If animals could talk what would they say?

Woof, bitches.

Looky what I found!!

Good one Nimis!!

More bacon!

Don’t cut my balls off, Bob Barker!

[fido looks up for a moment during another marathon crotch licking session]

DUDE!!! This feels AMAZING!!!

Why’d you eat my brother and sister?

My 5 cats would be saying something like “You are in this house to serve US and we will entertain you at OUR leisure.”

“Feed me.”

I’m pretty sure the Walrus would say:

“The time has come,
To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings.”

Horses would say, “We appreciate the compliment but the size really is just proportional.”

@fireside wouldn’t he say “koo koo ka choo”?

@eponymoushipster – no, that was actually the Egg Man impersonating a walrus. it might have actually been schizophrenia, but no one could put him back together again after he cracked so we may never know.

@fireside…That doesn’t count. The Walrus was Paul.

@Blondesjon – Actually on the wiki page, Lennon is quoted as saying:

“It never dawned on me that Lewis Carroll was commenting on the capitalist and social system. I never went into that bit about what he really meant, like people are doing with The Beatles’ work. Later, I went back and looked at it and realised that the walrus was the bad guy in the story and the carpenter was the good guy. I thought, Oh, shit, I picked the wrong guy. I should have said, ‘I am the carpenter.’ But that wouldn’t have been the same, would it? [Singing] ‘I am the carpenter….’”

@fireside…In Glass Onion from The White Album Lennon sings “Here’s another clue for you all…the walrus was Paul.”

a slight dig?

@Blondesjon – It could have been. Wiki again

Lennon was asked if there was a deeper meaning to the mysterious lyrics:
“I threw the line in—‘the Walrus was Paul’—just to confuse everybody a bit more. It could have been ‘The fox terrier is Paul.’ I mean, it’s just a bit of poetry. I was having a laugh because there’d been so much gobbledygook about Pepper—play it backwards and you stand on your head and all that.”

I think the best explanation for the lyrics in Glass Onion can be found within the lyrics:
Trying to make a dove-tail joint-yeah

@fireside…Lennon also told Dick Cavette that he came up with Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds after his son Sean drew him a picture thusly titled. I always thought he had a much drier sense of humor than people realize.

I wouldn’t doubt it.
—

The animals might also say:

1. Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
3. No animal shall wear clothes.
4. No animal shall sleep in a bed.
5. No animal shall drink alcohol.
6. No animal shall kill any other animal.
7. All animals are created equal.

Elephants would say to men, ”“How do you breathe through those things?”

“Wow, those naked apes are crazy!!”

I don’t know if anyone else does this and I may be totally odd but I talk to my pets and then I talk for them in voices I think they would have if they could talk. I have way too many pets. One of my cats would have said today,” Oh, you thought you were clever leaving dirty mop water in the tub so I wouldn’t shit in it but I jumped in anyway and left little muddy footprints all over yourbed. And the toilet lid because the bath water tases like crap and I needed to rinse my mouth out. Ha! ”.

“I hope you’re in a bad mood so I can shit or piss on the floor just to make your day that much better.”

Yeah. My dog hates me, I dislike it.

@fireside…mr. orwell’s estate on line three…