Would you make your kids (who have money) pay for furniture they break while rough housing?

the only way they will learn. Go for it.

Oh yes, when I was growing up, my brother and I broke a door fighting once, we had to work to pay off replacing that door. We were always told, if you’re gonna fight/rough house take it outside.

Probably gets the point across better as well, to this day as an adult, I wont destroy my own property.

Hit them in the pocket, or their behinds for me! :-/

Yep. Been the kid in this situation, and it is the only way we learn.

They should absolutely have to pay for it! If you have given them multiple warnings, then they should definitely learn their lesson by using their hard-earned cash.

I would & indeed have took a small percentage of their money towards the cost of repairs. Nothing significant mind, the odd picture frame here & there. The result of over boistrous play. Hit em in the pocket, no matter what age we are, that hurts! :¬)

Just for the record, we still horse around. We are just more aware of our surroundings. lol

Last Thursday my sisters son broke the window on the side door when he pushed his friend into the door. My sister owed him some cash for passing all his classes last year and she took 100 out of that to cover the bill.

Yes, I absolutely would. It’s the only way to teach them respect for the value of things.

Yep. Or if they don’t have money for the repairs, give them a job so they can earn it.

I remember when my oldest son was around 6 or so, he punched a hole in our wall while stabbing it with a fake sword. I was very proud of him for immediately coming and telling me rather than trying to hide it. He was surprised that I didn’t do the whole yelling at him thing. Instead, we took some money from his savings stash and went up to the hardware store and got one of those drywall repair kits with a mesh patch and some joint compound and I made him repair and repaint (with my help, of course). It really seemed to make an impression on him and was a good lesson that could have been a whole heck of a lot more traumatic on both of us.

What better way for them to learn the value of the hard-earned buck, not to mention other people’s possessions?

But you already know that, don’t you, @tranquilsea?

Definitely make them pay for it.

Go into his room and smash something of his….KIDDING!

It’s a good idea to have them pay for it.

Ok, I’m seriously going to kill them! not seriously They just started shoving each other back and forward AGAIN.

Cavalier.

I’ve had my youngest pay half of what it cost to replace a seat belt he decided to go at with scissors (that he brought into the car). But I’ve gone easy on them when it comes to things like this. Although this is the first time they’ve broken something so big and potentially expensive.

This is where I lament that I won’t be able to have anything nice until they move out.

I’m more concerned that you say, “He often hurts them” and has refused repeated warnings to quit. How much older/bigger is he than the other kids? Some sibling roughhousing is natural, but this sounds like it’s getting out of hand. If I’m reading too much into it, I apologize.

I wouldn’t have the sister pay for anything. I would tell the one that started the incident to pay up and make him responsibile for his own actions.

He’s two years older than his sister and 4 years older than his brother. He’s 15 and suddenly much bigger than they are.

Hurting them has really bothered me, more so then things that get damaged. I’ve had many talks with him where he declares that they are being babies. He’s gotten a bit better in understanding that someone else’s pain is their pain and you can’t be the judge of what they are feeling.

He’s a work in progress.

Yes.it’s a good idea..I can’t imagine any harm in teaching them to respect other’s property and to take responsibility for their actions. :)

You are actually hurting your children by not teaching them. My wife did this with her children for years and until she started to hold them responsible for their actions police were involved many times. They have learned to be responsible now but they learned the hard way.

Part of the responsibility of being a parent is to teach children how to respect other people’s belongings and to pay for their actions. Trust me, if you don’t start holding them accountable now, it will cause greater problems in the long run.

Yes, a great idea and certainly a huge in-‘cent’-ive to heed your warnings. lol

When I was small my mother charged me a nickel every time I forgot to put my napkin in my lap at the dinner table. It worked!

You can do that, sure. But I doubt if it will mean much. Unless they use spending money a lot—like to hang out with friends at the gelato place after school.

I think the hard thing, but maybe most effective in the long run, is to sit down and work with the kids about how they can find alternative ways to run off their energy. I’d have them work it out instead of making suggestions. I’d have them sign a contract to behave in the way they’ve agreed to which spells out consequences if they break the contract.

Again, I’d have them set the consequences. Better yet, have them set the consequences for each other. Well, maybe not. I don’t know about that last. It would be an interesting experiment to see how they would go about it, and you could always reserve the right to overturn their proposal if it was too painful or easy.

The idea is to get them thinking along positive lines for what they can do; not about what has been taken away from them. Our job as parents is to help them set appropriate goals and to accomplish those goals safely. Rather than stopping them from doing harm, it’s better to point them in the right direction and get them moving there so they don’t even have time or interest in doing harmful stuff.

Teenagerhood is one of the more difficult and challenging times in life. I am 54, and I still have not forgotten mine. I have a great sympathy for teens, and as my kids travel through it, I’m hoping I can help them have a better one than I did. But I don’t know if that’s possible.

