Some progress is better than no progress. What's your milestone? (cont'd).

==================== Sunday, August 9th, 2009 ====================

I attended my fifth consecutive weekly yoga class at the Y and also logged my first cycling workout.

My retirement date is only seven weeks away now, and I am eagerly preparing. That’s when I’ll get back to my writing projects, too.

==================== Sunday, August 9th, 2009 ====================

I’m trying to complete my education before my life’s savings run out. Money is disappearing at an alarming rate, and I need at least 3 more years to get my Master’s if I take a full load.

==================== Sunday, August 9th, 2009 ====================

Rorschach’s Zen’s Journal, First Entry

Life teeters. My sleep schedule is shit.

A year ago, I was strong. 75 push ups, 18 pull ups, and three miles in just under 15 minutes. I’ve devolved.

Pack of cigarettes? Sure, I’ll take ‘em. What’s one more cup of coffee today? Nothing, I tell myself.

My savings are dwindling. There’s a hole here and I can’t patch it up fast enough. At this rate, I’ll be livin’ with my parents in two months. What a pathetic thought.

I can’t get this site up and running. Hell, what do I care? There are so many voices out there, all yellin’ for attention. Do I have anything particularly interesting to say, anyway? Probably not. Instead, I’ll focus on how I can better this system. Maybe I can patch the gap. At least until I ship off.

That girl keeps calling me. Maybe I’ll pick up one of these days and tell her to go fuck herself. Yeah, right. I ain’t got the heart to.

Welcome, @pdworkin and @Grisaille! We’ll want to hear about your progress toward your degree, @pdworkin. And @Grisaille, are you thinking about getting back in shape? That’s a great goal.

The convention of this thread is to start the week with a marker—just one per week. The next date marker will appear next Sunday (after midnight Saturday). That makes it easy for us to see who’s been heard from this week and to look back over our weekly progress.

Yeah, I saw the marker in the older thread. Gotcha.

And yes, I need to. USMC is next year.

I started school in 2006, when I was 57. By the time I’m done I will be 62. That makes this scary, because since my previous occupation, which I held for over 30 years, is no longer viable, I am in desperate need not only of training, but of work once I get my degree. I don’t really know how much age discrimination I am going to have to deal with.

My immediate goal is to get a solid five ball juggling pattern.
not quite sure how to quantify “solid” though

removed by me

Tomorrow, I am starting a 30 day Bikram yoga challenge, the second week of which will coincide with me starting a new full-time job – my goal is to lose about 20 more pounds through exersize and better eating habits, then get back to dancing Argentine Tango…these are the goals for now

Mmmm, tango!

Welcome @pdworkin @Simone_De_Beauvoir @Grisaille @ekans

@Jeruba Time sure is moving fast toward retirement. Great on the workouts!
@pdworkin I lurve your determination and goals.
@Grisaille So what do you hope to accomplish this week?
@Simone_De_Beauvoir I have always wanted to dance the tango… Awesome goal!
@ekans Serious goal? If so you are in good company as @Jayne is also a proficient juggler.

Nothing to report this week- I was distracted by off-goal tasks. I did paint a painting from an old masters work of an infant. It is truly ghastly but looks vaguely human so I figure it is a win as a spur-of-the-moment work. It will not sell- I wont even list it.

Right now I have the palette reset so that I should have more to report next Sunday.

Thanks, @Dog !

==================== Sunday, August 9th, 2009 ====================

Not making much progress on my room. It’s kind of hard when my dad expects me to keep it clean while I’m organizing.

@Dog yeah, Jayne actually introduced me to juggling. He’s a lot better than me though.

Welcome, newcomers! :)

@Jeruba: Looking forward to retirement, eh? Good for you! And good job with the exercising! That’s more than I can say for myself…
@pdworkin It’s great that you’re going back to school!
@Simone_De_Beauvoir Argentine tango…certainly an interesting goal! Good luck with the weight loss.
@ekans The fact that you can juggle in the first place is awesome! I can’t juggle to save my life…lurve to you!
@mangeons That also might have something to do with the fact that you almost never actually work on cleaning your room…cough

Not much to report for me. I’m trying to convince my dad to pay for part of a gym membership for me, but not much success so far. My dad is…well, frugal, to put it nicely, so he doesn’t want to spend the money, and I don’t have the money to pay the monthly fees. No further improvements to my room project, other than me still picking up the mess that was left behind when we rearranged.

@Fly it is clean enough, thank you very much. So if you would please kindly stop commenting on my room, because yours is just as messy.

@Fly Cheap shot! We are here to boost each other up. As tempting as it may be please leave the sibling shots to the real world okay? ;)

@mangeons Don’t get discouraged- just keep at it and you will reach your goal.

@Dog To get my footing, find an equilibrium.

Something, anything.

@Grisaille Boxing? Tai Chi? ;)

Boxing actually sounds wonderful, believe it or not.

hmm…

@Grisaille I love boxing! It is so good to relieve stress (using a bag of course not another human or I would be soundly thumped.)

@Dog I took it for two years; best shape o’ my life. I just FELT great.

And I did spar. A good thumping is healthy every now and again.

Wait, that didn’t sound right.

Welcome all newcomers!

I got some new illustrations for GE Medical. And I am trying to overcome some panic attacks that have popped up at night.

Aww, hope the panic attacks go away @Bri_L! You’ve made so much progress, I congratulate you. (:

@Bri_L Awesome on the illustrations for GE Medical! Arent the middle of the night panic attacks the worst? If you figure out how to get rid of them please share your secret.

In my case, the secret is Xanax.

@augustlan Ohh! I have a bit of that! Perhaps I should try it again.

Thanks all. I am going to give up on finding a permanent job in my field and go for an office support job at an appliance company. Maybe I can freelance on the side and still hunt on the side as well.

@mangeons, I have a lifetime’s history of struggling to keep my room under control. My problem with stuff is complex and subtle in several ways, but it seems to have three main sources: (1) laziness and procrastination (“I’ll just leave this here for now”), (2) a great deal of OCD-type difficulty in getting rid of things (endless internal arguments and delusions here), and (3) inability to get motivated until the project is so immense as to be overwhelming, at which point I’m likely be paralyzed and unable to do anything.

No matter where I live, “my” room isn’t the one with my bed in it. It’s the one with my desk in it. (At times, especially in my younger years, one room has served both functions.) When I had my own apartment for ten years, even there I had one room—not my bedroom but my study—that was always both nest and refuge and chaotic jumble. That is the state that I have just extracted my room (not my bedroom) from during the past two months.

If you’d consider a suggestion, here are three things that have helped me at different times, not necessarily all together:

— Focus on one small area at a time, like maybe one square foot. Don’t take on the whole daunting mess at one time. Keep it manageable.
— Take everything off a surface, out of a spot, out of a box or closet, and then decide what to put back. This works better than taking things away a little at a time and always pushing aside the things I can’t deal with yet.
— Seeing some progress is extremely encouraging, so it is okay to tackle the easy parts first.

And do try not to sabotage yourself.

Someone who is critical and judgmental can’t help you very much, but if you have someone who is supportive and encouraging to coach you along a little bit, that can be a wonderful stimulus, especially as you are getting started. Once you get moving, your own momentum can carry you along.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement, Jeruba.

Lurve lurve lurve!

@pdworkin, that’s a major challenge. You’re very brave. I hope you’ll stay with us and let us know how you’re progressing.
@ekans, interesting! How long have you been working on this, and how long should it take to master?
@Simone_De_Beauvoir, very ambitious! I heard someone talking about the Bikram challenge yesterday in yoga glass. Good for you. I imagine the yoga will help you stay grounded through the stress of starting a new job. Best wishes.
@Dog, you kept your brush moving, even if it wasn’t work-work. That counts.
@Fly, of the things that you would do at a gym, are any of them things you can do at home? I have just bought a mat, a large exercise ball, and a foam roll for use at home, not very expensive at Target. Maybe if your dad sees you doing some serious work at home he will be moved to support a gym membership. Also, what about using equipment at school? Maybe an after-school fitness club?
@Bri_L, do you mean that you got an assignment for illustrations? Fabulous! Great! And looking for temporary office work sounds very practical right now while we wait for things to turn around—which they will. Freelance work on the side will allow you to keep your resume active for when that day comes.
@augustlan, how are you doing?

@all: thanks for coming together here at this new thread. So great to see new and continuing members of this subgroup. Keep us posted!

No new date marker now until next Sunday: first one in on a Sunday posts the marker.

@Jeruba you know I don’t get stressed out when I start new jobs…of all the things in my life, my professional life is the easiest portion…yoga challenge will be hard…I’ve done it once before long ago, maybe 5 years ago…the body and mind are not the same anymore, but I’ll get through it…I have to

Well, @Simone_De_Beauvoir, you are the first person I have ever heard say that. More power to you, then, and I hope you’ll tell us how the challenge is going for you. (What is your professional field, if you don’t mind my asking?)

@Jeruba I am in public health – I work for the American Cancer Society as patient navigator – I tend to the needs of people recently diagnosed with cancer…generally speaking I don’t get nervous because I know I will do well, a job is something you can control, you know?

Very fine, @Simone_De_Beauvoir, and I am sure there are many people who never feel as secure in their professional competence as you are. That’s one worry and fear you don’t have to cope with, and a great blessing.

@Jeruba I have been working on five balls on and off for a couple of years, but never seemed to buckle down and work on it to get it solid. Hopefully I can get it solid in the next few months.

@Jeruba – Yes I got my freelance gig saving an illustration project that was botched, ironically, by someone who works for C2 the contract agency that hasn’t given me work since Jan.
and I am not getting a temp job. I am getting a permanent job, I hope. I give up finding one in my field.

@pdworkin That is an incredible feat, and I wish you all the luck in your school days. I’m sure your knowledge of computers will also help you somewhat while looking for a job.

@ekans That’s amazing, seeing as how I can only juggle 2 balls and then I usually drop one anyway.

@Grisaille I know it can be hard to get back in shape, but that’s a great goal, and I wish you luck!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Like I said to @Grisaille, I know it can be hard to lose weight and get in shape. But think of how good you’ll feel when you’re dancing that Argentine Tango again!

@Bri_L I congratulate your progress, and it’s too bad that you couldn’t find a permanent job in your work field.

@Dog, I look forward to hearing about your newest art when you get back on track!

and @Jeruba, I see you’re eager for retirement, and I’m eager to hear about the writing projects you’ll be resuming. I still haven’t found “The Manuscript”, but I think I’ll continue to write other things. Congratulations on the yoga as well, I could never keep up with yoga like that!

Did I miss anyone?

@mangeons Funny thing is, my issue was never keeping the weight off. It’s keeping it on!

My metabolism is nutso.

@Jeruba No fitness club at my school, unfortunately. The exercise equipment is only open to gym classes, sports teams, and faculty. And we have exercise equipment at our house. I think that’s where the problem is. He doesn’t see me using it, so he won’t work with me to get the gym membership. The problem is, my dad bought all of the equipment for him, thinking that we could both use it. But more than half of the equipment is weight training (bench press, some Bowflex home gym type thing, etc.), stuff that obviously isn’t for me. And the rest is machines that I can’t keep up with. There’s a certain way of exercising that I discovered in gym class that works best for me, but I can’t do that at home.

@Fly I took circuit training class in college for the reasons you are mentioning. It also kept me going to the classes because I refused to let my GPA get messed up by a gym class. :)

I’m here, cheering everyone on and being uplifted by your posts. I’m just… blue, I guess.

@augustlan – What’s up? Hang in there!

Thanks Bri. I’m ok, just chemically depressed at the moment. :(

Stuck, right in the middle of very necessary housekeeping (this place is a sty, and I’m playing on line.)

Dear @augustlan, I would give you all my balloons.

@augustlan May tomorrow be a bit brighter and the next day brighter yet.

Thanks guys. I lurve you. I’m feeling a bit better tonight. Had a lovely nap on the couch, head resting on my husband’s lap, his hand stroking my forehead. I don’t know why, but that made me feel ever so much better! Perhaps I’ll have some progress to report tomorrow. :P

Hi, everyone. It’s good to read about everyone’s progress! Welcome to all the new folks. Sorry for checking in late this week.

I swam 7.5 miles last week in 3 sessions. One of them was a 4 mile swim on Wednesday. That’s a personal record for me for one session, and I’m still happy about that. I knew there was a lot of stuff coming up that would keep me from the pool for a few days so I wanted to make that day a long one. Yay!

I had a short swim on Thursday and then hosted my daughter’s birthday dinner with family. Saturday was a going away picnic for my son that my husband and I cooked for friends and family. So, much of Friday was spent shopping, cleaning, chopping, marinading, etc. Sunday I thought most of the big family stuff was done. So I went on a long walk to a farmer’s market and to a pub with awesome soup before walking back home with my veggies. I think I may make that a regular thing since the pool is closed on Sundays. (Also, it gives the hubbie uninterrupted workshop time he’s been craving lately with all the family stuff going on.) Monday we went to my son’s swearing in to the Coast Guard and we were able to have one more meal with him before he headed out. Now the big family time commitments are done for a while.

So, I had 4 days of running around out of the pool and then got back into the pool again finally yesterday. The weight loss has been steady even though I had too much gelato cake over this last week. Yikes. I can’t do that again for a long while.

Next week, I’ll write more on plans and books and such.

@augustlan : I’m glad you’re feeling better (last you wrote) and hope that continues for you. I look forward to hearing from you. Cheers!

@cyndyh- good deal!!!

@augustlan – may I borrow your husband? hehe.

I just applied for a creative job at a company that does t-shirt work as well as other apparel and things. My friend happened to have gotten an email at her work from the president of the company who she was doing business with at the time. She wrote the following:

“I was going to email you today on a personal note. A friend of mine, Bri_L, will be submitting a resume for your Graphic Designer position he found on line. Brain has a wealth of talent in the graphics field and his personality is a dead fit for Brew City. I have been friends with Brian for over five years and I can’t say enough about him.
Besides his great talent as a designer he is very creative, has client contact experience, thinks outside of the box and sometimes on the walls and ceilings of the box if you ask me and is a very reliable person. Please take the time to review his resume and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to contact me.

