At what point is it considered rude to not have my pan returned?
I have some relatively new neighbors, I’d say they’ve lived there a month or two. Don’t know them very well, but have chatted a couple of times and they seem pretty nice. The other day, one knocked on my door and asked to borrow a baking pan and basically said she’d return it right away.
We’re on day 3 now, still no pan, even though I have seen them come and go multiple times.. even passed them on the stairs yesterday, and no word about the pan.
So I’m wondering at what point is it considered rude they haven’t returned it, and I can knock on the door and get it back?
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Do the fine thing! prepare some lemonade, and go and knock at her dor, have a glass of lemonade w/her and ask your pan back a while after, mention that you’ll cook something over the weekend, you’ll have the chance to have a casual chat about the weather and the neighborhood, being a fine, nice neighbor is important :) and, it’s only 3 days, she won’t freak out, shel think that you are nice and cordial
I would just go over and tell that you need to use it soon to prepare something and were wondering when will they be finished with it. If they have just moved in, they’ve probably forgotten all about it.
Flutherers have a lot of passive aggressive answers to questions like these for some reason.
They probably just forgot. Knock on their door and ask for it back. It’s not like they’re trying to steal it from you.
I think it is a little less embarrassing for the both of them if she says she needs to use it, rather than just asking for it back. Sometimes passive aggressive is kinder than just coming right out with it, for BOTH sides.
If she was a confrontational person, she wouldn’t need to ask how to go about it.
3 days isn’t such a long time and I’m not afraid to knock on the door or anything.. it’s just when she said she’d have it right back, I was expecting to have it right back. Basically, I just want to know what everyone feels is an appropriate length of time to give them the benefit of the doubt (allowing them to save face and return it themselves) before I go over and ask. :)
I agree with what the others said about them forgetting. They are still probably trying to settle in. Even if they weren’t new neighbors, forgetting such things is very easy. Last year me and my neighbors exchanged cooking supplies ALL the time. We never had track of who had what, so we would always be asking each other “hey, did i return the….?” etc. It’s not a big deal. 3 days isn’t a long time per se but since she did promise to return it back soon, it’s longer than what she intended to borrow it for. So just go over, ask them how they are doing and say “oh btw, are you done with the pan? i wanted to use it”. she might be embarassed for a second but assure her that if she ever needs it again she should feel free to ask. i personally don’t consider this method “passive agressive”. humans in this day and age are busy and forgetful people. it’s no big deal and it’s the normal way of life.
PnL put it better than I did, go over anytime. I wouldn’t ask for it when passing on the stairs, etc. because they may forget again. Go directly to their door. No hard feelings that way and you will have it back.
Just to play devil’s advocate, once I got my pan back, I would have some qualms about lending to these folks again. It might be all sweetness and light like PnL says, but there are neighbors who are very one-way about this sort of thing and use it as an acquisition tool (Why buy when you can “borrow”?). Alena D has no way of knowing which kind these are.
(BTW, I like flameboi’s method, which is not passive aggressive, it allows both parties to save face. It is the purpose of etiquette—to oil the passage of social intercourse.)
no need to make it all dramatic
I usually give a week then “I have to make something that needs it” so I’ll ask IYKWIM.
I’m the least dramatic person ever.. it’s not about drama. I’m often curious as to what other people would do (I should start up a website asking my random questions). That’s all.
just knock on her door and say: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, I know you are probably too busy to remember…..” she will not let you finish your statement and go back and get your pan back. This is a straight forward approach, yet polite…so no hurt feelings
i think if it’s been long enough that you’re wondering, it’s time to get it back.
@ Alena – did you ever get the pan back?
Haha.. yeah, I waited a week and they made no move to return it, or even acknowledge that they still had it.. so I went over, asked if they were through with it, and got it back. I think next time I may say I don’t have whatever they want to borrow. :P
when you need that very pan to cook whatever cooks best in it.
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| asked June 27th, 2008
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