How do I break up with someone I've living with?

Talk to her. Don’t begin by saying you want to break up. Just ask her how she thinks living together has been, compaired to what she expected.
Don’t go in committed to splitting up. Hear her out.

Too many people stay in relationships they shouldn’t because the circumstances aren’t just perfect. It is far worse to both of you to stay in a relationship that lacks romantic feelings than to deal with the initial pain of breaking up with her. Of course you feel bad for doing the big move-in and it not turning out well, but if you’re done with the relationship, don’t draw it out. Be firm, but gentle.

You start by honestly saying, “I’m not ready to live with someone.” Dating is one thing, commitment is another.

Before you break up, think about this:

What if you break up with regrets of staying with her, and realize that you were happier when you were together and end up having regrets of breaking up with her?

Why do you feel that it was a mistake? Why is the romance gone, if you still love her? Is it the living together, or is it the relationship itself? Do you want to break up, or just change the living arrangements?

Think about all those, and then just talk to her. If you love her, maybe you can change whatever it is in the living arrangements that is not working into something that works.

What you “should have” recognized earlier is irrelevant. You didn’t, and that’s that. Blaming yourself for not noticing or not daring before is not useful. You were not the same person then as you are now; what seems obvious to you now might seem so simply because you are now wiser. Noticing and daring now is what matters.

If after thinking and talking you find out you need to break up, I’m afraid there’s no really easy way. But if you do not want to be in the relationship, there is really two options: you let them down now, or you keep on living a lie to them and let them down one way or the other anyway. In the end, doing the right thing will make everyone happier.

be really apologetic and move out. you’ll feel bad for awhile but you’ll be much better off in the end

Well, if it’s not there then leave. Don’t make the situation harder and worse for yourself and her. That’d be rude to continue to lead someone on like that.

Move out.

Sometimes fear of intimacy interferes with love and affection. Is there a chance you are feeling this way as defense against feeling vulnerable, or emotionally dependent?

Before I left, I would do some serious self-examination, maybe even with some assistance, because if what is making your relationship anhedonic is the fear of being too close to another, you will almost certainly be greatly rewarded by staying and working it out.

Before you jump into any decision: learn to focus on finding a solution, not the problem.

Learning to live with someone is hard work, and there’s a learning curve of adjustment. Real life is not all romance; liking the other person helps in being able to live with them. What you really have to do is figure out where you are in terms of ready to commit. The last thing you want to do is feel trapped in a relationship. You all should talk about it. Perhaps she’s feeling the same way. Living with you might not be what she expected, either.

Well, relationships are very hard, you must work on it every day… perhaps you are just confused about the commitment issue, I wouldn’t make any decision yet.. u know, it’s normal in some point to feel that the romantic feelings that were present in the beginning are now gone, you just entered the comfort zone.. so you just have to work it out to keep the flame on.. =)

You may want to ask yourself if there’s anything else that you truly feel is missing from the relationship besides “romance.” All relationships have ups and downs, “hot spots” and “off seasons” Having only lived together for a month you may be going through unfamiliar emotions given the new situation. What you perceive to be as a lack of romance may be due to the added pressure of having a live-in partner and therefore feeling like you’re obligated to make the relationship work or even just spend time together when you’d like a little space. The days of a spontaneous meeting or hot date aren’t what they used to be given that you’ll be seeing quite a bit of each other throughout the rest of the mundane moments of the week. It’s completely normal for things to cool down for a while. Unless there are several things troubling your relationship, you’re entirely unhappy, or just can’t take it anymore, I’d give it time. And remember, romance takes a little work. It will only thrive as long as you’re adding fuel to the fire.

Thanks everyone for the responses. I’ll update a little bit. What I’m going through is pretty tough. I feel like we can’t converse anymore because the words simply wont come out of my mouth. I’m at a loss. There were times early on in the relationship where I found this…but I thought with time we would both grow more comfortable with each other. Sometimes I feel we’re not on the same level. About anything anymore. I have brought it up with her but she feels that people don’t have to be talking all the time. But I’m not really like that. I want stimulating conversation no matter how serious or geeky or romantic they are. I’m lacking that and it’s been getting worse I’m afraid.

We also share the rent. Wouldn’t be able to afford the place just one person. So that’s another issue. That needs to be worked out as well.

It is best to make the break sooner rather than later, you are not doing anyone any favors staying together out of guilt.

You say: “Sometimes I feel we’re not on the same level. About anything anymore.” Emphasis mine.

I think what you need now is some very serious thinking about if that “anymore” needs to be in that sentence, or not. Were you ever “on the same level” in a way that was satisfactory for you?

If yes, I think primarily you want to explore ways to recover it. The stresses of living together have killed it, but since it has only been a month, I think a resurrection is well within the realm of possibility. You might even still grow comfortable, especially if there are some features of your living that you can identify as sources of discomfort.

If not, but it was always more like wishful thinking that you one day will be, you probably want to negotiate ending it.

The key thing, however, is that in both cases you need to talk to her. If words do not come out of your mouth, find a way to get them to her another way. Put them on paper. Ask a friend to breach it for you and mediate. Or show her this discussion and say it is you asking! Whatever it takes, you need to start sharing it with her.

Really think about why you feel living with your s/o isn’t what it seems. I went through the same things with my ex, and we were together for over six years. We lived with other people for a while, but we moved into a house together and I felt it was a mistake after a month. I searched for why i was feeling that way. Was I lacking something else in my life? Am I happy? I realized that I had grown out of the relationship, and should have done something about it sooner. I ended up hurting this man that I loved for six years because I didn’t take the initiative to end things when I first started feeling unsure, which was a while before we moved in together. Yes, it’s hard to end a relationship, especially if you have moved in together. But talk to her. I should have done that sooner, maybe things would have been different. If you find that you truly don’t see a future anymore, then end it. It might hurt, but sometimes doing the right things does. It’s the only way we learn. I certainly learned from my experience, and I trust my gut feelings much more now. Trust your gut too, good luck