By letting him pay attention to me, am I leading him on?

At your age, by letting him linger there, yes, you’re doing him a disservice.

You may have to be more blunt (depending on how sensitive he is, of course) and tell him you only mean to be friends with him. Maybe the ol’ “It’s not you, it’s me” talk would suffice.

just explain to him in plain terms how you feel. he’s old enough to get it. If he doesn’t want to talk to you or be friends after that, it’s his problem.

@SpatzieLover – I know I am. I’ve told him that I was, even. It’s really me, not him, but he doesn’t accept it.

@trailsillustrated – I did. D: he said he’ll wait, but I know that we’re not right for each other. Believe me, I have.

I’m going to sleep, I’ll check this in the morning during classes.

It sounds like you’ve already been blunt. If he’s still paying attention to you, he’s just deluding himself, and that’s his problem, not yours. Then again, he’d probably be out of your hair if you tell him that!

I’m 22, and I date all the time without ever thinking that it will end in marriage or be serious in any way. This is really hippie-like, but I think the journey is more important than the destination. “Wasting time” with someone can be awesome as long as you’re having fun. It sounds like you really just don’t like this dude, though. He’s making you respect him less by hanging around waiting for marriage with not much encouragement from you.

I’m a little confused about what the situation is… When you talk about “letting” him be nice to you, what are you talking about? Just being friendly to you? You describe it as “friends with benefits, but not sexual ones.” So what do you mean? What are the “benefits;” what do you and he do together? Does he take you out for dinner, or to the movies, etc?

To be honest, as long as you’re being truthful with him, I think you’re doing everything you need to do. If you make it clear that you view him as only a friend and nothing more, and that if you go to the movies together, then it’s just two friends going to the movies and not a date, and you aren’t making out with him or whatever… Then if he still wants to pay for you and take you, because he likes your company just that much… well, that’s his choice.

Don’t do anything to falsely lead him on, but if he likes spending time with you, and you like spending time with him, then just the fact that he might wish it was something more shouldn’t stop you. He’s either willing to deal with that, or he’s choosing to hold out hope in spite of what you’ve said (which is his perogative), or he’ll eventually start seeing you as just a friend, or he’ll fall for someone else, or whatever. (Heck, who knows…? Maybe he’s right, and you’ll eventually see him as more than just a friend… ;-)

Just be honest and clear about how you feel about him, and if you both want to spend time together anyway, that’s fine.

Side Note: IMO, dating someone when you know it isn’t ever going to lead anywhere is only a waste of time if you’re dating them exclusively (in other words, if, by dating them, you’re closing yourself off from opportunities to meet someone where it would lead somewhere). But if you’re not exclusive, then dating can also be just for fun…

These relationships are hard to forsee. At 17, you have a long time ahead before you’ll be ready to get married, and dating is about spending time with people and getting to know what they’re like. If you like spending time together, that’s what it should be about at this point. Don’t feel pressured to do anything that is contrary to your moral code.

@derekfnord‘s answer is a good one.

If you have to be really blunt about it, don’t feel guilty. Nobody has the right to make another person feel they owe them anything. He can go on waiting for eternity. He might end up your friend and he might not, but you’ve made yourself clear.