What's the best excuse you've ever used for being late to work?

Im never late but the best excuse I used to call in sick was when I called and told them I had hiccups. I had them for about three days and my chest felt like an elephant was standing on it. Every hiccup was torture. The doctor prescribed Thorazine to get rid of them. I slept through an entire day but it ultimately stopped my hiccups. Boy, was I relieved. The doctor told me of one case he knew about a man who’d had hiccups for over forty years. Hearing that scaredthe crap out of me.

I spilled milk and dropped eggs. Not that my boss would really have cared. She was pretty chill and just chuckled at me and called me a dork. She’s a friend so the dork comment was ok by me.

Well, this was class, not work, and I missed it completely, wasn’t late, but it was such a damn good excuse (and was actually true) that I must share.

I once missed a midterm, junior year of college, because I was in jail.

The midterm was the morning after Halloween. That Halloween, I had gone out and gotten so wasted that I was arrested for public drunkenness and taken to jail (as in, simple overnight drunk tank). I had already been totally prepared for the midterm, so I decided to go out and enjoy myself that Halloween, with the intention of taking the test in the morning and acing it. No such luck (in taking it that morning).

I used my “one phone call” to call my friend Julie who was also in the class with me. I told her I was in jail, and they weren’t letting me out yet, so I couldn’t make it to the midterm. She asked what she should say to the professor. I told her, “Just tell him the truth. There’s no other reason that would be acceptable, and he’ll probably dock me a full letter grade on this exam if you make up some bullshit excuse. At least I can bring him the police report and release papers to show him I was actually in jail and had no possibility of attending the midterm.”

She went to class and announced to the class and the professor that I wouldn’t be able to make it because I was locked up.

The next day, I brought the jail papers to the professor during his office hours, and he said it was the best reason he’s ever heard in his career for someone missing an exam. He applauded my balls in telling him the truth and gave me the opportunity to take the midterm without penalty. I got an A. But for the rest of the semester, he referred to me as the “jailbird.”

I got a speeding ticket on the way to work one morning but the cop didn’t care to hear my reason – I was glued to the news watching us foolishly and fatally invade another country.

I got drenched in the pouring rain and had to go buy a new pair of pants before I got to work. Everyone laughed at me, but I was nice and dry, and they were all soggy! =)

Mine was that my garage door wouldn’t go down, and it was a total fabrication. For various reasons I figured that saying it wouldn’t go down was better than saying it wouldn’t go up. I mean, really, I couldn’t leave my garage door open all day, someone might get in and steal my kick-ass collection of 45’s.

Then I got the first KARMIC ASS BITE: this question was the topic of a local radio talk show one afternoon. I happened to call in my brilliant excuse. The next day I arrived at work, checked my messages and there was my boss’s voice loud and clear, “Nice job on the show yesterday!”

Then I got the second KARMIC ASS BITE: our area was ravaged by storms earlier this spring. My garage door has been stuck down twice from the force of the winds that whipped through my neighborhood!

I accidentally ran over my best guitar- mortally wounding it even though it was in a hardcase.

This event caused me to have a rather childish temper tantrum- flinging the parts across the parkway. I was late when half way to work I regretted the improper disposal of what had been a good friend and went back and retrieved the remains.

Sadly- the excuse was true- along with the temper tantrum.

I had an interview for another job.

(luckily one that didn’t interfere with my first one :)

I usually never ever ever come late. So made up a shit excuse. “Sorry for being late, I was looking at myself int he mirror”