Thanks much,”

I was very very moved by it.

He replied:

“My brother Frank heads the art dept and handles all of this. Timing is pretty ideal, however, as he is going to be interviewing a few people starting next week. Can you have Bri_L email his resume to Frank and myself? I will get it to the top of the pile and have Frank bring him in. He is copied on this email … and his address is..”

This is the best hope and most qualified I have been and most excited in 1.5 years since I was let go. I filled out their questionaire on line and it felt right. Their last questions was “How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?” My answer was “With my fingers.” My friend typed “PERFECT!!! That is exactly the personality and way they think there.”

If your the praying type please do. If not. Thanks for reading this and good your good thoughts. This would mean a lot to me and my family.

@Bri_L PRAYING! I am very excited for you too!

@cyndyh Awesome progress and personal goal achievment!

Day 3 of the Bikram yoga challenge completed. Woot.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – You go!!!

@Bri_L omg, I go..it’s been so hard…never been at such a weight and attempting Bikram but hey it only means I will get further along in my goals…it doesn’t help that I am healing a broken ankle…don’t know how I will do this once I start work…we’ll see…thanks for the support.

@Bri_L I’m not the praying type, but I’m sending good thoughts and vibes your way, and crossing my fingers for you. ;)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Good for you!

@Fly thank you! I love this question.

@Bri_L: I’m also not the praying type, but I do hope for the best for you. It sounds like this could be just the thing. Good deal!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: I don’t mean to sound dense, but what exactly is this challenge?

@Fly: The public pool I go to also has a weight room. I was surprised, but there it was and it’s really affordable to use. Maybe there’s something less expensive than a gym membership that would work for you. Just an idea.

@Dog: I think painting anything is good to sort of keep your hand working. I look forward to hearing next week’s progress.

@Jeruba: I also look forward to reading about your writing projects once you have your time freed up with the retirement finalized.

@cyndyh Bikram yoga is ‘hot’ yoga – done in 100 to 108 degrees fahrenheit heat…each class is an hour and a half and it’s pretty much death, lol…the challenge is one class per day 30 days in a row…
http://www.bikramyoganyc.com/student_resources/30_day_challenge.htm

@Simone_De_Beauvoir and @cyndyh – I had to look it up. :-)

@Bri_L, I am not a praying person, but I promise to concentrate really hard for you. What a wonderful opportunity! I so much hope this is what you have been waiting for.

@cyndyh, great to hear from you. You are doing so well! All that activity and yet you still got in your swimming.

@augustlan, what strong medicine your dear husband must have in his tender touch. I’m so glad you are feeling better.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I read up on Bikram. You are one tough cookie to take this on right now. Best wishes.

Where’s our Introverted_Leo? She hasn’t been around this thread in weeks. I miss her stories.

@Jeruba you know it’s just never a good time to do it so I’m just doing it now

==================== Sunday, August 17th, 2009 ====================

Starting a fresh week. How’s it been going? What’s ahead? What goals for the week?

After three weeks of physical therapy for my hurty arm, I bought a weight bar, some dumbbells and an exercise mat from Amazon tonight. We’ll see how I do.

@pdworkin – Welcome! and Get it on. HOUGHHHH! GRRRR! And all that other “I got’cher spot” male stuff! hope you feel better.

I am trying to figure out if my marriage will be saved, or if I move out once I get a job. I would loose seeing my children everyday. the most important thing in the world to me. That will take some therapy for a obsessive compulsive with panic disorder to get over.

Oh, @Bri_L, I’m so sorry to hear it. I am the part-time father of 12 Y0 twins with an ex who uses visitation as a club, withholding visits when she is angry. I hope you can save your marriage, but if not then I pray that neither of you will use the children as pawns.

@Bri_l Do not give up or allow her to give up. The seas have been stormy but good things are coming. I speak from personal experience when I tell you that if you both hang in there and nobody moves out the relationship can not only heal but become better and stronger. (This is that part in the vows we gloss over in the passion of the wedding- that “for worse” part.)

Take your issues one day at a time and do not let go of the family. They are your lifeline even if you do not feel worthy or your wife is weary from the struggle.

Remember- good things are coming! When they do healing will follow!

She now doesn’t even talk to me. It’s worse thank anger it’s plain indifference. There is no interest there for me or anything that has to do with me. None. Her mother and father are nothing but support for her.

I know my contributions have been “whine I can’t find a job” and now “whine I don’t have a marriage” but I also don’t have a support group. This thread and a couple friends who don’t live near me are it.

We will see. Thanks so much to all on this thread.

@Bri_L First of you do not “whine” on this thread. We are all working toward goals and you have never been a “whiner.”

Regarding the marriage- indifference is a side effect of being weary of the struggle. I still advise you not to move out but to hang in there. Your kids need you in the home with them. Kids sense stuff- and if you keep trying with the marriage they will be more secure. Was this a problem with the wife before you lost your job?

I have been praying on a schedule that you are hired. I think it will go a long way toward healing your marriage if you can have control again. Regardless of the outcome the best you can do is hang in there and not give up. Sometimes relationships bloom again even after all signs of life are gone.

Hang in there! Things are really going to get better!

@pdworkin, those are definite steps. Good luck with establishing a discipline for working out. (Buying the gear makes me feel like I’m doing something. Using it is the hard part.)

@Bri_L, I think you’ve said before that you’ve asked her to go for counseling, and she refused. Dear Abby always said, “If {he/she} won’t go with you, you go alone.” There may be low-cost services, such as with clinicians-in-training who are working to accumulate the thousands of hours of practice they need before they can be licensed. Depending on where you live, there might also be agencies and community service providers who work on a pro bono basis or a sliding scale. It’s worth some research. (I also think Dog’s question is significant.)

Absolutely do not disparage yourself as a whiner. This is a support group. We bring our goals and efforts and progress and lack of progress here, and we support one another nonjudgmentally. You have been a great contributor, encouraging and cheering for others. You are welcome to draw on us just as much as you need to.

There may come a time to stop trying. It can happen. But if you give up too soon, you will never stop regretting it.

@Dog, you are a wonderful cheerleader. We are so lucky to have you as a regular on our thread.
——
I attended my sixth yoga class and did my second cycling workout. The regularity is starting to take hold so I will have a rhythm in place when work ends.

I also met with a personal trainer who gave me some posture and strength exercises, very gradual ones (“baby steps,” she said). I had to purchase a couple ot items of equipment. Now I have to make myself use them.

During the yoga class I had one of those little moments of clarity, seeing how hard it was to do simple moves like lifting and hold my legs. I suddenly saw myself in a hospital bed saying to myself, “Do you ever want to get out of here?” At my age I have to think like that. Why couldn’t I have made myself learn these things at 25 or 45? Well, it is not too late.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Ok, I knew what Bikram yoga was, but I didn’t know exactly what the challenge was you were referring to. How’s that going?

@augustlan: I’m still hoping to see you poke your head in here if only to say you’re doing better or working on it. I hope all is well with you.

@pdworkin: I love getting the gear, too. You folks should have seen me prancing around the last time I got a new swimsuit. It’s like showing off to myself when I get to use it.

@Bri_L: Once you get the job you’ll both have a little breathing room and at least some of the tension will ease up. Everything won’t just magically get better, but some things will surely ease up. I think you want to give it a little time after that before you decide whether to move out or not. Just count me as one more person urging you to hang in there. Things will get better.

@Dog: How’s your week going? Don’t forget to update us on you. :^>

@Jeruba: I’m glad you’re feeling the rhythm take hold of you. It’s a good feeling when it’s no longer a question over whether or not you’re going to exercise but how you’re going to do it today. Good on you. :^>

———————————————
As for me, this week has been good. I’ve had a couple of long hiking days around town. I only had three days in the pool, but I swam 2.5 miles at each of them. That’s 7.5 miles swimming in three days, not great but not too shabby.

So, the big news is that I started doing some planning and research about this exercise thing. I reserved some swimming books from the library -things on drills in the pool and information on open water swimming. I’ve been slowly going through those.

I started using my last half mile in the pool each session as drill time and working that in between other laps. I don’t want to be all wiped out before I get the miles in, and the drills require a lot of attention to what I’m doing. So, I need to do them last and I need to break it up with other things.

I also went through my exercise journal the other night and added up the miles I’ve swam since I started back at it. I have swam 84 miles since May, and 74.25 of those since June 1st. I started thinking that I want to put in 100 miles in the pool this summer. So, if I call June, July, and August “the summer” I have 13 more swimming days to put in just shy of 26 miles. I can do that. So that’s the next short term goal.

The other thing I wanted to do before the lake starts to cool off again was to swim across Lake Washington near the southern floating bridge around the top edge of Mercer Island and over to a park on the other side of the lake. That’s about 3.75 miles. I’ve done the distance before, but not in open water. I want my first open water swim to be a distance I’m sure I can manage. I want to shoot for early September for that. I think I need to test the water and the support issues first. I want to go out to see where me and a boat accompaniment will be getting in, getting out, and make sure my daughter and maybe one other person who may be recruited to help out feels comfortable paddling that far with me. Anyway, I’m hoping all this can happen in a few weeks here. Otherwise it’ll end up waiting until next summer, and I don’t want to do that. So, I’m planning on visiting these sights this week to see what I think.

The weight loss is coming along nicely still, but I decided recently that I don’t want to just loose weight. I don’t even want to just “get healthy”. I want to be athletic. I’m loving the changes I’ve been feeling happening to my body. I love the change it’s making in my outlook and the things I’ve been seeing as possible. I’ve been able to do so much more than I could just a few months ago. I want to keep feeling that way as long as possible.

I saw Dara Torres was on the Daily Show and she’s pretty inspiring. She has a new book out. It’s appropriately titled Age Is Just a Number: Achieve Your Dreams at Any Stage in Your Life. Ha! I think I’ll be reading that one!

I’ll never be a Dara Torres, but I am getting a swimmer’s body. Then I’m going to hide it really well so she doesn’t come looking for it. :^>

@Dog and all – yes. It started when we discovered the company I was working for was going to demand 60 hour weeks and 1 or 2 sat. and weekends a month min. The problem is, couple that with 30 min. commute each way and a son and daughter you would like to spend time with you have very little time to job hunt.

We were also building a home. NOT the kind we couldn’t afford. We could and even now can afford it because of how we manage money. But I bring in 95% of the money, she started getting mad that I wasn’t getting home to watch the kids for a half hour piano lesson here and there. This is with her parents living 1min and 30 sec away. She blames me. That job paid for the house, her second degree. I was a clinically diagnosed depressive, bipolar ocd with an anxiety disorder who went to commit suicide once. She treated me as if I was the problem and a burden.

Hung on, got through it, finally last year said we have to go to couples counseling. I had been going to counseling by myself for a while and my counselor had suggested we needed to and that I was doing fine, that we had done all we could do right now if I was comfortable. My wife said, and I quote “I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. Until you fix what is wrong with you I don’t see why I need to go.”

NOW, she says she is afraid that they will say we should get a divorce despite the fact that I said that isn’t their job and we would find one who did want to help us.

The last straw as far as me really thinking we could fix it no matter what, the kick that finally made me realize it might not be possible was when I pointed out that she wouldn’t even hold my hand. Most men would like to have any kind of sexual contact with their wives greater than a 4 times in 7 year ratio. That, after a long conversation, I mutilated my body and got a botched and painful vasectomy with the idea that we were going to work together on it. And still I was true. I had not cheated. And her response was “I gave up on you when you were at (the job). She tied it all to my not making it home for the 30 min. piano lesson.

Whew. I need some nachos and some soda. Thanks all.

No need to respond to this. It felt good to talk.

Lets get back to up beat stuff. I may not respond but i LOVE reading about how you all are doing!!!!!

@Bri_L, I’m going to give you an Attaboy just for getting that all out. Doesn’t even matter if it’s totally objective or not, or the whole story or not. Good for you just for dumping. We can’t solve your problems, of course, but we can be here for you as friends while you do your work.

@Jeruba – The unfortunate thing is I know for a fact it isn’t the whole story for two reasons. One, I can’t tell you what she was thinking back when, and two, she refuses to tell me what she is thinking now.

We used to go to counseling 16 years ago the year before we got married. We were there 1 hour. The first half hour both of us were there so she could help paint a clear picture. The second half hour I was there alone. She never went to counseling to help us. Ever here of a person doing that?

I just hosted a pool party/BBQ and though I’ve been checking in on Fluther throughout the day (I can’t stop. halp), I’m nowhere near able to write a coherent paragraph, let alone an entire journal entry.

Tomorrow morning. I’ll read, respond and stuff. My body hurts. Brain is shutting down. Ngya~

Time to lighten the mood on my part. Sorry all.

I just completed my 5th straight day of 33 minutes of vigorous walking!

@pdworkin Great start!

@Bri_L Pffft. You are no whiner! We are here to support one another with our struggles and our successes.You and I have discussed this in the past, and I know your marriage troubles pre-date your unemployment. Have you and your wife discussed divorce? How does she feel about that idea? Could it shock her into going to counseling? If all of that has been covered, sometimes you just have to say “enough” and move on. :(
On a brighter note, the exercise is good for whatever ails you! Also, ‘33 minutes’ made me smile. It’s such a precise number!

@Jeruba I’m so proud of you! You seem to have really made a commitment to your endeavor.

@cyndyh You, too. You go girl!

What with all of the exercising going on with the folks on this thread, maybe a little of it will rub off on me! Do you suppose I can gain any of the benefits just through osmosis? ;-)

————————————————————-

Thanks for all the support when I was feeling low everyone! I am feeling ever so much better this week, thank goodness. All of the same issues exist, I just feel better able to handle them at the moment. I took my girls on a two day back-to-school shopping marathon this weekend, and we got most of the things they needed. We’ll be doing one more day this week to pick up the loose ends. I think in a week or two, I’m going to take a week off from all regular wife/mom duties – and maybe Fluther duties, too – and have a ‘staycation’. Take a little break for mental health and rejuvenation.

Also, looking forward to my birthday on Tuesday and my anniversary on Thursday. I expect pancakes. :D

@augustlan – Thanks!

And wholly cow what a week!!! Pancakes like crazy!!!!

