

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25 Answers

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Yeah, I think an example would help.

To me, maturity is mostly being open-minded, not automatically yelling when one has an argument or disagreement with another person, being able to have open dialogue in conversation, agreeing to disagree if that’s what it comes down to, and being able to take care of yourself in general.

Blackberry's avatar

I guess being open-minded and tolerant of all walks of life (as much as you can be, especially towards those that are not tolerant of everyone else), or at least understanding the myriad people on the planet.

Many of us must be able to communicate effectively: You have to be able to talk about something that frustrates you while remaining calm and civil.

Don’t look at a person and lable them just because it’s easier than actually using your brain to analyze and think.

ucme's avatar

Not laughing when you or anyone else in the room farts. Especially at the opera…..ballet…..cinema…...funeral of a loved one. God i feel so qualified to answer this question :¬)

InkyAnn's avatar

EXAMPLE: (this happened this past weekend)

I met my boyfriends bestfriend about 3 months before I met him. We’ll call the best friend Steve and my bf Kyle, i met Steve at a bar, he was with his (still) girlfriend, the three of us talked all night and after that it was the last i saw of them till i started dating Kyle. Kyle and i have been together over a year now. this weekend we were at Steves house drinking, Kyle and i got into a lil tiff, so Steve took me outside to talk/calm me down while his gf was doing the same with Kyle inside.

while Steve and i were talking he asked me if the night i met him “if i thought he was cute and would have tried picking him up if he were there alone”.“i said yha i thought you were cute but i didnt want to hook up with you. i thought you and your girl made a great couple.” and he kept pushing the question of “if i liked him, did/do i think hes hott” i kept trying to avoid the questions because weather i did that long ago or didnt it doesnt matter. but after about 20 mins of this i said “yes i did think you were cute, his response, ” you dont think i am anymore? i say ” well your not ugly, your an attractive guy but thats all i think”

now Steve and his gf think that this whole time weve been friends that ive “wanted” him, NOT the case. Kyle says he doesnt care, he knows i dont want Steve, that im not blinde if a guy is cute im going to think hes cute and thats it, nothing more, but he also says i could have been more mature and this would have never happend…

sorry it was soo long. the statement i made bold is where i get confused on if it was a matter that i didnt handle the situation maturely

harple's avatar

My ex husband used to say similar things to me… (note the ex) Everyone is different, and experience different levels of “maturity” at different ages… but you know what? If you’re 24, and sometimes act your age rather than being more mature, that’s absolutely allowed! You can be sure your boyfriend acted it (or less) when he was that age… Yes, you will change as you age further, but don’t miss out on the development of your maturity, whatever age you are…

So erm, to answer your question (I’ll get down off my soapbox now) I would say that maturity is accepting yourself at whatever level you are.

InkyAnn's avatar

@harple thanks, im really not worried or bothered about not being 100% more mature for my age but what does bother me is that when i do or say something that really wasnt what i would consider immature he/they do.

lol thats why im asking what everyone thinks being mature means lol

Blackberry's avatar

@Inked_up_chic Oh man…that Steve guy has obvious problems with either: Jealousy, security, or self-esteem.

Do you see how he jumped to that inaccurate conclusion right away of “You don’t think I am anymore?”? He was obviously already thinking that and just wanted you to validate it regardless if it was true or not. This is all from my opinion and experience, but there is definitely a lot of maturity and communication lacking there.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I agree with @Blackberry “Steve” is absolutely immature, in many ways.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t understand what he meant by saying if you were more mature this wouldn’t have happened. Sounds to me like Steve is the one who needs to be more mature. Kyle, too. He’s blaming his friends problem on you, I think.

InkyAnn's avatar

@Blackberry and @DrasticDreamer so you guys dont think that it was me. i didnt do or said the wrong thing? They wont talk to me anymore, they think i have designs on Steve, always have and lied this whole time to everyone.

InkyAnn's avatar

@wundayatta that if ” I did the mature thing” and either walked away when he first asked, or chose my words more wisely, that this would have never happend. if i choose to do either of those two things it would have been the “mature thing to do”

DrasticDreamer's avatar

No, it wasn’t you. Definitely not. If “Steve” was supposed to be a friend, he wouldn’t have asked you those questions in the first place – especially after an argument with your boyfriend when he was trying to “help” with the situation. But because you do think of him as a friend, he most likely would have taken equal offense to you walking away. It was an awkward situation for you, you didn’t know how to handle the questions, and that’s completely understandable. He shouldn’t have put you in the situation to begin with.

InkyAnn's avatar

And i would just like to point out that to me it seems a lil inappropriate that Steve would ask this to and about his bestfriend of 20 years girlfriend, specially while both our other halve were right inside..

InkyAnn's avatar

@DrasticDreamer Thank you!! still part of me feels like i need to fix this, its still his bstfrnd of 20 years and his gf that hate me and i dont want my bf to feel torn between the two of us. wish me luck :p

Haleth's avatar

Do the ones who weren’t there (Kyle, Steve’s girlfriend) know that Steve was the one who brought this up? And then when he didn’t get an answer he wanted, he kept asking you in different ways? It sounds like Steve was just looking for ways to hook up with you, and he used the argument between you and Kyle as an excuse. That’s gross.

Anyway, have you told Kyle exactly how the conversation went?

lillycoyote's avatar

This is going to come across as mean and flippant and I’m sorry but it’s possible that Kyle might think that the “mature” thing for you to have done was to have ended the 20 minute conversation with Steve about whether or not he was cute about 18½ minutes sooner than you did.

BoBo1946's avatar

•Maturity is a psychological term used to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate and adaptive manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctual, and is not determined by one’s age. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maturity_(psychological)

InkyAnn's avatar

@Haleth I dont know if they do, the only way I would be able to find out at this point is from Kyle but he wont talk about it because its in the past and it doesnt matter to him, so unless Steve and his gf decide to talk to me again I wont know. As for telling them what Steve said no I havent told them, 1. because again Kyle wont talk about it with me and 2. Steve and gf wont talk to me. There were somethings that I could retaliate back with about what Steve said, like he told me that if he wasnt with his gf at the time he would have been all over me, that im more his type, things like that but I feel like if I say what he said all its going to do is cause an even bigger fight. And yes before anyone asks I do think that Kyle should know he said those things to me and that he was pushing for “answers” but the way I see it is all thats going to do is make a huge fight between 2 bestfirends that can be avoided by keeping it to myself when I KNOW I will never do anything with Steve in ANY way.

@lillycoyote lol that actually sounds like something he would think. But in this case it doest “feel” like it ya know?

@BoBo1946 Thank you… I just maybe able to use that sometime in the near future lol

BoBo1946's avatar

@Inked_up_chic very welcome my friend.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Inked_up_chic You are such a sweetheart! I can’t tell you how happy I am that my comment gave you a little lol. It just sounded so cold-hearted when I wrote it. :)

Scooby's avatar

@Inked_up_chic

I’m afraid you are guilty of being very mature, as for the blokes they need to grow up! & as for Steve’s GF, she needs to wise up :-/

mickhock's avatar

Grey pubic hair ?

YARNLADY's avatar

Mature behavior is not a rule set in concrete. I remember one TV show where two grown women dress up as foreigners and harass a store clerk. It is very funny on TV, because it is so immature. To do it in real life would be bad manners.

talljasperman's avatar

caring about others more than just ones self

maggiechen55's avatar

Mature means your decision and thinking starts full, not stubborn, not one-sided, more consideration to the feelings of most of people.

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