In any case, I think teens are probably the most outcast age. Their only job (for many of them) is school, and they have nothing socially productive to do other than that. Jobs help. Volunteering helps. Music lessons. Sports. Anything that gives them more structured stuff to do. We need to help them feel like they are important. We need to help them feel respected instead of discarded. And it should just be feeling, we should actually think they are important and worthy of our respect.

Pointing them towards positive goals, I believe, can help channel their energy in a useful way instead of a destructive way. It’s harder on us because we can’t just send them off to watch tv. But perhaps it will be worth it.

Fifteen is old enough to be held accountable for paying for damages. I’m not sure what to say about him beating on a much smaller 13-year-old and 11-year-old and then dismissing their injuries as whining. That he’s gotten “a bit better” after many talks on the subject is, quite frankly, appalling. Your property can be easily fixed, your kids not so much. I hope you are pursuing this with someone who has more expertise than the good people of Fluther.

Also, why are you even considering making your daughter pay for this? She was shoved backwards and grabbed the person who shoved her. Sounds like she was trying to avoid being hurt in a fall.

I would definitely make my son pay for something he broke. Even if he didn’t earn money, he would have to do work around the house to pay off whatever it was.

When my sister and I tore up the house in a fight, my parents took everything except the mattress out of our rooms. They told us if we wanted to live in a house with no furniture we should start with our own rooms. They made us earn back every stick of furniture with extra chores.

Have you thought about throwing them out of the house when they start rough-housing, and locking the door behind them? Growing up, my neighbors did that with their sons. All physical contact took place outside. Also, get an airhorn. When they start, blast it near them to break their concentration, and chuck them outside.

I wouldn’t. Kids break things sometimes. I’d focus on the larger problem which is the fact that the child “often” hurts others and breaks things.

Sounds like a behavioral issue that isn’t going to be solved by taking away some money.

Tough call as I do not know your family “Rules of etiquette and engagement” A piano bench in a living room that has been clearly defined as a “off limits from roughhousing” would be a good opportunity for a teaching moment that hits them in their pocket books. Otherwise it is hard to be overly punitive if clear rules are not established. You may just have to chalk it up to roughhousing and re-establish clearer cause and effects of going overboard with roughhousing in the house. Kids are going to rough house and kids WILL break things…it comes with the territory. As you lamented you may have to postpone the expensive crystal for a few more years.

I’d ask your son to pay for the bench with his money and/or chores. Fifteen years old is a junior adult, too old to be not thinking of other people’s things and definitely too old not feeling accountable for damaging things. I was taught as a small child that the house was not mine, the things in it didn’t necessarily belong to me and regardless of their cost or how important or valuable I think of things, they rightly mean to others as much as they want them to and I should show respect to their care.

I absolutely agree that little mister can start paying for his mishaps, he won’t learn any younger and he needs to be aware that there are consequences for the actions he chooses to take.
I don’t understand why the sister has to pay; she was just a victim and fell into it because that’s what happens when someone shoves you.

I didn’t have rough kids. I would have no problem insisting they pay to replace something they tore up while doing something I had explicitly forbade them to do.

The initial reason that they both were going to pay to fix it was because my daughter implicated herself in what happened. What I understand happened later, from my daughter, is that she was playing the piano and my son came in and decided to try to shove her off the piano bench in a playful like manner. She resisted and eventually they both fell back. My son disputes this story.

As with many things this has devolved into a he said/she said.

The roughhousing is the only way my son feels he can relate to his brother and sister. They don’t have many, or any, interests in common and he has felt frustration with this for years. Eventually he found that he could wrestle with them and most of the time things were ok. He has problems with his visual spatial abilities and I think this is the cause of many of injuries. What he is saying when he says, “I didn’t hurt them” is “I didn’t mean to hurt them”. He is much better now. He apologizes and sits with them until they feel better.

I am going to stop following this now because it is really distressing me. I will give you two last things to consider: If any other much larger 15-year-old knocked your daughter down, even if in play and after being repeatedly told to stop, what would you do? And what is this telling your daughter?

@tranquilsea: Do your other children fight back or do they just take it?

@KatawaGrey They fight back and for much of the time they enjoy wrestling.

@perg I’m not dismissing you nor disagreeing with you. This has been an ongoing conversation I’ve had with my son because when my younger two say stop it…he should respect that and stop it. I’ve made the point with him that if he wouldn’t treat his girlfriend, his friends, me or my husband like that he shouldn’t treat them like that. His brain is in a weird place right now and I have to try to pick my battles.

He never gets away with hurting them if that’s the impression you’ve gotten so far.

Yes I would. I mean that would help them learn accountibility.

Definitely.

They split the bill on the new bench. $300.

Absolutely they must pay. This sounds like very juvenile behavior for a grownup.