@augustlan : <Best Elvis Impersonator voice> Thank you. Thank you very much. :^>

Well, everyone at the pool seems to be getting fitter, so it must be in the water. Osmosis. That’s it. :^>

Hey All! I am getting ready to board a plane to Florida. Yes- we are visiting friends and true to our usual devil-may-care form we are heading to a state that has hurricanes approaching. Oh well- the flights will be light. :)

Last week all I did was get some magnets made while I recovered from getting sick. The week was a wash but all is awesome now.

@augustlan Happy Birthday and Anniversary!

@cyndyh Fantastic job on swimming!

@Jeruba Great on yoga!

@Grisaille Party on!

@pdworkin Hope the weights work great!

@Bri_L I am glad you vented as it helps to just get it out there rather than keep it all inside. Walking rocks!

Fever: 101.9; @pdworkin: 0.

@pdworkin oh no, sorry

This too shall pass. Thanks.

Day 8 of Bikram Yoga challenge complete

@pdworkin – hang in there my man! You took away my punch line but remember, as the doctor said to the patient with the kidney stone, this to shall pass.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – GO GO GO

@Bri_L I“m going, I“m going

@Dog: Have a great trip!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : I think of you and how you’re doing when I get into the sauna after my swim. :^>

@cyndyh aww, thanks
now when I do yoga, I’ll think of you naked in the sauna

Ha! Well the sauna at the pool is in a common co-ed area of the pool deck, so I’m not naked in there, but whatever works for you. LOL!

@cyndyh yeah I figured but still

@Simone_De_Beauvoir & @cyndyh – DAMN! Now when I walk, I think of you guys doing yoga naked in the sauna. That’s no help!!! or is it?! >:-P

@Bri_L lol

It might be. Who knows. :^>

Not much to report for me this week, but I sent lurve to everyone for their updates! :)

9:00 pm central.

My wife asked me for a divorce.

@Bri_L oh. wow. how do you feel?

Not good. I wasn’t prepared to give up. She wont even go to counseling

@Bri_L well, that’s something she may reconsider. now what you need to consider is how much you want to fight for her. when I asked for a divorce from my ex, his actions basically equated into one giant ‘shrug’

@Bri_L I am so very sorry.
Do you have the energy to contest it? I have been through a divorce. I will still pray that she has a change of heart.

I barely have the energy to contemplate it. See, I hadn’t given up. I didn’t know that was an option. She said it wasn’t either.

I’m so sorry, Bri. Lurve and hugs to you my friend.

I’m sorry, @Bri_L. :(

@Bri_L What a terrible shock. Please feel free to PM me if you wish. Sometimes it helps to have the sympathetic ear of someone who has been through it.

@Bri_L Give it a week or so, perhaps her resistance to counseling will change – the thing about break-ups is that life goes on and you may still reconnect

My heart goes out to you, @Bri_L.

Aw, @Bri_L, I’m so sorry. ): Lurve to you. ):

I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything she wants to have happen that’s not happening? I mean I guess you’ve already asked if there’s anything you can do? I hope for the best for you and your family.

She just said it’s been over for 2+ years. Her priest and a counselor agreed with her that couples counseling wouldn’t help. I don’t know what that’s about.

It’s something there is no point in fighting. Immediately secure your assets, get good legal counsel, and file for custody of your children. By that I mean today – she has a huge jump on you.

Wow, nice of her to let you know right away and all. ~

Full agree with @pdworkin. No time to mourn right now. You need to do these things immediately.

thanks all

I would start by meeting with her priest and counsellor- especially the priest. He owes it to you to hear your side before he declares a marriage over.

@Dog That can happen tomorrow. Today he has to take care of important business.

@Dog a priest? what is this the 18th century? what does that matter

@pdworkin Absolutely. And I still reccomend that he does not move out. Do not make it easy for her to make him look like he wants it.

—Sad isn’t it when we must protect ourselves against the one whom we vowed to love
forever. But after you protect yourself @Bri_L there is still a chance it will end well. Oddly enough you standing up and protecting yourself could get her attention in a good way.—

@Simone_De_Beavior It was in response to what @Bri_L wrote above. If she indeed sought counsel from a legit Priest the priest would be obliged to hear @Bri_L‘s side before determining that a marriage was without hope.

@Dog yeah I know all that…I just don’t understand why it would matter whether or not the Priest feels like this marriage is worth continuing when she doesn’t…

AP english summer homework: read 1 book, read most of the 2nd book, have 4 questions done. 2 essays left, 3 days! woo.
... |:
being ‘creative’: learned how to make paper boats! made a really awesome one to send to my friend who just moved into her college dorm.
finished redoing my room.
finally.

Welcome, @tiffyandthewall. Good for you for your progress on yout AP homework. What are the books?

@Bri_L, I am so sorry that it has come to this. None of us knows your circumstances or much about the history, so all we can really do is offer support, which I’m sure we all do warmly and willingly. If you feel like you’d like a thread of your own for comments and input on this major change in your life, you can still come back here and talk about milestones.

@Jeruba You currently have 12534 lurve. My Zip Code in Hudson, NY was 12534. I just moved to 12565. When you get to 12565, maybe I should buy you a Coke.

Day 11 of yoga challenge completed; also got a work wardrobe

For the record, I won’t be doing an entry this Sunday. Why, you say?

Because I’m going to Nine Inch Nails’ last concert in NYC for the foreseeable future, that’s why.

* wails on guitar *

Hey @Grisaille, cool beans!

Thanks, man!

I’m super excited. I’ve never been to a large concert like this before, and Nine Inch Nails just happens to be one of my favorite bands. Ngya! Just talking about it makes me nuts.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Good on you, woman.

@tiffyandthewall : Yeah, I wanna hear about the books, too.

@Grisaille : Let me welcome you to the wonderful world of concerts. May your relationship with large concerts be happy and very long term. Cheers!

==================== Sunday, August 23, 2009 ====================

Grisaille’s gone out to feel the vibe. Where are the rest of us? Where are we going this week?

I am hanging out on Cocoa beach waching surfers wipe out and hoping for an update on CAK.

I was able to order sample inventory I need for the Atlanta exhibit and will work on my display when I return home.

This is the last week of idleness before school starts on August 31. My books are purchased, I have my crayons and my brand new dungarees and my pencil box and my ruler. Right now I’m relaxed, but by Wednesday the anxiety will have begun.

Wait!

I’m not gone just yet!

…though I don’t have much to say other than I’m preparing for the days ahead of me. Concert today, rented a room in the city for a few nights. I’m going to be unplugged for those days. It’ll be nice.

I hope this message finds you all doing well.

I personally hope both @Bri_L and Cak is doing okay. I’ll check in in a few days to see how you folks are doing. Stay strong.

Send Cak my best.

See you guys.

New job starts tomorrow – let’s see how it’ll go – I hear I get my own crackberry…sigh…I hate those things

ACK!!

I’m a freshman starting tomorrow. I visited my classes on Thursday and I still don’t know where they are! I’m so excited/nervous!

Chris (cak) and @Bri_L are at the top of my mind too. But I’m sparing some sympathetic twinges for those of you going back to school—@pdworkin and @mangeons and @tiffyandthewall (anyone else?)—and a deep breath for @Simone_De_Beauvoir, starting a new job while still sweating it out with Bikram.

Those who have fun goals this week: I hope it’s everything you’re expecting and more. @Dog, I hope your trip is good for business and pleasure both. @Grisaille, enjoy your concert!

I am still keeping up the continuity of the weekly yoga class, adding a workout session while I am already at the gym, and trying to work up to going for a midweek session. Every single advance is a pull against inertia and very hard after a lifetime of disengagement. It is so easy to walk toward the exit instead of the the equipment room, and no one will stop me. Getting myself up and out on a Wednesday will be a fresh challenge.

I also have to do some serious work this week on a detailed budget so we can see how we’re going to live after I retire. That date is only a month away now.

And after the success of restoring order to two spaces in my house, I do have three (actually four) still to go. Any sign of complacency is premature.

@pdworkin, I passed your zip code without stopping, I’m afraid. But feel free to buy me a Coke anyway, thanks. My zip code is still more than 80000 away.

I’m wishing everyone well.

On the 100 mile summer goal, I’m not quite as far along as I’d like, but it’s still within reach. I swam 11 miles this week in 4 sessions and have 7 swimming days left in the month to make 15 more miles.

This past week I went and scouted locations with my husband for a lake swim. Not everything is worked out entirely yet. Hopefully I’ll get the rest of the details worked out this week for a swim next week. I went to REI for a dry bag for in the boat and a windbreaker for the post-swim trip back across the water.

I had a couple of large walks this week including another big walk to a farmers’ market for fresh food. I cooked halibut for the first time. It’s super easy, and I could get used to having fish in my diet more often. I’m getting better about having more fresh veggies in my diet. The weight loss continues, and I’m feeling better in a lot of different ways.

So, there’s a lot of progress this week, but again I’m not as far along as I’d like to be.

Hey all. Thanks for the words.

Please know I appreciate your suggestions.

Also know I am rooting for you.

I need to focus on some things so I am, once again, off.

Go Cak!!

@Bri_L thanks for checking in. We are al rooting for you.

@cyndyh All progress is good!

@Jeruba Time is flying toward your retirement

@mangeons How was the first day?

@pdworkin You sound ready!

@Gris- sounds fun!

It was great! I have some teachers that I think I’m going to like, and some fun classes, and I met two new people! (They’re seniors!)

Day 15 of the yoga challenge completed, 1st day of work completed

I may sound ready, but I am askeered.

@pdworkin, you’ll do fine. Everybody else is a little nervous too, and they’ll all be looking at you like oh, boy, there goes the curve. But you’ve gotten through it before. Won’t this be easier than the first time?

I am in a race between finishing school and spending the last dime of my life savings. I think I can afford to finish my Senior year before I run out of money, but then I have two years of Graduate School to deal with, so I feel that my GPA is peculiarly important, as I must pursue financial aid.

Every semester has been a struggle for me. I now have a 3.75 GPA, but it feels to me as though I had to work twice as hard for it as some of the younger students I attend class with. It’s a strain, and it fills me with anxiety, although to be sure the process of real, structured learning for the first time in my life has also filled me with joy.

@pdworkin : If you get used to living on less money, grad school won’t phase you. Often you’ll be sought out for teaching assistantships and research assistantships. Not only do these pay alright (not great, but alright), you’ll be getting paid to effectively reinforce your knowledge in your chosen field of study. If you already have a grad school picked out, you want to start communicating with professors now about the possibility of these appointments. I found it easier to fund grad school than my undergrad years. Cheers!

Day 16 of yoga completed

I can’t wait till you finish, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. You’re past the halfway mark! I have to send you a progress hurray right now.

@Jeruba aww I love that, thank you
Day 18 completed

Tomorrow I start the 30 day challenge again. I completed it in July. Need to get going again.

@Dog very cool!

@Simone_De_Beauboir – Keep it rolling

@all thank you all for your ongoing support with the whole divorce. I know it will get harder before it gets better.

I have applied for 1 job every day this week and got a meeting set up for Sept. 11th.

I am also still on my walking kick. I have lost 14 lbs. Now I am only 5’ 10” and was 230 lbs, and went from doing nothing to doing something so I am not surprised.

@Bri_L hey, that’s great about the job meeting – how nice

Dog-hair met vacuum today. I’m certain you would not count that a victory, but, believe me, I did.

@pdworkin lolol

@pdworkin – HAHA. the way you put that made me laugh.

==================== Sunday, August 30, 2009 ====================

Summer’s coming to an end. What are you working on? How’s it going?

Right now? Staying awake. Though I really don’t have any reason to be… just, I have no reason to sleep.

Yeah, nevermind. Just typing the word “sleep” makes gravity pull on my eyelids with her seductive, unseen fingers.

Goodnight.

Tomorrow school starts. Last night I had my first disturbing school anxiety dream, and woke up with a headache. I wish I understood what I am so frightened of. I managed to do well for the last three years. I guess the stakes seem higher now.

@pdworkin – You will do fine! Just attack it. New year. Clean slate. Revived!

Day 20 of yoga challenge completed, first week of new job completed, my oldest’s new room completed (he’s moving in tonight!)...opening first ever account, getting checks ordered and obtaining a debit card completed…now working on getting up the courage to go to the dentist

Ahh, dentiphobia. I am a confirmed anti-dentite.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I think you are our poster girl this week. Can you channel some positive energy over to @pdworkin? I’m sure he’ll be paying it back soon, once he gets his wheels under him.

My big deed for the week will be (must be) pulling together a complete picture of our household expenditures so we know what we actually need to live on. I am dreading that worse than Root Canal, Part 2, tomorrow at noon. (The dentist, who is a god among mortals, mercifully left off after 2 hours on Thursday and let me go home with a temporary crown, but the root canal itself is not finished. And this has not been one of my favorite root canals.)

I am also starting to plan a celebration party. I am not a born hostess. Our last event (beyond a few guests for dinner) was more than a decade ago. But everything says now’s the time. Hope I don’t chicken out.

In the past week I went to work every day, which is getting to be more and more of a drag as my time grows short, and attended my 8th yoga class in a row. The teacher says she sees real progress, but I don’t see it yet.

Taking a few moments from the studio- finished three paintings today and am working on a fourth. (Many were close to being finished) I sent off images to Horse and Hound gallery for their 09 Christmas Cards and also to a wooden puzzle company for holiday lines.

Hoping for September to start the Holiday sales so royalties will follow!!! :)

@Jeruba Funny how the last days become such a burden! I think the mind retires ahead of schedule. You can do the budget! Just think when you publish your book how you will then have royalties that will make you feel rich!

@pdworkin I know what you mean about the school nightmares. The first week of college was terrifiying. After that you are far too busy to be freaked out. ;)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir AWESOME!!! Way to go!

@Bri_L How are you?

@Grisaille Have you decided on boxing yet?

I’m scared my money is going to run out before I get my Masters degree. I don’t have three years worth of cushion left.

@pdworkin do you have a job? maybe something part-time?

I’m in school because I lost my job, and need retraining. I have some savings, been spending them down since 2006.

