Women what are your feeling on when a man opens a door for you, give you a seat on a bus etc?

I feel grateful. I don’t care why he does it, I just appreciate the gift.

Hypothetical: Being a woman on a date and a man did too many of these it would become slightly irritating.
In situations I normally think if the shoe was on the other foot, though women are normally submissive and on the date it’s the same they want the man to lead.
One of my friends help this girl I know a lot, he obviously fancies her and she does not him. She gets annoyed at the fact he treats her like she can’t do anything for herself.

Tell her to wait until she gets older (or is 8 months pregnant). She’ll appreciate it then.

ya know, it rarely happened when I was a single mother w/2 babies trying to get around on the bus system, but when it did, it blew me away, I was so greatful
I don’t mind it at all, I love it:)

“thank you very much”

It’s nice. Unnecessary, but nice.

I’m grateful for any generosity extended to me. If a female friend opened the door for you would you say it is because you are weak??? We cannot make assumptions about the intentions of others.

@syz I feel the same way. It also matters so little to me. I don’t read hidden meanings or agendas into the actions of strangers on the bus often. Those little courtesies, it is easier and less troublesome for me to be polite about it all.

I know I am not helpless. Nobody with two working eyeballs would ever mistake me as such, and that’s true for most of us. These things are an expression of manners and courtesy, not the brainchildren of contempt or derision.

Now if a guy opens the door for me and says “There ya go, little lady. You don’t hafta worry about a thing. Go on back home now and fix dinner for your babies,” I might suspect he has a sexist agenda, but I’ll still let him hold the door for me.

My mama taught me always to say “Thank you” without comment in such situations.

Yousa, I’d have to comment on that one.

it’s old fashioned morality. it’s like living in your own city and observing someone else’s culture. you can choose to partake or you can refuse.

if you refuse, then you are forcing them to take part in your culture.

so, maybe do it 50% of the time and refuse 50% of the time. that way you’re teaching people your culture while sharing and enjoying that of others sometimes too.

:)

@syz – Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue in order to further the existence of civilization.

Oh, and keep from being arrested for assault.

@ninjacolin Beautifully put!!!

lol, thanks. :)

@ninjacolin

I disagree. Refusing is not imposing yourself or forcing anything. Refusing is sticking to what you believe in. Imposing yourself would be saying “how dare you do this? That’s sexist!” Refusing it doesn’t mean you have to accuse the person of being sexist.

lol, nice. i guess simply refusing might be within their culture too.
you’re right.

33% of the time accept.. 33% of the time refuse.. and 33% of the time blast them to hell for being a sexist pig! that way you’ve covered all bases.

I don’t see it as sexist. Just as often, I open the door for a man. Just depends on the situation and who reaches the door first.

@basp I open the door for men all the time too as a courtesy

Why would you refuse to walk through a door opened for you? How would you do this without appearing rude?

@Dansedescygnes
Dom I don’t want to disagree with you because your cute and this is also a factor with men being nicer to women (Not because your cute) because surprise men like women and women are more often submissive. Have you ever read men are from Mars women are from Venus?
I think I got slightly confused =].

@Myndecho men will go out of their way for a good looking woman

@Facade
Isn’t that the point I made? Well I was trying to.

@Myndecho yea. i was just…adding stuff :)

Sometimes a guy opens the door for someone else just because he is a nice person. Why judge? Why not just accept? I’m not particularly cute or tiny or fragile, yet guys open doors for me fairly often.

Sometimes I open doors for guys or even other women. I don’t mean anything by it; I am just being nice.

I also make a point of giving my seat up to anyone older or more tottery than I. Again, I am being nice.

@Myndecho

Yeah, well you know what? Some men like men. And I’m submissive, damn it!

I happen to be a big fan of chivalry. When a man opens the door for me or gives up his seat (which happens very rarely), I smile and say thank you. I have taught my boys to open the door for me and hold it open as others enter. I just see it as common courtesy.

@SuperMouse
I’ve also taught my son to be chivalrous. It may be frowned upon by many in society today, but I’ll bet his future girlfriends/wife will appreciate it.

@Poser I totally agree! I always tell them as they are holding the door that if they ever want to get a second date they had better be gentlemen.

I always open the door and hold a door for a woman and give them my seat on the bus or train. I’ll also hold the door for whomever the next person is.

@Mr_M whenever I’m out with the boys and see a young man doing that I always point out to my children that their mom must have made them hold doors when they were little too. They almost always smile and nod at the boys!

@SuperMouse

What if your child is gay? Also, I would definitely teach my children common courtesy, but I wouldn’t tell them to do it more to one gender over the other. Just throwing that out there…

@Dansedescygnes What does sexual orientation have to do with it?

@Poser

What I mean is you’re talking about mentioning their girlfriends and wives, but if they end up having a boyfriend?

