Have you ever disowned a relative? Had a relative disown you?

No and no.

Yes & Yes.

So Jack, share away…

Yes, I haven’t spoken to my father in 5 years. I have quite a few reasons for excluding him from my life but most of them are small and seem unimportant when looked at individually. One example: my dad yelling at me over the phone telling me that my mom, younger brother and I should have to travel from L.A. to Seattle to visit him because he’s spent 40-some thousand dollars in child-support payments throughout the years. It’s actually a lot more complicated than that and was rather distroying at the time. I was 15. I felt as if he valued his money and time more than his children and ex-wife. Anyway, every “bad” thing he did to either me, my brothers or mother accumulated throughout the years and that moment was the tipping point. I had had enough, and called it quits for good.

I have taken a time-out from two close relatives; with one we then rebuilt a much more honest and sincere connection. The other (my mother) never “got it,“and ruined a fair fight by getting old and demented. Now, I treat her with respect and am a good care-giver. In some ways, feeling distanced and dispassionate makes it easier for me to be helpful. I expect nothing.

My mother’s brother molested me for 13 years. When I was an adult, I cut him out of my life. When I finally accepted the fact that she knew, and A) never called the police B) never kicked him out the house and C) was actually quite friendly with him, it devastated me. I hid this from her for many years, to protect her (ah, the irony). When it finally became too much to bear, I ended our relationship. Very, very painful – but perhaps the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

I’ve never done it, but my mother disowned my sister for marrying 1) outside her faith ie catholic/lutheran 2) a ‘frog-faced farm boy.’ there were estranged for years which made it difficult for everyone involved. They finally reconciled when my mother became sick…she died a few weeks later, leaving a lot unsaid.

I can certainly understnad the reasons above, but could never really understand my mother’s.

@augustlan Bless you. I am so sorry that you had to go through the horror of being molested and the double horror of not being protected by the one person who should have taken care of you. I am proud of you for cutting her out of your life.

@augustlan: What a horrible position to have been in. You clearly made the right choice. Don’t ever doubt that. Here’s hoping the rest of your years are nothing but happiness.

Thanks, you guys.

Big hugs Augustian.

I guess you could say that I disowned my entire family.

In 1987, my fantastic/wonderful mother passed away. Shortly thereafter, I was publicly and falsely accused of something truly horrible (if it had been factual). Most of my so-called relations believed in my guilt, because they had never really taken the time to get to “know” me.

The accusations made against me were in retaliation by those against whom I had testified in court, due to my volunteering to help a major metropolitan police force with an undercover investigation.

The reason that my help was so valuable to them, was because whenever a police officer attempted to go undercover and infiltrate the organization being investigated, the “bad guys” always managed to find out who the undercover officer was, due to an informant in the police department who had access to personnel records.

So, because I was not an employee of that police department, and because no written records about me were kept by the ones who knew what I was doing for them, I was successful in infiltrating the organization and gathering intelligence for my friends in the police department.

The result of the information I discovered, resulted in the arrest and prosecution of no less than 600 people, many of whom were prominent in the community. So naturally, I had to be discredited, so my testimony would be disallowed by the courts.

In the process of that being done to me, several of my relatives found out that I was being accused of wrongdoing, and the nature of the charges against me, and instead of asking me if the charges were indeed true (they weren’t), they simply chose to believe them, as many of you would have, had you seen the “evidence” against me.

I was eventually cleared of all charges, and still have the letters from the Prosecutor, the Police Department involved, and the Court, absolving me of any and all complicity with those whom I was investigating. But, those letters did no good for my relatives, many of whom believed they were all part of some kind of massive “cover up.” Such is life, I guess.

It was at that point in my life, after spending much time (and several thousand dollars) to exonerate myself, that I decided to just disown my entire family. I am now celebrating my 20th year of having zero contact with any of them. And, I need to add that I have no regrets about my decision, and am happy with it. All of them can go to Hell.

Also, because I was adopted, I am not turning my back on “my own flesh and blood,” because they never were.

With regards to those who falsely accused me, I went to civil court and obtained a massive libel judgement of several million dollars being awarded to me. The “victory” was only on paper, unfortunately, because when I tried to collect my largesse, my attorneys discovered that the assets of the defendants had long ago been seized by the state and federal government, to satisfy tax liens against them.

It took me 10 years to finally pay my attorney bills, resulting from my litigation.

But, at least I was fully exonerated.

It is when you are at your lowest point, that you find out who your true friends really are.

Those who stand beside you, you keep and cherish. Those who refuse to believe in you (and in your innocence) you discard (disown).

@jack very well said. Some ppl don’t deserve a family.

I’d be happy to have you as a part of my family, if you like.

You could be my little sister…

@Jack, wow! What a story! Have any of the disowned relatives tried to contact you in the past 20 years? If so did you tell them to kiss your innocent a$$?!

Yes, some of them have.

I would always write “Return to Shitheads” on the envelope, and place it back in the mail, unopened.

I once read a letter that had been sent to Dear Abby by this woman who asked, “I haven’t heard from my father for 14 years. How can I keep it that way?”

@Jack…sounds good to me. I always wanted a brother. Ezpecially a demented one, like me! What are you getting me for Xmas? (yes, i don’t beleive, but i still want pressies!!!!)

Send me your address via PM, and I’ll send you a genuine shrunken human head, from the island of Borneo.

I know you’ll love it, and won’t try to return it.

Jack and Deaddolly, two of the people I was referring to in my answer to this question.

@supermouse, exactly! And exactly why the fluther tool question upset me.

@Jack Cool!!!! I will send you my work address, it’s where I get everything sent. And, now I have to think of something for you….I know!
I’ll send you a special doll…

Probably a DEAD one, right? [shudders]

Of course…a dead NUN doll. They’re the best.

Tempted, but no.
Not that I know of.

Gail: Lurve for ruined a fair fight by getting old and demented.

@Nim; only funny if she is not your mother. But you get my point. One of my learned defenses was humorous and self-deprecating language, not a learning method that I would recommend, however.

Gail: ‘Twas lurve for being funny, self-deprecating, frustrated, honest, and painful all at once.