@pdworkin Did you check with financial aid and look for scholarships? There are ones for nearly everything including older students. I applied for dozens of scholarships even ones I did not think I would get – and some I got I never would have expected it! Also there are a lot of possibilites for working on campus.

Yes, thanks, I have applied for all possible scholarships which meet my circumstances, I have both subsidized and unsubsidized Stafford Loans, and I get some Pell money.

@pdworkin Great job! I also learned to go to yard sales, find small items that were collectable and sell them on ebay for a profit which paid my car payment and insurance… Just throwing ideas out there. The little sales added up fast.

@pdworkin – hang in there my man. I always find these great little cash drawers at garage sales. With the cash still in them!

@Jeruba – that is a lot to do! Just keep focused!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – way to keep it up!

@Dog – I love the new paintings! I had a really tough week. The realization of how hard I worked for 13 years under the idea I was building a life only to find out it was with someone who never shared that same commitment made me feel stupid, at first, then really sad. Everyone talks about and tells you about the material things but there are the intangibles to. I had a hard time with that. You picture your future in this house you built with your kids, there girlfriends and boyfriends, finishing off the basement, the holidays etc. It’s all gone. All of it.

@Bri_L I understand what you are saying- for me it was not the stuff but the loss of the dream. We picture our lives and plan toward a future only to have it washed away like a hurricane went through leaving nothing but devastation.

We are here for you- After the divorce is final then gradually new dreams will take root in stronger soil.

@Dog – thanks

Hi, folks. I swam across Lake Washington today and I swam about ¾ of the way back. Part of the way back I was feeling sick and was getting pushed on a sail board. The lesson is not to have a big burger on the far side of the lake before swimming back.

I’ll write a complete update for the week tomorrow. Right now I’m going to have some more gatoraid and get some sleep. Because, damn.

@cyndyh – very very cool! That is incredible. Congratulations!

@cyndyh, wow! What an achievement to post here and inspire us all! Thank you. And (as we say all too often at my house) next time you’ll do it different, right?

Standing up and applauding @cyndyh!

@Grisaille Lurve for ‘seductive, unseen fingers.’

@pdworkin Good luck on your first day! We’re all pulling for you. :)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Wow! What a lot you’ve accomplished this week! I’m tired just from reading about everything you’ve done. ;-)

@Jeruba You have short-timers disease… it’s so hard to make yourself go in now, isn’t it? Good luck on the financial picture, and I hope the second half of your root canal is quicker and easier than the first. Have a great time planning your party… you have much to celebrate!

@Dog You are back into the swing of things! Good job on all the painting and sending. :)

@Bri_L I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time, friend. I know that it is very, very hard, but it will get better! Treat yourself kindly, and vent to us when you need to, ok?

@cyndyh Whoo hoo!!! I’m so happy for you, and proud of you, too. :D

This week will be my ‘staycation’. I will run only necessary errands, and stay home as much as possible. I’d like to finish up some odds and ends in the house, get caught up on my laundry, figure out if I can ever get out of debt again and if I will have to forfeit on some of it, which would just kill me. I will also be applying for a job at a new bookstore in my town.

@Bri_L all those years all those experiences…they were not for nothing…i know you had a future to look forward to but remember every year the next year IS our future so you’ve had many years that you can look back onto…nothing is ever just a waste of time…sometimes you have long term relationships with people but they’re not someone you were to spend your entire life with…there is not reason we MUST spend our whole life with one person…things change, people grow or forget to grow…look forward

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – very good points. And I don’t know that I would ever appreciate what I do about some things if I didn’t spend so much of my life compromising and giving them up. In addition, I have learned how many other people find others with whom they can be happy and not compromise who they are.

Thanks for the kind and smart words.

@augustlan, a new bookstore! Just the place for you! I will focus all my good-luck vibes on you and wish you a killer interview. Yes, I am a short-timer with a vengeance. The only redeeming feature is that it’s only for a little while…

@Dog, so good to know you’re back at work. Which wooden puzzle company? I have been a repeat customer of Liberty Puzzles. I love the feel and look and smell of the wooden pieces.

@Bri_L, you are on my mind. The hurricane analogy is so apt. But there is also the fact that so much of what you have lost is actually things that never happened—future things, anticipated. And they might not have played out as you imagined even if things had stayed as they were. The gap between expectation and reality is one of the most painful things in the world. You may not have the future you expected, but you will have another future that could be much better, with a real partner who will give as well as take. And everything that you have learned is yours for keeps.

In the liberry between classes. So far, so good.

@Jeruba – “You may not have the future you expected, but you will have another future that could be much better, with a real partner who will give as well as take. And everything that you have learned is yours for keeps.” Tears to my eyes. I was up until 4:50 am but I was very moved.

@augustlan Ohhh- a book store! Nice!

@Jeruba Elms Puzzles has several of my paintings and Hasbro has been talking with my agent about a limited edition run of my bears. I have no idea if that will happen or not. :)

@Bri_L: I know you’ve had a hard road these last few weeks. How’s the job hunting part of that going? And the working for yourself? I know it’s easy to get caught up in all the break-up stuff, but how’s the job stuff going? Have you been able to throw yourself into that in spurts lately?

@Dog: Here’s hoping for the Hasbro deal for you and also your success on the 30 day challenge again. Cheers!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Great news with the yoga! How are the roommate and dentist going?

@pdworkin: How’s school? I always loved getting my books and sitting in the first session of every class. Sometimes I still miss that. But only sometimes. :^>

@augustlan: I hope you’re enjoying your staycation and you’re getting ready to rock the new bookstore. I know you’d be an instant asset to any bookstore.

@Grisaille: How’s the rest of your week. Caught up on sleep yet? :^>

@Jeruba: Just think you’re almost there. Good deal on the yoga, too. Do you need any party ideas or want to talk about what you’re doing for the party? I love stuff like that -even just hearing about it. I know it’s a lot of work, but when they come off well and everyone has a great time it just feels like you’ve facilitated an awesome happening.
——————————————————————-

As for me this week…

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. This past week I was reading a lot and sort of over-preparing for this idea of swimming in the lake. I was still going to the pool to do my laps. Then Wednesday I was about to head to the pool and got distracted and was going to be too late to put in all the swimming I wanted. So, I decided “screw it” I’d read enough and prepared enough for a coastal swim.

So, Wednesday I swam around Seward Park peninsula (about 2.5 miles). It was an awesome feeling. I didn’t have to count laps. Since I stayed coastal I didn’t have to have an accompanying boat. I ended up back about where I parked my car and only had to have a key looped onto my swimsuit strap. I didn’t have to worry about when the pool was going to close. The lake never closes. And there was the added bonus of the scenery and the big doggitty dog that wanted to come play with me in the water. :^>

So, I had started contacting some folks who do open water swimming in this area. And on Sunday 4 of us swam across Lake Washington from Magnuson Park (around the south end of the park) over to Marina Park on the Kirkland side. Two of us swam back with me having a bit of a wimp out part of the way back like I mentioned above. I did get back off the board and finish the swim though. I’m glad I did.

At first I felt like I failed for getting on the board at all, but later on I remembered that I planned initially on “swimming across the lake” and the fact that I made it most of the way back, too, was a bonus. And @Jeruba, you’re right! I’ll do different next time. No burgers on the other side. No burgers. No burgers. :^>

So, I can’t wait to do more of this lake swimming. I want to get in as many lake swims as possible before it gets too cold to do without a wetsuit. I’m not going to buy a wetsuit until I think I’m at a size I want to stay for a good long time. Once that happens I’ll happily invest in a good wetsuit and do this sort of thing year round and probably get in some swimming in the Sound, too. For this winter I’ll have to be back in a pool, but until then I plan to make the most of the lake.

So, I have a swim planned for tomorrow. Yay!

The weight loss continues slowly and steadily. I did not make my 100 mile summer, though. I got 97 miles this summer. I was just too wiped out to get back in the pool for 3 miles yesterday. But that’s ok with me. Swimming across the Lake was a bigger deal for me. I can always have a 100 mile fall or a 100 mile winter now a lot more easily than the summer has been. I’m in much better shape than I was 3 months ago and I conquered the lake. Woo – as they say – hoo. :^>

I loved, loved my Evolutionary Psychology class today. The prof didn’t waste any time reading us the syllabus; he just got out his chalk(!) and paced the class, and lectured, and wrote on the board as though PowerPoint had never been invented, and taught us more in one hour than most teachers manage in a month. It was a thrill.

Nice. You’ll find more of that in grad school, too.

@cyndyh, you’re amazing! Thank you for sharing this wonderful success story with us. And hold on there—summer isn’t over yet, not until September 22nd. You’ve got three more weeks!

@pdworkin, that’s a lift. Hurray for a great start!

@cyndyh – lake swimming is awesome. Just make sure someone is with you in a boat.
No bites on the job front yet. Haven’t heard boo form anyone on anything. I am working to meet and unreasonable GE deadline right now.

@pdworkin – there is nothing cooler than loving your class.

@cyndyh what roommate?

day 23 of yoga challenge completed – dentist will have to wait till Oct. 1st which is apparently when my benefits kick in

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Oh, sorry, I read something you wrote wrong. The room is ready for your son. I thought it was about a roommate moving in. Chalk it up to the sun damaging my brain. :^> Still, good on the yoga, and in my lame-though-it-is defense you do have a new sort of roommate if your oldest moved in. No?

@Jeruba : Well, if I count summer as being from Summer Solstice to Fall Equinox then yeah that’s still very doable. In that case I have 3 weeks to swim a little over 16 more miles. No problemo. I can go with that.

@Bri_L : You are still plugging away at it through it all, though. Right? (I’m trying to be encouraging, even though it keeps coming off as bossy. Know that I mean it to be encouraging. OK?)

@cyndyh yes definitely…he’s very happy with his new room…

@cyndyh – I never took it as bossy at all! That isn’t what we are here for. Thanks!

Also, if you want to see the room I created for Alexey, it’s here
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2521203&id=805316&l=970b67e82d

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – that is amazing. You did a fantastic job!!!! I am really impressed! Great great job simone!!!!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Heh. Except for the size of the bed, I could go for that room myself right now. That is a sweet job! :^>

@Bri_L: Good deal.

@Bri_L thank you! it took forever, I worked on all these concepts at the same time as I was looking for a job….so I was on Idealist.org then on walldecor.com or something…it was nuts…but I’m so glad…and my husband put in so much work…he had to do work on the wall, then he painted, then he helped with all the putting up of stuff, he rewired electricity in the room, he put the ceiling fan up, brought the crib in there, etc…it’s been crazy work for us but so worth it…

@cyndyh thanks! my friend just said the same thing on facebook to me, :)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I love that elephant! Great job.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Beautiful! Great room!

@Dog thanks!

==================== Sunday, September 6, 2009 ====================

School’s starting. The season is changing. The year is getting late. What’s around the corner?

I finally got around to painting the perimeter of the ceiling in my husband’s game room, but only one coat. It still needs one more, but that will have to wait since I overdid it yesterday, and am in loads of pain today. Still job hunting, still no luck. :(

@augustlan Hope the pain subsides fast. That first run on the perimeter is a great achievement- the second always is faster.

@pdworkin @Bri_L @augustlan Keeping my fingers crossed for jobs for you guys and for royalties for myself.

This week saw the little neglected courtyard in front of our home get some fresh flowers for the first time since our financial downturn. We cut all unnecessary purchases (and flowers are not vital) as have been on a tight budget but on this there was a little splurge and it feels so good.

When I go there it is no longer a reminder of what needs to be done or the state of things but now it is an area of secret pleasure- a tiny little oasis with cheer. Like @Jeruba mentioned in her room- a place to read a book if one had the luxury of time on a nice day.

I finished one painting and will paint today. Friday I will be in Atlanta exhibiting.

How are you all doing?

@augustlan I’m sorry, I must have missed something. Are you in chronic pain? If so, I’m very sorry to hear it. It adds a layer to life that makes everything more difficult to negotiate. I hope it’s transient, and that you get relief soon.

Day 27 of yoga challenge completed

@augustlan – did your husband get in touch with that schmuck? and would you work for him if he did?
@Dog – Big meeting Friday I am excited about!! I can’t wait.
@pdworkin – how’d the first week of classes round out for you?
@Simone_De_Beauvoir – I get more giddy the higher that number grows.

Well, I completed the GE illustrations. So I will get the first check since Jan.
We also went and filed the first set of papers and got assigned a judge for the divorce. Funny story, we got back into the Mini-van and a song by Modona was on the words were “true love, oh baby, true love, oh baby….”

@Dog Isn’t it amazing what a little thing like flowers can do? Good luck with your exhibit!
@pdworkin I have Fibromyalgia, so chronic pain is a part of my life. Happily I feel much better today! Thanks for your kind words.
@Simone_De_Beauvoir You are so close to the finish line! Keep up the good work!
@Bri_L Yep, he did. He wasn’t sure he could afford it, and wanted to think it over more. Still, he could have called to let me know. Yay for a paycheck! And it’s good that you can see the humor in your situation, even while it’s sure to be rough.

@augustlan I barely know what that means, but I have experienced chronic pain in the past; you have my deepest sympathies. I’m very glad to know that some days are better.

@Bri_L So far I like 4 out of my 5 professors and the one TA who teaches the lab section in linguistics, even though I was reading Noam Chomsky before he was born. The woman who teaches Childhood Behavioral Disorders is a big disappointment, though, because it is such a rich and exciting subject and she is a deadly bore. I will have to take it again in Grad School, or do my own research.

day 28 of yoga challenge completed

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – go go go

@pdworkin – That is still one hell of a nice ratio!

day 29 of yoga challenge completed

@Jeruba Where is your update? Inquiring minds want to know. ;-)

Yup, yup, here I am, @augustlan. Agh, everything seems like it is in such a rush. I spent huge hours working on the financial figures, got them finished, and met with the advisor. Also spent more hours continuing the root canal and crown rework; part 3 of 4 is tomorrow. Meanwhile I am trying to finish up the last of my committed assignments at work so I will really be free to GO. There’ve been good-bye lunches and so on already. I just want to get on with it.

This week I have to call the shot on whether to go through with the party and send invitations if I’m going to do it. I get horrible cases of performance anxiety with things like this. But it’s really got to be October if I am going to do it at all.

