In 1983, (Earth Time) my ship suffered a catastrophic decompression after being impacted by a small high speed meteorite, and I was forced to crash land on this planet.
After several days on this planet, I finally accepted that I was stranded here. I decided the best thing to do would be to take over the body of a new born infant, as attempting to posses the body and mind of a fully developed adult could have potentially caused suspicion if others noticed a sudden change in my hosts personality. Not forgetting that taking over an adult mind is always risky, specially if it has been a few days since your last nano-freeze.
I have been here for some time now, awaiting rescue, but as my ship was so badly damaged I was unable to send out a distress call, so no one will even notice that I’m missing for another 167 years. When you take in to consideration things such as triangulation calculations, the vast size of the galaxy, my last known position, and the fact that the Cree^tak government does not work on weekends, I guess you could say that it’s safe to assume that I’m going to be here for a while.
I currently live in isolation in a small room on an island in the Mediterranean sea, so to avoid detection. I survive mainly on a cocktail of Lego shavings and vegetable oil, however I do sometimes consume small amounts of matches and sodium chloride as I find the taste reminds me of the volcanic strip clubs back on my home world, thus helping me combat home sickness.
Why am I telling you this now? Lets face it, who would believe me. People say all kinds of crazy and unusual things on the internet, and venting a little steam on here helps me to focus on who I am, and prevents me from forgetting where I belong.
If you ask me to prove any of this to you, I can’t, all physical evidence was destroyed for obvious reasons. Furthermore, I have no interest in proving it to anyone.
The way I see it, you can do one of several things with this information.
1— You can call the authorities, and listen to how they laugh at you over the telephone.
2— You can think it’s just some idiot’s attempt to be original and different on his bio just like a million other losers.
3— You can partially believe me, while always harbouring in your mind, that deep down, you know I’m not an alien, because people who believe in aliens are crazy.
Either way, it’s your choice, and if by chance any of you do happen to fully believe I’m an alien, please go and get your head checked, that’s just the kind of thing that is wrong with you people.
(by “you people” I don’t mean you ape descendants, I mean “you people” the sentient minds on this planet. I am not racist! … Sorry.)