@Dansedescygnes Then I guess his would-be wife misses out. I was only saying that because my son isn’t gay. But even if he was, sexual orientation doesn’t preclude chivalry.

@Dansedescygnes I don’t see how my child being gay would change anything. They should always be willing to hold the door for their partner whether that partner is male or female. I’m not sure they would have to do things like throw their coat over a puddle or pull out the chair, but I’m guessing they would negotiate that with their significant other.

I always hold the door for my SO even though he is a guy.

yeah, mouse didn’t say “only for women.” she said “to get a second date”

@Poser

No, but it’s a different kind. It would require agreements between the two people instead of simply basing it on gender.

@SuperMouse

Fair enough. As far as I’m concerned, when it’s between two lovers, it’s up to them to decide who does what regarding “chivalry” and just to me, when it’s between strangers, it should be out of courtesy only and not because of the gender of the person.

@Dansedescygnes so how would you handle it on a first date? Would you go for the door? Would you wait for him to open it? I’m just curious how you would manage that the first time around.

@SuperMouse

I don’t know. Depends on the person. I’ve never been on a date. I probably would not go for the door just because I think of myself as being more submissive. But the thing is, I don’t consider it that desirable. I don’t think I would really want him to do that. But I can’t say I would be opposed. I really don’t know for sure; I’d have to see what happens.

the two of you could just walk into the door i suppose. :)

I wouldn’t want him to open the door, it’s as basic as that. I’m agreeing with Dom.

@Myndecho

I’m starting to think the same thing. There are other ways he could show his love for me. “Chivalry” is not something I’m really after.

but how would the door get opened? really.

@SuperMouse & @Poser Thank you for teaching your children manners. So few adults are passing manners on to their children now.

@chyna

You can teach them manners without telling them that one gender deserves special treatment. That’s the way I was taught.

@ninjacolin

One person opens it and goes in and the next person follows. You can always push the door aside so it doesn’t close on them.

i agree.. always having to is a bit silly.
once per date is cool though. even between friends really.

alright, now i think i’ve figured it out for myself (thanks to everyone’s ideas of course!) if your Bud or Significant Other is trailing behind you on a crowded bus looking for a seat.. the first person (being you) who sees an open seat has an option to take that advantage or else to considerately offer it to someone else in need.. for example, your Bud or SO.

Same deal with entering a building, the person holding the door for the other is merely offering the advantage of not having to bother with those basic mechanics. It’s an act of humility, really. For a slight and near-insignificant second, you’re becoming a worker-slave to the other person.

So, it’s actually a gesture of taking the submissive role in a sense. It’s the giving of advantage to another person. There’s nothing weird about it. It’s like making a joke even. Sometimes you can place a joke well and sometimes making that same joke would be awkward or not well received. Also, like offering someone head. There’s a right time and a wrong time for that most kind offer, lol.

So, pick good times when they arise and avoid them when they would be awkward. That’s my conclusion on the matter.

@Dansedescygnes I specifically did not mention gender, I mentioned Manners. I think people are lacking basic manners now and it’s great when children are taught to say excuse me, give an elderly, fragile person their seat, or hold the door open for me when I am struggling to push my mom out a door while she is in a wheelchair.

@chyna

Okay, just checking. I completely agree with that. Didn’t mean to sound accusatory.

I like it, and I like doing the same thing back for men AND women.

One solution to the whole who opens the door for whom is to only go into or out of buildings with automatic doors.

Still doesn’t solve the seat on the bus problem, but it’s a start.

I say thank you and pay it forward to someone else, male or female.

@Mr_M Now we need more people like you. I used to ride the bus all the time. And too many times I had to give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant women. I always think, why don’t more people do this?

@RedPowerLady My faith in human kindness has been reestablished lately by the fact that my mom is now in a wheelchair. I am totally amazed at the people that stop to help me with a door, or have rushed over to help me get the wheelchair in my car. I’m a small person, so maybe they think I can’t do it myself, and I can, but it’s nice to get help sometimes.

@chyna That is so good to hear. Sometimes we need that faith reestablished. I am so glad people are willing to help you. Although I understand it may be frustrating at times that people might assume you can’t do it yourself. But wow that is great. I don’t see too much of that these days. Now you’ve left me wondering where you live, lol.

@RedPowerLady I live in WV. I have had teenagers jump up and open doors for me at dr. offices and it simply amazes me. I do appreciate the help.

i think it’s so sweet. when guys offer their seat to me, though, i usually feel a little awkward, and deny it. it is a nice gesture, though.
i hold the door open for others too, but i still think it’s really really sweet when a guy holds it open for me. i don’t know why, it’s just such a sweet gesture, to me.

@chyna That is one state I will have to put on my list to visit. :)