I count it as success that I’ve made 9 weekly yoga classes in a row and I am feeling different. Wow! I can now walk 20 minutes with no more pain than I had in just 5 minutes of walking a couple of months ago. My legs are stronger and my back is stronger and straighter. I can climb stairs better, too. Each week I push myself because I really do not feel like going, and each time I’m glad I did. Seeing some improvement is inspiring!

I’ve managed to get one picture uploaded so you can see my quiet corner, the visiting and reading (and napping) spot in my room. Two months ago you could not see the couch or any of the floor around it.

@augustlan, good job on getting so close to finishing that room. Don’t overdo it, ok? I am really pulling for you on that job.

@Bri_L, great news on finishing those drawings and billing for them! And you are also proceeding with the necessary business of moving on. Are you okay?

@Dog, isn’t it wonderful to brighten things up a little bit? A few flowers are enough to bring great cheer. I always think that when money is really tight, that’s exactly when you need the lift of a tiny extravagance, just to lighten your spirits. Good luck in Atlanta.

@pdworkin, so glad this is shaping up to be a semester of intellectual excitement for you (the one dud notwithstanding). What is your lineup of courses?

@cyndyh, are you coming ashore and drying off long enough to bring us up to date?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I saved you for last because you are THERE! Thirty days tomorrow—you did it! You must be so proud of yourself, and I am exhilarated by your triumph. What a fine achievement in meeting this goal! How do you feel?

@Jeruba Wow, you’ve had a lot going on at once, and are still staying on top of things. Good for you! Your quiet corner looks lovely! I can imagine you there reading, as much as you want soon!

@Jeruba I am taking Linguistics, Anthropology of Medicine, Evolutionary Psychology, Sensation and Perception and Childhood Behavioral Disorders.

@Jeruba – I love your quiet corner. I hit my forehead on the screen trying to jump into it.

I am hanging in there. I have had a hard time this last week.

@Jeruba hey thanks!
Day 30 Completed!!!!
I’m therefore taking 2 days of a break, then back to it
the goal for the near future is doing it 4x a week

Bouquets to you, @Simone_De_Beauvoir, and congratulations.

@Bri_L, can we help?

@Jeruba yay! thanks
my father’s condition is worse and worse these days…so my new short term goal is to get through all the work orientations without going insane whilst also planning his funeral

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Finishing the 30 day challenge is so awesome! I think I knew you’d do it this time as soon as you hit the second week with the new job and were still going strong. You go! (I saw your last comment while I was writing this. I am sorry to hear about your dad’s condition, and I wish you strength to get through it.)

@pdworkin: What degree are you working on? That sounds like an odd mixed bag of courses. What are you hoping to specialize in for your Masters? It’s bound to be interesting if those classes are pointing the way.

@Bri_L: You’re getting through it, though. And hurray for paychecks! It will get better.

@Dog : I get excited about spreading a bag or two of mulch every few months. I slowly work my way around the perimeter of the yard. Then when flowers come up (from bulbs planted long before I got here) I feel like I had some small part in keeping them alive. And mulch is dirt cheap. :^> I hope Atlanta goes well for you -both profitable and invigorating.

@augustlan : When you talked about overdoing it, it reminded me of something my husband often says to me. “You shouldn’t overdo it, you know. That’s what ‘overdo’ means.” It’s still good for a laugh. I hope you’re feeling better today.

@Jeruba : I love that sofa! That whole corner is really comfy-cozy looking from the colors to the lamp placement. Nice one. It’s good to read that you’re able to do so much more than before the yoga. Now you’ll be able to do stuff when you retire.

As for me, I have come out of the pool and the lake and dried off a bit this week. I only had two long swims, and neither of them are very long by my updated standards. One of them was in Union Bay with my daughter accompanying me in a canoe. She got tired before I did because of a late night the night before, but we took the chance to get used to her paddling beside me and sort of figuring out what she’s supposed to do and how close she needs to stay, etc. I think it’s going to be good for future swims with a boat. The other swim was back in the pool while my husband had a swimming lesson in another lane. I’m so excited about him swimming!!!!

A couple of things kept me from the lake this week. One was the weather was not ideal on the days that my energy level was there. I’m hoping for better this week.

The other was that Labor Day Weekend is Bumbershoot. I love Bumbershoot. It’s a three day music festival in Seattle Center, and we go every year. I love seeing new bands or unusual bands that I might not have seen otherwise. So, like each year, we walked a lot, stood a lot, danced a lot, ate a bit too much, added several bands to our expanding CD wishlist, and slept really hard at the end of it all. I just love that festival!

For this week, I’ve started a C25K program and I’m getting in some lake swimming. More on that next week. Cheers!

Oh, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. I’m so sorry about what’s happening. But I’m glad you have your yoga to help center you during this stressful time.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I am so sorry. Fathers are special.

@Dog thanks, but…well, I don’t get that statement…I don’t believe in gendered differences and certainly wouldn’t feel different for my dad than for my mom…but aside from all that my father and I had anything but a special relationship…this is a lot worse for my mom than it is for me….I’ve felt a lot of sadness recently for her and for him and for the future…but I just want to get over this hump…

@Jeruba – thanks, but not with this. It’s just part of what you have to go through.

@cyndyh I am a Senior this year, majoring in Psychology with a Minor in Anthropology. My goal is to attend graduate school in order to get a Masters Degree in Social Work. It is my ambition to become a clinician while I am still young enough to work. I hope to have the MSW by the time I am 62, and an LCSW by the time I am 65.

@pdworkin: Nice. Ok, that makes more sense now. :^> Which Linguistics are you taking? And what exactly is covered in Anthropology of Medicine? I’ve never heard of that, and my mind is going in a couple different directions with that.

It is a course in the cultural relativism of the healing arts; and my Linguistics class is intro. Next semester I will take something meatier in the linguistics area.

Both sound like you’ll have fun. It’ll be good to hear about which meatier direction you want to go in after you’ve been at the intro course for a while.

=======================Sunday, September 13, 2009=====================
I just wanted to let everyone know that earlier this morning my father passed away, in his sleep – last I saw of him was at around 2:30 in the morning when I administered some meds for his confusion…at around 6:00 am he passed away or so the hospice people estimate…we were all asleep…when I woke up around 7 am, my mother asked me to check whether he really died – I did and then proceeded to do all the things fluther people told me to do…within a couple of hours he was taken to the funeral home…I let my 3 year old say goodbye to him and then his bio-dad took him for the day…my partner and the baby are now upstairs with my mom, aunt and grandma downstairs with some of family friends…we’ll be going to the funeral home at 1 for some obligations…there will be a time to view the body tomorrow night and Tuesday morning…so for today my milestone is just to get through these days calmly…I feel okay, I’ve made my peace with his death…

I’m sorry about your dad, Olev H’a Sholom.You sound calm and at peace. Don’t be surprised if grief sneaks up on you. We’ll be around.

@pdworkin you know people have been saying that a lot to me, on here – so I’m keeping it in the back of my mind but I hope it won’t wash over me or anything…

I’m just recalling my experience. I hope things go the way you wish.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir My best to you and your family. You did very well, friend.

@augustlan thank you Augustlan

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – my sincerest condolences on your loss. My best to you and your family.

@Bri_L thank you

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, my thoughts have been very much with you these past few days, recalling what it was like with each of my parents when we knew the end was near. My condolences to you, my dear. You have handled yourself very well. The loss is real and sometimes deeper than we know; it’s not just about parting forever with the ones who gave us life but also about understanding who we are in the world now without them. No matter what our feelings were at the end, it takes a while to process.

Thank you for being here to start the day and set the marker. I hope other folks will bring us their updates shortly.

@Jeruba I forgot it was Sunday. I’m hanging in, trying to be a good boy and keep up with my reading – I have a propensity to procrastinate, and Fluther doesn’t help.

I’m grateful that I have just simple quotidian concerns, and no huge, horrible, emotional earthquakes like the one our friend @Simone_De_Beauvoir is so bravely dealing with.

My condolences, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. I’m glad there were people around to help you in your time of need.

@aprilsimnel and you guys, as well

For the upcoming weeks, my goal is a simple but daunting one: Get. My shit. Together.

I have begun by posting that I am taking a break from facebook and tumblr (though I am still checking in, I am not participating – just picking up and responding to messages). I will finish the painting of the ceiling. I am trying to re-adjust my sleep pattern, so I can be awake during the day. I will splurge on myself and get a $15 haircut (though I will color it myself), as I feel in need of a boost to the old self-esteem. I will then put on my ‘business’ clothes, and start going door to door dropping resumes (and/or business cards if I decide to splurge on that, too) off at the businesses that seem like likely candidates. This will give me the ‘face-to-face’ advantage I’ve been missing by applying online.

Hold my feet to the fire, guys! Don’t let me slack! Please.

@aprilsimnel, so glad to see you on this thread. A hearty welcome to you. Will you be sharing your progress with us? What is coming up for you in the next week?

@pdworkin , I think your course list is wonderful, and I would like to give you a >> smooch << for using “quotidian” in an offhand, ordinary, everyday manner.

@augustlan, that’s a great plan. I remember when I did something similar: I decided how far I was willing to commute and went that far, and from that point all the way back toward home I papered every likely business with my resume. I walked in and asked if they had current job listings and if I could leave off a resume, and everybody showed me the book or let me leave the paper. By good fortune I hit one that was just about to post a job in my field, but the notice had not gone out yet. The act of walking the stations from prospect to prospect was almost like a pilgrimage and got me hired out of the doldrums and into a lucrative high-tech job just because I was there when they were looking.

Next week I want to hear what you’ve done and where you went and how many resumes you left off. Not how you were getting ready to do it but how you did it.

@Otherguys, how goes it with you?

I <shriek> decided to have the party and have sent out 30 invitations, most of which represent a couple. I am now officially freaking out and obsessing. But DAMN I also know I can do this. It is easier than any number of things I have done in my career. It’s just that nothing comes harder to me than social stuff. But I can. I can. I can.

I also made week #10 of yoga class and am feeling a marked difference now.

Oh dear! I just checked the other thread and found out it had moved! I’m 240 entries late! Congratulations on all the milestones, friends!!!

You’re not late at all, @La_chica_gomela, We just started ahead of you. Tell us what you’re up to these days.

I made it through the first day at the funeral home today. One more tomorrow, then burial, then deathday party

Hang in there, @Simone_De_Beauvoir.

@Simone I am sorry at your loss. And to clarify my prior statement: it was not meant to belittle your mother nor was it meant as a gender distinction It was a relationship of note in your life. I would make the same statement about a mother, brother, sister or friend. The statement was made to merely to show respect of the pending loss of a special relationship.

@Augustlan I know you can do this. I admire your plan and determination. You can do it!

@La Chica! Welcome back!
@Jeruba a party? Sounds fun and exhausting all at once.
@pdworkin deep in Homework?

@Bri_l how are you doing?

I am in a hotel in Atlanta. The show reflected the fears of the nation regarding the economy. I made one small sale.

At home there are three commissions waiting for me. not long ago I refused all commission work. Funny how circumstances can humble us to eat our words.

I am deep in learning the International Phonetic Alphabet, at least for English, which is maybe 110 characters or so, not the whole 250 that would cover Bantu, etc. I am also learning how to describe technically the way phonemes are produced – bilabial, labio-dental, alveolar, voiced, voiceless, fricative, plosive, nasal, oral, etc.

It’s actually kind of fun.

@Jeruba – Thanks for asking.

One goal is getting past the fear and making my first filmed short of a sketch I wrote anyway. ::sigh:: I’m making it harder for myself emotionally or mentally than it has to be. The finished product doesn’t have to be brilliant or perfect. That’s hard for me to accept.

And getting a day job. I need one of those really soon. I also would like to move from 5K to 8K with the running, but since I only started running again 6 months ago, I think I’ll wait until at least the new year for something like that.

Well my running has been completely de-railed. I had to have surgery, and I’m just now being able to walk for about five minutes at the time without being completely exhausted. I guess my most recent milestone was walking up stairs today. I was actually panting when I got to my floor—the third. I honestly felt really bad about myself that I could get so weak in just a month, but there you have it. At least I walked up any steps at all. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
oops, edited because of a brain fart, I meant to write that I walked up two flights, not the second floor

Well we buried him today and had a deathday party. I am going back to work tomorrow but will probably work a half day.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir {hugs}

Update: I have the flu. All plans on hold till it passes. :(

I am just realizing what a lot of major life passages and events of significance we have seen on this little thread, which started out being about marking ongoing progress toward some goal and has evolved into something more like a weekly support group (with ministrations of therapy as needed) for people in all kinds of life stages of growth and transition. Thank you all for being a part of that. I can really feel the connection.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – again, my thoughts.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: I’m so sorry for your loss. Big hug.

@augustlan I too have the flu which is highly disruptive to todays goals. May we both recover swiftly.

@aprilsimnel Your running is an inspiration.

@La_Chica Give yourself a break on the surgery front and take your time to heal. When you are feeling stronger and I am over the flu perhaps we can challenge each other gradually into a regular running program again.

back to work – trying really hard to get through a 4 hour same time online training – bah…this morning is crazy…slept 4 hours…forgot my lunch or cash or tampons…bah

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : I’ve very sorry for your loss. Cut yourself a whole lot of slack while you’re feeling frazzled. Things and feelings will get more manageable. I hope for the best for you and your family.

@cyndyh I am lucky I have a great boss – there were flowers, a card on my desk when I got in and she’s making me take another day off tomorrow.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – slightly off topic. You do have a license that allows you to post an icon that cute right? What a darling little baby!

Nice boss.

I’ll give the short version of my update this week.

I had a few more lake swims and one pool swim. One of the lake swims was with another swimmer, and I just wasn’t ready to travel at his pace that day. So that swim got cut short for me while he went on a different route without me. The others were longer and more relaxed for me, and I’m enjoying the long slow swims solo right now while the weather still permits them.

I didn’t actually manage to do day 2 of the running yet because of the timing with the swims, so I’m starting the running again this week.

I have two more big swims planned for this week -again, if the weather permits. Tomorrow should finally see me breaking the 100 mile swim for the summer marker. Hope for an early end to the predicted a.m. showers for me.

And I forgot to mention earlier, I crossed the 50 lbs. of weight loss line this week. Yay! I still have a ways to go, but that’s a big deal for me.

@cyndyh That’s a big deal for anyone! Mazel Tov!

Thank you, kind sir. :^>

Oh, anyone coulda told you that. But I happen to know a lot about this.

@Bri_L he’s love, isn’t he? it should be illegal to be that adorable
@cyndyh yes, she’s great, must be karma for all my previous bosses

@cyndyh Awesome!!! Really really awesome!!!!

Welp, I really haven’t updated since the start of this thing. It ain’t Sunday, but I guess I could cheat since I haven’t really written anything.

My close childhood friend committed suicide (4th friend to have done so).

My sister is aborting twins and has decided to stay with her drug dealing baby daddy, regardless of finding out he has been cheating on her. (My “break” from the world was cut short for this reason – called back into action, if you will)

I have this perpetual, sharp pain in my upper thigh area that will not fucking go away.

Dealing with a terrible existential crisis at the moment.

I haven’t been eating much. Been real tired lately. Cigarettes and coffee are getting me through the day.

Exercise habits = kaput. dead in the water.

I cut my hair a few days ago (yes, myself. I’m cool like that) and noticed a bunch of grey fuckers popping in. This is not good.

That’s it for now, just popped in to let you guys know I’m still alive. Dealing with the stresses of every day life, you know.

Lurve all around, hopefully I’ll be back to full capacity soon.

Ciao.

@Grisaille {hugs} to you, friend.

@Grisaille I am so sorry on all fronts. Hang in there.
If the pain does not resolve soon please go to the Doctor to rule out thrombosis.

Gray hair is actually quite appealing. The rest of it, you could do without.

@Grisaille, you still have your sense of humour, so all isn’t lost! Yes, hang in there, see a doctor as soon as you can, and talk to someone about the things that are bothering you. I’m sorry you’re going through all this right now.

Morning, folks. I still have my dry, sarcastic humor, of course. Always.

I’m still pretty bummed out about my friend. We grew up together, but haven’t talked in four years or so. I had just found him on Facebook two days ago. Yesterday, I found out he killed himself. It sucks, big time. He became a model, living a successful life. I never got to say I was proud of him.

Waiting for news about the funeral.

As for the leg: The pain is gone – from what I can tell. Though, when I woke up, I did have a ridiculously sharp pain in my hip joint, all between the bones-like. I think it’s because I always keep my house cold, who knows. It’s gone now, I think. Hopefully.

Thank you all for caring.

P.S. If I go all grey, I think I could totally pull off the Anderson Cooper look.

Well, maybe.

Since I won’t see all y’all after sunset today, I just wanted to wish you a sweet and prosperous New Year. L’Shana Tovah

==================== Sunday, September 20, 2009 ====================

The first day of fall is almost upon us. What is the outlook for the week ahead? Major changes? Just routine? Share your achievements and your plans with us and let us support you.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I have been thinking of you and all you’ve had to deal with. That strength of yours must have been a great prop to your family this week. I hope you are getting what you need to take care of yourself.

@Grisaille, just coping is challenge enough for now. You can worry about the rest later. But you do have to eat decently, not forgetting your vegetables. This would not be a good time for you to get sick and need someone to look after you.

@cyndyh, I am so proud of you! You have achieved some amazing feats. Fifty pounds! You’ve found what works, and you’re doing it. Wonderful!

@La_chica_gomela, surgery is a major assault on your body. Healing is your task now. Take the time to recover right so you don’t have to do it twice. Like Grisaille, you can take care of other things later.

@pdworkin, you are going to be hearing everyone’s speech differently now. Isn’t it fun to be able to write down people’s accents precisely? Happy Rosh Hashanah!

@aprilsimnel, I know all too well what a handicap that compulsive perfectionism is. It was liberating to me to realize one day, probably in my fifties, that I was not actually capable of perfection, and more, that perfection has no place in this imperfect world—and so by being imperfect I am fitting right in. I hope you can come to terms with reality a little sooner than I did. Please tell us about your project.

@Dog, I’m sorry your trip to Atlanta didn’t bring bigger results. I hope this will be a good week in the studio.

@augustlan, I have been worrying about you all week. Are you feeling better?

@Bri_L, my friend, you are doing so well at supporting others. Are you taking care of yourself?

For me, this is the week—the one in which my life changes utterly as I end my full-time working career. I have certain things I must accomplish and steps I must take to make it all work out. That is my focus right now.

That and planning a party, making a big dent in some stored stuff I need to get rid of, and working on three new stories. And all the ordinary usual.

Today was my tenth consecutive weekly yoga class. My annual physical yesterday showed that I’d lost 5 pounds and that I am in great shape for the condition I’m in.

@Jeruba Balloons for you! I’m so excited for you as you embark on this new adventure.

I’m still sick. The flu is kicking my butt, and I’m not doing much aside from surviving it.

@Jeruba We made it through the week – I took 3 days off work…I went to yoga 3x and am motivating myself to go later today so that I meet my 4x a week goal…I am looking into going to see a nutritionist, again, because though my body’s changing fat into muscle and everything’s getting toned up ‘cause of yoga, the number on the scale isn’t changing and it’s making me frustrated…

Well, several doctors I’ve talked to long-distance think my surgery site is infected. In case you were wondering about my ‘stitches’ question, yes, one fell out, even though they were supposed to be sewn “under” my skin. So much for that.

On the bright side, this weekend I went to a party that I had literally been looking forward to for three years. While I was there, my friend convinced me to walk up six flights of steps (he wanted to walk up fourteen). When I called it quits and refered to my surgery, he said something about me using ”that excuse again” but I didn’t let it bother me. I have plans to go for a 10 minute walk with a different friend tomorrow, and I’m very satisfied with that.

Just wanted to check in and say that I did meet the 4x a week yoga goal. This week, there are all sorts of deathday ‘celebrations’ and various things to get in order in terms of my father’s failing business and more training at work but I am still planning on getting yoga done 4x a week, it’ll just be hard…

Oh, no! Bri_L has deleted his account! Come back, @Bri_L. We are all friends here.

If he’s anything like I was after my divorce, he is consumed by a whirlwind of feelings. Maybe he’ll return when the tornadoes subside a little.

I picked up on the fact that he had an online altercation with EPZ over the smoking question and apparently left. What a shame. Augustlan was there on mod duty and undoubtedly knows more, but I don’t know if she can tell us anything.

For all of you recovering from ailments both physical and those of the heart, you’re in my thoughts. I hope you all come through it stronger than you started.

@Dog I hope all is going well with your commission work. How goes it with you lately?

Happy retirement @Jeruba. And Happy New Year @pdworkin.

I always find this time of year a good time for reevaluation because I just had my birthday this past weekend. I think back over the past year and the plan for the coming year. I’m still in the planning part of that right now. I’m mostly happy about many of the things I’ve done this year, and a little unhappy about some of the things I didn’t do yet. So, I’m still thinking about where I want to be by this time next year. I’ll fill you folks in when I get this somewhat figured out. :^>

This week, I had 3 long swims. All of them were in the lake. The last one was just over 5 miles and included a swim from the 520 bridge to past the I90 bridge along the west side of Lake Washington. That felt really great. I even beat my husband to the pickup location with him getting there a little early. Yay! So, I can swim for longer and farther, but I can swim a bit faster now, too.

The “bridge to bridge” swim is something I’ve been wanting to do since I did the “swim across the lake”. Now, I’m thinking in terms of trying to swim the length of the lake by about this time next year. I know I won’t be doing that anytime soon, though!

I need a new short-term swim goal. So, I was thinking I want to swim that length in pieces before it gets too cold to complete. I’ve already covered more than 10 miles along that coast, so there’s about 15–16 left to go. I’m going to try to do that in three chunks. We’ll see if the weather permits.

I will need a boat with me for the crossing of Union Bay. I got pulled over by the boat cops the other day for being too far from shore. Bullhorn and all. It was scary at the time, but it’s sort of funny now. I could just imagine getting a ticket for that. Yeah, I’m a rebel. I swim outside the lines. That’s right. Just watch me. :^>

I restarted the running, but just did that today. The weight loss has made it a little easier on my knees now, but it’s nowhere near as easy as swimming is on my body. I’ll have to take it easy and see how it goes. If I can run a 5K continuously in 9–10 weeks time I’ll call it a success.

In other news, I get to see Pearl Jam tonight live!!!! It’s my birthday present from my sweetie. And then tomorrow night we’re going to see Pearl Jam, too. That one’s not for my birthday, though. It’s just because of course we’d go to see Pearl Jam when they’re playing in town. So, one show for me and one just because. :^>

So, the rest of today’s exercise will be the walk to the arena and dancing and singing while there and the walk back. Cheers!

Oh, wow. I guess this is the sort of thing you miss if you don’t follow everything. I hope Bri_L comes back, too.

I want Bri_L back!

Bri and EPZ got into an argument over that thread, it got out of hand, and they are both gone. :(

@augustlan which is so weird to me, because I went to the q mentioned, I read their interaction and though I know some stuff was removed I really don’t understand why THAT particular issue was the dealbreaker

Gee. :(

:(

:(

:(

@Bri_L did email me. I am hoping he will return- I mentioned to him that when I get heated about a question I just take a Fluther break. I do hope he comes back.

:(

:(

:(

I will update briefly: Life has tossed a few herrings at me (not so many as you Gris) but needless to say I am working on raising funds for unexpected expenses by having a painting sale and will now be painting myself OUT of a corner!

HEY- It is my Birthday- All I want for my Birthday is for @Bri_L to return!

@Dog Happy Birthday!

Yo, @Dog, Happy birthday!

so you want to know what I’m working on? I’m working on not losing faith in people – there are just so many dumb people out there, dumb conclusions, just dumb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUPMjC9mq5Y&feature=player_embedded

and then talking to some individuals on fluther makes me want to cry too…why are people so stupid sometimes? sorry for the rant, ya’ll that is all

today I decided to start a team for Making Strides Against Breast Cancer in memory of my father – it will be called ‘Alex’s Memory’ and you can donate to my cause here
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TRC/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY10Eastern?pg=peditor&fr_id=19787&px=12977463

@Dog Happy birthday!

An antidote to losing faith in people: http://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_zittrain_the_web_is_a_random_act_of_kindness.html

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone!

A few hours to go and still waiting for @Bri_L to show up and pop out if a cake for me!

Hope springs eternal… :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DOG!!!!
I hope Bri_L comes back too!

Happy birthday, Dog!

I hope Bri is doing well. :(

Well, I’ve opted to partake in this year’s NanoWriMo. What is NanoWriMo? This should explain things (and here is my profile!). In short:

“National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.”

I’m so, so, so, sosososososo very excited. I haven’t felt a rush like this in a very long time. In fact, I found out about this around 12 AM (it’s 5:30 AM now) and I haven’t stopped outlining, drafting concepts, etc. I’m exhausted.

I’m letting you guys know this for two reasons:

A: hoping you’ll join me, if it interests you

and

B: to light a fire under my ass, ensuring I actually complete the damn thing!

This is just a quick update, I’ll return to Fluther officially tomorrow and give you a full status update, extend my thanks to all those that wished me well and give some words of encouragement. Hope this finds you doing great.

Ciao for now,

~Zen

Also to note: I’ll post a question on fluther re. NanoWriMo to extend the word tomorrow. Hopefully we can round up a few of us that are willing to participate. How awesome would that be?

No, seriously. Sleep. I need it.

I’m finally starting to feel better! I did the dishes, some laundry, paid some bills, and might even finish the painting today!

Wait. Paying bills makes you feel better?

It’s dawning on me that something is desperately wrong with my social skills. I can charm people enough in the moment, but not enough for people to call me, or date me, or anything else after the social event is over, or after work, and I don’t know what to do about it. I haven’t been networking because on some level, I realize I don’t know anyone comfortably enough to ask, “Hey, have you heard about jobs in film or TV production I might be able to get?” without feeling like “I’m only talking to you to get what I want.” So I don’t ask. I’m not looking to use people.

I’m looking for work and I realized that in 15 years of working (and before that 16 years of schooling), it’s been the same. I don’t feel comfortable past a superficial level with people and they don’t with me. I don’t know how to truly connect, stay connected or reconnect with others and it’s ruining my life.

At no job have I even been invited to socialize after work. At no job has anyone called to keep up with me after the job ended – or at all. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The commonality of all this lack of connection is me. I haven’t had more than 3 dates in 10 years, though in that time I’ve met close to at least 400 men. I’ve only gotten jobs through temp agencies and not through connections because I don’t know anyone from my old jobs anymore. I never kept up with them or them with me. I also feel resentful that it seems that I have to be the one who does all the work of relationship maintenance. That I have to be the one to approach. That I have to always be the one who calls first. :/

Dammit, I feel like some weird combo of Don Draper and Peggy Olson.

How do I find out what it is that’s coming from me that allows people to laugh in my face and tell me I’m charming in person, but then never follow through with me for friendship or anything else?

That’s my goal right now, to find out why I am not truly connecting with people and fix it.

@aprilsimnel I’ll be your friend. :)

@augustlan I LOVE TED talks! why can’t I hang out with people that give theset talks ALL the time? lol

@aprilsimnel: I wish you well with that. Is there someone right now that you would like to be able to call and talk with?

@aprilsimnel That is a worthy and excellent goal. Exploring oneself as seen from others is an enlightening journey. Keep us posted.

@augustlan – Awww, thanks! I do consider you a friend. Well on the way, anyhow! :D

@cyndyh – Not any one person in particular. It’s hard for me to open up or be giving and kind to anyone as I think I’m going to be repeatedly used and/or judged, yet I logically know that that belief isn’t true. If I’m shut down and unapproachable, why should anyone try to draw me out, no matter where my shut-downness comes from?

@Dog – Thanks. I am not sure of what I’m doing, but I’ve had this mindset going since I was a little girl and even then, it didn’t work. There has to be a better way. I’m tired of being afraid of people.

I think it’s not really up to anyone else to draw you out, you know?

I guess what I meant by asking my question is kind of a way to have a small place to start instead of seeing it as a big insurmountable problem. If there’s someone you’ve wished you were still in touch with you could make an effort to call them or email them. One step, not 50.

==================== Sunday, September 27, 2009 ====================

Sickness, round 2. We were getting better, but my cough is picking up again and my husband feels flu-ish again. We’re hoping it’s just a fluke, and we’ll wake up tomorrow on the mend again. I did apply for 3 jobs at a local bank… fingers crossed!

@augustlan, I am so sorry. Some of those bugs can just be so difficult to shake even after weeks, especially if you think you’re starting to feel better and you get too active too fast. Still sending you good employment vibes. Thanks for starting this week’s report. I crashed early last night.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, there is an awful lot on you right now. Dealing with the business situation is an extra burden, one that was not meant for you. How great that you have the yoga for balance! Don’t lose your faith in people. Sometimes we are just stupid, but more likely we act and speak stupidly because we are blinded by something—anger, fear, worry, or just looming too large on our own horizons. Perspective is a cure for a lot of things, but, like that balance in yoga, it takes practice to achieve.

@La_chica_gomela, you did well not to take that stupid remark (see above) to heart. Unfortunately some of us just don’t develop much in the way of empathy until we’ve been through some rough times ourselves. It distresses me to realize how impatient I used to get with older folks who couldn’t see well; now I understand. Your friend who thinks you were making excuses will one day have excuses of his own. Great that you went to the party!

@pdworkin, hearty new year greetings to you. Is school going well? Are you still excited? (Paying bills does not make me feel better, but if Augie is anything like me, having them paid makes her feel better!)

@cyndyh, you continue to be a marvel. Your habit of setting specific goals and then making the exact plans you need to achieve those goals is a secret to success that few people master. It’s not just all about the discipline. It’s also the thought that it takes to direct your disciplined efforts productively. You could teach a class in that by now. I notice that is the same approach you took to advising @aprilsimnel.

@Dog, I missed your birthday—it was a very distracting and absorbing week for me—but I hope I am not too late to wish you a happy year ahead. Thank you for sticking so close to us here. I hope you get in some great studio time.

@Bri_L, I know you can still read this even if you are not signed in. Your perspective is not normal right now. Your life has been disrupted, and you are in a transitional state. Don’t give someone the power to make you abandon people who care about you. Come on back, even if you have to come in disguise. We’ll save your place.

@Grisaille, congratulations on signing up for NaNoWriMo! This year will be my first year—the first time I have actually been free to do it. I am excited! I know that you’re really not supposed to work on your project ahead of time, but, like you, I have been giving thought to just the germ of a story and will see where it takes me come November 1st. Your note left me with a confused memory, though, and I sent a PM to our user Zen to comment about his signing up! How come you signed it “Zen”?

@aprilsimnel, I do have some thoughts on your question, and I’ll be writing a separate response to you (below) shortly.

Friends, this was a milestone week for me. I had a terrible case of what I refer to as “airplane stomach” last Sunday and Monday, and after that I was too busy to fret. I had to do all the last clearing and packing up of my work area, tossing and recycling more than ten years’ worth of history, files, resources, etc., saving professional samples, and packing box after box (six in all, and some loose items) to bring home. I spent about ten hours in the evenings capturing old e-mail histories to port over to my home computer for reference (although I don’t know why I did that). And there were good-bye events, last meetings to attend, little ceremonies, and personal farewells. I turned in the last of my company property on Thursday afternoon, and I was FREE. I waved good-bye to all the company buildings as I passed them, dozens of them, as I departed. And then I came home and drank an entire bottle of champagne. (And later I took a little nap.)

And now I am Retired.

I plan to do a little freelance work, but not before January. Meanwhile I have to find my new rhythm. This was the main reason I started at the Y when I did, and I have made yoga class 12 weeks in a row now. Part of my new rhythm. I have also been walking nearly every day. I have lost 6 pounds, and my legs are stronger, and some chronic pain is starting to diminish a little. It’s a new life!

tonight I’m going back to tango after a hiatus for pregnancy and the 8 months after – I’m nervous I won’t remember but my goal is to have fun and not care about whether or not people think im fat

Here’s hoping for the jobs for you, @augustlan, and also that you feel better.

@Jeruba: I’m so happy for you that your new life is well on its way! Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Every time I feel stuck I simplify things to the next step toward the goal. If I don’t do that I tend to get bogged down in over-planning. It’s something that I read a few years ago that keeps working for me in all area of my life, so I tend to share that with other people whenever I can.

@Dog: I hope your birthday was a great one. Cheers for many more years! What are you working on now?

@La_chica_gomela: Don’t let the jerks get you down. Sometimes it helps to imagine yourself in steam punk goggles, rubber gloves, and a lab coat. Rub your hands together and think, “I’ll show them. I’ll show them all! Bwahahahaha!” I know it’s a little twisted, but it can lighten your mood.

@aprilsimnel: How are you doing this week? I, for one, would really like to know. Did you make any steps toward contact?

@Grisaille: I’m doing NaNoWriMo again this year. I’m shooting for having the novel done within the month this year. :^> It’ll be good to read about your progress as that’s happening.

@pdworkin: How’s school? How’s your new year shaping up?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Dancing always comes back to you. You’ll have a great time. Just stretch first. :^>

@Bri_L: I hope to see you here again soon. Although I didn’t see everything before it got removed, I know both you and the person you had the run-in with are good guys. I hope you can both forgive and forget, or at least attempt to understand each other, and both be a part of this community again. To lose either of you would be sad. There is support for you here, and I hope you’re feeling it.

To all, this week I had two lake swims. One was a short one with my daughter. She wanted to try it, and she’s a better swimmer than she gives herself credit for. Since she was there (got out a little before me and was waiting for me) that swim was only half a mile. She said she wanted to work on some things in the pool before she came out to the lake to swim again. It’ll be fun to do again with her when she’s ready.

The other swim was 6.4 miles long. That was my longest yet. I swam from Seward Park down along the western side of Lake Washington until that last curve before the straight stretch to the Renton Airport and back. I considered swimming that last mile, but I knew I had to make it back and that was already going to be farther than I’d ever swam before. It’s not like the stretch of the lake south of Seward Park leaves as many opportunities to get out and walk back as the stretch north of it does. Also, I knew if I took that much extra time my fella would be worried. I’ll swim that lower stretch another day. I had enough trouble the last mile or so back with a bit of a wind against me, that I’m so glad I didn’t push myself to attempt more. But hey! I swam more than a 10K!

I was really tired and achy, but I’m recovering faster than I did before. When I start feeling a cramp in my leg, I’m better at treading water, relaxing, and slowly stretching it out by circling my foot around instead of panicing. My legs recover to walking out of the lake better than before. (I used to have to sit in the water for a while.) And when I get back to the car I can stretch my arms, towel off, have some gatorade, slip on some shorts and drive within a few minutes. A couple weeks ago that would have taken me longer, too.

So, I’m happy with how things have progressed in the lake. I’m not sure how I’m going to manage around pool hours again through the winter, but I’m going to give it a real try. I think I have another week or two in the lake and then it’s back to the pool until probably late spring. I’ll have less body fat to keep me warm by then so I might have to wait a little longer. We’ll have to wait and see.

The running, not so much. I attempted to run again once so far this week and I’m going to try again today. I take a three mile course, walk briskly for the first 5 minutes, then alternate between running 3 blocks and walking one or two blocks. At the end I walk around the block. This is so much harder for me than it seems like it should be given my swimming. The progress is slow, but I’m working on it. Or I’m trying to get to working on it. Last time I wimped out on the last running block. I’m hoping to do better today.

This was a great week for walking. The husband and I walked down to the arena to see both Pearl Jam shows this week and walked back into downtown to take lightrail home. Then there’s a walk back from the lightrail station. That’s a bit of a trek. During the shows we were on our feet dancing and singing the whole time. I wouldn’t have been able to do that last year. My back would have gotten to me by half way through. I would have sat down and missed some of the best parts of the show. And both shows really rocked. I wouldn’t want to miss any of them. I’m so glad I’m in better shape to enjoy these things I love doing now.

Weight loss continues. Energy levels are better than ever. Sleep is more sound than ever. All in all things are going pretty well.

Congratulations to making it through to the new phase, @Jeruba! I look forward to what you have to say, as well!

@cyndyh – I have been determining who I’d want to contact, which is the first step, I suppose. So many people! And working on quelling the fear that my contacting someone would be an intrusion, though if the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t feel that way. You’re absolutely right, though, one step at a time. I’ve been using Radical Accpetance as a guide to helping me accept these fears.

I just had to go look up Radical Acceptance. Interesting idea. I like that.

But also, you might want to not over-think who you’re going to try to contact. If you spend a week figuring that out, then decide this one person is the be-all-end-all—too much rests on that one person and not your bigger final result. On the other hand, if you just call someone and it doesn’t work out, you just call someone else. If it does work out -great; if not -it’s not as big a deal.

And you can just be proud of yourself that you did the thing that’s difficult for you and made the effort -whatever the outcome of the call.

In any event, I wish you well with it. I’d love to hear about how you’re doing with it thoughout the process. Take care.

@cyndyh it did come back though my leg hurt ‘cause I broke it 8 mo. ago
and before I did yoga so plenty of stretching..and I didn’t feel fat

But did you stretch in hot room naked? :^>

It’s a lovely New Year, thanks.

However right this moment I am more anxious than usual about school. I have mid-terms starting tomorrow, and this was to have been my weekend to study, but I fell ill, and was too sick to read until today. Yikes!

Well, you’re feeling better at any rate! Cheers! And get cracking!

@cyndyh no, lol

@Jeruba Congrats on the retirement! Now begins a wonderful new phase of your life- the one you are the boss off!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir The tango… one can never forget the tango!

@aprilsimnel Have you ever watched video of yourself when you did not know you were being recorded? If you do pay attention to your body language which could give you a clue as to how others might be making assumptions about your personality.

@pdworkin Good luck with the mid-terms. The illness could not have happened at a worse time.

@cyndyh BRAVO on the continued progress! Would you mind sharing with us what motivated you to begin your exercising program and if you were an athlete before?

@augustlan Hoping you are still on the mend and the painting is done without wearing you out.

@Grisaille Are you allowed to share progress with us when it starts? This will be sooo cool!

@Bri_L I miss you friend! While I had wanted a naked Homer to jump out of my birthday cake but I truly understand your hiatus.

Progress- I have finished two paintings this week. Today I will paint and hope to finish at least two more. The more the better chances of meeting my bills so I am working on several little paintings that are in collectible price ranges.

We have also been working on the house for the last two days. The vision of what the house could look like and what is does look like leaves me a bit down. But there is no funding for the improvements needed. Though I know it is the economy that is the root of the decreased income It is times like this that make me blame myself for choosing a career in art over a traditional paycheck.

@Dog: Good question! I wasn’t really an athlete before, but I was more athletic than I have been in recent years. I was a really active kid. I rode my bike a lot. I ran every morning for a while in junior high with a girl in my neighborhood. I swam laps for a while in high school.

I just let myself slip into this inactive lump. When I was in college and then grad school I spent way too much time in front of a computer or sitting at a lab bench. It took too long to realize how bad it had gotten. I wasn’t really worried about my weight itself because I was always a little heavier than those charts said I should be even when I was really active and healthy.

I think my motivation was hundreds of little things that I couldn’t do that I thought I should still be able to do – running for a bus, throwing a ball, being on my feet during a whole concert, spending 30 minutes at the batting cages without feeling like someone kicked me in the ribs the next day, walking all day on vacation with my husband, hell just to walk up a steep hill without feeling like I was going to die. There were all these things I’d try to do and have trouble with that made me think, “This is just stupid. I have to change this.” I also had a check up with blood pressure that was a little higher than it should be and cholesterol a little higher than it should be.

I lost quite a bit of weight years ago and managed to keep most of it off. But I needed further motivations to lose the rest of the weight. I can run for the bus and walk all day now.

So, now I want to be able to surf and stay up for more than 2 seconds. And I want to be able to crowd surf without hurting anyone. :^> I also just love the way my muscles feel during and after a long hike or a long swim. I just want to be one of those people who can do things. I want to be strong. I don’t want to feel twice as old as I am. So, there are a lot of motivations both specific and general.

There’s also something very meditative, solitary, peaceful about a long swim or hike. So, sometimes I’m not doing it for the exercise. The exercise is just a bonus.

==================== Sunday, October 4, 2009 ====================

Right now I’m packing for a week away. I’ll have some chill time during the week (that’s what it’s for) and look forward to catching up with everybody.

I finished painting in the man room! Got the curtains hung, too. :D

Ahh, Sunday comes ‘round again. I dropped what I had begun to call my Third Grade class in Childhood Psychopathology, because the professor was so perversely terrible that she even managed to make that inherently fascinating subject into an intolerable snooze.

I am 2 mid-terms down, with 2 to go, and will have to work harder: I am getting 3.5s, but I really need a string of 4.0s to get into Graduate School.

I made it back to starting tango – had my first class Thursday and I finally made a dentist appointment for next friday – eek!

@augustlan Well, look who bounced back rather quickly :)

@Jeruba Sounds wondrous. I’m back as well – hopefully I can do the same.

@pdworkin Good luck. I’m not entirely sure how to capture the tone that I have in my head, but I once read a quotation that was akin to ”‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ is incorrect. The fastest way a dog can become old is by not learning any new tricks,” or something. What I mean is that it’s always quite admirable when I see those past their 20s in school, actively learning, grasping new concepts, progressing, etc. It sounds strange (almost belittling – yeash), but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. You are in your intellectual prime; it’d be quite saddening if you were just laying about, wasting it. I congratulate and appreciate what you are doing – I’d shake your hand if I could. You have every reason to be laying back in life, drinking hot chocolate all day and living the good life, but your hunger for knowledge seems quite large. I’m going to shut up now because I just woke up and I’m rambling.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Tango sounds like a lot of fun! How’d it go?

—

Welp, it’s been a while since I’ve popped my head into Fluther. Spent yesterday and the day before catching up on questions of interest.

My friend has been long buried. Surprisingly, I’ve been quite at peace with the whole thing. Thank you to all that extended their condolences.

I’ve been rather quiet lately on all fronts. My usually absurd and silly personal blog has taken a more serious turn. I’m not complaining, but I kinda miss the laughs.

Exercise has been going okay. It’s a long road to where I used to be and I’m taking it easy. Not too much resistance or weight training, just using body weight to tone up. I still have my gym membership to New York Sports Club, but absolutely refuse to show up there in this physical condition. Silly, vain and quite immature, but I’d feel funny and out of place. Quite honestly, I really want to get back into boxing (I mentioned this a few weeks ago) but I can’t get out of my NYSC membership easy. Perhaps if I speak to someone and let them know my predicament (leaving for the USMC in a year), they’d be understanding. Hopefully the termination fee won’t be ridiculously high. We’ll see.

It’s said that when you hit your mid-twenties you start to feel lost in a sea of knowledge; I believe I’ve alluded to this earlier, but goddamn it. There’s so much I want to learn – it’s intimidating. I’m starting to build a foundation now, early, so hopefully it will make the process easier (improving memory, coherence, rate of speed, etc). Eep.

I forgot to propose a few articles, so I’m going to have to dip into some savings in the coming months. I’m still kicking myself in the ass. Hopefully I can find some corporate articles to write in the meantime to soften the blow.

Also, NaNoWriMo! Still very excited – November could not come soon enough.

@Jeruba May the trip soothe your soul and fill your muse.

@Grisaille Awesome on the exercise I bet you will pick up fast. Have you excised the seriousness yet?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Great on Tango!

@pdworkin Wow- that professor must have lost her passion to make that subject boring (assuming she had any to begin with) Glad two midterms are over.

@augustlan BRAVO!!!!! The man cave is completed! Awesome!

I have always thought of the journey of life as being like that of a sailor. There is beauty, excitement, adventure, boredom and squalls. There also appears to be different seas we travel through and each, like the seasons of our lives, has new challenges and changes.

Last week I entered a stormy season. I have determined that the stormy seasons are the ones that make us truly appreciate the calms. In this last week one of my friends was diagnosed with cancer, I took my father to the Dr. for arthritis and a blood test showed he is extremely ill, I have to tell friends that their daughter is an addict, my husbands grandmother entered hospice care and my in-laws lost their home to foreclosure. Needless to say my painting time has been cut a bit as I am helping out folks.

The positive:
My friend with cancer is young and we think they caught it early.
My father found out he was ill before it landed him in the emergency room.
My friends daughter can be helped once her parents are aware.
My husbands grandmother is in her 90’s and has been in a vegetative state for a year thus we see her passing as a blessing to her though it will still be hard on the family.

I did paint last night- sold two paintings this week and finished one to list for sale. Hoping to paint more today to pay for my upcoming exhibition.

Hi everybody. This week my husband and I went to Cape May, NJ with my son’s girlfriend to see his boot camp graduation. It was really great. We spent some extra time there since the flight is so long.

Most of my exercise this week has been walking all over. We saw the Cape May Lighthouse, hiked bird sanctuary trails, walked on the beach and all over town, walked around the parts of the training center we were aloud to see, walked the Atlantic City boardwalk on our way back to the Philly airport, etc.

I did swim in the Atlantic for about 5 minutes. It was almost high tide and there was a lot of wind. I thought if I got past the waves and started swimming the tide would change and I’d be swept out to sea. So, I bailed out early. The water temperature was not bad, though. I expected that to be what got me out.

I had trouble sleeping in a really soft bed and an early schedule. By the time we got on the last plane back the stale air was starting to get to me. That coupled with the lack of sleep during the trip has me pretty much out for the count today. I’m a little sick and trying to catch up on sleep.

So, no big swim this week, a lot of walking, and my son is back and stationed close to home.

@Grisaille Tango felt familiar, leg hurt

An offlist note from Bri_L, which he invited me to share:

I have a part time job at Office Max. It is in their impress department. They said I was over qualified but I think the interview got it for me. I also think she wanted someone who knew as much as I did about the programs they use in order to help as well as sell.

So, it’s a step in the right direction.

I think he’s still following us, even though he’s not logged in, so if you whistle and wave he ought to see you.

Bravo!!!

Waving to Bri_L!

Yay for Bri_L! :D

Hey gang,

I’m back. Thanks for the support. Let’s keep it on the low down. Ok?

I missed you all.

We’ll say no more.

We’ve missed you, too.

@Naked_Homer We lurve you! uh I mean Welcome to fluther!

Is this someone I should know, or am I supposed to keep shtum?

@Grisaille – Thanks
@Dog – Thanks, looks like a cool site
@pdworkin – just keeping a low profile see pm

If I knew who the fuck you were I would be very, very pleased to have you back.

@Naked_Homer Squee! I am so happy to see you. :D

@Naked_Homer yay!

@Naked_Homer : It’s good to see you doing good. Cheers!

@Naked_Homer – Hello! Welcome! If you need to sit anywhere, just let us know and we’ll get you a towel. ;)~

Oh, he can flop his tentacles wherever he wants.

@aprilsimnel – why thank you.
@pdworkin – always the genitalman!

I got 3 applications out this week, one for a state job. I am going out of town this weekend to visit my Dad and decompress from the “house”

@Naked_Homer – You’re welcome!

@pdworkin – Now, now, if the sitting surface is cold or otherwise uncomfortable, a towel is nice to have… and everyone should have a towel, anyway; you never know when construction on the intergalactic bypass necessitates one.

@aprilsimnel – here here! Let’s “Don’t Panic!”

==================== Sunday, October 11, 2009 ====================

@Naked_Homer! Oh, hug, hug, hug! I’d have known you as a lemur too.

I have been away all week, going home tomorrow. Still transitioning from old life to new life. Spending time every day right <here—will fill in link I hope before edit window closes>.

@Jeruba Awesome!

This week saw no progress in painting though I sold one. I hope to get back into the painting groove this week.

Well, then, here.

@Dog, I have to apologize (I think). I was one of many who for some reason thought you were a guy. A very sensitive guy, but a guy. I guess maybe I just didn’t figure Dog for a girl’s name. I didn’t realize my mistake until the 10k thread, when I saw that others were clued in and I wasn’t. Sorry I misconstrued you.

@Jeruba I never mind the gender thing- after all the name is a bit masculine. It never bothers me a bit to be called a he. I chose the namd Dog because I love dogs and because the feminine version of dog might be misunderstood. ;)

Wow, the week just flies by. I am really trying to buckle down so that I get no further mediocre exam results.

Fluther sits on my left shoulder, and says, “Come on, you need a little break.” The Study Angel sits on my right shoulder and whispers, “You know what you must do: in Hebrew are a b and a v allophones of the same phoneme? And if so, which is the phoneme, and what is the transitional rule?”

I have gotten a recommendation this week from one of the team leaders at New York Cares to be a team leader myself. Yay! Orientation is on the 21st. It doesn’t pay, but it is a chance to do well for myself by bettering my skills and gaining others while doing good for others. It looks good on the resumé, too. A win-win.

Still looking for a real job, though, and panicking a bit, as the time left for receiving unemployment is rapidly coming to an end. I’ll just keep breathing and reminding myself that whatever happens, I CAN HANDLE IT.

@Jeruba – Hey good to be here! This looks like a neat thread! ;-)
@Dog – Hey. How’ya? You have been quite prolific as of late. Don’t get to down on yourself.
@pdworkin – I am sure you will do the right thing and do “phonemenal” on your exams! hang in there. It’s a marathon that has an ending.
@aprilsimnel – BOOYAH!!!!!! That rules! Good for you! I am with you on the last part. BIG time!!!

I start work at OfficeMax Mon. 4 hour orientation shift. I finished my overlay for my resume and sent out 3 this last week. Pretty good week.

Phonemenal. Heh.

I had one more big lake swim this week, but it was enough to show me that it’s back to the pool for a while. I’ve had lots of walking time and coffee shop writing time away from the distractions of home. I spent a lot of time planning future workouts, but I really can’t wait for spring now to be out in the lake again. I’m going to really miss that this winter.

I also made a large dinner for the family since my son was back in town for a few days before reporting to his first station in the Coast Guard. I drove him to his port this week, and I’ll be making another trip soon with more of his stuff. I think he’s going to be happy with this direction in his life. I’m really glad for him.

I just feel like a lot of things are in mid-transition this week, and I’m wanting them to normalize.

@cyndyh – way to keep it part of your routine though!

@Naked_Homer : Thank you. I’m still a bit out of it today. I had a small swim in the pool earlier, and I’m about to go run. I hope I’ll be wiped out enough so I can have a good long sleep tonight that’ll sort of kick me back into gear. Here’s hoping.

@Naked_Homer How was orientation?

@cyndyh You are doing great! May you rest well tonight!

@pdworkin Love your inner-dialogue.

@aprilsimnel Yay on New York Cares!

I finally went to the dentist and we made a plan for the next couple of months…I went to the Equality March in D.C. this past Sunday and it was really great…this week I plan on more yoga, more tango and hopefully with enough energy I will take the kids to the Meet the Breeds event at the Jacobs Center and manage to do well during the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on Sunday

===========Sunday October 18, 2009==========

@Jeruba I have been thinking about the origens of the progress threads and was wondering how that original book was going?

As for me- I am painting today for the first time in over a week.
(I have been distracted by the purchase and restoration of a French carved cabinet.)

How are you all doing?

1 dentist appointment done!
Making Strides Against Breast Cancer done!
I raised $700 (if NBC gives me 100 bucks)

I am back in the depths again… damn depression. :(

In a bit, I will log off the computer and force myself to do some housework. Maybe I’ll blast some music while I do it. I hope it will jumpstart me.

I now have an accountability buddy. We’re going to call each other every couple of days for the next six months to see if we’re getting on with our writing and video-making goals. He wants to write funny stories a la David Sedaris, and I want to produce sketch videos. We get by with a little help from our friends, indeed.

I met Terry Jones of Monty Python yesterday! He showed a lot of clips of his past work pre-Python that he managed to keep the BBC and ITV from wiping. He was very peppy, funny and inspiring, and I hope all the cancer is gone. No one asked him about that, nor about his Swedish girlfriend, the child they’re about to have and the fact that his wife refuses to divorce him. Whoops! 2 Pythons down (I’ve met Michael Palin already), 3 to go!

And today, I wrote what can only be called a brief to a woman who wants me to shoot and edit a series of web videos for her. Once she told me the scope of her project, I felt I had to let her know that she can’t get the professional quality video she wants for only two hundred dollars. I hope I don’t shock her with how much it really costs. And what I’m charging is seriously rock bottom for an hour’s worth of video (which will take three hours to shoot), then rendering, editing with titles, converting to different web codecs and so on. Hey, if I lose the gig, then I lose it. I simply can’t do 20–30 hours worth of work for only $200. Otherwise, i still need a job. ::sigh::

Now. Do I really want to make a quiche, or no? I guess I will. And roast some veggies. I can do the treadmill while all that’s in the oven.

@Dog – anmnanaananan <——- Good painting vibes
@Simone_De_Beauvoir S-AH-WHEEEEETTTT!!!!<————Thank you for your efforts! Cough it up NBC!
@augustlan – Blast some music. It always helps with house work. Then go pancake hunting!
@aprilsimnel – I am going to live vicariously through you you Monty P. lover!!! Awesome! and, might I ad, a very nice looking one! I had not seen your picture before. Cool with the video editing! That should be fun!

I finished my first week of work. My feet hurt so bad the first day I was limping. But It got better. I miss my kids when I am there and can’t put them down but I call them and say good night. For the first time in my life when I got home I didn’t want to be on the computer. I was so exauhsted from working and being sick.

@augustlan I am sorry…I know what that feels like
@Bri_L thanks

I have someone who was presented my resume by my temp agency. Mine was the only one they pulled. They saw my on line samples and asked for my demo dvd. It’s for an editor position. Technically I have not edited more than two complete pieces. But who knows. Fingers crossed. It would be full time and I am pretty sure I would get to sit down and not wear a name tag.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – that is my favorite icon of all! What a great shot.

Awesome @Naked_Homer !!!! May it lead to something really great!

Well, I was offered an After Effects Project and asked my price with no further info, as usual. That’s my reps m.o. She tells me squat. Not to mention I said I have a job now.
Now I have to way a part time 38.8 hour a week job on my feet with a name tag where they search my coat when I leave against a project job that may or may not lead to more. and is 1 hour away from my kids, which is inevitable anyway, but hard to take none the less.

I guess I need to find out more about the job and what I would make.

Help. Advice?

Is there any way you could do the project on the side? I’d think long and hard before I gave up a sure thing in this economy.

I agree, I am not giving up this job. Especially after I made it so abundantly clear on the phone and in emails that she should only present me if it was full time.

One thing I was thinking was I could propose that I work it MWF and my part time job TRSat Sunf Then if it goes full time there you go.

So far so good:

Hi “Naked_Homer”,
Thanks for getting me your demo reel so quickly. You do great work! Are there any days next week or the following week for a “get acquainted” meeting at my office in “the place where I work”?

Since I could foresee working with you remotely, it may be one of the few times we actually get to meet face to face.

“The Guy Naked Homer Is Corresponding with”

So at the VERY least it looks like some real money will come in. And he used the words “your saying all the right things” in our phone conversation.

I refuse to believe this is happening yet.

@Naked_Homer Just accept what happens and keep moving ahead- it is not necessary to believe anything :) Some of the best dreams in my life are real!

good point!

Our party is the day after tomorrow, and that is just about all I can think about right now. An event like this is so rare for us that its effect is nothing short of cataclysmic. We have been trying to accomplish in one week household work projects that should have been spread out over two years. And that is after I simplified to the approximate minimum.

So imagine moving into a new place while the old people are still moving out, and having an earthquake in the middle of it, and that is about what we’re managing this week. And serving refreshments. We’ll make it, and we’ll be exhausted, and we’ll be proud of ourselves, and we’ll have a good time, but we won’t have done it the easy way.

I might not even be here to report in on Sunday. but I’ll catch up next time!

@Jeruba Have a wonderful time! :)

Hey, all. Been on and off (read: just off) fluther lately. Kinda busy, kinda apathetic, kinda down in the dumps.

Good news: NaNoWriMo starts REALLY soon. :)